My mind appeared to wake before my body did.
And yet I could feel all the senses around me.
I could feel the harsh and cutting wind piercing against my exposed skin. I could smell the potent aroma of alcohol, weed and sweat dancing within one another in the air. And the metallic taste of blood was contaminating my mouth, the bitterness feeling raw against my dehydrated throat.
And I could hear.
Hear the gusts of wind howling across the starry night sky, the music blaring from the speakers whilst teens sang and argued through the beat of the tune. I could hear cars revving and engines roaring, the sound of fashionably late teens slamming their convertibles shut and cheerily greeting their friends, excited for the rave ahead.
But the thing I could hear the closest felt nostalgic, reminiscent, almost like a sound I've been starved of for years.
Alec.
I know, it's crazy, I've actually missed his annoying asshole self.
In fact, I missed him more than I can express.
He was talking. Well, muttering.
I couldn't hear what he was saying or who he was talking to but the realisation that he was here, along with the fact that I was still alive was enough to jolt me out of my slumber, my mind seeming shocking my body awake.
Now definitely wasn't the time to be playing sleeping beauty.
I could feel the blood rushing to my limps, the oxygen being dragged into my body was helping as I felt my fingers wag at the tip, creating a systematic reaction of my limps slowly but surely moving, waking up my entire system. My eyes then began to flutter, the fogged and discoloured image soon turned clear and as I blinked away the haze my eyes landed on Alec, stood barely even 10 feet away, whilst he was having a seemingly intense and muttered phone call, with god knows who.
I stilled for a second, my ears trained slightly, my eyes squinting in attempt to better hear what had Alec so frustrated and who exactly he was having such long conversations with.
And no, I'm not jealous, just curious.
And yes, I'm aware eavesdropping is rude.
But he broke my heart, so tough tits for him.
However, as I sat still and silent, the uncomfortable position I was in, leant against the banister, had me aching and a wince escaped my lips. Immediately, Alec's eyes fell on me, alarm written across his face before he swiftly hung up the phone and ran over to kneel beside me, his hand caressing my side.
I would be an awful spy.
"Are you okay? Don't move too much you're still going to be sore Camilla" He chastised, his eyebrows furrowing and lips frowning as I swiftly tried to sit up from my position. I quickly snap my gaze to him, a glare covering my features at his babying behaviour, which shut him up, a sigh escaping his lips as he allowed me to shift positions.
He wasn't allowed to look like he cared.
It just irritated me more.
The cement and rocky ground felt cold and harsh against my exposed legs, the dress I had worn was thick and full sleeved, but was above my knee making my legs feel numb and vulnerable against the floor and exposed wind.
"Screw it" I mutter flippantly, a hiss escaping my lips as my legs bend and my arms move carelessly under me, attempting to balance my body for me to stand.
Though these bloody heels I wore seemed to make the job a lot harder.
Alec, who was still kneeled silently besides me, immediately notices my shift in demeanour and quickly spots what I intended to do. Instantly, he wraps his right arm around my waist, his hands carrying my weight and helping me stand up properly, causing my hand to instinctively wrap around the back of his neck.
How is it possible for him to be an asshole and a gentleman at the same time?
Makes hating him that much harder.
I did feel pain within my body, but it now just felt like a dull ache that was barely there. My mind wasn't focused on the rigidness of my bones or the tenderness of skin but rather the sudden warmth that filled me; my body was pressed safely against Alec's as he held me straight, his arms supporting me and aiding me to do the simplest task of standing up.
God, how fucking useless can be, relying on him like this.
Alec was right.
I am a goddamn damsel in distress.
With an irritated sight, I swiftly pull away from Alec's embrace, catching him by surprise, my legs stumbling back away from him and my hand rapidly gripping the banister at the side to help my balance my knocking knees.
Noticing my struggle, he steps forwards with worry on his face, but as he reaches closer my body stubbornly flinches back, my eyes never leaving the ground as I continue to hold a deathly grip on the bannister.
"Camilla" Alec sighs, his hand reaching upwards and rubbing his face, exhaustion evident in his tight frown and dark eyebags.
He looked exhausted.
Whether it was about me or something else I didn't know, though I did know which I hoped it wasn't.
"You can barely stand; you don't have to like me for me to help you. You're going to hurt yourself" Alec pleaded, a mixture of frustration and desperation in his tone making both my heart swell and blood boil.
A scoff emits my lips, "I am perfectly capable of standing on my own two feet Alec, I don't need you to be a knight in shining armour and act as my fucking crutch!" I seethe, annoyance filling me further as Alec rolls his eyes exaggeratedly, seeming annoyed with my behaviour.
Not that him being annoyed at me isn't the norm for us.
"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn, all I want to do is help you!" He yelled back, his voice louder and harsher in tone and despite me sensing his attempts to not argue with me, this all seemed like a situation that had been building up within the both of us.
And we were both about to explode.
"I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP" I roared back, tears rushing up to my eyes as I swallowed back the dehydration and bile lingering in my throat. Alec seemed surprised at my outburst, but at seeing my emotional appearance his demeanour softened and he slowly inched closer, uncertainty evident in his movement.
I momentarily close my eyes with an inhale, my body pleading back the tears, desperation filling me, I didn't want to cry.
Crying is all I've been doing lately.
"You were right Alec"
My abrupt words evidently catch Alec off guard as immediately his eyes shoot up to mine as his brows furrow, perplexion written across his face.
"What?" He exasperates with a frown.
I don't blame him for being confused.
I never thought I'd say the words 'right' and 'Alec' in a sentence either.
"You were right, about everything. And I no longer feel angry at you for hating me like you did. I'm everything you thought I was." I say, a humourless laugh echoing from my lips causing Alec's frown to deepen, his silence signalling me to continue.
"I am a damsel in distress and I'm constantly causing trouble for myself and you have to drag me out of it." I start, melancholy and anger filling me as my voice cracks. Alec eyes stare in bewilderment at me, and despite his stillness I can see the sadness in his eyes.
"Camilla, you are not a damsel in distress, what I said, I said out of anger and annoyance but I didn't actually mean it, you are not a burden-" Alec exclaims coming forwards, his hand gently placed against my arm, his body moving closer to comfort me.
But I felt too idiotic to be comforted right now.
"If I'm not a burden, then what the hell am I?" I implore harshly, my arms ripping back from his hold as I angrily stumble back.
I felt like a volcano ready to explode, and chances where I'm was going to destroy a lot in my path.
"I'm not a real Shadowhunter. I mean, what kind of Shadowhunter mistakes a demon for a real human being? O-or leaves behind their stele out of pride, or even better yet, runs away, knowing they're in danger, because they're too fucking emotional for their own good?! What kind of fucking Shadowhunter does any of that?" I cry out, my voice roaring out as tears flow endless down my cheeks.
Alec rapidly shakes his head in disagreement, stepping forwards with foggy eyes and a deep frown, regret unfathomable in his features. "No, Camilla that wasn't your fault, we did that, we hurt you and that's why you left and reacted like you did. None of this would have happened if we had told you the truth." He explains, his voice harsh and pleading as his body steps closer and closer, trying to reach out to me.
I scoff, shaking my head wildly in disagreement, the tears were still endless, flowing and clogging my mind, making it hard to even focus on anything but my anger.
"No, no no no. I can be angry at you and Clary and Jace and Izzy all I want, but the truth is that I'm the problem. I can't handle loss or grief; I struggle with controlling my emotions and I can barely function without lashing out. You can't claim that to be Shadowhunter qualities Alec! No wonder Clary didn't tell me about Valentine, I'm a fucking mess... I can't even comfort myself, how the hell would I have comforted Clary. I don't deserve anything, not you, not Clary, not my mum and clearly, I don't even deserve a father... I'M THE FUCKING PROBLEM!" I shriek out in pain, my knees buckling under pressure and my body limps helplessly against the bannister at my side.
I was emotionally drained and my body felt it.
Alec immediately envelopes me into a hug, my head resting against his chest as my body shakes hellishly, erratic sobs escaping my lips as I drench through his top with my tears. "I-I don't belong with you, any of you, I don't belong" I sobbed out, spluttering and tumbling over the harsh truth yet again.
"Camilla, listen to me" Alec says after a moment, his hand cupping my cheek as he lifts my head to directly gaze into his tearful eyes. "You are a real Shadowhunter, and you always have been one and you always will be one" He states softly, his hand caressing my wet cheeks as I stare tearfully up at him.
"You've always had what it takes to be one of us, if anything you're better than all of us. You're strong and powerful and you know what you want and know how to get it. You're impulsive and stubborn and most of the time you make me want to pull my hair out... but despite that, your strong will is one of the things I admire the most about you. You don't let emotions dictate you, instead you let them guide you... I'm sorry for treating you how I did and for lying to you, but don't ever let my idiocy make you feel like you don't deserve this, because you belong just as much as any other Shadowhunter does, in fact I think you belong even more."
Alec's words were ripe with emotions and evidently real and I never felt more connected to him like I did in that moment. I didn't need his approval, I needed his support, and in this moment, Alec proved that he was more than willing to remind me of who I truly was.
And for that I was thankful to him.
"Thank you, Alec. " I whisper lowly, as the pad of his thumb gently strokes away my tears. The both of us smiling meaningfully into each other's eyes; emotions and secrets dancing through our pupils.
"Look at us, a full conversation and not even one insult thrown" Alec says with a small grin and his witty icebreaker immediately causes me to chuckle out lightly, my eyes bright as I gaze up at him. "Well, you did call me impulsive and stubborn and that I'm making you bald" I giggle, a small smile on my face, and Alec snorts back, clearly amused at how I always have a retort to make.
God, who knew we could be like this.
That I could feel like this.
"I've missed seeing you smile" He mutters lowly, gazing wondrously down at me, his pupils dilating and stare intensifying as his face morphs into an unreadable expression as we unknowingly shift closer together.
Heat fills my cheeks at our proximity, one harsh breath and our lips would touch. The thought alone made my body warm and skin tingle. I instinctively lick my bottom lip from nerves at our position, and almost instantly I feel my stomach twist as his eyes waver over them, a darkness overpowering them as he inches closer, pausing every now and then.
There's no way this is happening.
My heart accelerates dangerously and just as we get impossibly near and I become anxiously hesitant; my body relaxes and my eyes automatically flutter shut as I feel the warmth of Alec's smooth lips encase over my own.
Holy shit.
I immediately responded to his touch, my arms wrapping gently around his neck as he grips my waist, pulling me unbelievably close leaving no space between us. My hands impulsively move to run through his dark, soft locks, my fingers pulling gently at the roots making Alec groan into the kiss, his hand simultaneously grazing the exposed skin at the side of my dress, sending a shiver up my spine.
My body sets afire at his touch; every single fibre of my being tingles as I melt into Alec, the intoxicating feeling of his hands and wondering tongue overpowering my mind, leaving behind a trail of passion and desire.
I've sure as hell never experienced a kiss like this.
After what feels like centuries, we finally pull apart, our breathing ragged and hearts racing as the world around us finally wakes us from our bubble. We stare wondrously into one another's eyes, both of us evidently full of lust and surprise as we lean out foreheads feverishly against the others, the both of us trying to even out our breaths and comprehend what had just happened.
I just kissed Alec.
Alec just kissed me.
We just kissed.
"Just so you know" I start, a small smile parading across my bruised lips as he raises his brow with a small smirk.
"This doesn't change the fact that you're an asshole."
OH MY FREAKING GOD....
Hi guys,
So, I know that I've been away for like forever, but you guys CAN'T be mad at me since I literally just gave Camlec shippers exactly what the had been waiting for.
Camlec's first kiss!!!!
This was like the most emotional and hilarious and amazing thing I have wrote in a long time and honestly, I feel so giddy and happy that my little babies have finally admitted how they feel.
Its great shipping this couple. #CAMLEC4EVER 😊
I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and if you did make sure you VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE.
And I will see you next time bunnies x