That whole night was quiet. Fletcher only woke us up twice and I moved Mikey from the floor to the couch but he stayed asleep. He's still at Gerard's, recovering. He hasn't done anything since then but he's been crying a lot and shaking too. He'll get there. Mikey's strong. I can tell.
Tonight is the dance. It felt like it would never come. Gerard called me to let me know he got our costumes and I can already tell from the excitement in his voice that it is going to embarrass the living shit out of me, but he will definitely enjoy it. Mikey's asleep on Gerard's bed, he hasn't been sleeping much so it's good to hear his snoring.
There's a quiet knock on the door and I stand up to answer it. Gerard walks in with a pink, frilly costume that I recognize. He also has a black military jacket with whitish grey embellishments. He passes me the dress. He actually got the Marie outfit from the fucking drama department. I'm going to be in a dress and he gets to dress up as the Nutcracker. Why did I agree to this? I walk into the bathroom and check out everything he just gave me. There's a corset, probably to make me have some kind of curves, ballet slippers, the dress that looks kinda like a nightgown, pink tights, pink silk underwear, and a frilly pink collar. I don't think the corset or the collar were original parts of this outfit. I do my best to attach the corset around my waist, pulling it as tight as I can stand and I tie it. I pull the underwear on. I slip on the dress over the corset and pull the tights over my underwear. If anybody recognizes me, I'm going to shoot myself. The things I do for love... I mean, people. The things I do for people. I put on the shoes and start tying them up my legs. He better appreciate this.
I walk out of the bathroom, pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. I bite my lip as I look up from the floor. I see Gerard cover his face with his hands in excitement.
"I like this... I like this a lot," he marvels. I do a twirl and he smirks.
"I'm gonna go get dressed now and we'll go, okay?" Gerard says. I nod. I start playing with the sleeves of the dress when he walks out of the bathroom, his lips have lines to his chin, like a doll. The military jacket looks amazing on him. He walks over to me.
"You forgot this," he whispers, placing the collar around my neck.
"Now just let me..." He starts but trails off as he starts to put some makeup on me. He sticks his tongue out as he concentrates on what he's doing.
"There," he says, leaning back. He smiles. He picks me up into my arms and swings me around.
"Put me down!" I shout, laughing. I pound at his back until he sets me down.
"Hey," he says. What? I look in the direction he is and see Mikey rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
"What is Frank wearing?" Mikey asks, furrowing his eyebrows.
"School thing. He's going as Marie from the Nutcracker," Gerard explains.
"Do you need to come with us?" Gerard asks. Mikey shakes his head and checks on Fletcher.
"Are you sure?" Gerard double checks. Mikey nods and picks up his son. Gerard and I leave soon after.
When we get to the school, we most definitely are not the only ones dressed up as Marie and the Nutcracker, although most girls are dressed as the Sugar Plum Fairy. Probably because they wanted to be able to wear something a little tighter. The music from the original ballet is playing and there are nutcracker dolls all over the school on the way to the gymnasium. In the gym, the ceiling has snowflakes hanging down. The room has a light blue tint but its still pretty dark in here. If nobody looks too much, nobody should notice me. I wrap my arms around Gerard's neck for one of the slower songs, I don't know any of them but they're all gonna be odd to dance to. What the fuck kinda school does this? Gerard's hands slide down my waist, resting just above my ass.
"Don't you get enough of it regularly?" I ask him jokingly.
"You can never get enough ass," he replies.
We continue dancing together to the music but it eventually speeds up, rendering me completely useless when it comes to dancing. I push myself from his arms to go look for something to drink. I back up into someone. I turn around and see Ryan. Oh fuck.
"Frank? Is that you?" He asks.
"Uh no. My name is Sheila," I reply, unfortunately I say it with a deeper voice than I meant to.
"Why the fuck are you dressed like that?" He laughs.
"Boyfriend," I say.
"He's here? Can I meet him?" Ryan asks.
"No!" I shout.
"Are you embarrassed by him?"
"Oh God, no."
"Then why can't I meet him?"
"He's shy," I reply. A pair of arms wrap around my waist and lips press against my neck, above the collar.
"Who's this?" It's not Ryan's voice who says it, it's Gerard's.
"This is Ryan," I mumble. Gerard reaches his hand forward and gives Ryan's a shake.
"I'm Frank's boyfriend, Gerard." Is he crazy? What is he doing? Gerard starts rubbing my shoulder.
"Relax, I've got this," he whispers in my ear before kissing my head.
"What school do you go to?" Gerard asks Ryan.
"The one on the other side of town," Ryan replies.
"You must be here with one of the students, right? Who's got you as an accessory?" Gerard asks.
"Brendon Urie. Do you know him?"
"I know that kid inside out. He was a great fuck," Gerard says. My body tenses and his grip on my shoulders tighten. Ryan looks from me back to Gerard before taking a big gulp.
"Good to know," he replies and walks away. I turn to Gerard.
"What the fuck was that?" I shout.
"He was the one you were with, he needed to know I don't fuck around," Gerard replies. I feel anger swell inside of me and I try to push Gerard away. He lifts me over his shoulder and carries me out of the gym. He carries me to his classroom and locks the door behind us. He sets me down and pushes me against the wall. My breath catches in my throat.
"I know you get off on fear. You're probably so hard right now," he whispers in my ear before licking it. The worst part is, he's right. I'm incredibly horny right now. My heart is racing and my outfit feels tighter. He grabs me by the shoulders and starts pulling the costume off. His fingers dance on my skin as the fabric disappears. His hands trail down my sides knocking the material away from my skin and letting it fall to the floor. He gets down on his knees as he reaches my hips. He moves his fingers to the tights that were underneath and begins to roll them off, the only things left on me are the ballet slippers, a pair of underwear and an annoying lace corset. His hand squeezes my thigh before slowly moving down, lifting my leg to his shoulder. He starts undoing the silky ribbon that's wrapped around my calf and he slides the shoe to the floor. He kisses my foot and runs his hand up my leg, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. He moves onto the other foot, repeating what he just did. His hands are warm against my skin as everything I had on disappears. Goosebumps rise on my skin as he touches me. He stands up and I slide my hands under the shoulders of his military jacket, letting it slide off his arms. He pushes me against the wall with his whole body and presses his lips to mine. He buries his fingers in my hair, tugging it. His hand runs through my hair and stops near my ear, I can feel the sweat from his palm as it drags near my cheek. His movements are rough as his hands grip my hips. He rolls his hips into mine, looking for some friction. I push his pants down until they pool around his ankles and he kicks them away. His kisses are hungry as his hands undo the corset, letting it tumble to the floor. His fingers find the lace elastic band of the underwear and he slides them off of me. I find the hem of his black shirt and pull it over his head. He slides his boxers off and takes a second to stare at me. There's a fire burning in his eyes and it's somewhere between lust and lunacy. His fingers touch my face sending chills to course through my body. His lips meet mine again and his teeth come out to play. He pulls my legs around his waist and positions himself. He pushes into me and I moan, my mouth opening, giving him the opportunity to tug on my lower lip. He holds me up as he moves in and out of me repeatedly. His touch is electric, sending shocks through me. I can still hear music from the dance and I know that in this moment, he could do anything to me and nobody would know. Why does that thought sound so hot? It scares me but not as much as it turns me on. I close my eyes as he thrusts into me. I run my fingers through his short white hair, as his hand touches my chest. He slides it up around my neck and begins to squeeze. His grip is tight enough to leave marks. He blocks my ability to breathe and I begin gasping for air. He kisses my lips and loosens his grip momentarily. His fingers tighten again but I trust him. I gasp for air and tilt my head back as he continues to move inside of me. I begin to feel lightheaded and it must be obvious because he let's go of my neck and goes back to supporting my legs.
"Gerard," I moan, my voice rough from the choking.
"Frank, I-i love you," he whispers in my ear. Shivers run down my spine.
"Frank," he groans, releasing. He starts panting. I squeeze my eyes shut and moan as he pulls out. I come and he sets my legs down.
"I love you too," I pant.
"Good," he laughs, running his hand through his sweaty hair. He pulls his clothes back on but I just slip on the dress and the underwear. I pick up the tights and the corset and walk over to the cabinet in his class. I throw them in there and close it.
"I don't want to put that back on. It was hell when I wasn't full of sweat," I say, tying the shoes around my legs. He laughs and grabs my hand. We leave the school and head to his place.
When we get back his place, Mikey is laying on the couch watching a movie. I walk into the bathroom and strip myself. I turn on the shower and step inside. This whole day has basically just told me how exhausting this relationship is. Is it even worth it? I feel like we've gone too far but its never too late to go back, is it? Why can't this be easy? I'm just so scared. I'm tired of feeling afraid. Why does he scare me so much?
---------------------