"Nate Id love..." I start to say before a knock at the door cuts me off. Nate swears quietly and tries to grab my hand. Brushing him off gently I go and open the door.
"Hey there baby mama," a voice says as a hand reaches out for mine and lips kiss my knuckles.
"It's been a while," Shawn says while he laces our hands together.
I stand there frozen looking at him. I cant move or speak. My jaw hinges up and down as I try am process what's happening.
"Babe?" Shawn asks.
"BABE!!" I screech tugging my hand away from him, "Babe! You have the audacity to call me Babe? You have the audacity to be here."
"Rosalinda," he says and I flinch "I know it's been a while but I've changed I want to be here for you."
Laughing I say, "You want to be here for me? Well listen here Shawn I don't need you! I have been fine without you. I think it's time you leave."
I try shutting the door but Shawn stops it. "Rosalinda don't be like that let's talk."
"Goodbye Shawn!" I yell and slam the door while locking it.
"This isn't over Rosalinda you cant avoid me forever!" Shawn yells as he knocks on the door. Thankfully I hear him leaving.
I slam my head on the door and try and breath. What is he doing here! How can he just show up after 4 years and try to expect me to forgive him.
"Rosie?" I hear.
"Dang it! I forgot you guys were all here," I say back to Nate
"Are you okay?" Lily asks. Rolling my eyes I ignore her and start cleaning up the painting supplies.
"Hey Rosie do you wanna talk about who that was?" Mark says coming over and putting his hand on my shoulder.
I cant help it anymore. Turning around I cry into his shoulder. I gasp loudly and quickly as I replay his words in my head. Mark thankfully doesn't say anything just rubs my shoulders.
"Rosie," Nate says coming over, "You don't have to talk about it. Why don't we just watch a movie?" Nodding we all move to the couch. I replay the day and wonder what I'm to do.
As everyone left I was stuck in a state of numbness. The fact that after all these years Shawn showed up made me feel nothing. I wasn't angry I wasn't sad and I certainly wasn't happy. The only emotion I really felt in that moment was longing. For my babies.
"Rosie are you sure you don't want company?" Nate asked once again stalling near the door.
"No." I said shaking my head "I need to be alone Nate."
"But about what I said earlier?"
"Really? Your asking me about going on a date when my ex-boyfriend slash father of my children showed up hours ago?"
"Well yeah, it's just we've been getting along so well." He continued rubbing his neck
"Not well enough! You obviously don't even know me. I'm not the same girl I was back then. I'm not gonna just fall in love with you because I used to. The only one of you who seems to understand that is Jacklin." I say, "Before you try and love me you should try being my friend first."
"Alright I'm sorry Rosie. I'm gonna try I promise. I want to be that person you can talk to, but I still love you Rosie so I hope you'll be patient with me."
"Night Nate." I say closing the door on him.
I sit on my couch and think. Think about these last four years and how I feel so alone. The feeling of being scared and afraid is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I'm not use to these kind of aloneness I've always felt connected to Rachel- but she's gone now.
And my babies but they're not here for me to hug.
The feeling of a building falling on me is all I feel. My heart is crushed while I'm sitting here alone in my apartment. The moments I've had where I've laughed and smiled tonight go away. The feelings I've had watching my four kids grow up slip away from me as I fall on to the couch.
I cry into the couch pillow while I slowly drift off to sleep. Some hours later around 1 am a knock and a cry wake me up.
"Rosalinda!" I heard from outside with a quick groan I stood up and yanked open the door. Once again faced with Shawn.
"What do you want Shawn!" I whispered since it was pretty late in the night.
"I just wanna talk!" He says holding up his hands in surrender. "I promise I just wanna talk."
"Fine come in I guess." And with that I let Shawn into my home. He wanders around a little looking at the front room and kitchen.
"Nice place you got here Rosalinda."
"Thanks Shawn."
"So... about what I wanna talk about. It's the kids." He starts before I cut him off.
"There's no way you can take them away. You signed over your rights when they were born and I have countless evidence showing you've never seen them nor paid child support!"
"I don't wanna take them away from you," Shawn interrupts me, "I wouldn't do that to you."
I scoff and turn away from him.
"Listen Rosalinda I know your mad at me. And you have every right!" Shawn says, "but I really wanna get to know our children. I know I suck and shouldn't be here but I'm begging you for the chance to just meet them."
"You just wanna meet them? Why now Shawn. Why after almost 4 years?"
He cringes "I can't believe it's taken me this long to do it but I was walking in the park.. you know the park we always walked in the morning... and I saw a mom with her husband and their child and I wished that was us."
"It's not gonna be us Shawn! I'm never dating you let alone marrying you."
"And I'm not asking you too," he says lightly holding my arm "I just want to meet my children."
"No other motive?" I question not trusting him.
"No other motive Rosalinda." He says
I think for a moment before nodding. I can't take away his children. Even though he has no right I just would want the same if I was in his place.
"GREAT!" He shouts/whispers, "now why don't we drink to it?"
"I don't drink Shawn." I say shaking my head as he brings out a bottle of whisky from his backpack.
"Come I'm just a few shots? Just some for old times sake?" Shawn whispers opening the bottle.
Shaking my head I say no. He gets up to leave before I stop him.
I remember the crushing feeling of loneliness. "Wait don't go!"
"Then drink with me Baby Mama." He says flaunting the bottle. "Drink with me for old time sake?"
I think a brief what the heck before grabbing the bottle and drinking with him. The night blurs together as we drink and laugh like the old times.
I fall head first into his trap as we fall together on to my bed.