Update two for today!
Enjoy! And don't forget to VOTE and COMMENT! <3
-luckycharms <3
P.S. There will be one more very short update tomorrow :)
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After another few weeks, it was time for my parents to leave. I had gotten much better, and though I would have loved for them to have stayed, they were needed back at home. Seeing them go, as always, upset me, but I was happy to know that it was so much easier for them to come back now. Having this seperate home... It made things easier. Aaryan even had multiple extra rooms built just so that my family could stay comfortably. And we had a kitchen where my mother could cook, and an open area where children could play. Aaryan even had a large garden set up for me, which my father quite liked tending to while he was here.
This home, though still massive and bigger than any home anyone could ever have at the village, was much more homely than the palace... much more comfortable.
So I did not cry this time, as they left. This time, I happily told them to come back soon, and my parents happily said they would. And I knew they would.
After they left, I was officially considered to be better. I was walking around on my own, I had gained most of my weight back, and Lord Suryadevan and Lord Vinthan were coming to see me, so they could update me on what they had done for the education plans while I was ill.
They had done a fantastic job in my absence. It seemed like everything was continuing to run smoothly.
I was still in contact with Aayu, of course, and I had also heard from a maid that he had apparently tried to come see me when I was ill. Of course, the King refused to let him enter the capital. Aaryan was, of course, angered by this, but was not talking to his father so did not say anything to him.
Me? Well... I was sad.
I wanted to see Aayu, of course, but it seemed like everyone's egos were too large for that. Everyone's but Aayu's. Of course, I wrote to him as soon as I woke up... and he wrote back. He said he was perfectly fine, though I suppose I would never know for sure unless I saw him in person.
Hopefully that would be sooner rather than later... and since his wedding to that girl was coming up, I assumed it would be sooner.
By the time I was pretty much back to normal, I was heading over to the palace every morning with my children and my maids. It seemed that everyone was happy to see me, especially when I returned to preparing meals for the servants. It seemed that in my absence, the kitchen staff had reverted back to a plain, simple rice and a bland curry. They even stopped serving breakfast.
I felt the need to scold the staff when I returned for their laziness. It was the first time I had ever really scolded anyone while I was here, but I felt like it needed to be done... especially since their willingness to set my instructions aside came from the fact that everyone knew that the King was unhappy with Aaryan.
Maybe they felt that there was no need to serve the wife of the Prince who was fighting with their King.
Or maybe I was looking into this too deeply.
So after scolding them, and then setting things back on track, it didn't take long for things to go back to normal at the palace... normal for the most part.
Weeks passed, Maya grew, the Maharajah continued to conflict with Aaryan and in effect, had not spoken to me either. When I saw him, he was nod his head at me, but other than that, we exchanged no words. He did not check on me, he did not even come to check on Maya and Aathavan.
That was what bothered me.
I understood that he could be upset with me... but not my children, who had done nothing wrong. And Maya... he had claimed so many times to have wanted a daughter, and now he had the next best things. A granddaughter. Yet he never came to see her once.
So yes, though I told Aaryan multiple times that he should move past his anger and work with his father, I couldn't help but be a hypocrite and be angry with him myself.
One can imagine, then, how surprised I was, that as Maya approached seven months, a guard came to me and told me the Maharajah wanted to see me.
I was on my daily walk with my maid friends and my children. Aathavan, who was turning two soon, was holding tightly onto my hand while I held his little sister in my other. The guard approached me with a smile, as they often did these days, and bowed low. "My Princess," the older man said. "The Maharajah requests for your presence in his office?"
I hesitated. "Is something wrong?"
"No, my Princess," the guard said. "The Maharajah simply wishes to talk to you. Of what matters, I am unsure of."
I smiled at the man. "Thank you," I said. "I'll come now."
I said goodbye to my maids and then followed the guard down the halls. Aathavan, who had grown quite fond of the warriors thanks to Aaryan's decision to take Aathu with him to training, let go of my hand and chased after the guard, strutting behind the man, who slowed down for him.
I smiled at the sight, happy to see the warriors act so kindly with Aathu. Aathu was no longer a babbler. He was talking now, asking plenty of questions about everything. I noticed that most warriors liked to entertain his questions, playing along and answering his every 'why?'
It blew my mind to see how kind warriors were. We had always seen them as brutes... sometimes brainless brutes. Though, I don't think we were necessarily wrong, especially when it came to the ones back at the Western Fort.
Aaryan told me that the Aathikaran warriors were trained differently. He said that under him and Lakshmanan, warrior training was, in a sense, an art form. An artform that incorporated physical contact. Aaryan said that every day, they would have a session of wrestling. It was competitive and challenging and involved men bringing each other to the brink of death... at least until someone had had enough and surrendered, or the general in charge would end it and declare a winner themselves.
When Aaryan explained this to me, I could not understand how he was going to mold this to explain why the Warriors of Aathikara were so kind. How could wrestling, and bringing your peers to the edge of death, lead to kindness? But when he continued, I was shocked.
Lakshmanan, in his youth, had travelled the region with his father and discovered an Eastern way of training that developed stronger, wiser and more compassionate men, and when he received a position that meant something, he incorporated that into the training regiment of our men.
Physical contact.
That's all it took.
Every day, men would wrestle each other, forced into extremely close proximity with one another. There would be skin to skin contact. You could feel your opponents warmth. You could feel their heart beating. You could feel their life.
And this simple, daily practice, changed the men of Aathikara.
Aaryan said that men, especially those who are trained to be warriors from such a young age, are deprived of physical contact. They are meant to be strong, cold, stone like, and cruel. They became cold hearted killers and those were the men who, for years, were deemed to be the best warriors.
But now that he was much older, he knew that that was not the case.
Aaryan wanted noble, honorable men who fought for the nation they loved, not simply because they wanted to kill. Those were the loyal ones. Those were the ones that Aaryan could trust to protect his life, and his families life, and the life of everyone in this nation.
And thanks to Lakshmanan, they had discovered that all it took was the daily reminder that they were all humans. The feeling of skin-to-skin contact, the warmth, the sound of your opponents beating heart, that was all you needed to remember that everyone you dealt with, during war and outside of war, were all humans.
You give these men a chance to, with their hands, bring another man to the brink of death and then, just in time, you let them make the decision to let go. It creates wisdom, trust, and honesty. Wisdom because you are forced to read the other man's expression and movements, forced to know if and when he has had enough. Trust because you are handing your life over to your opponent, and trusting that they will ultimately keep you safe. And honestly, because you need to force yourself to understand yourself. Yourself and your own body. You need to be honest with yourself, pushing aside any ego or anger or jealousy or anything, and know when to stop, whether you are winning or losing.
And through all of this, you have the development of a man who so patiently entertains the thoughts and ideas and questions of a two year old.
It was quite remarkable to hear Aaryan explain this, and though the thought of my son taking part in something like this made me fearful, I knew, that if it made him a better man one day, it was essential.
Finding myself deep in thought, I had not noticed that we had arrived until Aathavan started knocking hard on his grandfather's door and my father-in-law invited us in with his deep voice.
The guard opened the door for us and let us in, before shutting the door behind us.
Aathavan walked right over to his grandfather with a big smile, his innocence evident. Though the Maharajah had not spoken to him in a while, my son seemed to not notice the tension between the adults. Or at the very least, he did not care.
The tired looking Maharajah smiled warmly before lifting Aathavan into his arms. He let out an exaggerated grunt that made the boy laugh. "You've grown so much heavier. What are your parents feeding you?"
Aathavan chuckled. "Today I eat lots. Today I eat eggs and rice and cakes and sweets and-"
"A lot," the Maharajah agreed, wisely cutting Aathavan off, seeming to know well that he would go on and on if you let him.
Aathavan nodded eagerly. "Want me to tell?"
"How about you tell me after I speak with Amma?"
He nodded again. I always praised Aathavan for his patience, so he knew it was good to be patient.
"You've decided to speak to me again?" I asked, only half joking.
The Maharajah looked at me, his smile fading into a small frown. I seemed to realize at that moment that he wanted to speak about serious topics. So I hesitated, before dropping my eyes down onto Aathavan. "Aathu, can you watch Maya for me?"
Aathu, who loved his sister dearly, nodded excitedly. "I can, I can!"
The King set him down and Aathavan followed me to one side of the room where I put down Maya, who was crawling now. She sat up and whined a little, but settled down when Aathavan sat next to her and started talking away.
When I stood up, I watched them for a moment and when I deemed that everything was okay, I turned and walked back over to the King. He gestured at the couch, which is where I sat, and then he sat down next to me.
"You look well," the King said. "It seems like your health has completely returned to you?"
"For the most part, yes," I said. "The presence of my parents helped a lot."
He nodded. "They stayed with you there for quite some time, I heard?"
"Yes," I smiled. "I felt a little guilty to have worried them so much."
"Parents are meant to worry," he said.
I stayed silent but nodded slowly.
"I'm sure you understand that well now," he continued, looking over at my children.
This beating around the bush was getting a little too much. "Maharajah," I started. "You were quite welcome to come see your grandchildren while I was ill."
He smiled. "I'm not entirely sure I was."
I furrowed my brows.
"Has Aaryan not mentioned why he is so upset with me?"
I hesitated. "He has not been specific, no," I said. "He mentioned you two had a disagreement."
The King sighed. "When you were ill, we were quite certain you were going to die. We had a doctor check you and he reported back to me that you would not make it. Though your body was fighting, he made it clear that you would starve to death because you were not eating while unconcious."
I nodded. I was told people thought that.
"What the doctor failed to note was the persistence of your family... and my son. He failed to note that your parents were feeding you, drop by drop so you would not choke, consistently and without complaining."
Every time someone brought that up I would have to hold back tears, remembering how truly blessed I really was.
"It was not entirely enough, but at the same time, it was... and we did not consider that. Frankly, we did not consider it because we have never seen a love like that before, here, in the palace."
It was another one of those odd statements, like the ones that Aaryan often made. The ones that made them seem so cruel and cold and heartless. Was he saying that he would not fight for his child's life if he could?
As if he had read my mind, he continued: "We are a warrior clan... we are used to not fighting for those on the brink of death. When in the middle of battle... sometimes we have no time to."
I frowned. I wanted to argue with him, but chose otherwise. He was not Aaryan... I couldn't just argue with the Maharajah.
After a moment of watching my face, he continued after a sigh. "We had tried to get Aaryan to prepare to marry another, in the case of your death, which we had deemed certain."
I looked at the Maharajah with shock. "What..."
He nodded. "He was, undeniably, infuriated."
Of course.
I looked away. I wasn't shocked just because it was my husband that they had told to remarry. Of course, that upset me. But just the indecency and insensitive nature of those words. What if I had died? They would not let him mourn? They would stuff marriage down his throat before he even had a chance to mourn? We had two children too. Would they not even have given him a chance to explain to them what my death had meant?
"The gods seem to favour you, Seetha," he said.
"And you all seem to be unhappy with that."
My words seem to upset him. "Seetha, I am not your enemy," he said. "Really, I am not."
"I wish I could see it that way too," I said. "I respect you, Maharajah, and admire you, but you have hurt me... and Aaryan-"
"Hurt you?" The Maharajah scoffed before getting up and walking to the entrance of the giant open balcony behind his desk. He looked out of it, standing just at the entrance so he was not too far away, and I knew he went there so I would not see his face. Aaryan did the same thing often, when we fought... if he did not want me to see his face he would just walk away and keep his back towards me.
I wondered what emotions the Maharajah was hiding right then.
He stayed silent for a moment, before speaking. "I know what it feels like to not be able to be with the woman you truly love," he said, surprising me. "And I wanted more than anything for Aaryan to not feel that pain."
He was telling me about Lady Suhanya.
I felt shock in me, surprised he would even bring it up.
He turned his head slightly, though he still didn't look at me. "I know you know the story," he said. "Suhanya mentioned your observations to me. She called you a keen-eyed storyteller."
I felt a little nervous now, not knowing what to say.
"I must admit, I was upset with her for sharing... but I always felt that I was in no place to tell her what to do with her feelings." He paused. "Not after everything that happened."
"Do you..." I hesitated, hoping that I would not cross any lines. "Do you... still love her?"
"Of course I do," he said. He then sighed. "I love my wife too, but it is a different kind of love. A dutiful sort... she is the mother of my children, after all. But Suhanya is my own... she has and always will have my heart."
I nodded slowly, feeling sorry for him. What a complicated situation.
"Being forced to abandon the one you love... while they are alive, and healthy, and unhappy... it taints you," he said. "It turns a part of your heart into stone... an important part. And I always assumed that that was why I could not look at my sons and feel the kind of unbreakable love that I know Aaryan feels when he looks at his children."
My brows rose.
"I did not bear children because I wanted them... the action was not of love, or kindness, or warmth. It was out for duty. I was the Crown Prince, married to the daughter of one of the wealthiest of nobles." He took a deep breath. "I hated her... initially," he continued. "My wife, I mean. I hated her, blamed her and was cold to her... I never said anything or did anything, of course. But sometimes saying nothing and doing nothing is just as bad as speaking curses and throwing blows. And maybe my failure to be a good husband to her from the very beginning is the reason why we were such bad parents... a failure of a team."
"And then, of course, though I hated her and blamed her and was cold to her, it was my duty to have a son... so we had a son. And the birth of Aaryan did not bring me as much pleasure as it should have. Instead it brought me relief. It brought me relief that I had fulfilled one of my major duties. I had solidified our claim to the throne with a son," though I could not see his face, I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Frankly, my father's death brought me more pleasure than Aaryan's birth had."
I blinked.
Suddenly, so much about Aaryan and his feelings made sense.
I knew how the story would progress. The King had changed, clearly, but Aaryan was born into such coldness. A mother who was scorned for something that was not her fault, and a broken hearted father who could not really love him.
His beginning... was filled with such... displeasure.
"But... you brought Lady Suhanya back," I said, my voice surprising me by dropping to a whisper.
"I did," he said. "As soon as my father died. It was the most selfish thing I had ever done, but it was a good decision."
It was certainly selfish. I could not imagine how difficult it would have been for her to see him with another woman... with children.
"If Suhanya had not returned... I believe all my sons would have been much like Aarun... selfish and self centered and strong... but irresponsible. He was the only one that Suhanya did not influence, simply because at his birth, my wife had refused to allow her to care for him... unhappy with how attached Aaryan had gotten to the old lover of her husband. She demanded for a different nurse, and so she got a different nurse," he said. "I did not mind at the time... not knowing the difference it would make."
I suppose Aarun made complete sense now too.
"It was Suhanya who changed me," the King sighed once more as he turned to face me again. "Seeing her have the ability to love my sons... though they were the children of the man she loved and another woman... she made me realize how weak I was. How weak, and pathetic. And it was this understanding of the mistakes I made in my youth... it was because of that that I wanted more than anything to give Aaryan what he wanted, even if what he wanted was a peasant girl from the West."
He walked back towards me and sat down again, looking at me with a serious look. "I never wanted Aaryan to ever feel what I felt. I never wanted him to have to throw aside love for duty. I never wanted him to look at his children with displeasure. I never wanted him to grow old and feel like he has failed his children though he thought that everything he was doing was the right thing."
"When I saw the love in his eyes when he first spoke of you, that was when I knew I would have my chance to do right by him. And when I saw his happiness as he married you, I too felt a real joy for the first time in a long time. When you became pregnant with Aathavan, I felt his excitement. And when I saw the way he looked at both your children... the way he continues to look at them... I feel like I have given him the life that he deserves. After the way it started... Aaryan deserves everything good."
I felt tears well up in my eyes. Of course he did. Of course he deserves everything good.
"My son has become the husband and father that I could never be, and I am nothing but proud of him for that. He is a good husband. He is a good father."
I nodded. "Then why..."
The Maharajah knew what I was going to ask.
Why do you make him feel like it is not enough?
"Because Aaryan is not just a husband and a father," he said. "He is the future King."
For some reason, those words sent a shiver through me.
"He is not a normal man, where being a good father and husband is enough. It will never be enough," he said. "He can love you and he can love his children, but we live in a kingdom where if he puts you and your children over the throne then it will bring his downfall."
I shook my head. How?
"I will be honest with you... because it seems that you are the only one with the ability to talk some sense into the boy," he said. "We live in a Kingdom where we must appease the nobles. My grandfather made it that way, when he chose that his means of influencing the houses to join us in conquering would be to reward them with land and money. Though my grandfather was greedy, he expanded Chandraba like no King before or after him, but at the same time, he created families of strong, greedy nobles. The noble families have influence. They have land. They have power. And they have learned to ally with each other to get what they want."
I felt sick.
Those people made me sick.
"And right now, these nobles are allying with each other to go against Aaryan."
In an instant, I felt my heart drop into my stomach. "What?"
The King nodded. "They do not trust Aaryan anymore. They do not believe that Aaryan will serve their interests-"
"Their interests?" I scoffed. "He would be a good king! To all the people that matter!"
"That does not matter, Seetha," he said. "If Aaryan wants to be Maharajah then he must appease the nobles. Appeasing the nobles comes first. That is how we maintain control. It is only after we maintain control... that is when we focus on everything else."
I stood up, glowering. "Do you know how often and with how much effort all these peasants pray for your well being?" I asked, forgetting that my children were so close by. "How much they love you, though they do not know you? Can you tell me that your nobles feel the same way?"
"Of course they don't, Seetha," he said. "But not everything is so black and white-"
"You are the King," I hissed. "What use are you if you cannot put your foot down in the face of these nobles."
The King did not look offended. "Putting my foot down means shedding blood. A lot of blood. You remember what happened in the west, when Aaryan decided to 'put his foot down'?"
I did.
He killed the noble.
"Do you think that Aaryan is going to sit back and let this happen?"
"No," I said. "Which is exactly why I wanted to talk to you. I want you to talk to him. To get him to listen." he said. "I want Aaryan to be my heir more than anyone else. I am fighting for him. Aarun is nowhere near prepared."
"Aarun?" I gawked. "Aarun is the alternative?"
"He is second born."
"You, the king, are entertaining your nobles, who propose that Aarun should replace Aaryan?" I asked. "Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?"
"And if I do not try to entertain them it could lead to a civil war!" The King said, loudly. He didn't shout it, but it was loud enough for my children to look over at us, worried expressions on their faces.
And of course, Maya began to cry.
I didn't run over to her immediately. I just stared at the king. "He has worked day and night to prepare to be King... to make things right... to prove himself. I have seen his efforts, his struggles... his exhaustion. He puts everything into his work and it is only what he has left that he spares for us," I said. "This knowledge will break him."
"Then help him do the right thing, Seetha," he said. "I have tried, and I have failed."
I could not understand what the right thing was. To grovel at the feet of the nobles? To beg for their forgiveness?
I felt absolutely sick.
Maybe because I knew deep down that this was not going to end well.