* * *
SURE ENOUGH, FRED DID GET IN TROUBLE. mr. and mrs. weasley were both infuriated with fred. the whole ordeal was hilarious, really. dudley had it coming to him for a long time. luckily enough, everyone but fred and george were able to escape the wrath of molly weasley in time.
the room at the top of the house where ron slept looked with posters of ron's favorite quidditch team, the chudley cannons, were whirling and waving on the walls and sloping ceiling, and the fishtank on the windowsill, which had previously held frog spawn,now contained one extremely large frog. ron's old rat, scabbers,was here no more, but instead there was the tiny gray owl that had delivered ron's letters to elara over the summer. it was hopping up and down in a small cage and twittering madly.
"shut up, pig," said ron, edging his way between two of the four beds that had been squeezed into the room. "fred and george are in here with us, because bill and charlie are in their room," he told harry. "percy gets to keep his room all to himself because he's got to work."
"er — why are you calling that owl pig?" harry asked ron.
"because he's being stupid," said ginny. "its proper name is pigwidgeon."
"yeah, and that's not a stupid name at all," said ron sarcastically."ginny named him," he explained to harry. "she reckons it's sweet. and i tried to change it, but it was too late, he won't answer to anything else. so now he's pig. i've got to keep him up here because he annoys errol and hermes. he annoys me too, come to that."
pigwidgeon zoomed happily around his cage, hooting shrilly.elara knew ron too well to take him seriously. he had moaned continually about his old rat, scabbers, but had been most upset when hermione's cat, crookshanks, appeared to have eaten him.
"where's crookshanks?" harry asked hermione now.
"out in the garden, i expect," she said. "he likes chasing gnomes. he's never seen any before."
"percy's enjoying work, then?" said harry, sitting down on one of the beds and watching the chudley cannons zooming in and out of the posters on the ceiling.
"enjoying it?" said ron darkly. "i don't reckon he'd come home if dad didn't make him. he's obsessed. just don't get him onto the subject of his boss. according to mr. crouch . . . as i was saying to mr. crouch . . . mr. crouch is of the opinion . . . mr. crouch was telling me . . . they'll be announcing their engagement any day now."
"how were the dursleys?" said elara. "did you get your care packages?"
"yeah, thanks a lot," said harry. "they saved my life, those cakes."
"they better have," elara sent a playful glare at harry. "i wasted my french chocolate on you."
harry shook his head with mock scorn. it was hot in ron's room and elara itched to tie her hair up. she gathered her unruly black locks in one hand and twisted them in a bun shape. she wrapped the hair tie around her hair and when she let go, strands of hair everywhere fell in front of her face. she sighed.
"jesus christ!" said elara, using a muggle term she learned from her uncle. "nymphie taught me how to turn into other people this summer!"
two identical mischievous smiles formed on ron's and ginny's faces. elara had a faint idea of what they were thinking. harry looked confused, but then again, he always did. hermione looked at them incredulously, slightly angry they were poisoning elara's mind .
nympie had already been a terrible influence on elara. filled with stories of her cousin turning into professors and other students, elara wanted to create as much havoc as nymphie did. the plan she concocted for turning into snape was flawless.
"lara..." began ginny, looking as if christmas had come early. "if you turn into percy just for dinner, i will take all the blame."
ron looked like christmas had come early too. he looked eagerly between his sister and elara like he was watching a ping-pong match.
elara slowly nodded her head. percy didn't like her anyways, so it didn't matter if he got angry at her or not. he was kind of a prat.
ginny sprung up from the bed so fast the four thought she was going to pass out from a head rush. ginny ran out the room in a flash, presumably going to tell fred, george, and aurora of her master plan to embarrass the hell out of percy.
shaking her head, hermione shut the book that was open on her lap and stood up to go downstairs. the four of them left ron's room and went back downstairs to find mrs. weasley alone in the kitchen,looking extremely bad-tempered.
"we're eating out in the garden," she said when they came in."there's just not room for eleven people in here. could you take the plates outside, girls? bill and charlie are setting up the tables. knives and forks, please, you two," she said to ron and harry,pointing her wand a little more vigorously than she had intended at a pile of potatoes in the sink, which shot out of their skins so fast that they ricocheted off the walls and ceiling.
ginny joined hermione and elara outside. elara quite liked bill and charlie. they were both mellow and go-with-the-flow type. it didn't hurt that charlie and bill had both known nymphie in their time at hogwarts. they were currently making two battered old tables fly high above the lawn, smashing into each other,each attempting to knock the other's out of the air. fred, george, and aurora were cheering, ginny and elara were laughing jovially, and hermione was hovering near the hedge, apparently torn between amusement and anxiety.
bill's table caught charlie's with a huge bang and knocked one of its legs off. there was a clatter from overhead, and they all looked up to see percy's head poking out of a window on the second floor.
"will you keep it down?!" he bellowed.
"sorry, perce," said bill, grinning. "how're the cauldron bottoms coming on?"
"very badly," said percy peevishly, and he slammed the windowshut. chuckling, bill and charlie directed the tables safely onto the grass, end to end, and then, with a flick of his wand, bill reattached the table leg and conjured tablecloths from nowhere.
"you've got about ten minutes to do your act," said fred to elara in a low voice.
"we've switched his quill with one that mixes up letters. it's the only one we have," said george. "if you do this, you get free weasleys' wizard wheezes for life."
elara grinned madly. she scrunched up her nose and screwed her eyes tightly shut as she pictured percy weasley clear in her mind's eye. everything from the condescending look in his eyes from the weird way his feet turn inwards was present.
from the gasps and snickers, elara assumed she'd done it.
the two tables were groaning under dishes and dishes of mrs. weasley's excellent cooking, and the nine weasleys (well, eight. one of them was actually elara), aurora, harry, and hermione were settling themselves down to eat beneatha clear, deep-blue sky.
aurora nudged elara with her foot from her place across the table and gave a discreet thumbs up.
"if i may, mr. crouch looked devilishly handsome yesterday. i broke into his office to find out what gel he uses," elara began in percy's authoritative voice. "it's a muggle brand, axe."
mr. and mrs. weasley looked genuinely confused. everyone else at the table had taken to different ways to prevent laughter.
"i hope to be engaged to him soon. yes, he is married, but not for long. he told me just last week he has a thing for redheads," elara reached up and stroked the red hair on her head fondly. "honestly, i'm not surprised you all haven't figured out that 'cauldron bottoms' is really just code for 'i bottom'."
ron was banging his fist on the table, howling with laughter. percy had just then stormed outside, his face as red as his hair. mr. and mrs. weasley's faces morphed into ones of understanding. mr. weasley began laughing too, and mrs. weasley looked as if she were fighting with herself, before ultimately deciding to smile in amusement.
"oh, hello percy. we were just talking about you," said elara, letting her facade fade.
when percy's already red face grew redder, elara cracked a devious smile. percy sat down with a loud 'humph' next to mr. weasley. fred and george were still laughing all throughout dinner. they'd quiet down for a minute until one started snickering and not long after the other would join in.
percy began talking loudly about a secret event happening at hogwarts. elara suspected it was an exhibition of cauldron bottoms along with ron and ginny. mrs. weasley was bothering bill about his earring. charlie, fred, george, aurora, and harry were engrossed in a conversation about quidditch. elara was excited about the quidditch world cup because she had gotten medicine that would help with the nausea from her acrophobia.
mr. weasley conjured up candles to light the darkening garden before they had their homemade strawberry ice cream, and by the time they had finished, moths were fluttering low over the table, and the warm air was perfumed with the smells of grass and honeysuckle. elara amusedly watched several gnomes sprinting through the rosebushes, laughing madly and closely pursued by crookshanks.
ron looked carefully up the table to check that the rest of the family were all busy talking, then he said very quietly to harry, "so — have you heard from sirius lately?"
hermione and elara looked around, listening closely.
"yeah," said harry softly, "twice. he sounds okay. i wrote to him yesterday. he might write back while I'm here."
harry looked like he was internally struggling with something. elara recognized the way his eyebrows laced together slightly and he got a far-off look in his eyes. everyone seemed so jovial and elara didn't necessarily want to ruin the mood.
"look at the time," mrs. weasley said suddenly, checking her wristwatch. "you really should be in bed, the whole lot of you —you'll be up at the crack of dawn to get to the cup. harry, if you leave your school list out, i'll get your things for you tomorrow in diagon alley. i'm getting everyone else's. there might not be time after the world cup, the match went on for five days last time."
"wow — hope it does this time!" said harry enthusiastically.
"well, i certainly don't," said percy sanctimoniously. "i shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if i was away fromwork for five days."
"yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh, perce?"said fred.
"that was a sample of fertilizer from norway!" said percy, going very red in the face. "it was nothing personal!"
"it was," fred whispered to harry and elara as they got up from the table. "we sent it."
* * *
AUTHOR'S NOTE
-- elara's coming out of her shelllll
JANUARY 8, 2020
EDIT JANUARY 7, 2023:
holy fucking sjit I'm re-reading this right now and 15 year old me was a comedic genuis how the hell did i come up with this I'm in TEARS