Lydia's Pov
I was looking outside from my bedroom window. I can still see that man touching me and cutting me up. I never once saw his face. He made sure to keep it covered. But the image that keeps running in my head don't stop playing, it just keeps on playing over and over again.. It's been little over a week now since I was found and it's been a week since I left this room. I still can't talk about what happened. What hurts the most was I'm a ruin woman before I even got a chance at love. Who would ever want me now. Knowing the fact I'm not virginal anymore. Every time I close my eyes I can see him cutting my body.
I walked over to my bed to sit back down. I'm scared to leave my room now. Mama and Aunt Meadow have tried to get me to talk to them, but they never been like this. I don't know what do tell them. I'm sorry for all of this. I shouldn't have went out to the woods to get blue berry's that day. I'm just glad my brothers nor my little sister was with me that day. That would have killed me if he killed one of my brothers or if he got little Dorothy Mae.
I looked over at the clock on the wall and saw it was only 5 in the morning. I've been up all night again. I try to sleep but nothing but that nightmare keeps playing. I'm scared to death to say a world to any one. I just know he is out there somewhere. I wish they would find him and kill him. Papa and mama tried to talk to me about what happened, but it's done and over. I just glad it was me then someone's else little girl.
I walked out of my bedroom to the kitchen so I can get some coffee started for mama and papa. Plus I want a half of a cup, then I'm going to lay down for a while. Or I'm going to try to lay down. I walked down the steps when I heard voices coming from the kitchen. I was about to walk back in my room when I heard a knock on the door. I stopped in my tracks. I couldn't move. I watched as the door opened up and in walks Mr. Hatfield. I put my head down so he couldn't see my face. There's still one bruise on my left side of my face that hasn't left yet. I was about to walk away when Mr. Hatfield stopped me. I don't want to look at him, so I'm looking on the floor.
"Good morning Ms. Lyddy. I'm glad to see you out of your room. I've sure has missed seein your face around." Anderson said to me. That is so sweet of him.
"Thank you Mr. Hatfield for saving me that day at the river. I owe you my life." I told him still looking down at the floor.
"Lyddy, you don't owe me nothing. I want you to know that. I'm always going to be here for you Ms. Lyddy. As your friend, as your father's worker, or whatever you want us too be." Anderson told me. Why is he being so nice to me? He's only doing this because of what happened in the past week.
"Um, you know whoever did this too you, we will get him. May take some time, but we will. Your pa and I talked about it." Anderson said to me. I'm afraid the man who did this too me is long gone. I walked over to the steps when I saw mama and daddy walkin out of the kitchen.
"Lydia, I was about to go and cheek on you. Please come sit down." Mama said to me. I walked over to mama as she held my hand. I could hear Anderson and my daddy talking still.
"Lyddy still ain't talkin much is she sir." Anderson asked my papa. I saw mama look back at them. I knew she was getting mad with everyone. I looked at mama.
"I'm sorry." I whispered to her. Mama and I sat down at the table.
"Honey, you have no reason to be sorry. Whoever did this too you will be hunt down for this. Your papa will make sure of it." Mama said to me.
"So will I." Anderson said to my parents. I looked at my daddy.
"I'm sorry you have to--" Papa cut me off.
"Like your mama said you don't need to be sorry baby. You didn't do nothing wrong." Papa said to me. I want to tell him I could have done more to stop him but I don't feel like talking anymore. I just nodded my head at my father.
"I'll get you some coffee. Or do you want tea love." Mama asked me. I looked at her.
"Tea." I told her. I gave her a small smile. Mama got up to get me some hot tea. I looked over at Anderson who was looking right at me. Why would he even look at me now. I'm a ruin woman. No man would ever want me. I will never have a family of my own. I began to cry again. I wiped my tears away before any one could see me cry. I've been doing nothing but crying this past week.
"The boys and I will be working here today?" Pa told mama and I. I'm just looking at the table. I don't want too look no one in the face. Pa sat next to me. He grabbed my hand in his hard rough bigger hand.
"Lydia the sooner you can talk about---" Mama cut Pa off.
"Brantley, she still needs time love." Mama told Pa. Pa looked up at mama.
"Right. Sorry Lydia, but I just hate seeing you like this. You didn't do nothing wrong and you are the one who is sick over all of this." Pa said to me. I know he means well, but no one has ever been raped before. Not in our family. I wipe the more tears away. I just want to go back to my room and stay hided in there for the rest of my life. Mama gave me a cup of hot tea.
"Lydia I know you are hurting and---" Aunt Meadow cuts mama off as she walks into the kitchen.
"Good morning everyone. Lydia, I'm so happy too see you again before I have to go back home." Aunt Meadow said to me. I looked at her.
"Maybe we should send Lydia with Meadow down to Texas for a while." Pa said to me. I looked over at him.
"Brantley no." Mama said to me holding my hand.
"Love, look what that son of a bitch did too our daughter. She looks like the walking dead. Look at her. What do you---" Mama cut pa off.
"She isn't leaving Brantley. I am her mother and yes she may be 18 years old, but I'm the one who bore her. Not you. She stays. End of this conversation." Mama said to my pa walkin out of the kitchen. Papa looked over at me.
"I'm sorry love. You know I don't want you too leave. I just want you too be your old self again." Pa told me. I looked over at him.
"Yeah me too." I said to him getting up from the kitchen table. I looked over at my aunt Meadow. Who was looking at me?
"Thank you Aunt Meadow and I'm sorry all of this happened when you were here. But If you don't mind I'm going to go lay down. Love you and safe travels back to Texas." I told my Aunt Meadow. She walked over to me.
"If you change your mind just send me a telegraph and I'll be at the train station to pick you up. And I know everyone tells you it wasn't your fault, but sooner or later you will understand that this wasn't your fault. And your daddy will get that man. Sooner or later love." Aunt Meadow told me. I smiled at her.
"I love you Aunt Meadow." I told her. She gave me a hug.
"Oh I love you too darling." Aunt Meadow told me. I walked out of the kitchen heading back to my room. I was about to go up the steps to my room when I heard someone crying outside. I walked over to the door that was still a little opened and saw mama sitting in her rocker outside crying. I walked outside so I can be with mama.
"I'm not going to Texas with Aunt Meadow mama." I told her. Mama smiled at me.
"Oh baby I know that. I just hate this happened to you. I made a vowel to myself that I would never let my daughters--- I wouldn't dream of---" I cut mama off.
"Mama, it wasn't your fault. I was the one who went to get the blueberry's. This is all on me. I just hate the fact that I'll never have my own family." I told her. That's the only thing that I keep telling myself.
"Oh baby no. You will have your own family." Mama told me. I looked at her.
"Mama, who would ever want a ruin woman like me." I told her. Mama looked away from me. See I'm making my own mama sick by looking at her.
"And you can't even look at me only means that I'm right." I told her. Mama looked at me.
"Lydia Genevieve Gilbert! You are not a ruin woman. One day you will find the perfect man. Have lots of babies. You still have your whole life ahead of you daughter. Don't let this one man take everything from you." Mama told me. I looked at her.
"Mama, name one man on this earth that would be okay if there wives wasn't---" Mama cut me off.
"Your father was." Mama said to me. I looked at her.
"Oh no." Mama said to me. I looked at her. The door opens up and pa, Anderson and Aunt Meadow all walked out to the front porch.
"What's going---" Mama cut pa off.
"Nothing. We was just----" I cut mama off.
"What do you mean pa was okay with it?" I asked her. Mama looked at me.
"Honey, there's a lot of things you don't----" I cut mama off.
"Mama I'm 18 years old. If I can handle being raped, then I think I can handle my mama and pa's life. Now what was pa okay with? Was you married before pa? Was pa married before you. What is it?" I asked my mama. Pa walked behind mama and held on her too.
"Darlin, do you think it's time we tell her the truth." Pa asked my mama. I looked over at both of my parents.
"Yes I do think it's time to tell me the truth." I told them. Pa looked down at mama and me.
"I'll be in the barn if you need me." Pa said to us walking off the porch. I looked over at Anderson who walked behind my pa.
"Luci, I think you should tell her." Aunt Meadow told my mama.
"Lydia, I don't want her to hate us. Or me." Mama said to Aunt Meadow.
"Mama, I could never hate you. But I do think it's time we have a talk." I told her. Mama smiled at me.
"I love you Lydia. And I will tell you everything. But you must listen and just remember we all love you." Mama told me.
"I love you all. Can we talk now." I asked mama.
"I'm going too--" Mama cut Aunt Meadow off.
"Nope. Stay right there Meadow you was a part of this too." Mama said to her oldest friend.
"Okay, well you know that your grandfather killed my mama when I was only 16 years old. And we didn't have no family around, so I had to get a job at the saloon. Hanks Saloon. I hated that place---" I cut mama off.
"You was a working girl mama?" I asked her. She looked at me.
"Dear Lord no. I only cleaned the saloon. Anyway one night this drunken man be hit me a few times and-- The next morning I woke up naked. He was long gone." Mama told me. I held her hand. Wait.. What?
"You mean you was raped too mama?" I asked her. Mama smiled at me.
"I'm so sorry that happened to you too mama." I told her.
"Thank you love, but there's more. A few weeks passed and I was getting sick and so I went to the doctor. And the doctor told me I was with child." Mama told me. I looked at her.
"You got pregnant by that man mama? What happened? Where is the---" Mama cut me off.
"Let me finish this story before you start having questions. I've played this out so many times in my head but now I can find the worlds at all." Mama told me. I smiled at her.
"Okay I won't say nothing no more." I told her.
"Thank you. Anyway I left the doctors office in tears. I didn't know what to do. I was young, working in a saloon. No family around. I was scared. I said a pray and went back to work. About an hour later I was out back when I looked up and saw a man standing there. He was a lonely mountain man. Next thing I knew we was getting married." Mama told me. I looked at her.
"Okay. But where is that child at? I mean if that man got you pregnant where is that child at?" I asked my mama. Mama smiled at me. Wait. I'm the oldest. Mama only bore 6 children. Me, Dalton, Dylan, Josiah, Henry and Dorothy Mae. I looked at mama.
"I'm that child. That man that raped you he's--- He's--- He's my father isn't he." I asked my mama. She looked at me.
"Honey I was only 18 when I had you. I got raped at 17 and I met your pa and---" I cut mama off.
"Brantley isn't my real father." I asked her. Mama was crying her eyes out.
"Sweetie, Brantley is the man--" I cut my Aunt Meadow off.
"What happened to the man that raped you ma?" I asked her. I can't believe all of this.
"I was heavy with you when 3 men broke into our cabin on the mountain. I found out that one of the men was the man that raped me and got me pregnant with you. There was a fight and I shot all 3 of them men dead. Made your father-- Brantley bury them up on the mountain next to old Samson, the old mountain man that also broke into our home and held on me." Mama told me. I don't know what to say. I looked at her.
"How many people have you killed mama?" I asked her. Mama giggled at me.
"Only a few. But it was all in self defense. And I pray for all of them to get to heaven when it would happened." Mama told me. I smiled at her. She is a God fearing woman.
"Honey, Brantley may not help make you. But he is the one that raised you. I was so young when I married Brantley. I was only 18. He was already 33 years old. He was just a lonely mountain man and I need a place to go." Mama told me. I looked at her.
"But you love him." I told my mama. Unless that was a lie too.
"Oh we do. But it took us a few months before we would do what married people do at night." Mama told me.
"The bear attack." Aunt Meadow told us. I looked at her.
"What bear attack?" I asked her.
"Your father was out hunting one morning and a bear almost ripped your daddy to bits and pieces. David and the boys was out hunting, brought him to me and I fixed him all up. You mama and Brantley stayed with us for a good week." Aunt Meadow told me. I smiled at her. I didn't know that.
"After David Jr. picked me up and told me what happened I knew how much I was in love with Brantley. After that day I never once dreamed about being away from him ever again." Mama told me. I smiled at her.
"Does anyone know about me not being pa's daughter." I asked her.
"Only us. Your Maw don't even know." Mama told me. I was about to say something when Maw walked out.
"Think again Luci." Maw said to all of us.
"Nellie, how would you have---" Maw cut mama off.
"Hello, Lydia was not even 5 weeks old when you moved here. And after being here for each of your births and seeing how Dorothy Mae looks, it wasn't that hard to put two and two together. Plus Lydia don't look nothing like Brantley. I've had a feeling for years. It wasn't until Dorthy Mae was born when I knew what I was thinking was right. But Lydia don't hold that in. Your parents are good people. You love Brantley dont you?" Maw asked me.
"What kind of question is that? Of course I love him. He's my pa." I told her.
"And you love your mama right?" Maw asked me. I looked at my mama.
"She's my best friend Maw." I told her. Maw smiled at me.
"Then go tell your mama that you love her. Then go give your father a hug for raising you to be the best young woman that you are." Maw told me. I smiled at her.
"Does pa feel different about me then he does with the boys or Dorothy Mae." I asked my mama.
"No darlin no. He loves you so much. The love he has for you will never change." Mama told me. I walked over to her and gave her a hug.
"Thank you for telling me all of this. And I'm sorry that man did that too you." I said to my mama.
"Well, I'm glad I have you my Lydia. And I know Brantley loves you so much. Everything he does is for this family. And it was all started with you daughter. You made him the best father that he is. Because of you he can be a good father too the boys and Dorothy Mae." Mama told me. I smiled at her.
"I'm going to talk to pa." I said to my mama, Maw and aunt Meadow. I walked off the porch walking to the barn where Anderson and my daddy are working. I walked inside the barn and saw Anderson working while my pa was sitting down. I walked over to him.
"Pa." I said to him. I began to cry again. He looked up at me and I knew he was crying too.
"Lydia what are you doing in here--" I cut my pa off by giving him a hug. He wrapped his arms around me.
"I love you Pa. And thank you for raising me and loving me." I told him. Now that I know the truth I'm looking at Brantley Keith Gilbert in a new way.
"Your my little girl. I'll do anything for you." Pa told me. I smiled at him.
"Mama told me the story and why? Why did you want mama?" I asked him. I just need to know.
"She was so young and I heard a lot of people talking bad about your mama and that rub me the wrong way. Plus it help that your mama was cute back then. Now she's just as pretty as the day I laid on my eyes on her at the doctors office. She just found out she having you the day I met her and the day I married her." Pa told me. I was about to say something when Anderson walked over and started to talk.
"Wait, you only knew Mrs. Gilbert for one day before you married her sir." Anderson asked my pa. I looked up at him.
"One day. I only said about 20 words to the old girl. But when a man makes up his mind it don't take him long. I love your mama and yes my blood may not go through your blood, but my love for you as my daughter will never go away." Pa told us.
"I love you pa and I'm still your little girl." I told him giving him another big hug.
Now that I know more about this problem I know I can deal with it. If my mama can live through this, then I know I will.
A/N
WELL LYDIA KNOW'S EVERYTHING NOW?
WHAT COULD BE NEXT FOR THIS FAMILY.
TIME WILL TELL.
HOPE YOU ALL LIKED IT.
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THANKS FOR READING EVERYONE.