Since he had some time before his meeting with the town council of Tuckamore Bay, Bill decided he should pop over to the General Store and pick up some basics for survival.
He honestly did not feel that he could survive on a few bananas, some molasses and 4 rolls of toilet paper. And some of the strange meats that were in the freezer.
The General Store seemed empty, as he walked in.
"Hello? Anyone here?"
Nothing. He walked down an aisle toward the back.
"Hello?"
"Mr. Williams."
"Fuck."
Bill took a deep breath and turned around. Henry Tucker or Harry Tucker had walked up behind him.
"What is it with this place and sneaking up behind people?"
"Maybe youse don't be 'earin' too well dere, Mr. Williams. I did say 'ello."
"I hear just fine. And please call me Bill."
Henry or Harry nodded.
"Bill it be den. So, Bill, 'ows can Ise bes of service."
"Well as much as I appreciate you picking up some of the essentials for me, it was a lot less than I really need."
The man, Henry or Harry, looked confused.
"I didn't picks up anyting for youse, Bill. Must of been me brudder."
"Then I apologize, Harry."
"Ise not be 'arry. Ise be 'enry."
"Then I apologize, Henry."
"What bes youse apologizin' fer?"
Bill really didn't want to get into another confusing conversation.
"Let's just forget it."
"Fergotten, me son. No, 'ows can Ise 'elp youse?"
Bill looked around.
"Do you have any shopping carts here?"
Henry shook his head.
"No, me son. Why don'ts youse jest picks up whats youse be wantin' and brings it up front."
"Don't you even have a hand basket?"
Henry shook his head, again.
"Mosts people 'ere brings dere own bags. Youse knows da ones. Dose cloth ones dat youse can use over and over."
"Well I don't have any of them."
Bill held up his hands.
"As you can see."
Henry smiled.
"Well me son, youse bes in luck. Ise jest 'aves a few dat youse can be usin'."
"Well thank you Henry."
"I'll fetch you some me son. Dey be jest five dollars apiece."
Bill rolled my eyes.
"That will be fine."
Henry returned a few minutes later with 4 reusable bags.
"'ere youse be, Bill."
Bill looked at the bags.
"These are from Walmart."
Henry nodded.
"Dat dey be, me son. But youse can 'ave dem for only 5 dollars each."
Bill took the bags. He knew he could buy them from Walmart for $1 each, but what the heck.
"Thank you, Henry."
"If youse needs any 'elp, Ise will bes up front."
Bill walked around the General Store and picked out cans of goods that he was fairly confident would not poison him. He filled two bags with can goods and another with boxed cereals, pastas and hamburger helper. At least he was fairly confident that it was hamburger helper. The label looked to be in Spanish.
He went to the freezers and picked out some steaks, chicken and hamburger meat that didn't appear to be too badly frost burned.
He also picked up some laundry detergent, paper towels, facial tissue, fabric softener,and assorted soaps and body washes, etc. The etc. looked particularly impressive.
He ended it off with more potatoes, rice and Kraft dinner.
"Youse gots yerself quite a mess of stuff dere, Bill, me son."
Bill looked at the food and sundries on the counter. It did look far more than he would need, even if he stayed the full week, but he felt it was better to be safe than sorry.
"Why isn't there any prices?"
"Well, me son. Its be likes dis. Me and me brudder keeps a close watch on da prices of tings and wes basis our prices on da flow of da market, especially the prices of gold and silver and oils.
Youse has to be aware of dem tings, me son."
Bill was utterly confused.
"What does the price of gold or silver or oil have to do with the prices of your goods?"
Henry laughed.
"Bill, me son. Da price of oil affects da price of gasoline and dat affects da price of what it costs me to go to Corner Brook to git da tings we sells 'ere in da store. And da price of gold and silver affects the fluctuation of the Canadian dollar.
All dem tings has to come into consideration when wes prices da goods in our store."
Bill was speechless.
he suddenly remembered an old saying ...
'If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.'
And Henry certainly had Bill baffled.
"Is youse okay, Bill, me son?"
"I have no idea, Henry."
Bill started to laugh.
"Anyway, I was wondering if you could get some scotch brought in with your next beer order?"
Henry let out a long sigh.
"Youse sure youse wouldn't rather a bottle of Aqua Velva. Prob'ly tastes a lot bitter?"
"Is that a yes or no?"
"Okay me son. Would youse like a blended or single malt. Personally I would recommend anything from the Glen family of scotches. Did youse knows dat dey now makes a single malt in Cape Breton. Dey calls it Glen Breton and it is da only single malt scotch made in North America.
And personally, me son, Ise tinks it tastes a lot bitter den Aqua Velva."
Again Bill was speechless.
"I though you did not like scotch?"
"Dat be me brudder 'enry, me son."
Bill was taken aback.
"I though you were Henry?"
"No me son. 'enry be gone to Corner Brook to git supplies and some scotch fer youse."
Bill was about to say something, anything, but he decided against it.
Finally he just said, "seriously Harry. You guys need to get name tags."
"Why bes dat, Bill, me son?"
"Because you look exactly alike."
Harry started laughing.
"Dat be funny me son. Me an 'enry looks nothin' alike."
"You are identical. You even dress alike."
Harry slapped the counter, laughing harder.
"Bill, me son. Youse be crackin' mes up 'ere. Me and 'enry are da complete opposites.
I has a green eye and a blue eye and 'enry has a blue eye and green eye."
"And the difference is?"
Harry was shaking his head.
"Me son. Ifins I has to be tellin' youse dat, den youse are probably a lost soul."
Bill was beginning to feel such.
"Anyway, Harry. Can you check me in, so I can pay you?"
Harry looked at the bags Bill had on the counter.
"Dat be one 'undred dollars. And dat bes counting' da stuff Ise brought to your 'ouse before ."
Bill nodded. Seemed fair.
"Do you take any credit cards or debit cards?"
Bill could not see a machine anywhere.
"Sorry me son. Cash only."
Bill shook my head.
"But I don't carry that much cash on me."
Harry laughed.
"Dat bes okay, me son. Wes has one of dem ATM tings, over dere."
Bill turned to where he was pointing.
"You have got to be fucking kidding me?"
There was an ATM there.
Bill inserted his debit card.
A $5 charge for each transaction.
He just shook his head as he punched in his pin number.