Matty walked to the kitchen. Bill could hear the refrigerator open and the sound of Matty opening a beer. He really wanted one and really wanted to ask for one, but he was afraid she just might throw it at him.
Matty sat back on the couch and after lighting yet another cigarette, she continued her story.
"After you went to bed I set up the dog bed by the fireplace and let Jarge out of his cage."
Bill slowly raised his hand.
"Can I ask something?"
Matty just stared.
"Who or what is Jarge?"
"Are you fucking serious," Matty snapped, turning toward the fireplace, pointing at the injured seagull.
"You honestly have not figured out that Jarge is that fucking flea bitten, white rat with wings."
Bill smiled a smile of embarrassment.
"Okay."
"Can I continue now?"
Bill nodded.
"Anyways, twenty minutes later, after chasing Jarge through every room in the house, I finally cornered him in the bathroom. He squawked and whistled and screeched at me and even took a couple lunges at me. Right at my boobs.
The third time he did so, I grabbed that bastard by the beak, stared into his beady little eyes and told him ...
'You ever snap that beak at me again, I will tie you to a light-pole and let the other gulls peck your eyes out.'
After that, me and Jarge became the best of enemies. I put him in his bed, gave him a tin of sardines and he was fine.
I decided that I should stay the night, just in case you woke up and needed any help, since I knew there was little Nanny Dove could do, besides come and get me and I didn't cherish the thought of running back here every ten minutes, so I made up a little bed here on the couch and settled down."
"Thank you?" Bill hoped.
"And that was about how long it lasted. Ten fucking minutes."
"Was more likes five, Matty me dear," Nanny Dove reminded her.
Matty drew hard on her cigarette, coughed slightly and continued.
"Now I could give you a blow by blow account of what happened here last night, but instead, I will give you the Reader's Digest version."
She dropped another cigarette butt in the beer bottle on the coffee table and immediately lit another one.
"And I don't want to hear a peep out of you."
Bill was too afraid to do little more than nod his head.
"So. You come out of the bedroom, stark naked and crying. You walk straight to Jarge and lay by his side, telling him how sorry you were. I had to take my blanket and cover you. After a few minutes, you fell asleep.
I thought great. I go in the bedroom to get your sleep pants and when I come back out, you and Jarge are no where to be seen.
The front door is open, but when I went outside, I couldn't see you anywhere.
I go back inside and get a flashlight and when I come out I hear Jarge squawking. He's in the lighthouse.
Then I hear you yelling out, 'I am the king of the world,' over and over and over.
Somehow you manage to get to the top of the lighthouse, in the dark. When I got to the top, you were leaning over the rail, arms in the air, still yelling.
I yelled at you and you nearly went over the rail. I managed to grab you and get you to sit down and threw your sleep pants at you.
After 20 minutes or so, you managed to get them on, backwards.
Then you got back to your feet and told me how beautiful it was up there and that the only thing more beautiful was ...
Jarge."
Nanny Dove had to stop rocking and knitting because she was laughing so hard.
"You then went on for twenty minutes about how Jarge was your best friend and how much you loved him and you were going to look after him and love him and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And all the while, that stupid bird was at the bottom of the stairs, in the lighthouse, moaning for you."
"Matty ..."
She glared and pointed at me.
"Not a fucking word.
It took me forever to get you down from the lighthouse and then, once you were outside, you told me you wanted to go and see Matty, so you and dumbass over there run off down the path to my place.
For another ten minutes, you banged on my door, yelling my name.
Then you came back, all sad, because Matty wasn't home.
Then I had to chase you back into the lighthouse and then you wanted to go for a drive. You locked yourself in the truck for ten minutes.
I had to promise you to go and get Matty, before you and that stupid bird would come out.
Then you headed for the lighthouse again and then my house and then you were hungry and wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for you and Jarge.
You wouldn't eat yours because i didn't cut the crust off it. Then I didn't put thinly sliced bananas on it. Then I spread the jam on wrong. Then you didn't like blueberry jam.
So I said fuck you and fed them both to Jarge.
Then you started pouting again, because you had nothing to eat and Jarge had eaten all the food. So another little pout dance and off you go again."
Matty took a long swig of beer and caught her breath.
"I have chased you up the lighthouse stairs four times, to Tucker's store twice, because you wanted ice cream.
Down to the beach three times, because you were convinced you had lost Jarge and another time because you were convinced that you were lost.
You even hid in the fucking trunk of my fucking car and I fucking don't even know how you got my fucking keys.
You have laughed hysterically at Jarge's jokes. You have cried like a little girl. You have tried to kiss me, because I was a cute little girl and you had never kissed a girl before.
You even hid in the closet because you thought you saw a fucking ghost."
Nanny Dove was in hysterics.
"Oops. Ise tinks Ise tinkled agin."
"And to top it all off. To put the finishing touches on a fucking wonderful night. After eight fucking hours of me chasing you all over hell's acres."
Matty was breathing hard and her face was beet red.
"After all that, you looked at me at six o'clock this morning and you told me that you hated me. You told me to get out of your house and never come back, because I was a meanie and I didn't play nice.
Then you stomped off into the bedroom and slammed the door."
"Matty ... I ..."
Matty stood up.
"Fuck you, Bill. Just fuck you."
She walked across the room and stood by the door.
"I'm going to go home and go to bed. I am so fucking tired that I could lay down and die. And if I hear one sound from you or that overgrown rat-chicken, I will come up here and fucking kill the two of you."
She opened the door, walked outside and slammed it so hard that a picture fell off the wall.
Bill stared at Nanny Dove.
He tried to talk, but no words came out.
She nodded and went back to rocking and knitting.
"Youse knows dat poor girl cried for over an hour dis mornin'. Ise never seen her cry so 'ard in all me life."
Bill wiped a tear from his eye.