July 3rd 1994
"No I don't want to go out." I groaned, curled up on my sofa in one of Liams t-shirt and shorts.
Liam and Noel were stood in front of my telly, trying to convince me to go out clubbing for my birthday.
"Why not? It's yer birthd'y for fucks sake." Liam rolled his eyes.
I stretched my limbs filling up all the space on the sofa, "I'm in mourning." I sighed.
"Mourning?" Noel raised an eyebrow, "Of what might I ask?"
"Brian Jones." Liam scoffed, leaving the living room, "And Jim Morrison!" I exclaimed to him as he left, sitting up with a defeated look on my face.
"I'm finding you something to wear." I heard him say from my room.
Noel threw himself down next to me, resting his arms on the back of the sofa, "You can't always spend yer birthdays moping about dead rockstars."
"I can if they died on my birthday." I mumbled to him, leaning back into his arms.
Within 5 minutes, Liam came out of my room holding some clothes. I sighed taking them off of him and going to get changed.
It was an ok outfit considering he lives his life in tracksuits.
He'd picked out a black dress with white flower patterns on that reached mid thigh, I discarded the tights he'd gotten and wore thigh high white socks.
I put on my black Adidas tracksuit jacket I always had on over to keep warm when outside and slipped on my Red Adidas gazelles.
I brushed through my straight shoulder length hair and came out of my room. I'd put on makeup earlier on in the day and wore my eyeliner smudged.
We left for the bus in no time, Noel said that the lads were meeting us at the Fridge as usual. It had quickly become our go to club in the short time of us being here.
We found out the day previous of the name chosen for the album, we'd settled on Definitely Maybe. Everyone was buzzing, the lads went out last night to celebrate but I decided to stay in, not wanting to interact with anyone.
Noel was right though, I couldn't spend my birthday moping over dead rockstars, although that's not the only reason I wasn't planning on celebrating, birthdays hadn't really been a celebration growing up. Due mostly to my mums inability to keep money in the bank.
We'd arrived at the club in no time. It was weirdly packed for a Sunday night. I quickly took off my jacket as the amount of people clustered in this club had caused the heat to rise.
As I sat with all the lads at a table we'd managed to get ahold of.
I stayed in a daydream whilst the world moved along, them all being in their own conversations.
It feels as though all I do is spend my time clubbing recently. Clubbing and sleeping around.
When my auntie called me this morning to wish me a happy birthday, she asked me what I'd been up to since her last call, I had nothing to say. I couldn't just explain to her that I may possibly have a crush on a boy I'd slept with who was in a committed relationship already.
Mum still hadn't rang. That was part of the reason I wanted to stay home. I'd probably miss her call depending on when I get home. I wondered what she was up to, if she was still with Rudd after everything.
I needed to stop thinking about Rudd. He'd been on my mind a lot. I don't know why, i thought I'd finally gotten over everything I went through with that.
"I'm going to the bathroom." I yelled to Liam who was sat next to me over the loud music.
I shuffled past him since he decided not to move from his seat to left me past.
I entered the cold bathroom, instantly feeling like my mind wasn't so clouded. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my cheeks were rosy due to the heat of the room, I put my cold hands against them in attempts to cook them down.
I girl was sat on the floor of one of the stall, doing what I'd become all too familiar in this club; cocaine.
She had waist length, light brown hair and thick eyeliner coated around her golden brown eyes.
She saw me watching and smiled, "alright, love?"
I averted my eyes nodding.
She continued to speak, "you want some?"
I looked back to her, a smile on my face, "are you sure?"
"Yeah, go for it." She stood up moving so I could go in for some.
She showed me how to 'gum it' by putting some on my finger and telling me to rub it against the top of my gum. I was confused as to why until thirty seconds later when my gums because numb, an odd sensation that I enjoyed.
She laughed at my reaction, "I'm Ariana." She said.
The bathroom was far quieter than the busy club, "Astrid." I told her.
"Well, Astrid," she said, standing up from being knelt next to me, "you can have the rest of this bag," she handed me the tiny ziplock bag that still had a fair amount of its contents in, "and here's my number if you ever want more." She quickly scribbled her number down along with her name, giving me a wink and exiting.
I was left confused but securely tucked the little baggie safely away. Standing up and retreating back to the loud room.
I made my way to the bar, downing two jäger bombs, I was a man on a mission and knew exactly what it was.
I started making my way to the table in the far back corner that I crossed my fingers would be filled by the cheeky southerners.
My face lit up as I saw them all sat together, their usual seating arrangement. Damon and Graham were laughing together, Dave and Alex were lighting up cigarettes.
Alex noticed me first, a smile illuminating his face, "Astrid! It's been a while!" He exclaimed laughing.
"It's been like, a week." I laughed back to the long haired lad.
"Six days too long." He smiled.
I turned to Damon who was now looking at me, smiling, "I need to talk to you."
He arose to his feet, walking in front of me to a wall even further away from the loud music.
"What's up, darl?" He leant against the wall on his side facing me.
I mirrored his movement, "I wanted to apologise."
"For what?" He took out a fag, offering me one - that I took - and lit them both for us.
"I was a dick the other day." I averted my eyes from his.
He shrugged, "I get it," he took a puff from his smoke, "you're right, I'm in a relationship it was a mistake."
I lowered my head as he continued to speak, "and plus that Gallagher seems to have something going on with you."
I groaned, "how many times do I have to say there's nothing going on with me and Liam?"
"So you aren't sleeping with him?" He looked me in the eyes,
"I'm not going out with him."
"So you're just shagging?"
When I failed to answer, too embarrassed to say he continued, "Do you fancy him?"
"Not enough for him to be my boyfriend."
"If you don't want a serious relationship its ok, you know?" He stubbed out his cigarette, "You're young, don't get into something like that at your age."
"Alright old man." I laughed, "you're not that much older?"
"How old are you?" He asked.
"21 now." I smiled, finishing my fag.
"Now?" He raised a brow.
I turned to face him, "today's my birthday." I mumbled.
His face was filled with excitement, he grabbed my hand, "Let me buy you a drink?!"
He started to drag me off when I pulled my hand away, stopping us both in our tracks. He turned to face me with a questioning glance.
"About what I wanted to talk to you about..." he leaned back against the wall, I shuffled my feet anxiously, apparently coke and alcohol doesn't cure my nerves as much as it should, "I lied, y'know..."
"About what?" He furrowed his brows.
"What we did wasn't so wrong." I said quietly, he stood up straight, widening his eyes though not by much, "I actually enjoyed it a lot..." I trailed off.
"What're you trying to say here, Astrid?" He squinted, trying time understand if he interpreted what I was saying right.
"Are you busy tomorrow morning?" I trailed off.
"Not that I know of? Why?"
"I was just thinking," I looked him in the eyes, "maybe you'd want to spend the night at mine?"
His mouth quickly turned to a smirk, "What made you change your mind?"
I went up close to him, whispering in his ear, "I missed the way you touched me." I seductively said.
Though it wasn't 100% true due to the fact I couldn't really remember our night together, I knew what I wanted and how to get it, and at this moment I wanted Damon.
We skipped away together, through the club, leaving as soon as possible, "wait I need to get my coat, meet me by the door?"
I made my way back to the oasis table, Bonehead and Guigsy were in a drinking competition, who could down their pint the quickest, and Noel seemed cosy with a pretty blonde girl on his lap, Liam on the other hand looked bored out of his mind.
That was until he notice me, his eyes lit with excitement, "I thought you'd never come back!" He exclaimed happily.
"I'm actually off." I told him embarrassingly, sad that I possibly ruined his now good mood.
"Oh," his eyes fell flat, "you want me to come with you?" He smirked.
I giggled, "I'm okay thanks Liam."
"C'mon I'll give you a great birthday present." He wiggled his brows suggestively, "I'm boreddddddd." He elongated the word.
"Go find another girl and show her a good time." I ruffled his hair.
"You're the only girl I want." He smiled charmingly, charmingly drunk that is.
"Not tonight Liam," I sighed, getting annoyed slightly by his persistence, "I'm waiting for a call off me mam."
"Whatever." He grumbled.
I sighed leaving them, flicking Noel on the back of his ear as I passed whilst he was snogging the girl on his lap.
Noel turned and looked to Liam next to him, presuming it was his younger brother that did it he punched him in the shoulder.
I could hear them bickering from behind as I left, greeting Damon who gave a wide smile as he saw me.
In no time we were back at my rented home, undressing each other as we passed through the different rooms.
Undressing was never anything sensual with Liam, it was a quick thing done to get to business.
But with Damon it was a beautiful act that increased our longing for each other.
I imagined this was what it was like most times for him, pretended this was my normal just for one night.