Hey, I love every one of you. Stay stong and positive.
A week later I'm crying..
I'm balling my eyes out as I look in my hands. My hair.. Is starting to fall out.
I'm in our room with Copeland. The goat is sleeping on her bed as I have a break down. I locked myself in the room so Oli wouldn't see me.. He's cutting the grass.
I run my hand through my hair and more hair come out. I let out a cry-scream-frustrated yell out and pull my hair. "Babe?" Oli says trying to open the door.
"Go! Fuck off!" I scream in a voice that doesn't sound like me. Its girly and panicked.
I look in the mirror and cry as I see patches of hair gone that I just pulled out. I hate my reflection. I punch the mirror and it shatters.
"Open the door or I'll break it down," he says and I cry and keep pulling out my hair with a bloody hand. Just like he said he would he rams into the door breaking it.
He grips me into a hug but quickly pulls away and starts getting glass out of my hand. "Why, why did you do this? Are you okay? I love you," he says quickly.
I grab my hair and show him how my hair is just falling out. "Oh.. okay. I prepared for this. You're not going to like it but trust me," he says and I pout.
"I don't care anymore.." I say numb and distant. I do care but I don't care that I care. I close my eyes. "Do whatever," I mumble.
He kisses my forehead and then fixes my hand. Once he's done with my and he grabs a hair shaver and I frown as steady tears slip down my face.
Oli turns it on and kisses the top of my head making me cry more. He then shaves my hair and I sob and cry as my black lovely hair falls. After a while of this I'm balled..
"K-keep your eyes closed," he says and I can hear that he's crying. I do as told and a minute later he's putting a hat or something on my head.
"O-okay," he says and I open my eyes and look at him. Tears are running down his face. He takes my hand and takes me to the bathroom.
I look at the pink haired wig. I touch the hair. It feels real.. I look at Oli and hug him. He takes a sharp shakey breath In and hugs me like im going to disappear.
-
I sit on the couch playing with my pink hair. "Their here," Oli says and he opens the front door. Oli's friends plus vic and danielle come in and I dont greet them with hugs like normal. I just pull my knees to my chest and stay silent.
When they see my hair they are going to know my hair is gone.. Vic is first to see me and he smiles. "I love your hair," he says and I look at him blankly.
"It really suits you," he adds and hands me a pink soda. I then open my arms sadly and he hugs me. After he pulls away I get up and hug everyone rather slowly. I can't hide my feelings..
Everybody except Vic and Matt are giving me sad looks. Vic and Matt seem to really like my wig and they know I hate people feeling bad for me. We play video games and I show them my garden.
They all likes it and they ended up leave a few hours later. They show up randomly, it's nice.
I grab Oliver's hand and lead him to our room. Copeland sleeps outside but she's allowed to come inside when its daytime. I pout realizing I should take off my wig.
"I love you and your beautiful just the way you are but I did get you this if you would be more comfortable," he says grabbing a pink beanie from his dresser.
I smile at him, I love him so much. I put my wig on its rack and put on the beanie. "I love you Oli," I say and he gets in bed smile. He takes off his Jean's and since I'm wearing pink sweatpants I just get in without changing.
I curl up to his side and he kisses my forehead. "Goodnight love," he says. I like that he's so amazing... because I hate the hospital he takes me there and back daily.
Usually I would just stay there to save gas and time but he says it's okay...
I really hope I beat this.
Thank you for reading
Stay safe