I laid in my bed, the last few memories of the night before fluttered around in my head. There wasn't any way to get rid of them, everything was still so clear, clear like looking through a glass. The house was quiet, all the kids were either asleep or over at their friends. I was alone, the way it should be, silently I stood, listening for sounds that wouldn't be made.
I walked down the hallway to the front room and looked around. The kids had either been gone for several hours or been asleep for a few, mom was at work, and Jace, well Jace was somewhere. I'm not expected to keep an eye on him, just the opposite actually, he has to keep an eye on me. It was almost midnight, not long before at least one of those little brats would wake up, hopefully I could escape by then. I grabbed my bag, walking to the fridge I grabbed a bottle of beer then headed out the back door. Swinging my legs over the rail, I sat there for a minute just staring out at the water, trying to remember the last time I had acutally fallen asleep or had a solid full meal, I couldn't remember.
I hopped off of the rail and walked towards the pier, thoughts encircling me as I neared the water. I remembered Meghan from the night before, how scared she was when she woke up in my arms. I wanted to keep holding her, she was like a young child, I'll never forget the look of panic on her face when her eyes flew open, had she taken one more step, she would have fallen, and there wasn't any was that I could have caught her. I wanted to hold her, to stop her from shaking, I wanted to stay with her that night, I didn't feel like I should have left her.
My phone rang, nearly scaring me to a heart attack.
"Hello?" I said, question raising in my voice, I didn't recognized the number.
"Danielle? Is that you?" someone asked on the other line,
"This is Danielle, who's asking?"
I heard a breath of relief, the person began talking again,
"It's Meghan, can you come over? The house is empty, and I'm scared, please." her voice sounded so far away, so small. There was something about Meghan, her voice, that made my heart jump into my throat.
"Yeah honey, I'm on my way."
I slid my phone back into my bag then took off for Meghan's house. I walked along the beach, my shoes picking up pieces of the sand and flinging them away. I walked through the back door and called out to her,
"Meghan, I'm here. Where are you honey?"
I heard footsteps running down the stairs then I saw her as she rushed towards me, launching herself into my arms. She was crying, I could feel the tears on my shoulder, I slid down the wall then held her on my lap and let Meghan cry. I didn't know what else I could do, I just held her, rubbed her back and eventually placed my head on top of hers. We sat like that for a while, Meghan had stopped crying, she was still sitting on my lap, her head resting on my shoulder.
"Don't leave, please." she begged quietly, I nodded to her in the dark,
"I promise, I would't ever leave you like this."
I tightened my arms around her, ensuring her that I wasn't leaving. Even though she was right there, it felt as if Meghan could have been across the room, I didn't know why she didn't want me to leave, but I knew enough not to leave her. Together, we just sat on the floor of her kitchen in the dark for a while, I knew she was scared, of what I didn't know, but I did know she was scared. I gently picked her up and walked upstairs to her room. I laid her on the bed, thinking she was asleep, I turned to sit in the chair across the room. I felt her hand reach up to mine,
"Lay with me, please?" she begged, her bright eyes looking up at me, pleading. I nodded to her, and sat down on the bed, she laid her head on my lap then closed her eyes again. I started to doze off, the lack of sleep was finally catching up to me, I felt Meghan sturr then she started to thrash around. Before long she was screaming, screaming as if she was falling. She was calling someone's name, someone named Sam,
"Meghan! Meghan, wake up. Come on, wake up!" I panicked, holding her down. Meghan's eyes flew open, tears seeped from her eyes,
"I'm scared, I want her back. Bring her back, Danielle, bring her back!" she sobbed as I held her,
"Shh, baby. Who do you want back, everything'll be okay, just tell me who you want back." I whispered as she continued to sob.
"Sam, bring Sam back." Meghan pointed to a picture next to the bed. I turned on the light and saw little Meghan and another girl sitting on a beach. I assumed the girl next to her was Sam.
"Honey, I don't think I can. Sam's not coming back."
Meghan's eyes closed again, she was still screaming, a nightmare consuming her. I held onto her, trying desperatly to wake her up. I winced as she grabbed my arm, and winced again as she tore open the latest cuts. Meghan woke up, her eyes grew wide as she saw my bleeding arm.
"What happened? Why are you bleeding, is this your blood on me?"
"You scratched me open. Relax, it's fine." I reassured her. I stood up and walked to the bathroom to clean up the wounds and wrap them up. When I came back, Meghan was standing on the balcony staring out at the sea.
"How come you do that to yourself?" she asked, her back still turned to me.
"It's a way to cope. I sometimes have too much to deal with, I need a release."
"You could get hurt. I don't think I could handle loosing you too."
"What do you mean me too, who else do you know who does this?"
Meghan was quiet before she actually responded. She looked like she was in pain, I was beginning to pray that it wasn't her.
"My brother. He moved out to Florida, started drinking, and if he does that it wouldn't suprise me." I was standing next to her, Meghan's sleeves were rolled up slightly and I could see the faint outlines of cuts that once had been on her forearm.
"You do it too?" I asked, holding her arm.
"No, I woke up with this, they were all crusted over this morning." she looked up at me, "what are they?"
Anger flashed through me, I knew I shouldn't have left her at the beach with Jace.
"Meghan, did Jace give you anything to drink last night after I left?" I asked her, confusion crossed her face as it looked as if she was trying to remember.
"I think so, he was saying something to me. Something about making all of the pain go away in a matter of minutes. He said I could fly if I trusted him. I remember flying, Danielle, I remember it. There was a sharp stinging on my arm, followed by a crackling noise as I felt something go into my skin. I tried to look down, but I couldn't see anything, I was flying. I could feel the breeze on my face, and I was soaring upwards. Then I was falling and screaming for Jace to save me. He just laughed as I screamed, I thought that I was going to die." Tears formed in her eyes, "what happened?"
"I don't know honey, but I know Jace had intentions of hurting you late last. Promise me that you'll never go near him again."
Meghan nodded, "You've seen mine, can I see your's?"
I swallowed hard, then rolled up my sleeves to show her my battles, the ones that I lost. There were so many of them, I lost count of how many times I had done it. It didn't matter to me anymore; I was ready to be done.
"Meghan, this isn't okay for anyone to be doing. Do you understand me, please don't ever start this." I begged her as the scars, cuts, and stitches shown in the light. She looked up at me, and nodded.
"If it's not okay, then why do you do it to yourself?" she asked her voice shaking as she tried not to cry, I bit my lip again,
"To get rid of the pain that I feel constantly. Because of my family, Jace, and all the horrible things that he's done to me. Meghan, he has done God awful things to me, told me I'm worthless and that I'll never amount to anything, I started believing it. I'm slowly being buried alive. I can't get rid of it; there isn't another way that I've found to get rid of these feelings, emotions. Too much has built up over time. I've grown too used to being told I'm worthless and that I won't amount to anything, I started believing it." I tried explaining to her, she just nodded. I knew that it was too complex for her to understand, it's too complex for anyone to understand who hasn't tried it.
Neither one of us said anything for a while, I saw Meghan looking out at the ocean, thought clouded her face. Was she trying to remember what Jace had given her, trying to remember the night before, I couldn't tell, she looked thoughtful?
"Danielle," she said softly, "I don't think you're worthless, you have so much meaning in my life right now. I don't know what I would do without you."
I couldn't figure out a way to respond, Meghan looked up at me, I smiled at her and all of her sweetness.
"And you, you mean so much to me too. You're my little ray of sunshine, seeing you smile can make my day, considering you made me feel better last night."
She smiled, I felt slightly better than I did when I first got here. I wrapped Meghan in my arms and hugged her; she wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Can you play piano?" she asked, I nodded,
"Yeah, I learned a couple of years ago, why?"
"Would you play for me? Since Skie isn't here to help me go back to sleep, can you?"
"I can try, where's the piano?"
Meghan took my hand and lead me through the house to a room containing a large grand piano, several guitars, a drum set and a key board. She led me to the piano, and pulled out a battered piece of paper. I took it from her and smiled, the title simply read Lullaby. I scanned the paper, then sitting down, I started to play shakily. It all started flowing back to me, I could remember how to play, and I let the music just float around.
By the time I had finished, Meghan had fallen asleep on the couch near a set of windows. The sun had started to rise; I played through the piece once again, then took out Meghan's phone and hit record.
"Hey Meghan, it's Danielle. I made this for you so you'll never be alone, even when you wake up in the middle of the night. This is a really pretty song, so now you'll always have it. Nighty night, honey.
I then played through the whole song for Meghan, so she'd always have her lullaby, even when I wasn't around to help her. Quietly I draped a blanket over her and walked out of the room, the clock in the kitchen read 4:29. I left the house quietly, locking the door behind me. I walked back down the beach towards my own house, I figured that someone would be waking up shortly; I had no desire to watch any one of my younger siblings. Sometimes, I wished my dad had taken me with him, or at least got me away from this place like the way he threatened when I was young. I hated him for what he did to us, but I hated him even more that he wasn't here anymore. He was gone, and he wasn't going to come back.
So that was chapter 19. Sorry it took forever, I had so much going on! I hope you all liked it, I'm sorry if it's a little confusing, or strange, I needed a character like this. And before some of you ask, I know there are similarities between a friend that I've told some of you about and the character Danielle, that wasn't really supposed to happen. This was written before I even met her, so I hope you liked it none the less. The picture is how I see Danielle, and the song is the Lullaby that she played for Meghan. :) Happy reading, and Merry Christmas!
Luff chu, Bree