Y/N's POV
"The drug should make him tired, so just let him sleep for a little while," Sabine smiles at me. "The other nurses won't suspect anything. I made sure of it."
"Thank you, Sabine," I squeeze her shoulder affectionately.
"Don't forget, we still have to hook you and Jeongguk up, too," she laughs, walking away.
I could have my memories back. I don't even know exactly what memories I'm forgetting, but I'm still overjoyed.
I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn around, finding Jeongguk standing behind me.
"Hello, beautiful," he smiles his bunny smile.
I chuckle. "Stop that."
"You're a free woman now," he smirks.
"Doesn't mean I'm gonna crawl back to you," I snap back.
He flinches in fake pain. "I'm hurt," he frowns.
"Whatever," I mutter and start to walk away.
"Wait," he grabs my arm and pulls me back towards him.
I look at him, waiting for him to say whatever he needs to say.
"I'm sorry...about Drew."
I scoff. "No, you're not," I point out. "But thanks anyway," I smile up at him, knowing his intentions are pure.
His smile quickly fades into something more sinister. Something more lustful...but sad.
"I think I've made it pretty clear how I feel about you," he suddenly says. "And I can tell you don't feel the way I do. So, I'm sorry for pushing myself at you."
I feel my heart pang with guilt and my mind starts screaming at me to confess something I didn't even know I needed to confess.
I shake my head. "Jeongguk..."
He closes his eyes and pulls away from me. "I'll try to keep it professional between us from now on."
"I don't want that!" I burst out, making him jump. "Sorry," I mumble.
He sighs. "You confuse me."
"And you confuse me," I repeat back.
"Maybe once we get our memories back this'll all make more sense," he suggests.
I nod. "Perhaps."
I bite my lip and look towards the hospital room, seeing Soobin sitting in the chair next to Yeonjun's bed with Yeonjun fast asleep.
I look back at Jeongguk. "You wanna...come to my place?"
Silence. The silence makes me feel weird. Maybe I shouldn't have asked.
"I just wanna change clothes and take a shower and I know Yeonjun won't be awake for a little while so—"
"Y/N," he cuts me off. "That's fine. I'd love to come with you. Maybe we can talk about some of the terms concerning Yeonjun and I's relationship moving forward."
I sigh in relief and nod. "Great idea."
☠ ☠ ☠
"This is the living room," I point out the obvious, not really knowing how to act with Jeongguk inside my house like this. "You can sit on the couch and wait for me if you want. I'm sure I'll be out of the shower shortly."
He nods, looking hesitant, but sitting down on the couch anyway. He keeps his gaze on me, giving me a look I've never seen before.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Jeongguk snaps out of his trance and looks away suddenly. "Sorry."
"Why are you being so awkward?" I laugh as if I'm not feeling the same way.
"You really wanna know?" He asks, looking up at me again and shifting uncomfortably on the couch.
I hum.
"I'm trying my goddamn hardest to control the beast right now," he squeezes his eyes shut.
"Wh-what do you mean?"
"I mean," he stands up, walking towards me. "I want to pounce on you and drag you into your bedroom so I can fuck you hard and rough, leaving you screaming my name."
I gulp and take a step back as he approaches me.
"Don't worry. I'll contain myself," he turns back around and sits on the couch.
He keeps his eyes on his lap. It's almost humorous, the way he's acting. It seems childish, but I can sense the obvious seriousness behind it all. He is very serious about trying his hardest to stay away from me.
Do I want that? What do I want?
I should probably just leave.
Of course, that's not what happens.
"Don't you think all of this is just...weird?" I speak, cutting through the silence.
He looks up at me, a questioning look on his face. "What do you mean?"
"You, me, Drew, Yeonjun, Jimin, Soobin, Sabine," I list off names. Names of people that have been a part of this last year. "Everything that has happened this year has been absolutely insane."
Jeongguk laughs. "I'm used to it by now."
"You forget I was in a mafia, too. I'm used to weird stuff, too. But this is different," I explain, running my fingers through my hair. "I thought I left all of that behind. I wanted to create a semi-normal life for Yeonjun and I. But you had to show up and then Jimin had to try to kill Soobin and Yeonjun and now this stupid memories thing. I'm just so confused," I groan. "I mean, I have an idea of some of the "missing memories" I need to remember because I "dreamed" them before I left Korea."
Jeongguk looks at me. "How is it that you know more than the rest of us. I don't remember a lick of what I should remember. I had broken dreams, too. I heard screams and crying, like echoes in my mind, but most of those dreams were black. Just sounds. You," he points at me, lost in thought. "You remember almost everything."
"I don't remember jack-squat. Yes, maybe I saw more than you did in my dreams, but every time I would have the dreams, they would change. There was always something different each time I dreamed."
Jeongguk jumps up in surprise. "Maybe that's what Sabine was talking about. Maybe he did it wrong for you and your memories are slowly returning."
I shake my head. "Why would he do that? He drugged us all at the same time. He would have had to choose to drug me incorrectly."
He blinks. "First of all, how do you know we all got drugged at the same time?"
I shrug. "It was in the memory I had when I collapsed today."
He nods. "Second, let's assume he did choose to drug you the wrong way. There are two possibilities. He was trying to kill you or he wanted you to remember."
"Well, he didn't want to kill me because he wanted me to 'rule with him'," I tell him without even thinking. My eyes suddenly go wide. "That means he wanted me to remember. Why?"
Jeongguk scratches his neck. "I honestly don't know. It doesn't make sense. Remembering him drugging you would not make you more fond of him."
I gulp as a horrible thought crosses my mind.
Trap.
"I-I should go take a shower," I mumble.
Jeongguk nods slowly. "Don't let this bother you too much. Soon we'll remember everything and we'll be able to deal with Jimin."
I take a deep breath and nod.
He frowns and pulls me into a hug. My eyes widen and I do not reciprocate the hug, still shocked at the sudden action.
He pulls away and scratches the nape of his neck awkwardly. "Sorry, I just felt like you needed the comfort."
I smile. "Thanks."
He bites his lip and sits back down on the couch. "Enjoy your shower," he mutters.
I hum and leave him behind me. I walk up the stairs into my room to gather my clothes. Drew's stuff is still scattered everywhere. He always was super messy. I cringe and grab my stuff quickly, walking into my bathroom and closing the door behind me.
I start the water and let it start to warm up as I undress, setting everything in a neat pile in the corner of the room.
After a few moments of letting the water warm up, I step inside the shower. I close my eyes and tilt my head up, allowing the warm water to hit my face and run down my body.
I hear a knock on the door and I jump.
I hesitate. "...What?"
"Can I come in?" Jeongguk calls.
"Why?" I ask.
"Just...let me come in," he mumbles.
I chuckle. "Okay."
I hear the door open and shut. I continue to wash my body and wait for him to say whatever it is he needs to say.
But words never come.
Instead, the curtain to the shower opens suddenly and Jeongguk steps inside, making me jump.
I quickly try to cover myself. "What the actual fuck, Jeongguk!"
He's still completely clothed, the water completely soaking him.
He doesn't answer just walks towards me, causing me to back up against the wall.
"Get out," I command firmly.
He shakes his head, his eyes running over the length of my body. I keep my arms tensed over my privates.
"I'm serious," I beg. "I'm naked."
"I know," he mumbles.
He continues to slowly walk towards me, the wall of the shower caging me in, unable to run. My breathing quickens. Fuck, what do I do?
"Jeongguk," I whisper his name now. His intentions are obvious and in any other situation, I would be really disgusted. But it's the way he's looking at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. It's not the first time he's looked at me like this. "This isn't appropriate right now."
He looks up into my eyes. "I know." But he keeps moving forward, coming almost nose to nose with me now. "I know I said I would control myself. I know I said that I would stop pursuing you, but I keep getting flashes of memories. You and me. Just small things." He bites his lip. "I don't know what happened between us in the time that our memories were wiped. I don't even know if we actually did anything. But I remember your lips. I remember how they felt on mine like a fuzzy dream."
"Jeongguk, we can't. I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year," I object.
"I just," his nose brushes mine as he leans even closer. "I need to know if it actually happened. I don't even know what's real anymore. I need to know that your kiss was real," he mumbles, his lips lingering right over mine.
"I-I," I stutter. My hands have loosened on my body now. He waits for me to speak, his harsh breath hitting my lips. "I can't."
His body droops ever so slightly. "In my dream, we loved each other," he mumbles. "Jimin has something to do with this, doesn't he? You loved him, too. You loved him more than me."
I bite my cheek. "No," I whisper, looking down. "I didn't know what love was. What Jimin and I had was not love. It was sex. Really good sex, but that's all it was. Just sex. You and I? You always drew me in. Whenever I was with you I could feel electricity coursing through me. My heart would pound and I always wanted to be near you," I confess. "I know I was naive to think that what Jimin and I had was closer to love than what you and I had. I know now that I loved you--"
His lips crash into mine.
☠ ☠ ☠
what do you do when your airpods break when youre in the middle of listening to map of the soul : 7 interlude : shadow by suga the absolute most badassiest badass in the world?
also...sorry for this chapter...
also this was a lot of words that made no sense
i'll do better next time
~JJ