LUCAS
Lucas sat on his hotel bed against the headboard, the blanket pulled up around his legs, and scrolled through the messages Jens had sent him. There weren't any from that day, and the ones from the day before, and the day before that, hurt Lucas's heart. But he couldn't look away.
Everything okay?
Are you alright?
Lucas??
Lucas stared at his screen, biting his lip. He shut his phone off and tossed it next to himself, covering his face as he took a deep, shaky breath. He rubbed his cheeks, feeling his eyes burn with unshed tears. The phone buzzed next to him and he turned to look at it, laying face down, and dropped his hands in his lap. He took another deep breath before reaching over and flipping it over, reading the notification.
If I messed it up, I'm sorry
"Fuck," Lucas said under his breath, flipping the phone back over and bending over his legs, his face in his hands. His lips pressed together, his nostrils flared, and his eyes squeezed shut, tears finally falling.
He had held himself together all day, laughing and smiling, holding himself so he didn't look as exhausted as he felt. He wanted to talk about it. About how scared he was, how lonely he was.
But the only person he wanted to talk about it to was Jens. And he couldn't do that.
His body ached, wishing he could be held by him. Wishing he could feel Jens's hands again.
A sob broke out of Lucas, and he wrapped his arms around himself, covering his mouth with his elbows. He fell forward, his forehead hitting the mattress. Sobs racked his body as he gasped against his arms, his fingers tightening, grasping the fabric of his sweatshirt like he was trying to rip the feeling out of himself.
This happened too, sometimes. But when it happened there wasn't a reason. He would cry, alone in the darkness of his room, feeling like there was absolutely nothing for him, and feeling the weight of everything on top of him, pushing the breath out of his chest, the tears out of his eyes.
He didn't want Jens to deal with that either.
By the time the tears slowed down to a gentle trickling, his face was sore and his head ached. His phone didn't buzz while he cried, and he wondered if that apology text would be the last one Jens sent him. The last one Jens ever sent him.
The idea of not hearing from Jens hurt.
It was ridiculous, he thought, the fact that he had met Jens only two weeks ago, and Jens had done this to him. Made him feel okay, and safe, and complete.
Lucas sniffed, opening his eyes, and shifted to pull the blanket over himself. He tucked it under his chin, lifting his head and putting his arm under it, and sighed. He looked at his phone once more, seeing the shine of the case in the dark from the street lamps shining into the room from the gaps in the curtains, and then closed his eyes.