I can barely breath, I'm wheezing. Every sharp intake of air never gave me the relief I needed. A hack of coughing rattles my wounded body, pain from my entire chest inflaming.
It was impossible to be quiet when I kept coughing like this. I shiver and tug the blanket (Y/N) had gifted me around my shoulders tighter. Why was I so cold? It has to be blood loss.
I stare at the door still, forcing my eyes to stay open even though they've wanted to seal shut for hours. I was afraid someone was going to wander into the supply closet, not that any footsteps have even done so much as walk by.
I cough again, thick fluid coming up my throat and filling my mouth.
I cannot breathe in this, I think, hands coming up to my broken mask. I vowed to never take it off until I was alone with no one to see the wrecked face that belonged to the fool I used to be, but I was too delirious at this point to even care.
I try to be gentle, but nonfiltered air was such a relief I almost tossed the gauze wrapped mask to the side. It was still hard to breathe, but at least it was a little better.
I snatch one the morphine packets from the floor again and jab it into my shoulder, entering painkiller into my bloodstream. Before I had wanted to deal with the pain and consequences of what I had done... but now... I just want to drift off and be able to see all my family again.
Pathetic, I don't deserve that.
The pain is too much... but this is my punishment.
I cough again, fear of never being able to apologize to my friends for what I had done before their deaths beginning to circle in to torment me.
My hand instantly cups over my white muzzle when I hear voices outside the door, coming from in the hallway. Paranoia that they were coming to get me makes my eyes go wide.
"...She took off for several days without a word and then comes back with just over two days until she's promoted to sergeant looking like shit! A clean gunshot through the stomach, cuts almost digging into the femurs, bruises on the throat, dehydration, what the hell happened?!"
I recognized that angry tone. It was their leader. Knuckles.
"O-okay... take a deep breath, Knuckles," a calmer voice said. Silver the Hedgehog. The one I... I had mutilated. "Getting angry isn't going to solve anything."
"And what will being calm about this do?!" There was a silence for a moment. A heavy sigh. "Ugh... Do you know who you're talking to when you say 'don't get angry'? I'm trying to stay collected, Silver, but it's really hard when there's no way to know what happened."
A series of coughs were starting to arise in me. I bit down my jaw, squeezing my hand tighter over my mouth, praying that they wouldn't come.
"I, I know. And that is very concerning."
"I... just don't know what to do with her, she's always so secretive... I try to include her and make her feel welcome, but I don't know how to talk to her half the time."
I wanted to hack my lungs out. It felt like I was choking, but I mustn't make a sound, they are right outside.
"Yeah... that's why I'm nervous around her, I just don't know what to do. She doesn't really share much. And I feel so bad, because it's obvious there a lot going on—but I just feel like I can't do anything. The only one she seems to even be friendly to is Shadow, and she had tried to shoot him the first time they met."
If they hear me, I'm dead, and (Y/N) will pay the penalties.
"I know the war's over, Silver, but... I'm gonna be honest. I'm... really stressed out right now," Knuckles chuckles hopelessly. "There's the cleanup, reconstruction, getting civilians back to their homes, growing back farmland, recovery for all the traumatized soldiers, getting bodies and death reports back to their families, filing reports, Eggman's out there, Infinite's missing, this 'Phantom' is on the loose, and then I've got all this drama here—"
"Okay," Silver cuts in," I'm going to stop you right there. Take a breath. You don't have to do all this alone, you know? You keep heaving all these burdens onto your own shoulders, but you are not alone anymore, Knuckles. Let the rest of us help, you don't need to do everything for us."
"Thanks, Silver..." Knuckles pauses. "I... just have this horrible feeling."
"About what?"
"That this war isn't over."
I wanted to yell that it wasn't going to be when Phantom is still alive.
"That's just trauma from the war, Knuckles. Most soldiers can't cope to life after battle because that's all they have ever known. You just feel on edge, that's all. And if, only if, something was to happen, me, Sonic, Amy, Shadow, Rouge, we're all going to be here to help you through it."
"I... feel a lot better. Thank you... Silver."
I couldn't hold anything back anymore I start wheezing and coughing into my hands, trying to muffle it best I can. My heart pounds, praying they didn't hear anything as I try to hold my breath again.
"Knuckles, the doctor's finished surgery, he said (Y/N) is going to need a few days bedrest." This voice was high, a female. Somewhat annoying. It must be Amy Rose. "If she does go to her ceremony then she'll likely have to sit down for most of it since she's so weak. I recommended using the wheelchair again so she won't have to strain herself, and he said that could work."
"Hmm, alright. Hopefully she'll go, she's earned this after everything that she's done," Knuckles says. "Any idea what could've happened?"
"Shadow says that she started dropping all her belongings onto the floor when she walked into the base. Her holster was empty and her handgun was missing," Amy explains.
"So, you're saying whoever did this had taken her own weapon and shot her?!" Silver exclaims.
It was me! I think. I'm the monster who shot her. I cough more.
"... Do you hear something?" Knuckles asked, which made my eyes go wide and I crushed my mouth shut with all my strength. Silence followed for a moment.
"You're imagining things, Knuckles," Amy comforted. "You haven't slept well in weeks, go to bed. Please. No arguing."
"You know what?" Knuckles sighed. "I have too much of a headache for this. Screw being stubborn, I'm going to listen for once. If anything happens, let me know, okay? I'll be up in a few hours."
"We will! Sleep well," Silver said. After a few moments the soft voiced hedgehog spoke again. "Knuckles has been so stressed for the last few months. He really needs a break."
Slowly Amy and Silver's voices begin to fade away. The must have been walking back down the hallway.
"It's weird because it seems like it's getting worse now that there's no more battles, it's like Knuckles expects another life or death situation to come up," Amy added. "In all seriousness, I'm worried for him. He's been strong for all of us, and I just want to do the same for him."
"I understand how you feel..."
And then they're gone, words are indecipherable. I release my mouth and cough into them freely, it seemed endless, throat dry.
Until finally, it stopped. My hands were trembling. My white muzzle was cold and my fingers were like ice, even with gloves on. I stare at my palms; they were covered in blood and saliva.
. . .
Where am I?
Darkness.
What time is it?
No way to tell.
Why don't I feel pain?
Then I come to realize that my eyes were closed. It took several minutes before I could even bother to open them, a drowsiness preventing me from awakening suddenly. The lights were low, but they were there.
I couldn't feel my body. It was all numb, just like a dead weight. I wanted to panic, but I felt too tired to feel alarm.
"Hey, hey, you're awake!" a hyper but concerned voice said.
Slowly I was propped up so that I could see all around me. There was white everywhere, small cots, white sheets, white pillows, all tucked neatly. The clean fabric covered my legs too, and a glove of the same colour now rested on my hand.
My tired eyes look up to meet green ones. I knew them instantly.
Water builds up in Sonic's eyes. He smiles, comes close and then hugs me tightly. "Don't scare me like that, okay?" He sobbed through chuckles.
I finally processed how I was supposed to react. With my arms shaking, barely following my body's commands, I wrap them around Sonic in return. Soon my arms go numb though and they fall back onto the bed and an ache fills my stomach.
Sonic releases me, sitting back down on the hospital cot that was next to my own.
"You got out of surgery about four hours ago, you've been knocked out since you stumbled into base."
Did they find Infinite? I wonder. Wait, surgery?
"You were in really bad shape," he says with a smile but his eyes were worried. "I'm gonna get Shads, he'll be happy to see you up."
Sonic stands but I reach out my hand to him, he freezes. Slowly he places his hand in my own. I shake my head, just barely squeezing my half-brother's hand. Sonic nods, sitting back down.
"Okay, I'll stay with you for a bit. I'll get Shadow in ten minutes, okay?"
I had no energy to nod. I tried to, but eyes just started to flutter. Sleep was pulling me under again. My gaze focuses on the IV drip beside my bed, a liquid running through a tube into my wrist.
I remember last time when I was panicked by this and ripped it out immediately. I still am having bad flashbacks and want to rip it out now, but the drugs are so powerful I barely even move. That was the very reason I felt this feeling of threat.
Sonic squeezes my hand, comforting me. "It's fine, nothing bad is gonna happen. You're safe, okay?" He sensed my unease, and was trying to do what he could. I wondered if he knew anything about what I had went through. If Shadow had told anyone anything while I had been gone.
"If you're tired, you don't have to force yourself to stay awake. You need to let your body heal. Especially after whatever happened out there."
Okay...
I don't force myself any longer. I untense my body and let things go loose, taking a breath. Don't worry, that's what I tried to tell myself. It wasn't easy to listen to that advice, but the most I could do was try.
My lids fall over my eyes again, and I don't try to pry them open. I welcome the darkness with the lack of pain I felt.
. . .
I was in and out for the last few hours, awakening for a few tired moments before slipping back under. The faces who greeted me when I awoke changed each time. I don't remember all of them despite being familiar.
I only recall Sonic, Amy... Gadget maybe? I think Espio, but I really don't know. I'm ashamed that I'm pretty much guessing at this point. I only suggest Espio because he didn't say anything at all when I woke up momentarily. He waited patiently. Or, at least I think he waited patiently, I'm not confident it was him.
I'm arising from unconsciousness again. I regained some feeling in my body and my eyes opened much easier than before.
This time Shadow was the one to greet me back into the world.
He smirks. "Hey."
Just barely was I able to muster a smile in return.
"You've been through quite an ordeal recently, haven't you? Feeling better?'
Muscles in my neck nod my head up and down slightly.
Shadow turns his body to face me. "You either gravitate towards danger or it follows you."
I wasn't sure if that was a joke, an insult, or a fact.
"I was concerned about you. I thought you were going to die, and the last memory we have would've been you falling in my arms. Luckily, you're just going to recover just fine with a scar and the remembrance of what happened."
Shadow's red eyes stare at me. "They realized the sedative was too much so they decreased the dosage, that's likely why you're awake now."
I felt guilty that I was getting more painkiller than I needed while Infinite was stuck in an unused closet with only a few morphine shots. He needed medical attention more than I did, he's the one with the giant hole in his chest.
Shadow looked to the floor. A few moments pass with complete silence. He eventually looked back to me, gently placing a hand on my forehead.
"Stay safe from now on, alright?"
I smile. A tiny ghost of what could barely be called a smile appeared on Shadow's face. He removed his hand and then turned his back. Shadow walked out to the door exiting the recovery room.
"I'm supposed to be helping Tails organize reports. He let me off the hook so I could sit with you, but I don't want to seem like I'm not pulling my weight around here." He glances back at me when the door opens. "You understand, right?"
I nod. I get the feeling of not doing enough and wanting to constantly prove yourself useful.
Shadow nods back. "I'll send someone to keep you company." The door shuts behind him.