Chapter 38
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How can I let it go?
⬇
Angelina
Bri doesn't say much. I have told everything. None hid. The part where I am pregnant.
How cruel can life be? Always spot on. Just when in the mayhem.
Mayhem?
Ethan was right. I wasn't in his place.
Yet, how can anything justify what he did?
But... I look up at my friend biting on her lips. Well, Bri is still retrospective and utterly in the loss of words. Maybe it's me. For the last hour, I am defending Ethan too. And I am ashamed of it. But I can't think of much right now. I look at my life in front of me and I expect it to be full of love. But the farther I try to focus, the picture blurs.
I just left him after questioning him to end up to what? Defending him.
How can I be this naive?
That man has committed a crime. What will he give to you, your baby, and your brother?
"Maybe we leave the country? Will it be different then? I mean Ethan is a different man altogether now. Maybe we will turn out good." I speak.
"You think he will accept that? and will this company, crypt international let you go?" She looks at me confused.
"I don't know. Somehow I am worried about Grace. She did turn me against him. And she gives me more chills. " I can't explain it to her. I just stop.
"I know. Well, I don't know what to say, Angie, it's really above my pay grade. " she chuckles nervously.
"I don't understand why do I crash into these. Ryan. Ethan. I even married one. " I pool at Bri's worried face.
"Seems like Ethan is right, I do have a thing to attract to these. What can I expect? " I laugh.
"No one can help me Bri unless I stand up to what is right rather than giving in to my feelings. Someone has to. "
**
I ain't sure about it. My nerve is keeping me up. Ethan beside me rendering it harder. I need to act normal as if everything was good but I know I am failing terribly. With the determination in my mind and being selfish, I am questioning my conscience too. But I have to be smart and prepared if I want to do it. I have to do it smoothly without Ethan's knowledge.
The best thing is that Ethan was angry at me. He is keeping himself on the side of the bed with his back to me. I am grateful for that.
I turn around to peek at him instinctively.
Shit.
He stares at me through the dim light. And something spark.
I swallow reminding myself of the mission I am to accomplish the next day but it doesn't help at all.
A little later a hand snake around me. I shiver.
"I just can't take it anymore, Angel. Stop being like this. " He asks me.
I know I can't pretend anymore.
"I need time Ethan. Please let me have my space but just a few days. "
Or just this night, I mean.
**
Ethan kiss my cheek from behind, startling me.
"Good Morning. "
It's stupid because I try to hide my purse as if I had been grounded. I scold myself for this huge mistake.
What if he finds that I met them?
"Good morning," I answer stepping away from him.
He scratches the stubble of fresh mustache he has recently grown looking down at his shoes. Presumably, he is catching up with my odd behavior or fears exactly. What can I do? I am not a good actor.
"Where are you heading to?" I exhale.
"So I need to give you my daily memo to Ethan."
His eyebrows join in dissatisfaction.
Of course, I didn't need to be wary.
"No, but I would like to drop you off. You are so distant and this would do us good." He speaks in a hoarse voice carefully enclosing the expanse between us filling in with his clothes and rest with the air of him. His finger traces my cheeks and his orbs never leave my mine. I can't deny that I can feel he is truly invested in me. The kind every woman dreams of. But it scares me.
" And distance is debilitating. You know how much I love you, Angel, right? "
He waits for me and I can hardly breathe. I am exhausted and have been for two weeks now. My conscience has been battling.
"Ethan." I whimper. Just a call of helplessness.
This makes him advance and kiss me. Passionately. It progresses and progresses to the point that I am in his arms and is taking me to the nearest bedroom in the hallway.
He throws in the bed and in seconds gets himself off his tailored business attire. His eyes peering mine the whole time. I want him as much as he does. But I can't proceed and that irritates me. I close my eyes in sheer pain.
I feel Ethan's fingers trace the curves of my face. I open my eyes and look at his concerned face.
"We will work something out. We will." He says.
I don't believe him.
" Just let it go for a moment, Angel. Give in to me, please. " surprisingly, I obey. Or maybe all the disappointment is so heavy to carry at this moment. He sees it.
" we work something out," he says again and I nod. "I love you, Angel."
The passion with which his skin rubs to mine speaks amply.
His orbs succumb me in and at that moment, I forget it all. His hungry kiss deepens as his hand finds his way under my top. My breathing escalates filling me with the carnal need of him in every corner of my body and inside me.
I take hold of his jet black hair and pull at them in the agitation of meeting to the high. His hands tear off my top and work every part of me. I writhe beneath him.
Just when I feel it can't be any higher, he reaches down, opens up my fly, and in seconds his fingers fuck me deeply and ravenously.
"Dammit Angel, you are so fucking wet." He rasps near my ear, drugging me and then biting on my ear. I scream.
He pulls away to pull his pant a slightly below abdomen revealing the stone-like shaft for me savor.
Then he proceeds to pull my pants and my panties off of me. He takes a moment to look at the denuded woman at his mercy. A wave of accomplishment prospers his handsome face.
The moment he lowers down to take his prize, I come out of my trance.
How naive can I be?
My body shiver and I hyperventilate. When his manly scent engulfs me and his masculine shoulders wall me in, I scream. In pain. In confusion.
"Stop."
Ethan looks at me in bewilderment, slightly taken aback to cut it off. He doesn't budge.
"Please, stop. You are crowding." I say.
As he sits up and gives me enough space, I make a run. He keeps calling me and I don't stop until I reach our bedroom upstairs and lock the door behind him.
Tears began to fall off my face. When I hear Ethan ramming on the door to open it, I go to the bathroom, open all the taps and machines to block him, and walk under the running shower to clear my stupid head.
---
My heartbeat escalates making me rethink. Everything run in a circle. I prod the rights and wrongs mentally. A smile creeps up my face when I realize how there is nothing like right or wrong in this world. It's just 'right 'and 'a little less right.' I shake off my prodding and decide to knock at the door.
It doesn't take long for a door to open. A middle-aged woman opens the door. Her head titled back scolding her children. She seems in a hurry and very busy.
"Ron, you don't throw food at your sister like that. You get it, boy?" She warns them. I can hear the laughing voices of children inside. It gives me a good feeling.
"I am sorry. These kids.." She stops and looks at me in a haze. Within a few moments, I can gaze her life. I know she is just 28 but she seems more than it. Wrinkles have even started to show. There is a bag under her eyes. She toils.
"How can I help you? "
I am at a loss of words and my legs wobble. I don't know why I had to come here.
"I just want to.."
"yes?"
"i. I am Angelina. You don't know me I am.. "
"Yes, I guess. But I feel like I have seen you somewhere. Would you like to come in?"
I nod. She motions me inside the small house. For three, it's too small. I look at the small space where she has managed to include a kitchen slab, small table to dining, and bed at the corner. The bed can only take a full grown-up and a kid. I wonder how they do it. It pains me.
My gaze stops at the four orbs aged not more than 6 and 8 probably who are staring at me in awe as if I am an alien. I smile at them and when they return it to me, I feel happy.
I turn towards their mother who is looking at my dress. There is astonishment in her eyes. What does a woman want? To dress like me.
She comes out of trance soon and looks at me quite embarrassed. I smile at her warmly which gives her a little comfort.
"I am part of an NGO Care. Here we help the children in need like education, health coverage, and..and occupation for the family. I personally visit homes to serve."
Her eyes shine bright but within another second it fades away.
"Do you know who I am?" She asks and bites her lips. It surprises me.
"I don't understand." She stares at me. Sadness overtakes her.
"People don't usually help us."
"Why?"
She looks sideways. Following her gaze, I find a photo of a man smiling at his wife while his kids look happy. They are standing on a beach.
Sayyed Stanton.
"My husband was..was executed for being a terrorist." She stops and a tear fell on her cheek. Her eyes look up as if refreshing everything she had been through.
"His name. His first name is Islamic which became the first basis of his arrest. He didn't even know a thing about Islam. His Muslim mother died giving him birth to teach him that. His father was a true American. Yet during trail, it came up. I still don't believe it was him. " she sobs. She kept on saying not because she wanted to tell me but because she hasn't got any visitor who ever heard her. I could feel it.
"He was a faithful and honest husband. He helped others. He couldn't have but everything proved otherwise. I still can't accept that the man I loved was a stranger to me. I can't."
I reach up to her and hold her hand.
"I am here to help, Emma."
"Nobody wants to employ a terrorist's wife and his sons suffer discrimination at school. Can you take that away from us?"
I lose. It's my husband who has caused it. Looking at her, my answer towards Ethan grows. My anger towards myself grows.
"I can't. But I want to help your kids. " I open my purse and retrieve my cheque and write her five thousand dollars and pass it to her, "please accept this as a small token Emma. "
"Your NGO gives these large Cheques?" She asks me in surprise.
"Umm..no. It's my personal help. "
"No, I can't. Yes, I am in need but It's too much." She looks at her kids and then at me.
"Please, it's for your children. I am not doing it for you but for your kids and myself." I bite my lips. "You can return it when you can if you feel like it."
"But why?"
"Just a way to repent for my other sins. Maybe I will be able to forgive myself. Please."
She stares at me then takes it.
"You are a very kind person. I am sure you are so hard on yourself. Thank you so much. "
I take out my card and give to her, "I know you will use it to establish yourself. If you need any kind of need, don't hesitate to call."
When I leave a strange satisfaction to overtake me. A smile break which fades away soon.
It means its time for me now.
**
What do you think Angel is planning to do now? Let me know.
The next update will come out soon. Don't forget to leave a lot of love in the comments section.