Sasuke POV:
During the night I kept waking up and falling asleep. I miss Naruto and I miss his presence...heck even his idiotic comments. I feel cold, despite the warm blanket that covers me. Eventually the alarm went off. I debated whether to actually go to school or not...I don't want to...but I am determined to do it for Naruto. I stood up, got dressed and did my usual morning routine. I looked in the mirror and thought that I couldn't wait for the day to be over so I can go visit him. I went downstairs and ate breakfast together with Itachi and Deidera. He then drove me to school.
"Why isn't onii-san going to work with you today either?"
"Uhm...I don't know if it's okay for me to tell you, un."
"Please just tell me..."
"You see...your brother was forced to take a mini vacation since he was overworking himself with your case..."
I sigh...how much more trouble am I going to cause him?
I guess Deidera noticed since he slapped my shoulder playfully and added:
"Whip that kicked puppy expression off your face. You and your brother are so alike. Don't worry about it that much. It isn't your fault, un."
Just then we arrived and I quickly got out of the car and made my way to class. By the looks of it everyone knew what happened since they were all staring at me...mainly showing pitty. Annoyed I put on my hood and headphones. I shuffled some songs from The Exploited and then walked to class.
After first period, I met up with Gaara who came looking for me. He asked about Naruto and me...I updated him on what's going on and he let me know that he'll come visit him as well.
*Time Skip*
As soon as school was over I hurried to the hospital to visit Naruto. And that's how I spent my time for the next 3 months.
I woke up, ate, went to school, visited Naruto, went home, attempted to sleep and repeat. At this point I was a living robot. I felt empty and numb. That's until two weeks ago. I stopped going to school...I couldn't anymore. And it looks like I can't keep up with this charade either. I tried...I tried so fucking hard to act like I am okay like it is okay... to be bloody positive and optimistic and all that crap...but I can't...I am tired. The only thing that gets me out of my room is visiting Naruto in the hospital...daily. I stopped eating...and I am barely sleeping and speaking to anyone. At this rate I am going to keep falling into this depression and I am afraid that if Naruto won't wake up then...then there will be no chance that I will get better this time... I am barely able to control myself from going back to my old habbits...I don't even care anymore...the only thing that keeps me going is him. He has to and he will wake up no matter how long I have to wait...I just hope he does it befor I lose my mind.
Itachi POV:
For a while...everything seemed fine. He looked fine, he was doing fine. I don't understand why he just crashed like that out of the blue. I am so worried. He doesn't even speak...not even to me. Only a hn and mumbles here and there. I barely get to see him...he only leaves his room once a day. He doesn't even come to eat...I keep bringing him food to his room, but I have a feeling that he isn't eating it, despite the fact that I always find the plates empty. That's the weird part. I really don't know what to do...I am terrified of thinking what he might do...I tried to convince him to talk to a therapist, if he doesn't want to talk to me, but he refuses that as well. Every time I enter his room he is either acting like he is asleep or staring into nothingness. This can't go on like this...he will completely destroy himself.
I knocked at the door, then walk inside the room with a tray that had two plates and two glasses of water on it. I put it down then opened the curtains causing Sasuke to growl annoyed. I ignored it and opened the window as well to let some fresh air come inside. I went to his bed and took a seat. I was thinking that if he doesn't want to eat with us downstairs, I will come upstairs. I just need to make sure that the empty plates were in fact eaten and not thrown away.
"Sasuke, let's eat together ..." He turned around and ignored me. This is his way of saying go away, but I was't having any of it.
"Sasuke...don't makeme repeat myself...you need to eat something."
"I am not hungry at the moment. I will eat it later..." he spoke barely audible.
"Oh come on...don't be like that. Please eat with me...I already brought the food."
No answer, yet again...
"Sasuke-" just as I was about to insist some more he turned around and threw the food together with the blanket on the floor. I was taken abback by this sudden reaction. I looked at him with wide eyes. He was angry, but I don't know if it was actually directed at me. He had visible dark eye bags...and he just looked awful in general.
"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING ANNOYING. WHAT PART OF I AM NOT FUCKING HUNGRY DON'T YOU GET. IS IT THAT DIFFICULT TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?" he yelled at me. I was speechless. I stood up and tried to reach for him
"Sasuke please calm-"
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME. I am going out." after saying that he put his shoes on and left the room. At first I wanted to go after him and give him a piece of my mind, but I think that it would be better to let him calm down. I sigh then went to grab some stuff to clean the mess that he made. Such a waste of food, but at this point I don't have an appetite, either. Since the blankt got dirty I decided I might as well change the sheets. When I was changing the pillow a small box fell out. I was confused,so I picked it up and opened it only to be filled with dissapointment, anger and worry. There was a razor blade inside. I can't believe this...I should have acted sooner...don't tell me that he...
Sasuke POV:
After the little show that I put on, I went to take a walk and calm down. I am so stupid...why did I even do that? I let all my anger out on onii-san who was just trying to help. He totally didn't deserve that, but I just felt this rage inside and I couldn't control myself. Maybe the many unslept nights and not eating are finally showing. Damn it, why did I have to be such a jerk. I guess I will just have to apologize when I get back. But first since I am already outside, I might as well go visit Naruto...As usual I went and took a seat by his bed...
"Hey you usturatonkachi. I came to bother you again some more. I really miss you. Today I have been a jerk again and got into a fight with Itachi. If you were here, you would probably be angry at me, too. I haven't been eating or sleeping...I am so afraid of losing you. If it weren't for you I'd be lost. I am so glad you came into my life...but I have only brought you more suffering, while you made me so happy. But even so I have the audacity to ask of you not to leave me here alone. I can't loose you. I miss us...us I really like the sound of that. I haven't been myself lately either. I am afraid of myself...I might do something stupid. The doctors told me that you might hear me...so if you do hear me then please just wake up already. Kiba is gone and Sakura, too...Gaara, Itachi, Deidera, Shikamaru, Choji etc. ...we all miss you. We need you...heck I need you..." Without noticing it I started crying unconsolably. I put my head on his bed and held his hand giving it a little squish. My eyes widden and heart stopped beating when I felt him squish me back. I ran after a doctor...they immediately rushed in and did a check up on him. They exchanged a look before giving me a pitiful look.
"I am sorry to dissapoint you, but it was just a reflex...nothing uncommon..." he then proceeded to explain to me about it, but I wasn't listening. After they left I decided to go home as well. My eyes were stinging...they must be red and puffy...I feel very weak and don't have much strenght. Even walking home is tiring. I must be pale which means that the fact that I cried is only more obvious. I tried to cover my eyes with my bangs before entering the house. I decided to go wash my face before facing onii-san. Boy, was I wrong. The second I entered the house I saw him sitting, deep in thought...probably waiting for me. I took a deep breath then opened my mouth to speak only to be interrupted:
"Itachi...I am sor-"
"SASUKE...show me your arms and tights right now."
"What?" I looked at him confused.
He looked at me completely terrified of what he might see. That's when I noticed the box that he was holding in his left hand.
"Onii-san...I can explain. Just hear me out...that is not my razor blade. It's Naruto's. It was his first one. He entrusted it to me...and I was waiting for him to get better so we can throw it away together...like you did with me...but then all that Kiba mess happened...I swear I haven't done anything."
He still looked at me suspicious and worried, but his glare somehow soften probably because he must have noticed my eyes. I sighed and took off my hoodie. I was wearing a T-shirt underneath. I showed him my wrists...nothing new just plain old scars. Then I pulled down my jeans and showed him my tights as well...the same story. I pulled my jeans back up and lifted my hoodie from the floor. I have to say that I am a little hurt that he had so little trust left in me...but I understood where he was coming from at the same time. He let out a breath the he probably didn't even know that he was holding.
"I am sorry, Sasu-"
"No, I am sorry onii-san for what I have done earlier. I was angry at myself, not at you. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. Is the offer still available ?"
He looked at me a little surprised and smiled.
"Of course. I'll go heat the food up now."
Just as he was about to leave I asked:
"Uhm Itachi...can I have it back now?"
"Oh uhm..." he looked at his hand clearly debating what to do "Here you go. Sorry."
"Thanks." I said while walking upstairs to put the box into my desk drawer.
*Half a month later*
3rd person POV:
Sasuke slowly got his act together once more with the help of Itachi. He didn't improve much, but he started eating and spending time with them once more, although he usually barely touched the food or spoke much.
Today they have been called in by the doctors. Sasuke was extremply hopeful, thinking that they had good news for him, oh boi was he wrong.
The doctors only crushed his spirit once again.
They explained to them that his chances of waking up after all this time were 1% and that it was pointless to keep him connected. Sasuke obviously argued with all his high and might. Luckily Itachi believed in the two so he turned down the doctor's offer and managed to get Sasuke one more month. It's been two weeks and a half since then and Naruto still showed no improvement. Sasuke's state worsened if that was possible...he stared into nothingness 24/7 and stopped visiting his lover on a daily basis, sometimes not being able to get out of bed at all. He had literally gotten sick by emotional pain alone. It was crushing him, day by day. He was hurting so bad while other times he was numb af. There was no in between.
Today Sasuke woke up after only getting an hour of sleep. He hid his head under the covers, because it hurt so bad it bothered him.
"I'm tired..." he mumbled to himself while slowly sitting up, after a while. His lips were extremely dry. He sat on the edge of the bed willing himself the strength to stand. After a while he managed to push himself on his feet. He tried to walk, but stumbled against a wall, with its support he managed to make his way downstairs and into the kitchen.
He leaned against the counter table for support and of course this didn't get unnoticed by his brother.
"Sasuke stop this. Look at you, you're hurting yourself. I understand that you are worried for Naruto, but this is becoming an unhealthy obsession. I can't afford losing you, as much I care about him."
Sasuke was getting irritated by him. He quickly chugged the glass of water down and just as he was about to leave he was about to fall, but luckily Itachi was there to catch him.
"You're burning up, plus I heard you scream last night...nightmares again?" No response whatsoever. Itachi took a deep breath trying to remain calm, he was a patient man. He helped Sasuke to the couch and brough him a bunch of blankets and pillows and other cozy stuff. He prepared him some soup and spent the next three days taking care of him, almost never leaving his side.
The month soon came to an end and they had to go to consult with the doctors once more.
They had a serious talk with Itachi in private before letting Sasuke join. Itachi understood the situation and even though he was heart broken about it, he knew that it was just what they had to do.
When Sasuke found out about it he obviously didn't take it well. He threw a tantrum and fought pointlessly . He was the only one who still believed that Naruto would wake up. He got extremely overwhelemd by it and passed out after, yet another extremply bad panic attack.
Sasuke POV:
After I woke up in a hospital bed, I had no energy left to fight. I just stood up and silently walked towards the car along with onii-san.
How am I supposed to react to the basically murder of my best friend and soulmate. I wish I were him. I wish I were the one lying in a coma in that damned hospital bed for almost 6 months now.
I spent the rest of the day crying or trying to come up with a solution. In the end I could only come up with one answer. I knew that the doctors were going to disonnect him tomorrow evening to give us enough time to say our final good-byes. I stayed awake all night to write my suicide letter. I didn't want to live in a world without him.
In the morning I walked downstairs casually and Itachi and Deidera gave me each pitiful looks. Itachi came up to me trying to say something, but I stopped him.
"I could use a hug just about now..." I stated weakly, my voice cracking as tears streamed down my face again. Itachi instantly wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly trying to comfort me. I was a sobbing mess, knowing that this was the last time I see him. Deidera joined the hug and we just stayed like that for a while. I was extremply thankful that they have been part of my life.
"Thank you...I'll go see Naruto now and say goodbye. I want to do it alone." I stated, Itachi was reluctant, but eventually they let me go.
Once I got at the hospital I went by his side. As soon as I saw him I felt like crying. I slowly sat down and started thinking about everything that we could have done together during this 6 months...about how he didn't get to spend his first christmas with us...or winter holidays....We didn't get to do cozy couple stuff while it was freezing outside. We didn't get to built our first snowman together or get into petty fights...I barely got to tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me...We never even got to do it together. Everything has been taken away from us...our present, our future...our life...
I took his hand and gently rubbed my thumb against it. Tears were flowing down my cheeks and I couldn't control it.
"Life has no meaning without you, Naruto. I hope you can forgive me. I don't know if afterlife is real, but if it is then see you there. If it isn't then I'd rather turn into nothingness than go on like this. I'm here to say good bye and hopefully see you soon. I love you Naruto Uzumaki...Please never forget that. I love you with all my heart." I stated between sobs, slowly standing up and reaching over to him, kissing his lips one last time. They were cold and dry, not like the way I remembered them. I slowly placed a getle kiss on top of his head protectively. I hesitated and didn't want to let go, but I had no choice. Slowly I let his hand go and turned around, whipping my face aggressivly. I took one last glance at him before leaving...Goodbye, my lover.Goodbye, my best friend.
The walk to the cliff where I decided to end it all took a while, so by the time I got there it was already dark outside. It was spring so it was quite chilly.
*Back to the present, related to chapter 35:Gone away*
How do you tell a well-structured story when life is absolute chaos? I think as I take another step closer to the edge of the cliff. I glance up at the stars and admire the beautiful full, yet lonely moon. It's the first time I have come here alone, since I met Naruto. Now that you know how I have gotten to this critical point, I take, yet another step closer to the edge of the cliff, just thinking about my life up to this point...I laugh bitterly as one single tear rolls down my cheek...Goodbye, world...
...........................................................
Heyo, so one last chapter plus alternative ending left to go.
Thanks to coronavirus scare, my country shut down the school so I have finally some free time on my hands.
Anyways take care and keep yourself informed.