Octavia's guide to the hell that is the English language
COMPETITION
/ˌkämpəˈtiSH(ə)n/
(n.)the activity or condition of competing.
(n.)the person or people with whom one is competing, especially in a commercial or sporting arena; the opposition.
⤷Alternate definition: Something Christian finally thought he had
⤷See also: Something Christian most definitely had.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The weight of the world had finally hit Octavia. She could no longer put anything on pause. Her parents were getting a divorce. She was losing her boyfriend. She had almost lost her best friend. And she had to deal with all of it massively hungover. She was at least lucky to have woken up in her bed for she heard the others didn't have the most ideal sleeping places.
Octavia, being the drunkest, ended the party abruptly after doing what she does best, which is passing out in the most dramatic way. She was put to bed immediately and everyone else settled in because absolutely no one was driving home.
Gwilym claimed that he found Rami slung across the patio furniture on the balcony, but Rami quickly denied that considering he had never been on the balcony that night. Lucy was snuggled up on the couch, Joe in their Recliner, and Ben spread out on the floor. The most shocking find from Gwilym, since he was the first to wake, was finding the blonde next to him in his bed. He decided not to deal with that, at least not right now at least.
He wanted Octavia to wake up last, he figured that would be the least awkward way to go. When he went to wake the others, he hovered momentarily over Joe, the smudged stain of Octavia's lipstick still lingered on his mouth. Gwilym shook his head in dismay. This wasn't the most outrageous thing she'd ever done, but playing with his best friends heart was definitely a first.
"Lucy, love, hey... hey...." Gwil gently shook her awake, being extra careful not to stir her abruptly.
"Gwil? Gwil... What time is it?" She barely shifted her head as she rubbed her eyes, smearing last nights mascara over her eyelids.
"It's noon. Look you better get up, I can get you some water if you want?" He whispered to her. And as he did he heard the ginger start to wake.
"Water would be great, thanks."
"I wasn't offering you water." Gwil emphasized on the you, and heard Joe groan.
"Water would be amazing, thank you."
"Could I have a glass too, mate?" Came a voice from somewhere in the corner.
"Jesus, Allen, I forgot you were here." Gwil jumped.
"Thanks mate." Allen said with a straight face. "Haven't heard that one before."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Gwil, being the amazing, responsible person that he was, woke everyone up and remedied their hangovers to the best of his abilities. He huddled everyone into the kitchen and didn't even notice that Octavia had walked down the steps, not realizing that everyone was still there.
"How are you so up right now? I heard you get up Gwil, don't you understand that it's only.... noon, oh." She said from the living room, looking at the clock hanging on the wall. She rubbed her eyes and headed for the kitchen island. Everyone shifted around uncomfortably as Octavia and Joe's eyes met.
They both remembered the events from last night. They weren't supposed to.
"I think I'm gonna head out." Joe pointed to the door and then ran his hand through his hair. His face expressionless.
"Hey Joe wait-" Octavia started and rushed over to the door to catch Joe before he exited. "I just... I wanted to say I'm sorry." She quieted her voice so that only Joe could hear here.
"Don't be sorry, it was sweet, I just wish that you would've been sober." He said dryly, not even making eye contact with her. "Also, I think I'm gonna take a rain check on today's practice." He commented, and then he was gone, and the door was closed quietly in her face. Slamming it probably would have hurt less.
She turned around slowly as everyone jerked their heads away from Octavia, pretending that they weren't eavesdropping. "I get it, I'm a walking disaster, you don't have to pretend like you don't notice." She stated and then quickly made her way back to her bedroom.
"Well, I think Lucy and I are going to take off, right Lucy?" Rami asked after a long pause of silence, pleading in his eyes for her to take a hint.
"Yeah, of course, let me grab my stuff." She caught on and turned to grab her shoes and purse in one hand, and took Rami's hand in the other, and left.
Gwilym noticed that Lucy had taken his hand, and he smiled at the fact that maybe something good did come out of last night. He hoped so at least.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When the rest had left, Gwil decided that maybe he should at least attempt to talk to his sister, even though he would probably just piss her off more.
He went to knock on her door, and just as he was about to he heard:
"Go away Gwilym. I'm not in the mood to talk." She sounded rougher than what she did ten minutes ago.
"You have to at least talk to someone." He rested his head on the door. She could be so difficult sometimes.
"Not you."
"I'm the only one here."
"Good thing I have a cellphone."
"And who are you going to call?"
"Fine, come in." He could hear her eyeroll.
When he walked into her room, he expected it to be typical Octavia: unmade bed, messed up closet, and dressers stacked with anything and everything. But to his surprise her room was immaculate.
"What the?" He looked around in awe.
"I couldn't sleep... I woke up at like three and I don't know..." She noticed his reaction.
"Are you sure you don't need help? Last night was-"
"Last night helped me." She shot back.
"There's no possible way that that helped you, I couldn't even begin to describe how awful-"
"I did what I felt was best."
"What's best is actually facing reality. Which you've never been good at." He added, not daring to actually look at her.
"Don't start with me, it's been really shitty lately and I needed a break." She huffed and sat up, resting her head on the palm of her hand.
"You don't think that I haven't been dealing with the same stuff? We live the same life, Octavia. Haven't you realized that?"
"No I guess I haven't, considering you're the perfect one and all." She rolled her eyes and tried to busy herself so she didn't have to listen to him anymore.
"Perfect one? I'm the easy one. I get dumped on, and then I hand it off. I don't get told stuff first because I'm the favorite, I get told stuff first because I can actually handle it."
"You have no right to be saying this to me... you have no idea what you're even talking about."
"Yes I do, actually. You're reckless. You don't give a damn about anyone else. You don't take anyone's feelings into consideration. You don't even-"
"Did you come in here to help me or to ridicule me?" She nearly shouted. "You don't think that I don't know that I'm a shitty person? I've tried Gwilym.... I tried and I just can't..." Her voice quieted. Her cheeks reddened and she became unbearably hot.
"Can't what, Octavia? Can't handle reality? Because trust me I know. Everyone knows that. You live in some fantasy world that isn't real. Wake up, Octavia. It doesn't get easier." Gwilym snapped at her.
"She died Gwilym! She died and I couldn't handle it. You want a tragic backstory? Well here it is." She full on shouted, her voice cracking in the process. "She died and I didn't know what to do, and Ethan was there and I thought he was helping me, and Amelia was gone and I... I didn't have anyone." Her voice hushed to a bare whisper, she couldn't get any more words out. Her eyes welled up as Gwilym pulled her into a bear hug, cradling her head.
"You had me." He whispered into her hair.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Gwilym was right. She needed to take off the rose colored glasses. Nothing was as perfect as she thought it was and it was the most terrifying thing she had ever experienced. She fabricated her own escape, and it was killing her. Last night didn't do the wonders she convinced herself it had, and she wondered how many other situations she had made like this. But how do you destroy the very thing you didn't even realize you had created?
God she hated when he was right.
She wanted to start small. Confronting her parents, she decided, would be the last thing she'd do. Starting off by patching things up with Christian seemed like a heavy step, but it was the easiest option.
If he'd answer his phone. She tried calling him six times already and each time they were declined, not sent to voicemail, but declined. Octavia was indeed relentless and would not give up until she heard his voice.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Calling Christian <3
connecting...
"You never were one to take no for an answer. What do you want?"
"I want you. I want to hear your voice. I want to see your face."
"And I want you to mean that. See the issue?"
"I do Christian, I do mean that. With every fiber of my being, I mean it."
"No you don't. I'm not dumb, Octavia. You're lying to me, the sad thing is, is that you can't fess up and admit it to yourself."
"Christian, I am not lying to you!"
"No, you're lying to yourself, Octavia. You have feelings for him. I know you do. At least I can face the truth."
"He is my friend, Christian. I don't know how else I can prove to you that-"
"Friends aren't that eager to get into each other's pants either. You see what you want to see, Octavia. You try and rationalize everything so that it's okay when it's not. You're delusional, can't you at least see that?"
"You're not listening to me I-"
"Oh trust me I'm listening, I have listened. What I don't get is that you're a fucking psychology major and you can't even figure out what's wrong with you. That's pretty pathetic isn't it? You deny and repress all of your issues so that you can continue living your perfect lifestyle like nothing ever happened. You're sick Octavia, you need help."
"Christian I- I- I'm so sorry I can't even... I don't even... I-"
"Don't apologize to me, you know exactly what you did, and now it's backfiring so you're trying to make it okay. You're not sorry for what happened, you're sorry because you got caught. Take a good look in the mirror Octavia, and then call me when you've finally realized how fucked up you are."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She was speechless. Completely and utterly speechless. Octavia held the phone to her ear long after Christian had hung up, letting his words sink in right through her skin and all the way to her bones. The loud dial tone finally snapped her back to reality, and when she processed his words, she had no tears left to cry.
Isolation was always her go to. She had no one to call, no one to talk to. Or at least she had no one who would tell her what she actually wanted to hear. she was confused and scared, and for the first time in awhile, alone. She had shut out so many bad things, she had shut herself out altogether.
Was she forgetting who she was? Or was she so long gone that she couldn't even find the real Octavia? These are the questions that kept her up at night, and even though they terrified her, she kept them around as a form of personal torture. Insane right?
She needed a plan B. Clearly confrontation was not the way to go. Gwil had always told her she never talked to anyone about anything. She bottled up too much shit and that's why she's so convinced everyone hates her. She never believed him, until other people started realizing it. So maybe just talking to someone would help her.
But who the hell was going to listen to her.
She could think of someone, but unfortunately she totally fucked that up, like she always seemed to do. God, if only her actions didn't have consequences. She thought she'd give it a shot though, the least he could do is say no, right?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
IMESSAGE
Octavia (Tavi =])
Joe (Ginger🍊)
Tavi =]
Still hate me or can we talk?
Ginger🍊
Never hated you
and yes
Meet up?
Tavi =]
How far are you from Hyde?
Sorry, I don't know where you are staying.
Ginger🍊
Not far, Ben and I have been trying to stay close to film sights
Tavi =]
Great, see you in an hour?
Ginger🍊
See you in an hour
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Octavia released the breath she had been holding, along with all of her worries that she could've lost Joe forever. God how awkward that would've been. But of course it already was awkward. Could this get any worse?
Duh, of course it could. Joe could've picked any ending from any book, but lucky for her he decided to turn the page and write the next chapter.
Don't ruin this, she thought to herself, shoving down all of her worries and racking a brush through her hair. Do not ruin this.
But hey, it's better to speak than to never speak at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
AN:: here's a small chapter that I thought was ~necessary for character development~. But oh to be as forgiving as Joe is, grudge? Never heard of her. But anyway, the plot thickens.... oh well see y'all in the next chapter🤧
Ps:: I made TWO references in this chapter and I hope y'all recognize them!!
🦖🦖