𝔸𝕧𝕒
Our walk back to the car was surprisingly quiet. Zane closes his door and leans back in his seat with a heavy sigh. The sun has just set and his eyes are practically glowing in the dimly lit car.
"Are you okay?" he asks in a soft but tense voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine—really. You don't need to worry about me."
He pauses for a moment and turns to look at me. There's pain in his eyes and he cringes, letting out a loud sound that is a mix of a high screech and a low rumbling growl.
Every once in a while I forget he's not human and then he'll do something like that.
How do I even respond to that?
"Um," I say. "I don't really know what that means."
"Shit, love, I'm sorry," he says, burying his head in his hands. "That was very dramatic of me. I hate this... I'm sorry. I don't know how to be with you."
"In what way?"
"In any way... You're so... fragile."
Ouch.
"I don't know if I see it that way," I say.
"No, love, I don't mean like that. I mean, you're human. You can be hurt. Things can just happen to you and there's nothing I can do. It's just... how am I supposed to deal with this? I can help with the pain, but it's not the same as healing you. And now..."
He looks both angry and terrified, his eyes still a brilliant green.
"And now... what?" I ask.
"Now it's not just you being sick. Now it's random shitheads trying to hurt you when I'm not around. I can't follow you everywhere you go."
"I'm not asking you to. You don't have to protect me."
"I can't, Ava." His head hangs low, his expression defeated.
What?
He can't... protect me? Or be with me? I can feel tears flooding my eyes.
"No one's forcing you to be with me," I say.
"Bloody... Fuck... Ava, that's not what I meant." He grips his hair tight in his fingers and tugs.
"Just that I'm a burden?" I ask.
Might have just let my insecurities do the talking for me there... oops.
"Fuck, Ava, why do you have to do that? No!" he snaps. "I don't know how to let you go. I don't know how to let you live your bloody human life with your stupid, fragile human body and know that I can't be there to beat the shit out of every cockhead who lays a finger on the woman I love."
Uh... what?
What was that?
What what what what what what what?
As my brain tries to process his words, it's clear that Zane is processing them himself. His eyes suddenly widen and instantly return to brown.
Did he mean that? That he loves me?
"I uh..." he stutters. "I didn't mean to say... I mean... bloody hell. Can I try that again, love? I swear every time I talk to you I make a right arse of myself."
"Sure," I say, the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach rising.
"I'm sorry I'm not dealing with this well," he says, pausing a moment to grab my hand in his. "You're the one who's been through something and I'm having a fit. So, Sirens are beings of passion. We're known for being primal, led by our emotions, but I've spent most of my life fighting that. For a good reason. I've seen firsthand the kind of trouble feelings can get you into."
Just the kind of romantic thing every girl wants to hear from her boyfriend.
I try to read his expression, but he continues to look down at our intertwined hands, anxiously chewing the corner of his lip. He takes in a deep breath.
"But I can't fight it with you," he says. "The thought of something happening to you—or someone hurting you—baby I can't breathe just thinking about it."
His eyes look almost teary and he seems genuinely upset. I feel like I've been someone's problem my entire life. But suddenly here I am, and someone is looking at me and telling me that they want me in their life. That the problem isn't me, but the fear of losing me.
I don't know how to process it. Why would he even...
"I... I..." Zane stutters. "I've never been in love before, and I guess I've gone and spoiled that bit, but uh... I'm in love with you. I love you, Ava."
My heart is pounding in my chest and I see a vulnerable, almost fearful look in his eyes that he tries to hide with a smile.
I place my hand on his cheek and lean in to kiss him but he stops me.
"You don't have to say anything back," he says. "But if you do, could you do so before you kiss me? Just... so we don't confuse things?"
I smile as our foreheads touch.
"I love you too."
*****
We're frantically entwined in a blur of lips and tongues and hands as we reach Zane's apartment door. He attempts to fit his key in the lock with one hand behind his back while fumbling under my shirt with the other.
The door unlatches and I push him inside and slam the door behind us. With a seamless motion, he pushes me up against the door, grinding his hips into me as he lets out a purring moan.
Well if mine's coming off, then I'll be damned if I'm not getting my eyes on his body right now too.
I tug at the back of his shirt, but he suddenly pulls away. His eyes are wide, flickering in intensity as he pants hard, his grip still tight around me. He seems conflicted.
"I... I..." he stutters, the luminance of his green eyes rapidly shifting.
I lean in to kiss him softly. Our lips touch and I can feel his heart thumping as his chest presses up against me.
"Are you okay?" I ask.
He licks his lips and his eyes settle on a vivid green.
"Yeah baby," he says, with a devious smirk. He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He lets out another moan as he walks me into the bedroom and throws me onto the bed. "I'll be so much better when I fuck you through this mattress, though."
I hear fabric tear and I see something fly across the room. Zane has just shredded my shirt off my body.
Well, so much for that tank top. What's with the ripping?
Another rip echoes in the air and I watch as Zane's shirt falls to the floor.
On second thought, the ripping is good. Keep ripping.
I pull my jeans down before they get donated to the cause.
He lets out a sinister moan—guttural and not entirely human.
Oh, that's right, I'm about to have sex with a Siren right now. That's normal.
He shakes his head as though he's trying to compose himself, unbuttoning his jeans and sending them to the floor at a superhuman pace.
I feel a whip of wind as he rapidly appears on top of me, grinding his hips deeper into me.
"You feel what you do to me, baby?" he moans.
He stands up and rips off his boxers.
Another check in the win column for ripping.
His eyes are practically fluorescent in the dark, providing just enough glow to see his perfectly chiseled abs and the sharp lines on his hips leading to his...
Damn.
"You checking me out, baby?" he asks, jumping back on top of me. I hear another tearing sound that I imagine is the untimely demise of my panties.
"No." I quickly reply. "Maybe."
Hells yes.
He sinks himself into me and I feel my body melting with pleasure. I let out a desperate whimper. His body stiffens as another moan radiates from his chest, this one louder, practically shaking the room. His eyes flicker brighter as he shakes his head, his eyes dimming again, almost as if he's trying to reel himself in.
"Don't do that," I say, pulling his face away from mine.
"Do what?" he asks, a glimmer of confusion on his face.
"Don't hold back on me." I lock my eyes with his.
"I... I..." he stutters. "I don't want to push too far, baby. I'm... so..."
He pants, swallowing hard, trying to get his words out.
"Fuck, baby. I can't control myself with you. I don't want to do anything that might hurt you or scare you and I'm... I'm not human. I know you know that but... I... fuck, baby, I can't think straight when I'm on top of you like this."
He's shaking and his eyes are getting brighter by the minute.
"I'm a big girl, Zane," I say, leaning in to kiss his neck. "I never asked you to hold back. I want you—all of you. I love you."
He moans again, the sound reverberates through our connected bodies.
"Say that again, baby," he said, his eyes hooded. "Please?"
"I love you," I say.
"Fuck," he moans, thrusting into me again, his fingers digging hard into my hips.
I reach my arms around him, running my fingers along his back until I reach the ridges where his wings tuck into his body. I lightly scratch my fingernails down them and he lets out a truly inhuman moan, wrenching his torso back as his gorgeous black wings spring forth, spreading almost the width of the room before shaking out with a deep shiver.
"You want the beast, baby?" he asks, his pupils now completely eclipsed by green. "You got him."