Dear Diary: November 16, 2014
Oh dear lord, what have I done? I stood in the middle of my grandparents' living room with tears running down my face as I blurted out the words that have plagued me all night. It was as if a veil was finally lifted and I was in control of my thoughts again. My family was frozen as statues as I didn't know whom to turn to or where to go.
"You're pregnant?? How is that possible??" My dad finally roared.
"I am. I'm so sorry." I kept crying.
"JACOB!!! I'm going to kill you!!!" My dad ran out of the house and into Jacob who was standing by the house breathing hard.
"No dad don't! Please! Stop! You don't understand!" I yelled racing after my father as the rest of the family followed suit.
"Oh I don't understand? I think I understand perfectly!" My dad yelled as my mom came sliding in beside him.
"Jacob what were you thinking? She's not even 18 yet and you aren't married! How could you let it get so out of control?"
"Bella listen to me...she—"
Jacob didn't even get past that word when dad rushed him and threw him across the yard. But amazingly Jacob didn't back off, he was so enraged to not get his say in, that he cold clocked my dad in the jaw with enough strength to send him sliding back to where mom and I were standing. Everyone froze in that moment because we all realized that Jacob did that without phasing. He was able to control the wolf inside of him and yet let out his anger. No one's ever seen him do that before. Then he started yelling:
"You think I wanted this?? You think I planned it? You think your daughter is so perfect? Well she's not! This....is a two way thing. I love Renesmee with all of my heart and soul and I would do anything for her; she's my imprint!" As he said those words, my heart turned to stone; he never used my full name; always said it was too much of a mouthful.
"Don't use my daughter to take the blame—"My dad gritted through his teeth but this time Jacob cut him off with more venom then we've ever heard from him.
"Oh for once in your self-righteous life, would you shut your trap, Edward?!"
There was a beat of silence as Jacob started pacing and explaining; but he wouldn't look at me. Not once did he look at me. I knew what he was going to say and he was right. I just stood there sobbing with tears sliding down my face as all of my secrets were going to be exposed now. And it was all my fault.
"She lied to me! My imprint lied to me! You know I can't deny her anything so when we found we couldn't control ourselves no matter how hard we tried physically, I told her that we could try but on one condition. I would use protection and she would get herself on that birth control pill. She promised me, Bella! She promised high and low that she would...except she never did! On top of that, I found that the last condom we used had a small puncture hole in it. I had to get my hands dirty and look through the trash and guess what I found? All of them had the same puncture holes in them! Now my bet isn't on any manufacturing snafu!" Jacob finished as he gulped down his own tears.
Everyone was standing frozen in place as they took in the soul shattering news that Jake had just delivered; that I had sabotaged everything. I couldn't look at my family; I was too ashamed because I didn't know why I had done it. I certainly didn't want a baby at this age. But why had I done it? That's when my mom came up to me and lifted my chin with her finger looking at me with a poker face.
"Renesmee? Is this true?" I nodded slowly.
"But why?" Grandpa Carlisle was the next to speak.
"I don't know! Something inside my head told me to do it. And now with Jake telling everyone, it's like a veil has been lifted and I can think clearly again. It doesn't make any sense, I know but that's how I feel." I cried again.
"A veil? Like a veil over your thoughts?" Rogue spoke for the first time; her eyes narrowing.
"Yes exactly like that." I said to her.
"Amy, Alexander, come with me. We'll be in our attic if you need us. Meanwhile, make sure he doesn't harm himself." She said cryptically before nodding toward the trees where Jacob disappeared into as she and the other two Watchers flew off without another glance.
"Jacob? Jake? Where did he go?" I looked around frantically as did the others.
"I smell smoke." Emmett said narrowing his brows.
I gasped as I smelled it too and took off in the direction of the smoke as everyone else yelled my name and bolted after me. I ran faster than I had ever run in my life and no one could catch up with me; save for Michelle and Kim who flew above my head keeping an eye on me. Only Keith, Leah, and Sava were left behind. They decided to stay put in case Seth or Corin saw something and decided to call the house. Meanwhile, I finally saw a plume of smoke and fire in the trees and ran even faster toward it. When I neared it, I skidded to a stop as I observed the horror of what was about to happen in front of me.
A big bonfire was laid out and the flames were roaring, Jacob, my Jacob was wearing nothing but his jeans and his eyes were closed as he stood before the fire. He was chanting something up to his ancestors. In the meantime, the rest of my family had caught up to us and watched him uneasily too. Jacob opened his eyes and it was as if he didn't see us but he knew we were there.
"I have brought great shame upon my people and my family. There is only one way to make restitution for that. The fire will cleanse and purify me and perhaps I may yet meet my mother in heaven."
"No! Jacob! No! Please don't say that! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, it's all my fault please don't leave me! I can't live without you!" I cried as I collapsed to the ground sobbing into the earth. I couldn't lose him! I just couldn't!
"Jacob, this isn't a good idea. Harming yourself won't change what happened. It won't stop time nor reverse it. We have to take what we have, learn from it and be better people because of it. We all care a great deal about you Jacob. Think of what your death will do to your father and sisters. Please, son, don't do it." Grandpa Carlisle said strongly but softly.
Jacob stood there with tears rolling down his cheeks. I wanted to run up and hug him, but I didn't dare. I had done enough damage. Then just as I thought the last part, with a wild cry, Jacob launched himself into the flames!
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" I screamed.
He never made it; he was plucked out of the air by my best friend. Michelle took him down and with the help of Kim restrained him. He fought against their hold which was like fighting against solid steal and then finally just collapsed crying in their arms. Everyone had tears in their eyes. Mom ran over to him then and took him in her arms; after all he was her best friend. She rocked him back and forth like she used to do to me when I was a baby. Grandma Esme followed suit. He was surrounded by the women he cared for the most. I crawled close but feared touching him, he however reached out his free hand toward me and I held it lightly. Kim and Michelle had let go by then and just stood by in case he decided on another suicidal leap into the flames; which seemed highly unlikely at this point.
When his crying finally subsided, Michelle used the power of the wind to blow the flames out before the whole forest caught fire. Really wouldn't want that. My dad then walked up to Jacob as he got up weaving a bit with the help of mom and grandma. Amazingly, considering how angry my dad was not even an hour ago, his face belayed nothing but worry and relief.
"Jacob, I'm sorry I reacted so harshly towards you without getting the whole story first. That was wrong of me. I'm glad you didn't get the chance to harm yourself. I tend to do that a lot or so I've been told." He half smiled at mom who winked at him. He then extended his hand toward Jacob who took it in his own and shook it.
"So what do we do now that that drama is over?" Uncle Emmett asked and got the hairy eyeball from just about everyone.
"Rogue said she was going to her attic and last I recalled that's where she had all of her books on demonology located." Grandpa said.
"You think a demon had something to do with this?" Aunt Rose asked.
"In our world anything is possible." Grandpa sighed and wasn't that the truth?
"In the meantime, we still have a pregnant Nessie. Any ideas/suggestions/thoughts?" Aunt Alice asked rubbing her temples. Everyone had had a sensory overload.
"I have an idea." Jacob spoke up hoarsely for the first time as we all looked at him.
He disentangled himself from my mom and grandma and came up to me. He helped me off the ground where I was still sitting on my knees. He wiped my tears away with his fingers and held my face in his hands. Then he said something that took my breath away:
"We did this whole thing really backwards, didn't we Nessie?" I nodded.
"Demon or no demon, I want to do things the proper way now....."
"What d-do you mean?" I stammered.
"Marry me, Renesmee."
Xo Nessie Xo
~Carlisle's Diary