JENS
Jens tapped his fingers on his skateboard in front of him anxiously. He was waiting outside a cafe for Robbe, a cafe he hoped would make Robbe put two and two together.
It was the same cafe Robbe came out to him in.
He hoped Robbe wasn't daft enough to miss it.
He looked up from the crack in the pavement he was staring at when he heard a gentle, "Hey."
He nodded at Robbe, his voice suddenly unable to work. He pushed himself up from the wall he leaned on and held his hand out for Robbe. Robbe nodded back and slapped his hand against it.
As Jens entered the cafe ahead of Robbe, he felt his stomach turn. He knew it was ridiculous, feeling this scared to come out to Robbe. He had thought about it the night before (he had thought about it for a while before that, too), and told himself, convinced himself, tried to convince himself, that everything would be fine. That Robbe would smile and say, "Okay!" and that would be that. Everything would go back to normal.
But as he sat down and looked up at Robbe sitting across from him, he knew it wouldn't.
Robbe hung his jacket on the back of his chair, placing his skateboard and bag next to his seat.
Jens placed his skateboard under his feet, rolling it back and forth uneasily after doing the same with his own jacket. His fingers tapped on the table.
Robbe glanced at his hands, and then crossed his own on top of the table, his shoulders hunching up as he looked at Jens.
"So?"
He looked earnest, his eyebrows raised slightly and his eyes gentle on Jens. He looked worried.
"So," Jens started, and then stopped to clear his throat. Apparently Robbe hadn't put it together.
"I've been...off. These past few days."
"Mmhm."
Jens looked away from him, out the window, and popped his knuckles, his fingers twisting around each other. He looked back at Robbe, Robbe looking exactly the same. He nodded slightly as Jens as if to say Keep going. You're alright.
"Yeah, these last few days..." Jens felt out of breath. "Rough."
"Okay."
"You know, uhm. You know Milan's friend? The Dutch one?"
"Ralph? or Lucas?"
Jens's breathing was faster than it was when he walked in. He pulled the sleeves of his shirt over her hands and took a deep breath.
"Uhm. L-Lucas." He rubbed his face, his right cheek, and thought shit. This wasn't good.
"Yeah? What about him?"
Jens swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, his throat scratchy. His eyes burned like he was going to cry.
"We kind of..." He looked at the floor next to them, not wanting to finish the sentence. "Had a—a thing."
Robbe was quiet, and Jens's eyes shot up at him, ready to leave. Robbe looked confused, his eyes narrowed slightly and his eyebrows pulled together. Then he dropped his shoulders and said, "Okay? Is that what you were scared to tell me?"
Jens stared at him.
"Yes?"
"You were scared to tell your gay best friend that you like a guy."
A giggle broke out of Jens, erupting from his throat without him even thinking.
"Yeah. I know."
Robbe looked away smiling, looking relieved.
"Dude."
Jens laughed quietly and covered his face with his hands.
They sat in silence for a second, and Jens felt his heartbeat and his breathing slow. It was okay.
"Had? Past tense?"
Jens dropped his hands.
"Yeah."
"What happened?"
Jens took in a long breath and looked down.
"I don't–" His voice cut off. "I don't know."
Robbe shifted in his seat and put his hands on the table.
"Tell me."
"So we met at the holiday party."
"Mmhm."
"And we hung out a few times after that and we like... We flirted. And held hands." Jens glanced up at Robbe, his nervousness still not completely gone. Robbe nodded, a small smile on his face.
"And he kissed me on New Years. And we went back to my place and smoked. And... And made out."
"Mmhm."
"I thought everything was fine." Jens suddenly became overwhelmed with the same emotions he'd had when he realized Lucas was avoiding him.
"What happened?" Robbe asked quietly.
"He's just not talking to me. At all." Jens looked at him angrily. His eyes burned, and his voice cracked. "He's read my messages. But that's it. He hates me."
"Jens."
"What did I do wrong?"
"Probably nothing." Robbe reached out and placed a hand on Jens's. "You probably did nothing."
Jens dropped his head onto the table and felt Robbe pat his hair.
"I'm gonna get some coffee, and then we'll talk about what to do, yeah?"
Jens sat up, making no move to stand to get coffee himself.
"Yeah."
Robbe nodded and pushed himself away from the table.
"What do you want?"
Jens looked at him for a second, realizing how grateful he was for him. Robbe was a good friend.
"Just a coffee."
"Scone?"
"Sure."
Robbe nodded and began to walk past him, stopping next to him. He looked like he hesitated for a second before wrapping his arms around Jens, pulling him close. Jens turned his face into Robbe's side, wrapping his arms around Robbe's waist. He didn't feel like he had to cry anymore. It was just that he only had the short few seconds during the hug to hide.
"I love you," he heard Robbe say softly.
Jens could only nod.
Robbe gently pulled at his shoulder, and when Jens detached himself, he pressed a quick kiss to the top of Jens's head.
As Robbe walked off to get their coffee and scones, Jens smiled to himself. Robbe had definitely been spending too much time with Milan.
---
"Okay." Robbe fell back into his seat, sliding a plate between himself and Jens and setting two mugs on the table, carefully pulling one off his arm where it was balancing, his fingers holding onto the handle tightly.
"Okay," Jens said back, reaching forward and pulling one mug toward himself. Robbe looked at him with his eyebrows raised.
"Tell me again."
"We met at the party."
"Yes."
"We...flirted. And stuff."
"Flirted?"
"Teased. He held my hand. Smoked together. Just...yeah." Jens didn't mention the bear.
"Okay."
"At the party, we left and went to the park. We kissed."
"Okay."
"Some people showed up so we left. Went to my place. Smoked. Flirted, I guess. Made out."
"And then?"
"I fell asleep and he was laying next to me. And then I woke up and he wasn't there. And I thought maybe he'd text me or something but..."
"Nothing."
Jens shook his head.
Robbe sighed and leaned back as Jens took a sip from his coffee. They looked at each other.
"What do you think?" Jens asked quietly, wrapping both hands around his mug and holding it up to his face, letting the steam warm his face.
Robbe winced and put his elbows on the table.
"I think..." He trailed off and took a bite from the scone. "I think maybe he got scared."
Jens's eyebrows furrowed.
"What do you mean?"
"Like," Robbe started and then took another bite of the scone and pushed the plate toward Jens. "Do you know if he's being a relationship before? Like with a guy?"
Jens shook his head and shrugged, setting his mug down and to take a bite.
"Maybe you're his first. Maybe he got scared or didn't know what to do or something."
Jens nodded slowly, chewing and tapping his mug. They say sat in silence for a second before Jens swallowed and said, "So what do I do?"
"I don't know, man. I think you should talk to him but..."
"He's not talking to me."
"Yeah."
Robbe held his hand out for the last piece of the scone and Jens gave it to him. Jens sighed and rubbed his face, then set his chin in his hand, covering his mouth.
"You said he left you on read, though, right?" Robbe asked, looking up at him.
Jens reached down to pull his phone out of his bag, unlocked it, and pulled open the messages. He passed the phone to Robbe and Robbe pulled the phone up closer to read.
His eyes quickly scanned over the messages Jens had sent, (messages asking what was wrong, a message saying he was sorry) and went to under the most recent message, where two blue check marks showed that Lucas had opened them.
He slid the phone back to Jens.
"You could still message him. I think he'll read it. Maybe he'll reply."
"Mm." Jens dropped his head onto the table, his forearms under his forehead.
"Text him."
"Now?"
"Yeah."
Jens scoffed and lifted his head, taking his phone.
"What do I say?"
Robbe shrugged and lifted his mug to his mouth.
"Thanks."
Robbe nodded.
Jens looked at his screen, his fingers hovering over the keyboard.
Lucas,
Jens shook his head lightly and backspaced. It's not a love letter, just a message. He glanced past his phone to look at Robbe, who was looking at his phone and sipping his coffee. Jens looked back at his phone and began again.
hey
His mouth twisted.
I don't really know what to say. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry if I did anything. or messed anything up.
He looked up again and Robbe caught his eye. Robbe nodded, raising his eyebrows. Jens made a face.
I'd like to know what I did wrong. or anything at all. if you could say something.
Jens hit send before he could talk himself out of it. As it sent, he typed again quickly.
anything
He dropped his phone and Robbe looked at him.
"Done."
Robbe lifted his hand to grab Jens's. He smiled.
"Nice."
Jens yawned and lifted his mug up again.
"All good?" Robbe asked.
Jens paused before answering. He looked out the window and bit his lip.
"Yeah."