March 6, 1945
Near Remagen, Germany
Colonel Davis was very surprised when I asked him if I could rejoin my squad and I don't blame him. After all, it's not every day that a soldier who has the chance to go home requests to be put back on the frontlines.
I had left the Field Hospital I had been healin' up at for the past two months this morning expectin' the trip to my squad's location to be a long one. Turns out they hadn't gone past Remagen yet since they had been given time to rest up so it took only a two-hour drive to get to their location.
As soon as I unloaded my belongings off the vehicle that had brought me into Germany, I was greeted by quite a few soldiers. Some of the faces looked new to me and I figured that could only mean that the platoon had gotten recruitments while I was gone.
Now that I was finally where I wanted to be, I had no intentions of letting my first task be to get settled. I needed to find Pierson right away.
"Daniels?" I heard a familiar voice say. I looked to my right to see Private Finley walkin' towards me.
"Hey there, Private. How ya doin'?" I grinned at him.
"Oh, I'm holding up alright, but what about yourself? How's the wound doing?"
"Still a bit sore, but much better than what it felt like a few weeks ago."
"Good to hear, sir. I'm glad you're back," he said. "Does your squad know you're here?"
"Nope, they have no idea. Know where I can find 'em?"
"Yeah, they should be somewhere over by that tent." He turned around and pointed at a tent in the distance straight ahead. I could see two men loadin' up supplies into a jeep parked right next to it. "If you're curious, you should find Pierson inside the tent."
"Thanks, Finley. If it's not too much to ask, mind watchin' over my pack and helmet for me?" I held up my belongings in front of me.
"Not a problem," he said as he grabbed them. He began to walk towards a small group of soldiers sitting on the floor to the right of me. "They'll be over here when you need them."
As I quickly began to walk towards the tent, I touched the Honorable Discharge papers tucked in my waistbelt. I know it's not going to be easy to convince Pierson that we have to try to find Zussman, especially after what I did to him, but I can only hope that me givin' up my chance to leave will show him I'm being serious.
When I arrived at the tent, I paid no mind to the men loadin' up crates into the jeep. I took my hand off the papers and headed towards the tent entrance.
"Woah, woah, what are you doin' here?" Aiello suddenly came towards me and stopped me from goin' inside. He was speakin' low, most likely to avoid catching the attention of Pierson.
"What's it look like?" I asked calmly as Stiles walked up to us with a confused look on his face.
"Suicide," Aiello said bluntly.
"Hey, I wouldn't go in there," Stiles chimed in. "Pierson's been hittin' the sauce."
"Thanks for the warnin'," I said before placin' my hand on Aiello's shoulder and moving him outta my way. He moved aside without puttin' up a fight and I went inside the tent.
I walked in only to see Pierson sitting down and using some stacked wooden crates as a table. There was a flask, filled with who knows what choice of drink, sitting on top of the wooden crates with his hand around it. He had his attention fixed on the floor until I walked closer to him. When he finally looked up at me, he let out a scoff and glanced at the flask.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me." He looked back up at me.
"I'm not givin' up on Zussman."
"Tell it to the Chaplain* 'cause I got no room for a second who can't follow orders," he said with a gruff voice. He screwed open the flask and took a swig.
"You weren't followin' orders when you refused to abandon those boys at Kasserine," I said, making his head perk up as he placed the flask back on the wooden crates. He stared at me in silence with those dark eyes of his and his mouth slightly open in shock.
He placed the hand that had been around the flask on his lap and looked down at the ground before standing up. He began to take a few stumbling steps towards me which made me take a few steps back.
"What did you just say to me?" He asked rather calmly than I expected.
"You heard me." I looked him in the eyes.
"You better leave while you can still walk." He pointed at the tent flaps as he took a few more steps forward. I moved aside to stay out of his way and was now standing next to the wooden pole in the middle of the tent.
"Davis told me," I explained. "It wasn't your fault. You were only tryin' to do right by your platoon."
He was staring at the ground again and next thing I knew, I was takin' a punch to the face which sent an ache throughout my jaw.
"Get out."
The punch nearly put me on the ground, but I was able to hold my hands out and catch myself. I gripped the wooden pole to steady my balance before turning back towards him.
"Get out!" He yelled this time.
"I'm not goin' anywhere."
"I said get out!" He began to take another swing at me, but I quickly stepped aside, and he punched the wooden pole instead. I winced as I heard his fist make contact with the wood which made the lantern attached to the top of the pole start swingin'.
"God damn it!" He groaned out in pain, shaking his hand. He eventually took a seat on some stacked wooden crates behind him, panting and resting his hands on his lap.
"My orders were to fall back," he began, not bothering to look at me, "but I just couldn't leave 'em. I told my men we were gonna hold this pass until reinforcements got here but...they never came."
His voice had gone high pitched which made him sound like he was about ready to cry. He shook his head and finally looked up at me.
"They never came." He stood up and grabbed his pack off the floor. "So I guess you're right. I did get my men killed. Now go."
He pointed at the tent flaps again but I still didn't bother to leave.
"Not without my platoon," I said as he eyed me while heading towards the tent flaps.
"You think you got some guts, don't ya?" He let out an annoyed breath of air. "Try gettin' the job done day in and day out while your men are dying all around you."
He turned away from me and began to leave.
"Turner would have never given up like this!" I blurted out.
"Turner is dead!" He said through his teeth, dropping his bag to grab my collar and bringing me close to his face.
"Then make that mean something! No sacrifice too great!"
"You don't know anything about sacrifice!"
"How about this?" I grabbed my Honorable Discharge papers and held them out towards him. He let go of me and grabbed the sheet of paper. "Honorable Discharge papers signed by Davis."
He looked at the paper with his mouth slightly open before looking at me again.
"My ticket home." I retrieved the paper back from him and waved it at him, trying to hold back tears. "I could've had everything. A hero's welcome...my girl in my arms...hell, even a Bronze Star."
I proceeded to rip the paper to pieces in front of him.
"But I got one last mission." I touched his arm as he turned away from me, shaking his head.
"You must be crazy." He turned towards me.
"Crazy ain't the half of it," I murmured.
He stayed quiet for a moment and took a few paces around the tent.
"All right, fall in."
"Sergeant," I said, feeling relieved that I had managed to make him hear me out.
"I said, fall in, god damn it," he said as Aiello and Stiles joined us in the tent.
"If you want in, now's the time." He grabbed his pack off the ground and began to leave. "Get the fuck out of my way."
He pushed Aiello and Stiles to the side, nearly sending Stiles to the ground. Once Pierson was out of the tent, the two men approached me silently.
"Huh, I guess the gang's all here." Stiles smiled, breaking the silence and earning a glance from Aiello.
"Not all of us," I said and Stiles' face went serious. "Let's take that bridge and find our boy."
"Yes, Corporal," Aiello said quietly as Stiles nodded.
All three of us headed outside of the tent and that's when I realized I had one more thing to do now that I was back.
"Hey, guys."
"What's the problem, Corporal?" Aiello turned around.
"Just curious to know where I could find L/N."
"Oh, um..." Aiello and Stiles glanced at each other. "I don't know if it's a good idea to go lookin' for her. She doesn't talk much these days and we try not to bother her."
"Please tell me that doesn't mean you haven't tried offerin' her some comfort or askin' if she's okay."
"Of course we've done those things. We wouldn't leave her feeling like we don't care about her," Stiles said. "We just like to give her space when she runs off to be alone."
"How's she been?"
"What do you think, Corporal?" Aiello asked sarcastically, crossin' his arms. "The dolly is hurtin' and it's been pretty damn hard to watch. There've been nights where we have to try and fall asleep to the sound of her cryin' quietly. Hell, sometimes we have to remind the girl to eat."
"Her father's health isn't that great right now, so that's been pretty hard on her too," Stiles added.
"Gosh." I sighed, runnin' a hand through my hair. "Do you think she'll be angry to see me?"
"Of course not. Why would you think that?" Stiles asked.
"I just-- I can't help but feel guilty about Zuss's capture. I mean, I shouldn't even be here. I came so close to bein' taken with him, but I just so happened to not be loaded up into the truck first. Because of that, I was given the chance to save him and I failed."
"Don't go beatin' yourself up, Daniels. What matters is you tried to save him and you haven't given up. For fuck's sake, I don't know what you told Pierson, but-"
"Aiello, don't act like we weren't listening in on them." Stiles cut him off.
"I swear, College, one of these days I'm gonna kill you." Aiello glared at him before turnin' his attention back to me. "As I was sayin', you managed to convince Pierson that we gotta try to find Zuss and it takes some serious guts to show up out of the blue and tell him what we should do after nearly gettin' court-martialed by him."
"Not to mention, you gave up your chance to go home which shows how true of a friend you are," Stiles said.
"It wouldn't have felt right if I had left without tryin' to find him."
"Well, we're with you all the way on this mission to findin' him." Aiello looked me in the eyes for a brief moment. "I may have argued with the boy quite a lot, but I will admit, I miss havin' him around and I'm pretty worried about what those damn Krauts will do to him."
"So am I," I paused for a moment, "but let's not give ourselves too much doubt about this mission."
"You got it." Aiello began to walk off and Stiles did the same.
"Wait, can I talk to you about somethin', Stiles?" I said quickly.
"Uh, sure thing."
"Wait a sec, what secrets do you have that you can't say them in front of me?" Aiello turned around.
"There ain't no secrets, Aiello. I was just gonna ask Stiles some questions about a book some soldier let me read while I was healin' up."
"All right, I'm gone. Definitely not ready to be put to sleep yet." He began to walk off again, giving us a little wave without turnin' around. "Catch ya later, boys."
"So, what book did you read?" Stiles asked.
"There ain't no book, Stiles." I let out a chuckle.
"Oh...then what's this about?" One of his eyebrows raised in confusion.
"The letter. The one Zussman asked me to give to L/N if somethin' ever happened to him. Do you still have it?"
"Oh, that's right. Yup, I still have it." He took his pack off his bag and dug around in it before handing me a letter and a small package. "Kept them safe for you just like you asked."
"Thanks, Stiles." I stared at the contents in my hands. "Even though we're goin' to try to find Zuss, it's only right that I respect what he asked of me and give her these."
"I agree and I think now's your time." He tilted his head towards the trees to the left of us and when I looked that way, I saw L/N walking into the camp. She had been staring at the ground with a slight frown on her face before she got past the jeep to the left of us and noticed us standin' there.
"Daniels! What are you doing here? How are you?" A small smile appeared on her face as she approached us.
"Hey, L/N. I'm doin' all right. The wound ain't healed up all the way, but I'm good enough to put up a fight." I hid the letter and package behind my back.
"That's great news. I will say, it's too bad you have to come back to dealing with Pierson after what...happened. I'm very surprised the both of us are still here."
"Yeah, believe me when I say so am I. I'm actually glad to see you 'cause there's some things I want to talk to you about. One of those things bein' Pierson." My heart began to pump at a faster pace and now it was really hittin' me how scared I am to have to bring up what's been hurtin' her so much over these past two months.
"Oh. Well, I'm all done with my duties for today, so sure, let's talk," she said, rubbin' her arm nervously.
"Well, I'm not, so um, I'll see you guys later." Stiles walked off quickly.
"Daniels, I know what you want to talk about," she said suddenly.
"I'm so sorry that I'm doin' this, but I wouldn't talk to you about it if it wasn't for a good reason."
"And what would that reason be?" she crossed her arms, shrugging her shoulders.
"I talked to Pierson as soon as I got here. I told him that I have one more mission to complete and that I needed his help. That mission bein' finding Zuss," I explained. "I don't know what the plan is yet, but Pierson's in on it which means our chances of finding Zuss have gone up."
"I mean, that's great, Daniels. It really is." her voice cracked. "Y'know, for weeks I've been stopping myself from telling Pierson that we need to go find...Zussman. I was nearly court-martialed because of what I did that night. I didn't beg for a second chance even though it was going to look terrible for me, but he decided not to kick me out of here and I'm not sure why. I've been walking on eggshells, trying to stay on his good side which is why I never stormed into his tent and tried to tell him what we should do. Plus, he wouldn't have listened to me anyway."
"He wouldn't have listened to me either if I hadn't shown him what I gave up to be here."
"What do you mean?"
"Remember when that Kraut prisoner tried runnin' away and I found that intelligence about the last bridge on him?" She nodded. "That got me a ticket home. I had Honorable Discharge papers signed by Davis to get on out of here, but I just couldn't do that. Not without trying to get Zuss on home too."
"Oh my gosh, you can't be serious." She brought a hand up to her mouth.
"I really am. And if you need proof, the pieces of the signed paper are on the ground in Pierson's tent."
"You really gave that up for Zussman?" she said, her eyes becoming glossy.
"He'd do the same for me, L/N. I ain't leavin' my best friend out there."
"I truly am grateful that he has you for a friend, Daniels." She rushed forward and wrapped her arms around my waist.
I was caught by surprise, but I eventually removed my hands from behind my back and returned the hug. I listened to the sounds of her quiet sobs as I felt her chest heaving and decided against saying anything to her so she could let out her pain until she was ready to talk again. I had no idea what was in the letter and package, but what I do know is that it's bound to put her in tears again.
"I'm sorry about this, Daniels." She pulled away and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "It's just been difficult not having him around and not knowing what's happening to him. I can't stop thinking about what those Krauts might be doing to him. I imagine it's much worse than what they did to me."
"I know it's hard to stop worryin' about him, but all I ask of you is that you remain hopeful that we'll find him." I put the small package in the same hand as the letter and placed my free hand on her shoulder. "Don't ever give up that hope because then you'll want to give up entirely. We have to remain strong and ready to put up a good fight if we want to push back the Germans and find our boy."
"You're right, Daniels. I hate to put it this way, but...even if we don't find him...alive, I want to make sure he gets home." She sniffled.
"I'm right there with ya." I gave her shoulder a light squeeze before removing my hand. "I have something to give you."
"Oh, what is it?"
"It was some time after we took back Paris, that Zussman gave me these." I looked down at the letter and package. "He handed 'em to me and simply asked me to give these to you if somethin' bad ever happened to him. At the time, I thought he was crazy to think that way and give me such a task 'cause I didn't want to believe somethin' could happen to him, but I realize now that he wasn't so wrong to ask me to do this. He was doin' it out of good because of how much he cares about you."
I held out the letter and the package and it took her a moment before she grabbed ahold of them. Her lip began to quiver and I prepared to comfort her if she began to cry again.
"Thank you, Daniels." She cleared her throat.
"I'm sure you'd like to open those, so I'll leave you to it. I'm gonna go get my things from Finley and see if there's anything I can do to help around here. If you need to talk about anything, come and find me, all right?"
"All right." Her closed lips raised into a small smile as she looked me in the eyes with her own reddish tired ones.
I walked off with relief that the letter and package had made it into her hands. When they had been given to me, I was pretty worried that I would lose 'em. And when I got ranked up, I decided to give 'em to Stiles to hold on to since I figured I was gonna be given riskier tasks. I had explained to him what to do if somethin' bad happened to Zuss and me. The duty of getting those things to L/N would have been left to him, but somehow my luck allowed me to carry it out as it was originally intended to be.
I had always hoped I would never have to give those things to her. Of course, I had been tempted to read the letter or open the package, but I never let myself give in to my curiosity. I respected Zuss and giving in would have led to me feeling like a bad friend. I could live with not knowing what he had written to her as his last words or what was in the package because it's not what I wanted the most. What I wanted to happen was to get rid of them, but not by giving them to L/N, but by giving them back to Zuss at the end of the war so he could do whatever with them. After all, he wouldn't need me to hold on to them anymore because he'd be goin' home with his girl.
What L/N said is true. We may not be lucky enough to find him alive, but he's gotta make it back home. In a perfect world, those words he wrote to L/N wouldn't be his last to her and maybe they really aren't, but I can only hope they can provide some type of closure or courage to her in the meantime.
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Chapter Song: "Never Forget" composed by Lucas King
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*"Chaplain": a military religious leader, responsible for tending to the spiritual and moral well-being of service members and their families.