Sia - deer caught in the headlights
But I can't move until I choose
I need a crystal ball
I'm falling apart
And I can't take anymore
Standing at the crossroads
There's no right answer
Evernly Miller
My life is a complete joke. I use to think that it is a tragedy but no I stand corrected. Turns out my life is a joke. I never chose to be here. I never asked for any of this but somehow I always end up right here. In the eye of a storm.
How can so much chaos happen in one day? How can my life crumble on just a day? Oh how I wish someone could explain this to me. Is everyone's life so screwed up or is it just mine.
It's like looking in a future mirror. She looks exactly like me. Or I look exactly like her. Details don't matter right now because I feel like my brain is about to blow up.
How could she be my mother?
The right way to tell a story is to start it from the beginning right? But i don't know the beginning. I dont know when this all started but I know I'm about to go into shock right now. I just ran from another problem to another bombshell. How ironic, right?
Let me start from the beginning. Or at least what I think is the beginning. Getting pregnant was never part of my plan. But hey, when has anything ever went according to my plan. A mother denied me. Abused me. Then raped. That's the story of my life.
Why am I so upset? No, I'm not upset. I'm frustrated, I'm pissed. But why you ask? Let me tell you. In fact let me take you to two hours ago. I wished I never hopped on Mason's car.
2 hours earlier.
Mason has been driving for three minutes now. I keep looking behind to see if we're being followed. I'm pretty sure I look like a deranged person. I'm not sure if am not deranged at this point.
"Are we all gonna pretend that didn't just happen." I snap my eyes to Mason who just hit the breaks. "It did happen right?"
Poor Mason looks confused as he'll and I'm in no mood to explain myself right now.
"Okay, Eve. Please explain to us why are you like that." Zac calmly says. His calm persona reminds me of Linkin's and Sage's.
As he says that I catch a glimpse of myself in the review mirror. And to say I look horrible would be a big understatement. My hair is sticking in every direction. My eyes are swollen and red. I have dried tears down my cheeks.
Oh yeah! I look like a ray of sunshine.
I take that moment to look at my outfit. To add at being barefoot. I'm wearing pyjama shorts and a tank top. Don't judge I didn't foresee myself running down the street. I didn't even plan on leaving Alora's room.
"Uh-um." I stutter. How do I explain my deranged behavior.
"I mean I've seen people going crazy." Mason start again. "Are you going crazy. Do you hear voices in your head?"
"No." I say a little bit defensive.
"So what is it?" Mason rushes out.
"I'm running from someone." I say slowly. Zac's back tenses.
"Is someone chasing you?" Zac panics and goes on full alert mode.
"Uh-um, yes and no." I rub the back of my neck nervously. "I have a fight with my brother. " I start explaining to them.
And that's how I ended up in Zac's arms crying for the 100th time today. They way he holds me reminds me of Sage and that makes me cry even more because I'm running from him too. I hate how I find Mason's voice so soothing right now. How easy it was for him to call me.
I hate how butterflies erupted when he hugged me. I hate that I hugged him back. Is it wrong that I blame it on the hormones. Is it wrong that I enjoyed his comfort. Yes it was.
When I finally calmed down. They decided to take me out for ice cream. And they are stuck with me not able to choose a simple flavour.
"I just can't choose. Okay." I sigh in frustration. How can there be so many flavours. I want them all.
"Just choose one." Mason growl. I turn and glare at him. My glare must have been scary because he raised his hands in surrender.
"So many flavours." I drooled as I look at them. Lately I've realised how much of a sucker I am for ice cream. I'd wake Alora at 2 am just to get me one.
Hormones. My heart clench as I remember my time with Alora and I clench again as I remember her betrayal.
"I want the chocolate chip." I finally decide. Both Mason and Zac release their breath. "No wait. The cookies dough. The rocky road. That's it the rocky road."
"Finally." Zac clap his hands.
"No wait. I-." I start but I hear groans.
"Oh come on." They both complain. "How hard it is to choose a flavor." Mason complains.
"We've been standing here for over twenty minutes. Please choose one." Zac adds.
And that's how I ended up with ten different ice cream and I couldn'tbe any happier.
"Where to now?" Our driver, Mason asks.
"Anywhere. I don't wanna go back just yet." I take another spoon full of chocolate.
"I have to relieve Grace of her duties." Zac starts. "I'm on babysitting duty so I can go."
"Don't worry I'll be with her." Mason says.
"No." Zac rushed out. "I don't want you with her alone. Drop us off at my house."
"Oh that's how it is?" Mason muse. I can hear them but this ice cream is too scrumptious to give my opinion. "What about your mom?"
"She won't be back until tomorrow night." Zac answer in a matter of fact.
"You okay with that Evernly?" Mason asks but I have a feeling that he wanted me to say no.
But I'd rather be with Zac over Mason any day. At least I know Zac won't try to kiss me because he thinks of me as his sister. But with Mason. I don't trust myself around Mason.
I nod and he show a little disappointed before he drives towards what I assume is Zac's house.
He drop us off and I only have 6 buckets of ice cream to go over.
The moment I look up from my ice cream I gasp. Zac's house is beautiful. It has a character. And you've guessed it. It's a mansion. No wait, it's a castle. I don't know how he can be humble coming from a house like this. It's like one of those castles you see from Harry potter's movie but only a bit model.
I walk inside the house while still marveling every antic, picture. I complement the house and he tells me how it belong to his grandparents. He also inform me that they died about three ago and I apologize.
I feel out of place in my outfit and barefoot because the house is so breath taking.
"Let me take these from you." An elderly woman says taking my containers. I give it to her.
After a moment she comes back. She smiles warmly at me and show me to a room to get a shower. Again I marvel the room. It's so big, like the first floor of my house.
I realise that this is a girl's room. It's painted in light pink and lavender. The furniture is white and the curtains match the bed set which is pink.
The lady which is Suzan direct me to bathroom and show me a closet to choose what to wear.
What is mind blowing is how she treats me like I'm part of the family. How can I choose clothes in a closet that isn't mine. I remember Zac telling me he has a sister which is my age that they lost. I guess this is her room. They're hoping someday they'll find her.
Zac assures me that it's fine I can choose whichever clothes. And after a while of protesting I give in and choose a white tank top, pink sweatpants and grey sleeper. I can't help but feel like I'm violating something.
After all that I make my way downstairs where I'm hugged by two overly excited twins.
"I didn't believe him when he said you're here." I don't know if it's Alex or Ben that exclaim. I haven't seen him in so long that I forgot who is who.
"That jerk lied to us about bringing you here so many time." I just laugh because honestly I don't know what to say.
"I'm here now, ain't I?" I laugh more.
"You're not leaving ever." They both hugged me. I awkwardly hug them back.
We end up playing lots of game. Mostly they ask question. Weird question like where have I been. Zac rushed to cover up but I know something is going on there but I'm too emotionally drained to dig up.
"No. I'm Alex. He's Ben." The boy with hazel eyes and blond hair cries.
"Honestly, how could our own sister not know us." Ben dramatically says.
"I'm hurt right now." Alex exaggerate. Zac laughs at me.
"Don't worry you'll get the hang of it." Zac comforts me. He says it like I'm here to stay. "And don't let them pull one over you." He laughs. "The blonde is Ben and the one with black hair is Alex."
I turn to them and gasp. Those sneaky little devils. I glare at them and they smile sheepishly. Oh those smile. How could one not fall for those. Zac laughs at me and stands up.
"I'm gonna check on the snacks." Just like that he's gone. I turn to the twin but their smiles are replaced by smirks. They are so their brother.
"I can't believe you guys." I fake being hurt. Ben arch one brow at me.
"How do you he didn't lie?" He smugly asks. For the love of God. I'm confused right now.
How do I know that the three brothers aren't playing a joke on me. Their messing with my head.
"Mom." Zac exclaim. My body shoot up. I got nervous quickly. "You're back early."
The sound of his voice told me this was trouble. I don't know how to explain this but I didn't like how panicked he sounded or the rushed he said.
They twins both ran to their mom. I nervously follow suite behind the twin.
"You say that like it's a bad thing." She chuckle and I come to view but she's bend down hugging the twins.
"No. It's not." I can tell by his body language that he's nervous. That just made me even more nervous.
"The meetings ended....." She trail off and right there at that moment I felt like they just poured ice all over me.
I felt vile rising up. It's like looking at a future mirror. I look just like me. Only a few years from now.
I turn my head to Zac and that horrified expression tells it all. I don't know if he's horrified waiting for my reaction or his mother's.
"Evernly." She whisper. I snap my head to her. I just don't understand how she knows my name.
For the first time in a very long time, words I refused to acknowledge for a long time pass through my mind. You look just like her. I rub my face with both my hands. Maybe I created the image. It's possible, so much has happened in one day that I'm not putting it past me.
You look exactly like her that's why I hate you. Now I understand her better. I remind her of dad's affair. I get her so much. I'd probably react the same. I suddenly feel an overwhelming feeling. It's a mixture of pure pain and anger. I think a bit of grief.
"You're her." I whisper. My voice breaking more with each word. I turn to Zac. "You always knew."
All our interacting passing through my head like a movie. That's why he treated me like he did. Why do all the people I trust betray me? Am I that naive and too trusting.
"You knew." My voice rises with anger.
"I'm sorry." He apologize but I'm not having any of it.
"Let's talk." The woman asks. I glare at her. "Ben and Alex go to your rooms."
They protest but Zac pushes them.
"Please sit down. Please." She pleads. I glare at them as they lead me to the living room.
Present.
"You looked for me." I shout at her. To say I'm pissed would be the understatement. I'm hurt and angry at her and him. They just pisses me to no end and looking at their faces just doesn't help their case.
I just wish I could scratch their faces till I have a Zac and lady confetti. I hate them so much right now.
"Yes, I did-" I quickly cut her off. I stand up and shout.
"You didn't look for me." I yell at her. "You don't know what I went through because of you. She unleashed her rage on me because of what you did. I got punished for what you did. I was innocent." She flinch with every word.
"I'm sorry." But I stop her.
"I don't fucking care. You are nothing to me. I'd never call you my mother. I never asked to be born. I needed a mother 17 years ago but you abandoned me. I don't need you anymore. I am fucking fine."
I don't realise my voice. It's laced with so much hate an vermon. It scares me how much hate I hold inside.
"You don't know what you're talking about." Zac boom. I can tell that he's getting irritated but I don't care. He lied to me.
"I don't care. You had your mom growing up. So fuck the ship up. You were the chosen one while I grew up with her." I didn't know I was crying until I felt something warm and salty on my lips.
At this point I wanted one person next to me. I just wanna call him. I know with him everything will be fine. He'll hug me and tell me everything will be fine. I need it right now.
"I..I..I... hate you." I didn't really mean that. I'm just hurt. Tears started falling out of her eyes like I just killed someone.
Zac moves to comfort her mother. My heart clench. Maybe its because I sort of expected him to come to me. It reminds me that they have a bond that I don't share with either of them.
I walk towards the telephone and dial Sage's number. It ring and eventually goes to voicemail. I cry even more when I realise he didn't pick up.
He's probably with her. I think bitterly
I only know two numbers. I dial Harry's. He answer on the third ring. I know I could count on me.
"Come get me." I manage to choke out. It takes him a minute to recognise my voice. When he does he begin to panic.
"Where are you?" He rush out.
"At Zac." I cry out.
"I'll be there in 5. Hang on baby I'm coming." I could tell he was running which calm me for a second.
I put their telephone down and proceed to walk towards the front door.
"Please forgive me." She pleads. That stop me in my tracks. I turn around and her eyes were pleading with me. The moment I saw her eyes. They look desperate. I saw myself in her.
"Evernly, don't leave." I think it's Alex that cries out. I look up the stairs and my heart breaks.
Their sitting at the top of the stair. Ben is desperately holding the railing. I have a feeling they heard everything. I look down then at my mother.
"I'll pay for the clothes." I spit in her face. I hear a high pitch scream coming from her. The twins follow behind her.
I walk out the door. When I reach the road I fall down and realise a ear piercing scream. I hug myself and cry. I don't know how long I've been crying but I feel Harry hugging me and picking me up at the same time. I allow him to lead me to the passenger's seat. I lean against the window and sob.
He start the car and drive. I watch as the picture goes in a blur while the storm in my head goes on. Occasionally I realise a sob which cause Harry to tense.
The car stops and I look around and see that we are in the lot of a park. The park is vibrant, opposite to what I'm feeling. He opens my door and helps me out of the car. I accept his help because I don't have it in me to fight or stand up on my own.
He leads me to the front of the car and he leans against the hood. He pull me to lean against him. I give in to him and melt in his arms. I close my eyes to pretend that none of this ever happened.
That I'm not pregnant. That Alora didn't lie to me. That Sage isn't sleeping with my friend. That Harry never said those hurtful words. That I didn't just find my mother. That Zac never lied to me.
I take a deep breath, holding it a few seconds then breathing out. I do that a couple of times to calm myself.
"I'm sorry." Harry whispers. I almost didn't hear it. I let out a shaky breath. I don't think he knows why I'm like this.
"She's my mother Harry." I start and he listens. "Zac's mother is also my mom. I feel so angry and hurt at same time."
"It's understandable." He kiss the top of my head.
"It's just that I always had a mother you hates me. Somehow I always knew deep down she wasn't my real mother. From the way we looked to they way she treated me. Then she confirmed it a few weeks ago. Even if I knew she wasn't my mother but deep down it hurts. I felt so lost. I tried acting normal and forgetting that some woman abandoned me at birth and gave me to another to be abused. I acted as though I didn't care about her existence or know about her but deep down I wanted to know my real mother. The past few weeks I've been suffering from identity crisis. I just wanted to know who I am. Where I come from you know."
I let out a shaky breath. This is the first time I've actually talked about my feeling this deep.
"I'm sorry." He apologize again. I don't understand why he's apologising when it's not his fault. "Why didn't you tell me all this?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm use to dealing with stuff alone that I didn't know how to tell you. Or maybe it's because I wanted to be normal."
He squeeze me and I'm glad for his comfort and support.
"I've always imagined how it would like to meet her you know but at some point I lost hope because I know Clara, who knew the truth would rather die than tell me the truth." He tense a bit then relax. "But when I saw her I had this rage you know. I wanted to scratch her face and my face til I couldn't see anymore. What pains me the most is that Zac lied to my face."
"Don't you think he had good reasons to do that." He tries to justify for him. I try to pull away from him but he doesn't let me.
"Don't you dare justify his actions. Don't you side with him." I warn still strangling against him. "He came to me under false pretence. That's just wrong."
"I'm not siding with him. I'm here to see your blind spots. See this from his point of view. He didn't know if you were happy with your life or what. He wanted to know his sister yet not cause you drama or loose you. Maybe he wanted you to trust him enough so he can tell you or maybe he wanted to get you in a comfortable place where you wouldn't run like you're doing now after you found out. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe he was hurting too. To have you but not fully." I blink a couple of times. "Give them a chance."
"You talk like you know how he feels." I mumble. "Like he has told you before."
But that would be impossible because he'll never tell Harry. They don't like each other.
We fall into a comfortable silence. I look into a distance and we both get lost in our own world.
Even what Harry said may be true. It doesn't stop it from hurting. I want to give them a chance but I'm not sure if I can forgive Wren from what she did.
I hand makes me jump when it brushes my belly. I jump and Harry is quick to apologize. I guess we have to talk about the big pink elephant lingering in the atmosphere at some point.
"You know, I'm sorry for everything I said from the moment you told me you were pregnant." He starts and the lump in my throat grows. "I guess I panicked and I didn't know what to say. I'm just afraid of this whole thing. It's untested water for me. I don't know how deep it is."
"It's not easy for me too. I'm also afraid and you abandoned me the time i needed you the most." I point out bitterly.
"I know." He whisper. "Forgive me Kittie. I'm an idiot okay. I don't know why I do half the things I do. I'm such an idiot." He explain.
"I'm afraid I'll loose you. I don't wanna loose you." He squeeze me. "Over the last couple of days I've matured. You're absence really showed me another way of life. I want you. I want our baby. I want everything with you."
"What changed?" I ask. Surprise evident in my voice. I knew that Styles didn't want children. We discussed it a few times before and he always made it clear that he didn't want any children. You can't blame me for being surprised. I want to know what changed.
"Like I've told you. I've matured greatly in the last couple of days. I got some sense knocked into me." He chuckle and I join him.
God I missed him.
"Good because I think now we want tacos, ice cream, chicken nuggets and some peanut butter and jelly sandwich." I order.
He laughs then push us off the car hood. I spins around me and squat in front of me. I cup my belly and starts talking.
"Hey baby. I'm your daddy. Harry Styles. I gotta feed mommy before he eats me."
I laugh and heat rushes up my neck to my cheeks. I try to pull him up but fail.
"Harry get up. Everyone is staring." I lightly scold. "Stop being ridiculous and get up." We both laugh.
"I was introducing myself to my baby." He defends himself and keep a straight face for two seconds before laughing. I join him while we round his car to the passenger's seat. "I've seen people do it in movies and I thought it'd be cool if I do it and I was right. It is cool."
He gets in the car but doesn't drive. I look at him while he sober up from laughing. I love him. I love every inche of him with every fibre of my being.
"I love you." I blurt out. He lift his head to meet my eye sight. He stare at me with so much adoration and desire and love and lust.
"I love you." He pull me in for a long deserved and overdue kiss. After a while we pull apart and fall into a comfortable silence.
"Now feed me before I eat you. He's hungry." He laughs and start the car.
"Why do you keep referring to the baby as him? Do you know the sex?" He rushes out like a 2 year old in a candy store. I laugh at how excited he is. "Did you see a doctor and they told you it's a boy?"
"No. I wanted us to find out together." His face falls but he quickly covers it but I still saw it. "But I have a gut feeling it's a boy. Motherly instinct." I joke and he chuckles.
"I hope so too."
"God help the world if he has your attitude." I mutter but he hears me.
"Hey! What's wrong with me." Heavy offended but he's smiling.
"This world couldn't handle two Styles that are exactly the same." I state and being very serious. God help me if he gets his attitude.
"I bet he'll have those hazel eyes that drives me crazy. And not to mention that smile." I blush and hide my face in my hands. "He'll break hearts like his daddy."
"Who lied to you and said you break hearts?" I roll my eyes when he smirks. "Don't get ahead of yourself. Tone that ego a notch."
"God. I missed you." He laughs. I'm taken by surprise but I lean in and kiss him while driving.
Even though I wanted a million things all atthe same time Harry didn't complain even once. Even if he had to race across town to get them, he didn't get pissed or irritated. Actually he seemed happy to do it.
Lately I've been waking him up at three in the morning for chicken nuggets and he'd groan but he does get me them every time.
I've been trying to give Wren a chance as per Harry's advice. I don't think I'll ever completely forgive her bit I'm trying. We've been talking even though it's awkward but it's something right. At least that's what Sage thinks. A big part of why I'm trying is the twins. I seriously adore them. Even more now that I know they're my brothers.
I've gained more family. I learnt a lot about my father's family because I knew nothing. Sometimes I bring Sage with me and Wren never forget to mention just how much he looks like dad. Sage says it's fine that I have a new family now but I don't know how much of that it's true though.
I try to talk to him as much as I could but I know he's jealous because of Zac. Zac and I always had a connection even way before I knew he was my brother but that connection doesn't compare to what Sage and I have. I make sure to remind him that.
Wren wants me to move in with them and Sage if he wants to but I declined. I have to admit having Wren has it's pecks. I got to have picture of dad and learn about his childhood and what happened between them. I might sympathise with her but I still don't understand why she did what she did.
I understand that dad left her for Clara and she married Zac's dad and cheated when they were separated a.d fell pregnant with me and all but why let a man dictate what she can do. I don't understand why she gave me to Clara because he didn't want me. She should've fought harder to keep me but she didn't. I'd fight tooth and nail for my baby.
I don't think Alora and I will ever be the same again. I tend to avoid her most times. I know she wants us to to friends again but she betrayed me and continue to do so by continuing her relationship with Sage.
The group knows about my pregnancy and most are quite happy. What I don't understand is Taylor's reaction and feelings towards my pregnancy. I feel like she resents me for getting pregnant. I don't know. She's weird all of a sudden. I know her as sweet but lately it's I never knew her at all.
And I'm having a boy.
********
Woah guys. That was long. I guess I'm buttering you up for some news.
Unscripted is coming to an end in a couple of chapter. 'phew. Glad that's out of my chest.'
I guess this is really said news for everyone. Unscripted is my first book on wattpad and the first book I'll finish.
I'd like to thank everyone who stocked by me from the first time I started writing this book. Thank you very much. It means a lot. I'd like to thank everyone who commented and voted.
I'd like to send a special shout out to IshkbaazSHIVIKA thanks for sticking by me.
There will be more books in future. Someone asked if I'll make a sequel or series and now I'm answering his question stick till the end to find out. I might just surprise you.
Now that's out of the way, let's talk about this Chapter shall we. I feel like a lot has been revealed. You got to see a vulnerable side of Evernly. A much deeper side.
Anywho. Comment and vote
I love you all
Most importantly God loves you all.
Prec