Warm hands wrap around my stomach and squeeze me tight.
"Happy Birthday, Handsome." Hayley whispers. I turn around to look at her, her face meets with mine and I let out a smile.
"Thanks, beautiful. How did I get so lucky?" I ask, referring to the angel lying beside me. We both climb out of bed and make our way downstairs and in to the kitchen.
"Hey! Happy birthday, Sweetheart." Amelia greets. I give her a hug and she kisses me on the cheek. "Presents later!" She teases.
"Thanks!" I say enthusiastically. My father walks over and places his arm around my shoulder.
"Happy birthday, Kid!" He tells me. "The big sixteen, eh?" I nod and smile.
"Sit down, breakfast for the birthday boy." Amelia instructs, as I take a seat, she presents me with a plate of pancakes. I immediately pick up the syrup and drizzle it on generously. I tuck in and finish with in seconds. One of the first things I'm going to do is change my surname, from Gordon to Williams.
********************************************
The doorbell echoes through the house, and I run downstairs to get it, however, Hayley has beaten me too it. Jacob greets us, and he smiles directly at me.
"Happy birthday, Mate." He smiles, hugging me and patting me on the back.
"Thanks." I laugh. He hands me an envelope and I take it and thank him again. We walk through to the kitchen where we greet my parents and all of my extended family members. In Jacob's card is twenty pounds, I stuff it in to my pocket. Everybody is drinking alcohol, apart from Amelia, Hayley and I. We move in to the lounge and everybody is speaking. Jacob looks at me and gets up from his seat on the sofa, he moves in to the hallway, and I take the subtle hint and follow him. We're now alone.
"First birthday in a while you've been sober." He comments, jokingly. I laugh it off. "You want a another little birthday present? It's not fair that you're the only non-pregnant sober one." He says, with a smirk on his face. I look at him seriously.
"Yes." I mutter.
"You guys alright?" A voice interrupts before we get a chance to take this any further. I look behind Jacob to see my father, who has broken himself from the crowd to get more drinks.
"Yeah." Jacob replies. "I'm Just telling him how proud I am of him and how far he's come." He lies.
"We all are." My dad winks, putting his hand around me. I can tell he's slightly drunk. He walks off into the kitchen and Jacob reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, white pill. I take it from his hand and clutch it in my fist, making sure no one else is around. Shoving it in my mouth, I walk through to the living room again and sit down. The ecstasy takes hold and I begin to enjoy myself even more.
********************************************
I clutch my girlfriends stomach, and run my hand around it in a clockwise direction. Hayley presses my hand flat on to it and straight away, I feel a kick. My hand stays put for a moment, cherishing this experience. I feel another one, and I let out a smile. I move my head down to her stomach, and lie beside my baby, watching her every move. Soon, I will have a child. Soon, I will have someone that needs me, someone to live for.
********************************************
I walk in to the kitchen to greet my parents. My father, who is sitting at the table reading a newspaper, and my mother, who is making lunch. It smells good, even though I'm not very hungry. When it is ready, we sit down to eat. I begin to wander what like will be like in three months, when Amelia's babies are born. Feeding, changing, washing. It's going to be tough. Especially when my child comes along. I finish lunch and head upstairs, turning on my TV, I watch about ten minutes of it before switching it off and heading back downstairs. I walk in to the lounge where my parents are slouched on a sofa, watching TV.
"Can I go see Jacob?" I ask them. They both turn to look at me, then they look at each other.
"Be back at six o'clock for dinner." Amelia says. I nod to this instruction and grab my jacket, heading for the door. The cold October air hits me As I make my way to Jacob's. I knock on his worn, brown door and wait for him to answer. When he does, we greet each other with a pat on the back and he welcomes me in to his house. We sit on one of his sofas and play video games, it makes me forget about everything that's happened recently. We carry on like this for an half an hour or so, before Jacob initiates a conversation.
"How's things?" He asks me.
"Good. A lot better." I admit. He looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
"You sure? You can tell me if you're not." He presses.
"No, I'm fine, Honestly. Things are looking up." I say smiling at him. He finally looks away and we continue playing video games for another twenty minutes. We turn off the game and sit back on the sofa.
"Not long now until you're a dad." He says, looking at me with a smile. I smile back quickly, but it soon fades.
"Yeah, I'm scared."
"That's only natural, it will be ok, everything will be fine." He replies. We light up a joint and pass it between us, I don't hesitate. I do think of how my dad will be disappointed, but it wears off and I enjoy myself. When I check the time, I realise it's only 16:29. Which means I still have around about an hour before I have to leave. We play until then, smoking and talking. He tells me about this girl he's met, who he really likes. Her name is Kaitlyn and she's from around here. She drinks, but does not take any drugs. Then Jacob tells me he wants me to meet her. So we arrange a party for next weekend, she'll come and so will Hayley and I. After forty five more minutes, I stand up to leave, Jacob walks me to the door and we exchange another pat on the back. Then I leave, heading for home.
********************************************
I put my plate in the dishwasher, and leave the room, walking in to the lounge to watch TV. My father joins me handing me a large envelope. I realise instantly what it is, but he doesn't. He looks at me puzzled. My hands nervously tear it open and I look at it, amazed.
"Change of name from
Michael Gordon
To
Michael Williams."
My father, who has yet to find out I was doing this, still looks confused, so I hand it to him, finally showing him. He smirks and then smiles, pleased with what I have done.
"When did you do this?" He asks, still smiling.
"The day I turned sixteen." I tell him. My father nods his head toward the door. Together we both stand up and go to find my mother, with my father holding the certificate of my name change. We find my mother in the kitchen, reading a magazine.
"You need to see what our son has done." My father tells her. Amelia looks up, panicked, but my dad hands her the piece of paper, beaming. She takes it from him, and reads it. It takes a minute for her to register what it says. Then she too, looks up grinning.
"You did this?" She asks me. I nod solemnly and she comes in for a hug, I embrace it and then she kisses me on the cheek. "I love you so much." She tells me.
"I love you too, Mum." I say, although it is muffled from my head which is buried in to her shoulder.
My father and I sit together, watching sports news. Amelia joins us about fifteen minutes later. I start thinking about the past, and how things have changed. The drugs, mainly. I would love to just take some cocaine, feel high once more. I can't shake the thought, and I begin to get restless. I can almost feel it going up my nose, the euphoric feeling washing over me. I am brought back to reality by my father, who is trying to conversate with me.
"How was you day?" He asks me.
"Fine." I say, not giving away that I smoked some weed. "How was yours?"
I ask back to look interested.
"Fine too. Probably less exciting that yours." He jokes. I laugh back. To try and not seem miserable. My phone rings and I look at the caller ID - it's Hayley. I answer it with a smile.
"Hey, Beautiful." I greet. Another voice answers.
"You need to get to the hospital now." It's her Dad. I quickly sit up, panicking. My parents notice and look at me, concerned.
"Why, what's wrong!?" I press. Welling up.
"It's the baby, come now." Is all he says before he hangs up. I rush to a standing position and grab my head, panic reaching its maximum. My father stands up too and puts my shoulders in his hands.
"What's wrong?" He asks me.
"I need to go to the hospital." I mutter. Confused and panicking. "It's the baby." My dad immediately leads me out to his car, and puts me in the back of it. Amelia gets in the front and we get to the hospital as quickly as we can. It seems to take forever, time is so slow, everything is happening in slow motion, I get frustrated, Amelia reaches in to the back and takes my hand, it is then I realise I have been biting my thumb. We pull in to the hospital, and my dad parks in the emergency space, I get out of the car and run, I run as fast as I can and I am soon met with a nurse, who tells me I can't go any further. I push past and run down another corridor. With shouting and footsteps behind me I speed up and blank out the voices telling me what i can't do. I want to see her, I need to know she and my child are alright. Harsh hands grab me and pull me back, there is now a person in my way, it's my father, who won't let me past. I attempt to push away, but his body is too strong and i can't. I don't give up, I punch, I kick, I use my head, to get him to move. He doesn't budge there is a brief moment where I almost did, but he fought back, and he won. I turn my whole body and begin to punch and kick the walls, some one stops me, and I turn to punch them too. Only I realise it's Amelia, she gives me a sympathetic but stern look and I lower my fist, careful not to hurt her. A door opens and Hayley's father submerges. He has been crying, and he's looking for only one person. Me. He motions for me to follow him and i do, leaving my mother and father at the door. The corridor is long and it takes a long Time to get to the end of it, then I see her. Sitting in a room with her mother by her side. She's been crying, they all have. I rush to her side and kiss her, it only takes a few moments for me to catch on to the problem.
"My baby?" I ask. Referring to my unborn child. Hayley shakes her head, and tears burst from her eyes.
"She's gone." Her dad tells me. I turn and run for the door, running to my parents, they're outside, and we soon meet. My body collapses I front of them, and tears flood down my face. My father bends to the floor, he doesn't say anything, he just hugs me.
"She's gone." I repeat. Copying Hayley's dad. We hug for another ten minutes and then i go back to Hayley, they come too and we all sit in one room, speechless. A doctor walks in, looking sorry. He looks at us all and apologies for our loss. Then he begins.
"We'll have to induce labor. You can wait a few days, or we can do it straight away. The method of birth is also optional " He explains. Hayley starts to cry again, and I comfort her best I can. I take her hand and hold it in mine, putting my head on the bed and kissing it. I place my hand on Hayley's bump, convinced I will feel a kick soon, only I don't and I never will again.
"I want to do it straight away, I want to see my baby." Hayley sobs.
"We'll give you something to speed it up, depending on the rate, you may have to go home and come back tomorrow. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss." He spends another ten minutes explaining what will happen next, and I listen well, Hayley will have to give birth to our dead daughter. Then, we will arrange a funeral. I look to Hayley, who's eyes are red from crying, by the look of things, she doesn't intend to stop. This upsets me, and I well up, ready to cry any moment.
********************************************
I look at my brave girlfriend, who has been crying since seven O'Clock last night, it's now midnight and she looks exhausted. We all are, even my parents who are sat outside. A midwife, a doctor, Hayley's parents and I, sit or stand around her bedside. She looks towards me, terrified.
"It's ok, I promise you it's going to be ok." I say, kissing her hand. She begins to push, and I admire her as she does. She keeps pushing, for ten minutes with sweat and tears dripping off of her, and I encourage her, I comfort her, and I stay with her, while she pushes our precious daughter in to this world, a world she will never experience.
Finally, she's born, at 00:37, on October 3rd at 25 weeks, weighing 1lb 5oz. There is no cry, no scream, and no one congratulates us. Instead, they give us their sympathy and Pity. A midwife cleans and wraps up a tiny, still bundle and places it in Hayley's arms. Tears explode from Hayley's face, and this sets me off. Our, beautiful daughter is perfect, She looks asleep. But she will never wake up, we will never experience sleepless nights, constant crying, hugs and kisses from a girl that will grow up and live a wonderful life. Instead, we will bury her, and remember someone we didn't know, someone we will never get the chance to know. I cry, I cry and I can't stop. Hayley cries too, while holding our child.
She's perfect, she's absolutely beautiful. I look down at my tiny daughter and cradle her in my arms. She is no bigger than both of my hands. Her tiny fingers are curled up in to fists, and she lies perfectly still, even her closed eyes - which will never open, are perfect. The door opens and closes, and my eyes break away from my baby, and look up to my parents who are now in the room, they've been crying too. They take a seat in silence, no one speaks.
"Can you take a picture of us?" I ask my father. He nods to this request and I hand him my phone. I've not slept and I've been crying since last night. But I look down at my beautiful angel, while my dad snaps some pictures. I take some of her alone, and then some with Hayley in them. Then, lastly, we take once final picture, with all three of us in it.