PART 2
It's been two weeks since you left. You've been living with your friend, Alyssa. She has been the absolute best. Even when you weren't the best of companies, not even close. You still were moody... you still cried yourself to sleep, sometimes out of sadness, sometimes out of anger, other times out of both.
You hated yourself for giving him that much importance, for allowing him to break you. You were never that type of girl. But with him... he worked his way through all your walls, carefully. So you just opened up your heart and let your guard down completely. You let him in 100%.
Never again.
Seth called you four or five times every day during the first week. You never picked up. He left voicemails. You never even heard them. He texted you. Those... you read, but never replied. Eventually, he stopped trying.
'Please, pick up the phone. I'm worried about you.'
'Just hear me out. Please. That's all I ask. Hear me.'
'I can't live in a world where you hate me. I just can't.'
'Just got home... You really came pick up your stuff when I wasn't here. Even left your key. This isn't home anymore. Not when you're not here with me.'
'I wanted to tell you this in person, but I can see now that I won't ever have the chance. I'm sorry that I failed you. I wish I hadn't ruined what he had, like I always do with anything that actually is important to me. I love you more than words can say. I just wanted you to know that. Goodbye, (Y/N).'
That was the last time he tried to contact you. That text broke you even more. This was the Seth you fell in love with, not the shell of Seth that had been living with you for the past couple of months.
Alyssa's voice snaps you out of your thoughts. "Are you even listening to me, girl?" The look on your face tells her that you weren't. "(Y/N), you have to make a decision. You either listen to what he has to say, or you let him go. But you have to decide. Living like this is no option, and definitely not good or healthy for you."
"I know." You mumble, looking down at your hands. Alyssa keeps caressing your hair in understanding. "I just... I am so confused. So hurt. I honestly don't know what to do."
"Just... don't overthink it. Things will be clear rather sooner than later."
You nod in agreement, but the tightening, the weight in your chest, that uneasy feeling is still there. It never left since that day.
Alyssa went to work, but you had a day off today, so you just decided on staying home and get some rest. Maybe watch some cheesy movie or something. And you were exactly doing that when your phone started ringing.
Unknown Number
Odd. Who could it be?
Your mind wandered to Seth. But it couldn't be him. He'd call you from his number. You take a deep breath before picking up.
"(Y/N)?" The voice on the other end of the line said.
You feel your heart in throat, a lump forming, you're not quite sure why. "Who is this?"
"It's Becky." She says, as if testing waters, but you can't bring yourself to say anything. "I know you probably don't want to talk to me too, but Seth is my best friend so... I'm worried sick about him." First, you're angry that she's calling you, but now hearing her, your chest is tightening, anxiety setting in. "Have you heard from him lately? By lately, I mean today or yesterday?"
You clear your throat, trying to find your voice. "Hm. I- No. I haven't heard from him." And then, you find the strength to say the word that ringing in your brain. "W-why?"
"Fuck!" She lets out. "I was hoping he had trying to contact you." She really did sound desperate, and it was really making you nervous. "I- We had some time off this week. He went home two days ago and I didn't hear from him ever since. I figured he's just been resting, you know... because he hasn't been so good... but it's been two days and he never picked up his phone or replied to my messages. Mine or anyone's for that matter. And that's just not him."
Your breath gets caught in your throat. And it was not pain, it was not anger. It was fear. You're terrified that something happened to him.
"(Y/N)? Are you there?" Becky calls, after a couple of seconds with no response.
"I- I am. I just... Fuck..." You're so scared, your mind is racing, you can't even organize your thoughts. "H- he didn't really reach out? I mean, t- to any of you?"
"No... he didn't text me or return my calls. Nor Roman's." She reaffirms. "I'm just worried that something happened. He- Well... He has been very down. Very sad. I've never seen him like that."
Once again, you can't manage to say anything. The silence deafening. Until Becky clears her throat and speaks again. "I just want you to know that nothing ever happened between me and him. He's like a big brother to me. He's family. That's all. Plus, I would never do that to you. He would never do that to you. And I know for a fact that he loves you." She explains, slowly and gently, as if waiting for it to reason you.
You take a deep breath, emotions taking over you. "You know that he... Seth, he really loves you. He's just... complicated. But he loves you with all his heart."
"I- I love him too. So fucking much." You say in between a shaky breath, as a tear rolls down your face.
"I know you do." She says simply.
Suddenly it hits you. You need to do something.
"Look, I- I'll call him. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do, I'm going to call him and he will be fine." You say rapidly, trying to convince yourself more than her. "I'll call you when I know something."
Your hands are trembling, you can barely scroll down your contacts' list. You finally reach his name. Without no hesitation, you press "call".
It beeped once.
Twice.
It keeps on beeping and nothing.
You're starting to panic. Tears streaming down your face. "No, no, no, no. Pick up, pick up, pick up." You keep repeating to yourself.
It goes to voicemail so you give up and call Becky again.
"He's not picking up. He's not picking up, Becky." You tell her, your voice shaken by emotion and fear. You're met with silence from the other end. Becky is at a loss for words. "That's it. I'm going there. I'm going home."
"Ok, but tell me as soon as you know anything. Please." She pleads, you could tell she was worried sick too.
"Of course." You assure her. "And Becky... thank you for calling me. Bye."
With that, you grab you car keys and head fast to your home. Wherever Seth is, that's home to you.
You finally get there. You walk all the way towards the front door, taking a deep breath before ringing the doorbell.
It's been a minute and no one opened the door. So you ring it again. And again. You're growing agitated.
You finally hear some movement inside. Some shuffling around, until the door finally fluttered open.
He opens the door without even asking who it is, and walks back inside the house without doing it again. You walk quickly behind him, closing the door behind you.
"Seth." You say gently as you reach and take ahold of his hand.
That was enough to make him pay attention. He turns to face you, looking like a deer in headlights. The look on his face is just... breaking your heart even more. He looks like himself, but there's something about his eyes... they used to be so vivid, so happy, now they hold so much sadness.
You keep your hand locked with his, and move your other hand to caress his bearded cheek gently. Once you do that, he tightens the hold on your locked hands. You had missed this so much. His touch. His skin on yours. His beard under your fingers.
He looks so vulnerable... about to break down. You have never seen in like this.
"You've been crying." He mumbles softly, repeating the words he said on that same day. Even at his worst, he's worried about you.
"Oh Seth..." You choke out, tears filling your eyes as you pull him into a tight hug.
He takes a second to wrap his arms around you, but when he does, he holds you real tight. It's only a few seconds until he starts sobbing uncontrollably. His whole body was tense and shaking. You've never seen him in this state.
"Let it all out, baby. I'm here. I'm here with you. You're good. I've got you." You say in a choked voice, trying to maintain your strength and be there for him.
"I'm so, so sorry." He sobs, giving you a squeeze. "I'm a mess, I always ruin everything. I always ruin everything I touch. And God knows I didn't want to ruin you."
You pull back so you could face him, cradling his face in your hands. His eyes were red and puffy. "You didn't ruin me. I'm still standing."
"But I hurt you. I hurt you so bad. You're still standing, but you're wounded." He averts his gaze away from your, almost ashamed, as some more tears run down his cheeks. "I avoided you. I didn't pay attention to you. I pushed you away... I fucking failed you, (Y/N). Roman and Becky... they warned me. They tried to set me straight. But..." He sighs deeply. "I always sabotage myself. I can't do anything right. I was planning on marrying you, having kids with you. I had it all figured out, and I ruined it." He lets out a sad chuckle. "And now I lost you."
He breaks free from your hold and goes sit on the couch. Propping his elbows on his legs and resting his face on his hands, he takes a couple of deep breaths. You go and sit on the small table in front of him, caressing his knee gently. You didn't say anything though, you feel like he had things he wanted to get off his system, so you just decided to give him time.
After a couple of minutes in silence, he finally speaks again.
"You know... everyone expects so much of me. All the fucking time. I have so much pressure on me. To be perfect. Unflawed. And I'm none of those things. I'm fucking damaged." He sighs once more, before continuing. "I just want to be me for a change. I don't want to think about what people will say. I just want to live... to feel."
"I love you with all your flaws, all your damage and all your scars. I love that you're not perfect. You're perfect in all your imperfection. You're perfect to me." You pause a bit to gain courage. "Those things you said, I wanted them too. All of them. With you. Marry the love of my life. Have a small baby running around the house calling you 'daddy'." His smile lit up with that last part. "And I'm sure you'd be the best daddy ever."
Suddenly, his face grows serious. "C-Can I kiss you? Please, let me kiss you. Even if it's the last t-"
In one motion, you kneel in front of him and press your lips to his. Hard and confidently.
When you pull away, you smile at each other. Then, you get up on your feet and pull him up right after. "Now, you and I are going to bed and sleep a bit, get some rest, because I am exhausted and I know you are too." He smiles sweetly, and leaned in to press a kiss to your forehead before heading to your bedroom, hand in hand with you.
He goes to the bathroom first, so you use that time to message Becky, telling her that Seth's ok and you're with him, so she could stop worrying. You thanked her, yet again, for being a good friend and for reaching out.
Once Seth comes out, you set the phone on the nightstand and laid back on the bed, quickly being joined by Seth, who immediately pulled you closer to him.
"I missed you so much. I don't ever want to be without you. Ever again. Ok?" He says, in a pleading manner, with his forehead pressed against yours. You nod affirmatively, reaching up and pecking him on the lips.
"Only if you never push me away again. I'm here for you, no matter what. Whatever bothers you, you come to me. No judgements." You let him know your terms.
"Never again. I promise you."
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