KABANATA 45
Protecting
Tahimik ako mula pa kanina pagbalik ko hanggang sa pagkain namin ng tanghalian sa restaurant. It frustrates me na wala akong mapaghingahan ng nararamdaman ko. Para ng sasabog ang ulo ko sa daming bagay na gumugulo sa akin. And Juancho is to blame for that.
It angers me on how he can play with my emotions. Duwag na kung duwag but I have to stay away from bago pa man tuluyang gumuho ang pader na matagal kong ipinalibot sa aking sarili. I didn't work for this for the past years just to go back to square one.
Wala na akong pakialam what condition he has. I really have nothing to do with him. I don't want anything to do with him. Kung hindi siya ang aalis dito, puwes ako ang aalis! Kami ng anak ko ang aalis.
"Ba, can I take a leave?" sabi ko nang nasa opisina na kami ng hapon iyon. "Sasama ako pag-alis niyo ni Lucky this weekend.
From his laptop, he turned to me, frowning with a questioning look.
"Why? Ano'ng gagawin mo?"
I heaved a sigh. "I have to get away. Hanggang sa umalis lang naman si Juancho rito."
He looked bothered. Nilapag niya ang kanyang laptop at tumayo para lumapit sa desk ko.
"Are you still affected?"
Well, partly, but it's bearable kung hindi lang sana siya lapit nang lapit at kung anu-ano pa ang sinasabi. I am actually loathing him for real now. He is getting on my nerve and to my system! Gugulo na naman ang buhay ko. Ang isip ko! And I don't want that.
"Huwag kang sinungaling," banta niya.
Hindi niya naman kasi alam ang pinaggagawa ng gagong iyon. Mula pa lang noong sa dalampasigan. He was crazy! I can't find a better understanding on his actions. Did the doctor somehow accidentally touch his sanity? Mas gusto kong isipin that he is sewing some scheme again, to fool me, dahil uto-uto ang tingin niya sa akin. He probably sees me as mouse he can experiment, huh? I hate him more for that.
"I just think it's better to never associate with him. Isa pa, he is a nuisance, nakakalimutan ko ang hospitality, nakakalimutan na guest pala siya."
I know I didn't answer his question, but maybe my indirect words give me away in the end. Nakakabobo siya.
"Hindi naman siguro magtatagal. Please?"
Tinitigan niya muna ako bago tumango. "Fine."
"Thank you."
Iyon nga, hindi na ako makapaghintay na sumapit ang weekend lalo na every time I caught him staring intently at me. He is creeping me out. I don't want to mind his threats but it's just bugging me big time. Ayaw ko na rin namang kausapin pa si Lourd. Wala rin akong mapapala.
The lift opened on the third floor. I was a bit surprised when I saw Emanuelle and Kylie. I straightened my back and acted calm.
"Good morning, ma'am." I greeted them as part of our courtesy.
Kylie raised her brow while Emanuelle just nodded. Sumakay sila lift at muli itong sumara. I feel so little in between them. Kylie gave me a head-to-toe look, hindi ko mapigilang mapataas ang kilay.
"You look familiar," aniya.
"I believe we haven't met before, ma'am," malumanay kong usal kahit ang sarap na niyang murahin. Of course, the video I saw is still etched in my mind. But then, I should not be bitter about it, right?
"No..."
Pigil ang pagkunot ng noo ko.
"What's your name?"
I rolled my eyes at the back of my head. But before I can decide to give my name nakatingin na siya sa name plate ko sa bandang dibdib.
"I knew it! That's why you are familiar."
That must have caught Emanuelle's attention, ngayon ay pati siya nasa akin na ang atensyon. Pilit pa rin akong nakangiti kahit naiinis na ako.
"You are Santina, that Santina."
Ngumiwi ako. What's that supposed to mean?
I saw how Emanuelle looked surprise pero agad din namang bumalik sa normal ang kalmanteng expression.
Nagkatinginan sila dalawa. It's like the two are having conversation which I don't get, and I don't care kung hindi ko lang ramdam na patungkol iyon sa akin. It made me more puzzled. Ngayon ay mukhang kilala pa ako ni Emanuelle. I am sure I haven't met her before. Hindi ko rin siya kilala. On the other hand, I have no idea how Kylie recognized me when she hasn't seen me before, probably because of Anastacia Casrojas? She clearly said that Juancho and her were predestined or some sort.
Nagkibit na lang ako ng balikat. Pakialam ko sa kanilang dalawa. Mabuti na lang bumukas na ang lift. I went out first. I walk briskly towards the other end. That was weird, I thought to myself.
Kinabukasan, nagulat ako nang makitang nandito ulit sina Dacer at Rufus. Hindi na ako natanong pa, abala rin ako sa paghahanda sa mga tao para sa leave ko. Sigurado naman akong hindi iyon aabot ng buwan. Probably a week or two? Pinakamatagal na iyon. Iniisip ko pa kung saan kami ni Satheryn. Siguro uuwi kami saglit sa probinsya. Hindi ko pa alam.
Umaga, I am doing my rounds when I bumped into Dacer. I nodded and was about to just pass by him when he called me. Wala na akong nagawa kung hindi huminto.
"Santi, he is bugging you, right?" he asked yet so sure.
Agad ko namang nakuha ang ibig niyang sabihin.
"We are trying our best na mapauwi na siya. Iyon din ang gusto ng mga magulang niya."
"That's good to hear," I said sternly.
Kung ganoon baka hindi na namin kailangan umalis. That would be better. It's way better, tamang sila na lang ang umalis.
"But it's hard, especially because of his condition... Santi, I don't want to interfere but..." he trailed off and I am sensing bad about it.
Ano na naman ba 'to? I am getting tired of all of these.
"Maybe you should tell him about your past?"
My face contorted a bit.
"He won't stop until he gets what he wants. I am sure you know that."
"Bakit ako?" I pointed to myself. I feel so frustrated. "Why don't you tell him instead? Why is he even making a big deal out of my existence in his life? I am just a nobody, the girl he played! Damn it!" I didn't mean to sound so bitter but it's the least of my concern as of now. Nayayamot na talaga ako!
Bahagya siyang nagulat sa pagtaas ng boses ko.
"Nanahimik na ako, Dacer, I hope you realized that. As much as possible, I don't want to do anything with him, a'right?" sabi ko sa mas kalmadong tono.
"The problem is, he wouldn't listen to us."
Mas kumunot ang noo ko.
"Alam kong galit ka sa kanya, Santi, pero puwede bang kalimutan mo muna 'yon, for the mean time? He is having a hard time right now."
"Maybe it's his karma?"
"You don't get it..." nahihirapan niyang sabi.
I was about to say a word nang mapatingin siya sa kabilang side. Sumunod naman ang mga mata ko at nakitang nakatitig sa amin si Juancho. Naroon na naman ang nakatiim niyang bagang.
I shook my head and walked away.
Less than two weeks of having them here, ang gulo na ng buhay ko. Hindi ko talaga sila maintindihan. Kapag hindi pa sila umalis, kami na talaga ang aalis. That's it!
Friday came and they are still here. Maybe it's a good thing na nandito sina Dacer at Rufus, I appreciated how they try to stop Juancho whenever he wants to go near me. At least I don't have to deal with him. Aalis na rin kami bukas ng umaga. From there, I can redeem my peace back again, I guess.
"Aray naman!" daing ko nang nasagi ni Als ang ingrown ko sa paa. May hawak siyang nail cutter. Nag-crack kasi ang kuko ko sa paa nang matisud ako kanina. Ang pangit na ng itsura.
Nakaupo ako sa couch sa office habang nakataas ang isang paa, ang hirap pa kasi naka bandage skirt ako. Siya naman ay reklamo nang reklamo dahil hindi raw siya marunong kumurba ng kuko. Si Lucky dapat ang gagawa, hindi ko naman alam saan iyon nagsusuot.
"Huwag kang magalaw! Kapag ito hindi naayos, wala akong kasalanan."
I rolled my eyes. Siya lang 'ata ang kilala kong bakla na hindi marunong sa mga ganitong bagay.
"Als, ha, ayusin mo 'yan baka magmukhang kuko 'yan ng bata!"
He chuckled, sa inis ko sinipa ko siya. Para ipapaayos lang ang tagal pa! Naalala ko noong minsan siya ang nag-nail cut kay Satheryn, nagreklamo ang bata kasi masyado raw maikli ang pagkakaputol. Naipit pa ang daliri ng bata. Nagka-trauma na si Satheryn at ayaw nang magpaputol ng kuko sa kanya. Minsan nga ipinapangtakot ko iyon sa kanya kapag sobrang tigas na ng ulo.
"Oo, iparehas natin sa kuko ni Satheryn."
Tawa kami nang tawa nang marahas na bumukas ang pinto. Like a raging bull, Juancho came to us. Gulat na gulat kaming dalawa ni Als, agad na natigilan sa pagtawa. He grabbed Als collar and before I can blink nasuntok na niya si Als. Tumilapon ito sa katapat na sofa sa sobrang lakas. Napatayo ako at napatili. Sunod-sunod naman na pumasok sila Dacer at mabilis na inawat si Juancho.
"Damn you!"
"Juancho, tama na!" Hawak ni Dacer at Rufus si Juancho dahil gusto pa nitong balikan si Als na dinaluhan na ni Lucky.
Litong-lito ako habang palipat-lipat ang tingin sa kanilang lahat, naghahanap na parang nasa isa sa kanila ang sagot sa biglaang kaguluhan. What the hell is going on?!
Juancho is angry, no, in fact, outrageous. Madilim ang kanyang mga mata at nagtatagis ang bagang. He looks savage. He turned to me with those piercing eyes, and fear creeped into me. Bewildered and angry at what he did, hinampas ko siya.
"What's your problem!? Nababaliw ka na ba?"
Mas umigting ang panga niya at pilit na kumakawala sa hawak ng dalawang kaibigan. Umiiling na sina Rufus at pilit siyang hinihila palabas.
"Calm the fuck down, Juancho!" Si Lourd, na ngayon ay mukhang galit na rin. It was the first time I saw him this mad at marinig na nagtataas ng boses.
I think my mind is about to explode trying to figure out what's going on.
"Calm the fuck down?" he mocked, laughing with no humor. "Fuck!"
Tiningnan ko si Als na putok na ang labi. Si Lucky naman ay nanghihingi ng sorry. Hindi ko na alam sino ang uunahin. Everything is in chaos.
"Putang ina!" Sumabog na rin ako. "Juancho, ano ba! Bakit bigla ka na lang nanununtok?!"
He smirked at humakbang palapit sa akin. Napasinghap ako sa nakikitang bagong galit sa mga mata niya, but it wasn't what made me stunned, there's sorrow in it.
"I knew it!... I knew it!" Umiling siya. Nangingig siya sa galit. I think he is capable of strangling my neck now.
Kumunot ang noo ko.
"Shit!" Mura nang mura si Dacer habang pinipigilang gumalaw si Juancho.
"You are so heartless!" he spat angrily.
Mas lalo akong naguluhan. What is he talking about? At ako pa talaga ang walang puso rito? Nagkatitigan kami. I look at him with big disbelief.
"Satheryn is my daughter! And all this time you never said a word... Fuck!"
"W-What..." Natigagal ako. Kinapos ako ng hininga.
"I am sorry, Santi." Si Lucky.
Everyone's starting to say sorry. Kumuyom ang mge daliri ko. I have never felt this anger in my entire life. Kahit noong pagkatapos niya akong paulit-ulit na nasasaktan. I feel so tense. My blood is boiling with too much anger.
"Dahil, gago ka! Gago ka! Sinaktan mo ako!" buong lakas ko siyang hinampas sa dibdib. I so wanted to hit him on the face pero hindi ko naman siya maabot.
"You broke me into pieces! Pinaglaruan mo lang ako!" Nanginginig ako sa galit. I can feel it in my veins. "Kaya ano'ng karapatan mo sa kanya?! Gago ka! Tangina mo, Juancho! Gago ka!"
Hinila ako palayo ni Als at Lucky. Juancho is now unmoving while I lash out. Nakatitig lang siya sa akin ngayon, malamig na ang titig. I was hissing, pakiramdam ko kailangan ko siyang saktan para kumalma ako.
We all went rigid when Juancho started screaming in excruciating pain. Hawak niya ang ulo niya. Pati ako ay natigilan. Tila ako binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Umawang ang labi ko. They went frantic.
"Fuck!"
"Tawagin niyo si Emanuelle!" Si Lourd, na mabilis na lumapit kay Juancho nang basta na lang ito bumagsak.
Ang bilis ng mga sumunod na pangyayari. Isang staff ang kumuha ng stretcher. Dinala si Juancho sa clinic ng hotel. Tulala lang ako habang nakasunod ang mga mata sa mabibilis na kilos ng mga tao. Emanuelle attended to him. She seems to know what to do.
Ang lakas-lakas ng tahip ng dibdib ko. Mahigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay ni Als. Parehas kaming lahat na naghihintay sa labas ng clinic. Hanggang sa lumabas na nga si Emanuelle.
"He is fine for now. He must have remembered. Hindi kinaya ng utak niya, probably why he fainted. In the meantime, we have to wait for him to wake up."
"This is all your fault!" asik sa akin ni Kylie.
"Kylie!" Hinigit siya ni Rufus.
"Kung hindi dahil sa'yo he won't undergo with this shit!" Kitang-kita ko ang nag-uumapaw na galit sa mga mata niya. She is already crying.
Umismid ako. I shook my head in disbelief. Nasisi pa ako! This is ridiculous!
"My fault?! What's Juancho's accident got to do with me? Ako ba ang bumangga sa kanya?"
"Damn you! He doesn't deserve this!"
Hindi ko siya maintindihan. Umismid ako lalo sa pang-aakusa niyang walang basehan.
"Or maybe he deserved it for being the biggest jerk!" Of course, I didn't mean it. Agad akong nagsisi, but it's too late, I already said it.
My face turned to other side when Emanuelle's hand landed on my cheek. Gulat na gulat ako. Galit na bumaling ako sa kanya nang mahimasmasan.
Her lips are in grim line.
"You have no right to say that!" kalmado pero mariin niyang sabi.
Nag-igting ang panga ko. I smirked.
"Stop it you two!" mabilis na saway ni Dacer.
"Why are you still protecting this worthless bitch?!" Nanggagalaiti si Kylie at kung hindi lang hawak ni Rufus ay kanina pa ako sinugod at nasampal na rin.
"Bakit hindi niyo sabihin sa kanya?" hamon niya.
My gaze moves from Dacer to Rufus, then to Lourd. My forehead creased as I asked what she is talking about. Hindi na kayang sabayan ng isip ko ang mga nangyayari.
"Tama na, Kylie!" mas mariing sabi ni Dacer.
Emanuelle slaps her, too. She just laughed hysterically. Parang tinanggap lang ang pagsampal sa kanya. She shook her head like she was losing her mind. Nasa akin ang mapanuya niyang ngiti.
"Why not tell her that she's the reason why Juancho got into an accident?... Oh, it wasn't really an accident because he tried to kill himself! He committed suicide because of you, bitch."
"Kylie, ano ba!"
My lips trembled. "A-Anong sabi mo? H-hindi 'yan totoo!"
I wasn't aware that my teardrops are falling one by one on my cheeks. It's suddenly hard to breathe. Napatingin ako kay Lourd, he is shaking his head. Again, refusing to speak. I can't read his expression.
"Lourd! Dacer! Rufus! Ano, is it true?" nanghihina kong tanong. Kung hindi ako hawak ni Als baka napaupo na lang ako.
"S-Santi..."
"Sabihin niyo!"
Damn it!
My chest tightened. Napabaling ako sa pintuan ng clinic. I saw Juancho lying on the bed. It confuses me even more. Why would he do that?