When I close my eyes it's all dark, and that's when I'm afraid the most ,I had nightmares ever since the incident, often I don't dream images , it's only dark and I hear cries and shouts , it gets too loud and that's when I wake up.
It's 5 AM and I wake up breathing heavily and sweating. At times like this I take pills which calms me down , when it started to get worse , mom and I went to see a psychiatrist, he said it's a trauma experience but thankfully it's not developed to a PTSD.
But I fight it by going to the hospital and being there for people who need support and I love what I do there , that's how I cope, but sometimes I get these nightmares and that means that I still lose some fights.
I get out of bed and open the blue box , and read one of the letters that the unknown person sent to me last year , I often read them and feel okay.
Hi,
Everyone likes dreams , dreams are roads to what we love.
But why when I dream about something I love , it turns out to be a nightmare?
It happens often , but I can't accept that what I love can ever harm me, so why?
I know it caused me pain but that's what happens when we love right?
But why all I can think about is it's pain?
It's hard to let go of it .
But I'm trying .
I want to think about it as a nice dream to have a good night sleep.
I'm sorry again , I hope you don't go through nightmares , just dreams , nice ones.
Sincerely , J
I take deep breaths , return the letter and the box and went to take a warm shower .
I finished and changed into my clothes , applied some lipgloss and let my long hair down , I go downstairs I find mom , making breakfast .
"Morning mom " I say tiredly.
"Good-morning bella " mom says without looking at me as she places the plate In front of me.
"Did you like yesterday's dinner?"
"Yes , it was a nice dish yesterday , and the cheese was a nice touch " she says taking a seat .
"What's wrong you don't seem good" mom says worriedly.
"I didn't get enough sleep yesterday" I sigh.
"Are you okay? Do you have your pills?"
"Yeah I do don't worry I'm okay " I say trying to reassure her.
"how about i drive you today? "
"No mum it's okay I called Tyler to pick me up " I say as there was car honking outside and Tyler's voice booming waking up the whole neighborhood.
"And That's my cue " I say , I get up and hug mom then leave.
I walk towards Tyler's car and got in .
" Missed me ?" He says.
I took a while looking at him , he was wearing blue shirt and black jeans , that complimented his golden hair .
"Hmm let me think "
"Nope Not even a little bit " I say putting on the seatbelt.
"Cruel bells , way to go to break my heart" he chuckles as he drives off.
"So , why can't you drive today?" Tyler says turning on the heater.
"Wanted to make use of you as my personal Chauffeur " I tease.
"Very funny " He says rolling his eyes .
Tyler doesn't know about the nightmares , I never did tell him nor Lilly , I kept it to myself , I always did , I don't want to burden them with such things when i can fight it by myself.
"You know the usual, studying " I say.
"hey don't be too hard on yourself , you know I need you to be ready for the party next week" he says with a wink.
"Ugh I'll see Tyler " I say
"If that's an invitation for me to drag you in your pjs in senior year I'll gladly do it " he says mischievously.
I glare at him.
"Fine I'll go but I won't stay for long " I say.
"Okay deal as long as you'll be there " he says .
We reach to school , and we walked to the cafeteria.
Tyler friends greet us , Tyler is really sociable , he likes to talk to everyone and everyone likes to talk to him it's a mutual thing , and I mean Tyler is an amazing friend so who wouldn't want to talk with him.
I went to get something to drink as he stood behind me talking with William.
"Dude you should've stayed yesterday , there was a hot blonde chick who came right after you left " William says.
" I'm not in the mood for girls " Tyler says.
"That's what you say but there you are with bella "
"You know it's different with her "
"How different, do you like her or what ?"
William say jokingly , but there was silence after what he said.
I froze in my place , and I was next in line I approach slowly because I wanted to hear his answer.
"Are you going to order or what ?"
As I focus to who's voice was that, it was bailey standing with her friends.
I didn't reply and went to order my drink.
"I'm talking to you bitch " she says raising her voice slightly.
"What did you just call me? " I say turning around and facing her.
"What now are you deaf?" She snickers making her friends giggle.
"No , I'm not I heard you clearly but the only bitch I see here is standing in-front of me " I say .
"Is everything okay here? " Tyler says standing between bailey and I .
"It's nothing Tyler " I say not leaving Bailey's eyes.
"No baby she called me a bitch " she says holding on to Tyler's arm.
"What?" Tyler says in disbelief.
"You're unbelievable " I say folding my arms.
Tyler let go of her saying "let's go bella "
He walks to me and takes me by the hand and got me out of there.
We walked out of the cafeteria and went to the hallway , the entire school was watching back there , never in my school years was I in a fight or a quarrel . But I fight if it's necessary, I don't like to accept it and let go , standing for myself is a priority for me.
Tyler was still holding my hand as we stood by the lockers.
"What happened back there ?" He asks.
"It's nothing that I can't handle " I say trying to drop the topic.
He looked behind me and held on to my hand a little tighter.
"Hi "
I turned around and found art standing.
His eyes glanced over at Tyler's hand that was holding Mine.
I immediately let go of his hand.
"Hi Art " I say.
"Arthur " Tyler says coldly.
"Are you okay ? I heard about what happened back there" he says concerned.
"I am , thanks for asking "
"So uhm I have to go now to literature class "
"It's fine I'll walk you " Tyler
says.
"I have literature too " art says with his hands in his pockets.
"I said it's fine " Tyler says taking a step towards art.
"I was not talking to you " art says.
"You better stay away from her "
"Watch me get close " art says slowly.
"Guys I'm standing right here " I say.
"Tyler go please you have Calculus now "
"Fine " he says and leaves without another word.
Art kept his eye on Tyler until he left , I couldn't tell whether he was angry or not.
But I can't ignore what just happened , I had to talk to Tyler. I know he's protective and I appreciate it but I know what to do and how to handle things myself.
"So I wanted to give you your box back , the one you gave me back then ,when we first met at the hospital " he says taking it out of his backpack.
"Art it's really unnecessary you didn't have to" I say taking it.
"I had to "
"And lee loved the lasagne by the way , I completely forgot to tell you that.. anyway he was going to eat the box too " he chuckles.
"I'm glad that he liked it " I smile proud of my work, and then an idea popped in my head and I didn't think it twice before saying it.
"how about you and lee come at my place and I'll make dinner ?" I ask .
Okay since when did I become that courageous?
He smiled and then said
"text me when and where, I'll be there"
"Y-yeah okay then " I say.
"But I don't have your number "
"No you do ,check the box " he says chuckling.
I open the box and found a piece of paper it had his number and it said,
The next time you make a meal please do text me.