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Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
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"Good morning Elizabeth. What do you want for breakfast?" Miranda asked me as I came downstairs. Logan's mom knows me actually pretty well. Since Logan and I are friends we'd often hang out at his place. So Miranda became somewhat like a second mother to me.
I shook my head. "Nothing thanks I'm good." I said while I made my way to the kitchen counter. Although my head was pounding with a little headache, I was actually feeling alright after the incident with Ryan yesterday.
"Elizabeth breakfast is the most important meal of the day. You can't just skip it." She took a orange juice carton out of the fridge and poured me a glass. I thanked her and leaned against the kitchen counter.
"I'll just grab an apple then." I took a sip.
"Okay. Better than nothing, I guess. Is Logan still sleeping?" I nodded and in that moment a sleepy Logan appeared downstairs. "Hey good morning honey. We were just talking about you." She smiled at her son.
"Morning mom." He walked to Miranda and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I smiled. I was really glad that Logan got better after the death of his father. He had died not long after I became friends with Logan. It was a hard time for him and I tried to be there for Logan as much as I could. His dad had died, because of a car crash. It was after he drove home from work. He had to work a night shift and somehow fell asleep while driving.
He walked to the refrigerator and searched for something (food I guess). He ran a hand through his almost black hair which stood up in all angles. "How was the party yesterday?" Miranda asked as she washed some strawberries under the tap. She turned around to look at me. I faked a smile. "It was cool." Oh you mean besides the thing with the drink and Ryan licking at you and Logan punching him? My conscience had to pipe in of course. Miranda's eyes suddenly widened as she looked at my neck.
I stared at her, confused. "Well I'm glad you had a great time." She said, her eyes not leaving my neck. Logan who was obviously as confused as I was, spoke up. "Mom is everything okay?" Miranda looked at her son and smiled up at him. "Sure." She nodded.
Still confused I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and studied the right side of my neck. My eyes widened. Seriously?
"You've got to be kidding me." I said maybe louder than I thought looking at the ceiling. I ones again looked into the mirror. Someone knocked at the door and came in as the someone realized I didn't lock it. Logan appeared and I desperately looked at him. "I have a hickey." I turned to the mirror again. Although it wasn't really big you could clearly see the mark if you kept looking at it. I didn't think that Ryan had enough time to do THIS. But obviously it was more than enough. I looked at Logan again. He just stood there staring at the wall in front of him. Fists clenched. Lips in a tight line. By the look of him I could say that he was beyond pissed.
"I'm gonna kill him."
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After I calmed Logan down we watched TV in the living room. Not wanting to get rid of Logan's comfortable clothes I just changed into my high wasted skinny jeans and kept the shirt on. My phone buzzed and I fished it out of my back pocket to take the call.
"Hello?"
"Hey Liz honey. I hope I didn't wake you." Mom said in a sweet tone.
"Nah." I played with the hem of Logan's oversized shirt.
"Well how was the party?"Images of last night were flashing back to mind. Lips on my neck, hands on my waist, loud music blasting through the house, a fight, arms wrapped around me.
"It was good." I said a faked smile on my lips.
"Well that's good to hear. But I actually called to tell you about the phone call I had with Dr. Goodman. I kind of forgot to tell you that it's today. At 3 p.m."
"Okay I'll be there. I'm pretty sure Logan can give me a ride." I looked at my best friend. He nodded. "But I should shower and put some new clothes on so I should head home first."
"Okay honey. Bye love ya."
"Bye Mom. Love ya too." I hung up and put my phone back in my pocket.
Something buzzed and not long after that Logan was looking at his phone."It's Liam. He's asking if you are alright." Logan said while looking up at me. I already got some texts from the guys. Asking if I was okay. I all texted them back that I was great. That I was just a bit tipsy yesterday.
"Text: yeah she is good, don't worry." He typed into his phone and put it on the couch next to his leg. After a few seconds Logan spoke up. "Liz are you good?" He eyed me warily. I nodded.
"Yeah I am actually. I was just in shock mode yesterday, I guess." His phone buzzed again.
He smiled. "What?"
"Is that your opinion or Liz'?" I chuckled. "Well Liam seems to know you pretty good actually." I narrowed my eyes at him. I nodded. "Yeah. I guess." What was he up to? "You know Liz ..." Logan trailed off. He scratched the back of his neck. Was he nervous? No. Logan did that gesture every time something was uncomfortable for him. I raised a brow. "I never actually asked you if..." He trailed off again. I groaned. "Logan just spill it." I said a bit impatient. "If you ... you know... likesomeoneoftheguys." He quickly mumbled the last part of his sentence.
I laughed lightly at the gesture. "Wait. What?" He broke our eye contact. "You didn't just ask me that. Did you?" He shrugged. "Curious much?" He looked at me again. I smiled. "But you're right you never asked." He raised an eyebrow. An evil idea passed through my mind. I sighed. "Well I'm actually glad that you ask." His eyes widened in surprise.
"'Cause you know I actually have a crush on one of the guys." He raised a brow. "Who is it?" His voice sounded weird like it didn't belong to him. I sighed dramatically. "Well at first it was Jeremy." He nodded slowly. "But then I don't know I was pretty interested in Liam." He nodded again. "But now it's kind of a mixture between Tony, Jack and Drake."
He looked so hilarious. His eyebrows were knitted in confusion. His eyes wide with a mixture of shock and surprise. His lips were slightly parted as if he wanted to say something, but didn't know what or how. And he ran a hand through his dark brown hair multiple times. I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from smiling. But I couldn't help it I burst out laughing.
Logan gave me an even more confused look as before. And then realization flashed over his features. "That was mean." He said a bit pissed. I just continued laughing. "Come on, you didn't really believe me. Did you?" I said between laughs. "Well...." He trailed off. I gave him a serious look and then burst out laughing again.
"What do you think of me? Actually I think I should feel hurt that you think that I would be capable of doing something like that." He shrugged. There was an innocent smile plastered on his face. "How should I know. I don't know what you think or feel for the guys. I'm not a girl." I chuckled. "Well just to make sure you got it I'll repeat it once more for you. I don't have a crush on anyone of them. Not on Jeremy, not on Drake, not on Tony, not on Jack and also not on Liam."
He held his hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay I get it." "And just to scratch the what if's if I would like someone the first person I'd speak to would be Jo. 'Cause you know her she would kill me if she wouldn't be the first person I'd talk to." "You're right." I smiled in triumph. "Though of course they mean something to me. They're my friends." The fight yesterday then flashed back to mind. I really hope that they don't think different of me.
"Logan what do you think the guys are thinking after what happened yesterday?" I asked as I fumbled with the gold bracelets on my wrist. I hope that they won't be weird the next time we'd see each other.
He shrugged. "I dunno. They are probably worried about you." I sighed. Right and that was the last I wanted. "Liz." He began with a concerned look on his face. "What if you'd just tell them." WHAT?
"Logan-" He cut me off.
"Look you don't have to. But why not? I mean they are your friends too." I sighed. Of course they are my friends. But... "Exactly. That's the point. So I don't want them to-" I cut myself off. I sighed again. That's not that easy for me. Because it's really hard for me to open up to anyone about it.
"Logan." I said as calm as I could. "When I told you about what happened. Do you know what it felt like." My vision got blurry, but I held the tears back. Though my voice was shaky. He stayed silent. "It felt like going through it again. If I speak about it then it all comes back again. It's worse than just thinking about it. Because thinking about it.... It doesn't feel as real. 'Cause when I just think about it it's as if it was just a nightmare. Okay? So I don't want to tell them and not just because of that. But also because I don't want them to treat me differently. So is it okay to just keep it from them? And don't just say yes because you're pitying me." A few tears escaped although I tried hard to not let them slip.
Logan looked a bit taken aback at my outburst. But he just nodded and slung an arm around my shoulders.
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"Hello Elizabeth." Dr. Goodman extended a hand towards me. "Hello." I said with a small smile as I took her hand and shook it. After the short ride home and changing into blue skinny jeans and a dark red v-neck Logan delivered me here. He also was going to pick me up again.
She beckoned me in and I took a seat in the black leather chair in the middle of the room. She walked to the brown wooden chair opposite mine and also sat down. The room wasn't that big and it was somehow dull looking. Seeing as there wasn't much furniture in it. There was an office desk with a black chair in front of it, near the door. A colourful carpet was on the floor hiding the wooden ground. The two chairs we were sitting in and a big plant. That was it. Nothing special.
"How are you?" She had a somewhat concerned look on her pretty face. Dr. Goodman was probably in her thirty's, tall and slim. She was actually really good looking with her blonde hair, high cheekbones and beautiful blue eyes.
I fumbled with the hem of my shirt. "Well I'm okay." While I told her about the first breakdown she just nodded a few times not interrupting me. "Well I was somehow proud of myself?" I said though it came out as a question. She nodded with a smile. "But then I somehow thought that if it weren't for the incident I wouldn't need to be proud of myself." Her smile faded and something what looks like confusion came over her.
"So you didn't give you the satisfaction to be happy, to be proud of yourself." I stayed silent and studied the carpet instead. "But of course you should just let yourself be happy and even proud. You shouldn't think about the what if's in these moments. Of course it would be different if it didn't happen at all. But you shouldn't focus on that too much and just let happiness take over you. Because you need to also tell yourself that you made that what you did great. For example go the last metres to your house. I think you did great, seeing as it back then also happened near your house and you also should tell that yourself." I nodded with a smile on my lips.
I didn't know why I was smiling though it was maybe because if I wouldn't be smiling right now I probably had to cry. Yeah. I'm weird I know. But every time somebody is telling me something I did wrong I had to smile. Because otherwise I would burst out in tears right on the spot.
She returned my smile. There were a few minutes of silence. I had to put myself together to keep my voice from shaking. "About my best friend..." I almost had to wince as I heard my shaky voice. She nodded. Either not hearing my voice or just ignoring it. Either way I appreciated it.
I cleared my throat. "She moved to New York a few months ago." I broke our eye contact and my hands found their way to the hem of my red shirt again. She nodded. "So that's hard for you too." I nodded though a smile was on my face as I thought about Jo. About our daily skype calls the first week she spent in her new home. "I really miss her." I said still smiling.
"How did you two meet?" She asked returning my smile. I stared dreamily into the distance. "It actually was in kindergarten. Back then we were the best play buddies you could have imagined. We were always sticking together. Unfortunately they had to move because of family business and they moved here again during middle school. So we found each other again and since then we are best friends. Jo is always there for me. She makes me laugh when I have a bad day. She is always watching out for me. And I'm really lucky that I have her. Though with the move I don't know if it will remain the same as it was." She nodded.
"So you two are childhood friends." I stayed silent and nodded. "I can imagine that it's really hard for you to be separated from each other after the long time you were together." I nodded again. "I try to call and text her as often I can. But it's not that easy with school and family and of course friends." I smiled as I had to think about Logan.
She obviously saw my smile and returned it. "Tell me about your friends." I told her about Logan and the guys while smiling to myself. "How long do you know them?"
"I met Logan in middle school and the others in high school." I told her stories about the guys and she even laughed and smiled at a few of them. "What about your sister?" She asked after a few minutes of silence.
"Well she's a college girl now."She smiled. "Her boyfriend goes to the same college. They often visit us on weekends." She nodded. "Are they still as love struck as in high school?" I nodded and smiled. "Yeah pretty much. Even more I think." I said with a chuckle. They are so in love that it sometimes gets really annoying. "And do you miss your sister?" I shrugged.
"A bit. Sometimes yeah but it's okay I guess." I smiled. "And do you like her boyfriend?" I nodded with a smile. "Yeah Nathan is cool. He makes her really happy and... if she's happy I'm happy ."
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Hey guys
Hope you enjoyed reading this chappy. Although I know it's nothing special and sort of a filler chapter.
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Hugs and kisses
Kathy