It's such a surreal feeling; laying here looking up at the ceiling while my best friend cleans me up with a towel. Of the many things I expected to happen within my lifetime, this surely was not one of them. I have yet to decide how I truly feel about it either, there's too much to think about.
Jeremy. My friendship with Caleb. Caleb himself. Hardin.
How this is going to effect everyone around me really shouldn't be the first thing on my mind considering what has just happened, but I can't help it. I am already a highly anxious person and this has proven to increase that.
And then, as if a saving grace has fallen from the sky and straight into my numb arms, Caleb's phone begins to ring. A breath I didn't realize I was holding escapes my mouth and he looks up at me. Without a word, he grabs his phone out of his pocket and walks out into the hallway.
Thank you lord.
It takes me only a few seconds to sit myself up and put my clothes back on. I try my best to fix my hair, but it is untamable right not. My lips are swollen and my cheeks have a deep pink tint while my eyes are glossy and dilated. I look nothing like myself, but also myself at the same time.
I feel amazing.
What seems like only a few minutes later, Caleb walks back into the room where his eyes immediately find me. I await the words that he is about to speak as I try my hardest to pay attention and not look as high as I feel currently.
"I have to go," he says; certainly not what I expected. "I'll call you later, okay?"
"Okay," I respond, my voice quiet from the slight shock I am experiencing. I am not exactly upset that he is leaving - lord knows I am in no state to have any sort of conversation right now - but I wasn't expecting the cold attitude.
The way he walks out of my bedroom door leaves me feeling strange, almost a sense of uncertainty like I don't know what to do with myself now. Deciding that a shower is well needed and may just help my vague feelings, I decide to strip back out of my clothes and get into the cool water.
I am still as hot as ever and the cool water instantly relaxes my muscles and running mind. While I wash up, I can't help but look down at my body and remember ever portion of my body that Caleb touched, kissed and licked. The encounter as a whole was the best of my life and will forever be etched into my mind as just that.
The fantasy of the two of us is nothing compared to the real thing. The boy is a god in his own right and I have no clue where he's gotten it from. This leads me to think about just how many girls Caleb Mathews has successfully seduced; probably even made feel the way he did me. The thought makes me want to throw up so I immediately stop those pesky thoughts.
I don't know where Caleb has gone, and when I check my phone for the first time in a few hours, he hasn't texted me. No, he hasn't, but someone else has and that would be Jeremy Hale. An overwhelming sense of guilt invades me and I have to sit down on my bed and close my eyes to keep myself from succumbing to those awful thoughts. While Jeremy and I may have not been completely exclusive, we were very close to being so, and doing what I have done with Caleb makes me feel dirty. Whether it would be considered cheating in the eyes of others or not, it feels that way to me.
Jeremy: hey babe! just wanted to see what you were up to :) hope you're having a good day
Alcohol to the wound right there. In no way do I regret the past two nights I have had with Caleb, but the way I have gone about it - possibly hurting Jeremy in the process - is the part that bugs me. I am not the type to cheat, always thought it was the most immoral thing you could possibly do, yet here I am.
Here I am.
. . . .
I stayed up until two in the morning waiting for Caleb to call or text me and he never did. The only reason I ever gave up was because I had gotten so tired that I fell asleep with my phone by my head. Even after waking up this morning he has yet to contact me at all and while I could feel worried, I don't, I just feel disappointed. I don't know how he feels at this very moment and not hearing from him only furthers any worry or doubt I have had in my mind.
Why can't things just be easy?
Easy how, though? Easy as in knowing where we stand, where I stand with Jeremy, what I should do and what I shouldn't do? I am more confused now than I have ever been.
Regardless of this, Caleb and Hardin still show up at my house to take me to school. Seeing his car pull up makes my stomach do a tiny somersault, but I try my best to reign in any sort of animosity for feelings of any kind. A lot easier said than done it seems because as soon as I see the dark haired boy my heart beat goes into overdrive. I am thoroughly convinced that it could've caused a heart attack.
"Hey there Ensley Bensley," Hardin turns in his seat to give me his goofy grin. I can't help but send one back.
"Hi," I giggle and poke his dimple. I see a little redness on his cheeks, but I ignore it. Caleb hardly even glances at me, but I am petty and don't take this lightly. "Hello mister stick up his ass."
I see a hint of a smile from the side view I have and I hear the donkey laugh of Hardin from the passenger seat. I shrug to myself because he's a wimp so he deserves it.
"Hi miss diva princess." Ew. I grimace and he chuckles. Just like that, there's nothing in the air to worry about and I even begin to forget about what happened between us...well, until his hand tightens on the steering wheel and I can see the muscles tense under his skin. Not to mention the veins that appear on his forearm, I have to look away before I do something that gives us away.
It isn't that I don't want Hardin to know what happened, but until I figure out what is even going on, it probably best he doesn't find out.
We show up to school and all walk in together, heading to my locker first because they don't ever go to there's. Usually, if it is something they absolutely need to stow away they will just put it in mine. I don't complain.
"You're dumb," Caleb says to Hardin while looking confused. I wasn't even paying attention.
"I think it is a good idea, you have no imagination my friend," Hardin defends.
"The last thing a girl wants is to be sent a dick pic after giving you her number," Caleb crosses his arms. "Trust me."
"Speaking from experience?" I have to ask, smirking at him. His face falls slightly before the same smug smile appears again.
"I only send what they ask me too, baby," He winks and I don't let me facade fall. Internally my insides have melted and threaten to leak out of every pore in my body.
"Hmm," I tsk. "So you don't send that sort of thing. Thanks for the answer."
He goes to comeback at me ten times harder but the waning bell rings and puts a halt in our banter. He glares at me playfully and I stick my tongue out him. We all begin walking, but I don't go far when Caleb grabs my backpack and pulls me to his chest. With his mouth at me ear he whispers to me slyly.
"It's like you're begging me to spank that fine ass of yours." And then he's walking ahead of me, leaving me with red cheeks and an open mouth. "Don't catch any flies there."
I close my mouth and glare at him, but follow after anyway. I'll just forget about it. Maybe.
School is going pretty well, as if I have no worries or stress into whatever is going on in my life. This morning my main concern and really only concern had been focused on Caleb, but I forgot a very important piece in my story.
Jeremy.
I have completely forgotten about my blooming relationship with Jeremy Hale and was only focusing on my issues with Caleb. Once realizing Caleb and I could be okay after what happened, I failed to narrow in on the other man in my life. Oh fuck.
As much as I should think about him now and decide what to do, I don't want to. I do not know what has gotten into me, but my last priority right now is a relationship with Jeremy Hale.
So like the amazing person I am, I don't reply to any of his texts, and I try at all costs to avoid him. It works out pretty well until the end of the day when he finds me while I am walking to Caleb's car.
"Ensley." I turn around as he jogs up to me and I muster up my best smile.
"Hey," I greet, stuffing my hands in my jacket pockets.
His eyebrows are furrowed like he's confused and I suddenly feel very guilty for ignoring him all day. I don't know what's going on with me.
"Where have you been? I haven't seen you all day." I can tell he's trying not to sound demanding, which is not what I am used to at all. "Are you okay?"
I am silent. I don't have an excuse.
"Are we okay?" And there is the question I know he has been ultimately waiting to ask. I don't know how to say what I am feeling or if what I am feeling is going to make sense in his eyes, so therefore I take the easy way out.
"We're fine," I nod while trying to smile in attempt to make him feel better. "I have to go, okay?"
He doesn't seem convinced in the slightest which makes my stomach clench. "Okay."
I turn back around to Caleb's car and he is leaning against the driver side door with his arms crossed and a pissed off expression. This, makes my heart flutter.
Is he jealous?
"Where's Hardin?" I ask, the other brunette is missing and he usually is always with us.
"Said he got a ride home." I see the clenching and unclenching of his jaw which has me questioning what's going on, but when he gestures to get in the car, I do.
The car ride is silent, Caleb's hand is gripping the steering wheel tightly and I have the need to ask him what's going on. It must have something to do with Jeremy, right? That is the only thing I can think of.
"What's your problem?" I ask finally as we pull down my street. I wasn't sure if he was planning on coming in or not so this could've been my only chance.
"I don't have a problem, Ensley," He mutters huskily. Liar.
"Clearly you do," I push, turning to look at him fully.
"No, I don't." His voice is more forceful this time.
"You're such a liar," I scoff. "I don't understand why you're such an ass-"
"Why were you talking to Hale?"
And there it is ladies and gentlemen.
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Hate me all you want but I am trying, okay? I hope the wait wasn't too long for you guys, I had other things come up so I stopped my schedule, but I'll try my best to post more often! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
What do you think? Are you shocked Caleb left after what they did? Should he have called? Are you glad they're not awkward? Do you feel bad for Jeremy?
Don't be a silent reader!!
Enjoy. Love you all <3
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