My attitude about life took a turn for the worst. I hadn't said anything to anyone about what happened at Jessica's party. I was afraid about being judged, that everyone would talk down on me because I was unable to stop him. I felt reckless because of Jeff's death. I had no idea who I was anymore.
I went to a party at Bryce's, it was against my better judgement. I was unable to look at him the same, I knew that wouldn't change. My back was tender and sore, so whenever I sat down I leaned forward just enough so I wouldn't put pressure on it. I was getting pretty fucked up, trying to forget everything. Justin told me he was going to show up tonight, but I had yet to see him. I noticed Monty had been watching me all night. I knew he noticed that I was moving slowly, acting differently. He ended up cornering me and questioning me.
"You're acting really fucking weird, did Justin do something to you?" Monty questioned me, his hand reached around to touch my back, but I turned my body just enough so he couldn't touch me.
"Do not touch me," I told him, "No, he didn't do anything, I was a drunk dumbass and fell down my stairs the other night."
"You can tell me, you know, if he's hurting you I'll kick his ass," He leaned down more, I felt trapped. I knew that Monty cared, even if he was a huge asshole.
"Listen," I cleared my throat, attempting to keep myself composed, "He isn't hurting me, he didn't do it- I've been having a rough time with Jeff dying so I've been drinking a lot more than usual..." My voice tapered off.
Monty stared at me, "Where is Justin? Why isn't he here?"
"He's running late, I don't know."
Monty knew what kind of person Bryce was, there was no way he didn't. I put the pieces together, the way he came to check on me that night Bryce was over and we were alone; how his eyes searched my body, as if he was trying to find something. But, he would always be on Bryce's side, so even if I did tell him that Bryce did something to Jessica, he wouldn't care.
"Are you okay?" Monty asked.
"Everything is fine," I lied.
"You would tell me, wouldn't you? If you weren't okay."
"I would," I nodded, he finally seemed to relax. Then he reached for my wrist, I panicked, I felt claustrophobic. I was trapped. I pulled away from him with a gasp.
He gave me a shocked look, "Shit."
"I need to get out of here," I told him, "I need to breathe."
Monty pointed at the stairs and I rushed away, going to a guest room. I took in a deep breath as I sat on the edge of the bed. I was trying to calm myself down. "What's going on with you?" Monty questioned.
"What do you mean? I miss Jeff, there isn't that much else to it. He died, he was my best friend. It's been fucking with me."
I flinched as he walked towards me, "Listen," He said to me, placing a hand on my shoulder, "I know- he was everyone's friend, but you need to take care of yourself."
"I was there," I told him, "At the party. He wasn't drunk, there was no fucking way." I was feeling vulnerable, crying in front of Monty was something I never did.
"I know, there's no way-" He noticed I was crying, "Woah, it's alright..."
"No it's not, it's never going to be okay again."
Monty wiped my face off, I watched the door; praying Justin would walk in. Monty stepped away from me and by some grace of God, Justin walked in, those big puppy dog eyes full of worry, "What the fuck," He said once he saw me crying on the bed and Monty standing there staring at me, "Did you do something to her?"
"She was freaking out," Monty told him, "You weren't here and I had to take her somewhere to calm her down," Justin looked at me, I nodded in agreement. "She's all yours," This surprised me; watching Monty walk away without a fight.
Justin walked over and kneeled in front of me, his hands resting on my thighs, "Are you okay?" There was a hint of worry in his voice.
"Everything is shit," I told him, "I feel like shit, I feel like I'm constantly in a nightmare."
"I know," He held onto my hands, staring into my eyes. It felt like we just stared at one another in silence for ages before he pulled my into a tight hug, "We will figure this shit out."
"How?"
"We will, whatever we have to do, we will figure it out... We just have to make sure you have your head screwed on first."