Nick
I felt bad for yelling at Demi when she seemed to be trying to cheer me up, but the way she went about it literally broke my heart. Seeing the familiar words printed on that little slip of paper I pulled out of the fortune cookie made my heart soar for a brief moment. For one second I got my hopes up that maybe Demi was going to give me another chance, but then the many statements she had said to me over the last year started consuming my thoughts.
"I don't see how I could ever trust you."
"I can't keep going like this."
"There is absolutely nothing that we could do to make me trust you again."
"I need us to be over for my own sanity."
"I will never trust you again."
"I still don't trust you."
I leaned on the counter in my kitchen, taking a few deep breaths, then I pushed myself off of it once I felt like I could stand on my own. I opened a cupboard to get two champagne glasses then grabbed the bottle of grape juice before I headed back to the family room where I left Demi.
Demi was standing in the same spot, wearing a look of shock on her face, but I barely glanced at her as I made my way to the fireplace. I put the bottle & glasses on the mantle then put my hands in my pocket as I stared at my wedding band that was still where I left it earlier that evening. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I just can't get my hopes up anymore, Demi." I finally managed to say. "I know you've wanted me to move on & I think I should. You deserve to be happy with someone & I deserve..." I paused then turned my head a little so I could see Demi in my peripheral vision. "I deserve to be happy too."
"We do deserve to be happy. We deserve to be happy with each other." Demi said in a whisper, so I turned around to face her, my face showing my confusion as to what she just uttered. "For the last year, I've tried to make myself fall out of love with you but that didn't happen. Even when we aren't a couple you still do things that remind me of why I fell in love with you. I never knew that was possible." Demi took a deep breath but seemed like she was amused all the sudden. Maybe my dumbfounded expression was funny to her. I was trying to figure out where she was going with the things she was saying to me, so I was sure I looked very confused. When Demi began speaking again, her voice shook & my heart started racing. "You are in my heart & soul forever & I can't get you out now. It's too late. I tried & I failed." The familiar words made my eyebrows rise up in surprise as she smiled at me. "But that's okay because I want forever & I want it with you. I'm willing to risk my heart again because I will always be in love with you & if I can have forever, then the risk will be worth it. I hope you want forever, too."
I took a step in Demi's direction as I shook my head, slowly. Trying to find my voice was difficult at first but I managed eventually. When it came out, my voice was low & it probably sounded like I didn't believe her just yet. "If you're fucking with me, this is cruel, Demi." My heart felt like it might come through my chest as I kept inching toward Demi.
She chuckled, making my heart soar as it continued thumping rapidly. "This would be the part where you run & grab me in your arms to kiss m ..." I didn't hesitate whatsoever hearing her say what I said to her all those years ago. I took a final step toward her, grabbing her face in between my hands as I put my lips on hers, eagerly.
Our kiss deepened as I felt Demi's arms around my waist, holding me against her like she was afraid I'd float away. After a minute or so of kissing, I pulled my lips from hers, "I never ever want to have a first kiss with anyone else. I just want to have a last kiss with you one day far into the future. You're my end game, Demi." I said in a low voice as I stared into her eyes.
She was looking into my soul when she replied, "That's not what you were supposed to say." She bit her lip in the most adorable way & I felt like I might pass out from pure joy.
I smiled so big I thought my face might crack. "I do want forever & I want it with you."
"That's better." Demi put her arms around my neck & pulled me to her so she could kiss me with a hungry desire. I was overwhelmed with emotions as we kissed, a million thoughts running through my head. The way Demi was kissing me was like it was before she found out that I was unfaithful to her. She was kissing me like she loved me, like I was her forever. Her lips moved against mine like she trusted me & I felt an overwhelming sense of relief as well as gratitude for this opportunity to learn from my mistake. Demi seemed to be giving me that second chance I had begged for countless times & I was never going to need to beg for a third chance. Demi's mouth stopped moving with mine, then she murmured, "Take me to your bed."
Suddenly, I felt a déja vu, which made me unsure of Demi's motives, so I looked at her, my eyes narrowed a little. "I hope I don't regret asking this, but are you just horny or do you really want this?"
"I want this."
"You said you couldn't trust me again. What changed?"
Demi took a step back before she responded. "You proved me wrong over the last year. I thought you'd turn into this ladies' man, but you haven't so much as kissed another woman. I realized when I found out you haven't had sex with anyone since we split up that I could trust you. You said you weren't moving on & you didn't, which means I can trust your word. It means I trust you. I shouldn't have given up on us & I am so sorry that I did. I should have just given myself some time."
I licked my lips then smiled. "Better late than never."
Demi smiled, her head tilted down a little. "Now will you take me to your bed?"
I answered her by wrapping my arms around her & kissing her as I lifted her off the floor. I walked a few feet to the stairs then put her down & grabbed her hand, pulling her with me as I went up to my bedroom. Once inside my room, I kicked the door shut then grabbed her face & placed my lips on hers again. My kiss wasn't as deep as it had been downstairs because I was worried she was about to change her mind any second. When Demi's hands went to my pants & started to unbutton them I let my hands leave her face to go to her waist, then I pulled my face away from hers. My voice shook as I asked, "Are you sure this is what you want?" Demi nodded, but I still had my doubts. "You're not going to change your mind in the morning saying it was a mistake are you? Because I won't survive that heartbreak again, Demi."
"I promise I am not going to change my mind in the morning." Demi whispered as her hands traveled south under my boxers, one hand running over my ass, the other running down the length of my co.ck. "Take off your clothes." She said, before kissing me again.
Demi & I kissed like we had a lot to make up for, while we managed to take our clothes off. Every once in a while we'd stop kissing to stare into each other's eyes, heavy breathing between us. My hands stayed on Demi's body, wanting to get reaquainted with the glorious curves, since it had been so long. When I reached up to touch Demi's cheek, she closed her eyes. I moved to kiss her neck as my hands made their way to her back, my fingers managing to unfasten her bra. My lips left soft kisses on their way to her ear, while I slipped her bra off her body. "God, I missed this." I said, softly, into her ear. When I began kissing down her neck again, I felt the goosebumps that erupted on her body, making me feel satisfied as my mouth found its way to her breasts. I sucked on her nipples, delighted when I felt her fingers in my hair. I kissed my way down her stomach, pulling her panties down with my fingers to expose the beautiful part of her that I hadn't seen in a year. I kissed her thighs tenderly, breathing over her cl.it as I pushed her underwear to her ankles. Demi raked my scalp & it sent tantalizing chills down my spine so I stood up, consumed by this desperate need to be inside her.
I nudged Demi toward my bed, watching her intensely as she sat on the edge of it, her gaze locked with mine. I touched her face, then her hair, in awe of how beautiful she was. Demi put her fingers on the waistband of my boxers, then tugged them down to free my er.ection. She stroked it a few times, forcing me to close my eyes because of the sensation that went through my body. When she put her mouth around it & slid it toward the back of her throat I let out a satisfied sigh. After a few minutes of her sliding it in & out of her mouth, I couldn't take it anymore, so I bent to kiss her. A moment later Demi was scooting back on the bed as I watched her eyes, then I moved to be over top of her.
My hand went down to Demi's thigh & I yanked it upward before I settled myself between her legs. The passion in our kissing was intense since we both were worked up because of what was about to happen. The reason for my excitement was because it had been a year since I had been inside her, a fact that my body was very aware of. The familiarity of her body underneath mine was more exciting than anything else I could think of in that particular moment. Besides the elation in my body, I was also feeling a little nervous thinking about the aftermath, because I had been hurt by her in the past after sex. She assured me she wouldn't change her mind, but I knew Demi better than she knew herself sometimes, so I knew there was a possibility that something could trigger her & she'd regret what she did. The fact that she was letting me get this far gave me more assurance, honestly, since she struggled with even kissing me once she found out that I cheated on her.
I was almost afraid to bring the tip of my co.ck anywhere near her opening because I was afraid she would suddenly stop me. I moved it slowly up & down her slit & when she seemed to enjoy it, wanting me to keep going, I pushed myself into her. She sucked in her breath & we both moaned at the sheer pleasure of being this close again after all this time. Grunts of relief escaped our mouths once I pushed all the way inside her. Her legs opened more, wrapping around my waist as if they were inviting me in & it excited me more.
I moved in & out of Demi, kissing her passionately, something I missed so bad it almost made my lips hurt. The moment my lips left hers, Demi grabbed the sheets of my bed as her body arched & she cried out. I grunted in her ear, breathing heavily as I reached under her so I could press our bodies together.
"Oh God... you feel so good." A moment after the words came out in a breath, an orgasm took over Demi's body so I lifted myself up to look into her face. I wasn't missing the chance to see her face when I made her cu.m. Her mouth was agape, her eyes wide then we were staring at each other while I kept pushing my co.ck into her. Looking into each other's eyes as we made love the same way we used to before was like a dream come true. It felt different because the last time I looked into her eyes while I made love to her, I knew I had betrayed her, but she was clueless. Now, she looked at me, knowing what I did, but trusting me, which meant more to me than anything else in the world.
Demi touched my face, so I laid my body against hers once again, my arms going underneath her. I kept my gaze locked with hers as I continued moving against her, my body shivering as I neared my own orga.sm. I kissed her tenderly then she gasped, "Don't stop. It feels so good." She nibbled gently on my lower lip, then I felt her hands sliding toward my ass, digging into my skin letting me know she wanted me deep inside her. "I'm gonna cu.m again." Demi panted making me groan loudly.
When our bodies came together we both got obscenely loud, moaning & grunting at the same time. I stiffened as I let every last bit of my seed leave my body, then I trembled, trying to control my sounds & breathing as best as I could. I put my forehead to Demi's a few seconds after my body calmed down, then I was overcome with emotion, making sounds that I couldn't control. I squeezed my eyes shut as my chin quivered.
"Are you okay?" I heard Demi ask in a concerned breath.
I groaned when I answered, "Yes." I gasped, quietly as I opened my eyes & shook my head. "I used to hate when you'd get emotional after sex but I get it now."
Demi ran her thumb over my cheekbone. "You're crying."
I cleared my throat, nodding my head as I answered in a ragged breath. "I got so overwhelmed. I'm so relieved & happy because I never thought I'd make love to you again." I swallowed, blinking a few times to rid my eyes of the tears. "Hurry up & say something to stop me from having a sobfest."
"I didn't think you'd last that long considering you hadn't had sex in a year."
I laughed then sucked in my breath & yelped as an overwhelming sensation ran through my body. I pulled my di.ck out as I sighed, "Mmmm." I smiled down at Demi as I laid on my side. "My pocket pussy has been very helpful lately."
Demi was trying not to laugh as the corners of her mouth turned up. "I guess so." She stared at me as our breathing returned to normal. I was overwhelmed again, but this time it was one specific emotion. I touched her face then ran my fingers over her hair as I opened my mouth, but I didn't get the words I was feeling out, because Demi placed her finger over my lips, silencing me. "Please don't tell me you love me" she said making my brow furrow from the confusion.
"Why not?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"I'm not ready to say it nor am I ready to hear it."
I rolled onto my back beside her, letting out a long ragged breath. "Well, it's not like that isn't familiar territory. Not hearing you say it & not being able to say it... I've done that before."
Demi pulled the sheet up to cover both of us then turned to face me, leaning her head on her arm. "Then it shouldn't be too hard." She replied, with a smile then she yawned suddenly. "Sorry. Those multiple orgasms made me sleepy." She murmured as her eyes closed.
"You're sleeping here?" I asked, my voice a little high because I was surprised.
Demi's eyes snapped open & she lifted her head, quickly. "Do you not want me to?"
I chuckled, moving closer to her, sliding my hand over her waist so I could pull our bodies together with my arm. "I definitely want you to. I was just surprised is all." I smirked as I kissed her lips softly. "I did not expect this to be how my new year started."
"Are you disappointed?" She whispered her question, sounding exhausted.
"Not even a little bit." I replied kissing her once more, then I laid my head down on the pillow, watching her close her eyes. I stared at her, a smile on my face that wouldn't go away if I tried. As I watched her fall asleep, I couldn't stop praying that she wouldn't change her mind in the morning, once she got some rest, once some time had passed. I don't know how long I laid there, watching her sleep, feeling her breath on my chest, feeling her body against mine before I fell asleep myself, but I knew it was quite a while. I fought to stay awake, actually, because I was afraid if I fell asleep I would wake up to the entire evening having been a dream.
When I opened my eyes in the morning, I saw a blurry but beautiful sight in front of me. I rubbed my eyes to make my vision clearer then grinned when I saw Demi smiling, softly, at me as she leaned on her hand. "Good morning." She said in her sexy morning raspy voice that I missed terribly.
"It is definitely a good morning."
"Happy New Year." She leaned her head on her arm, a sexy pout on her luscious lips.
"Oh, it is definitely a happy new year."
"We need to talk about last night."
I felt my heart rate quicken as my stomach turned remembering the morning after we made love for the first time. "You promised you wouldn't change your mind in the morning."
"I didn't change my mind. I want to talk about what this means. About where we go from here."
I let out a sigh of relief then laughed under my breath. "Thank God." I rolled over onto my side & put my arm around her. "You may need to pinch me so I know this isn't a dream." I moved my head closer to kiss her, but I felt her pinch under my arm, hard, so I yelled out. Demi was laughing, quietly as I rubbed my arm.
"Guess you're not dreaming."
"Funny." I rolled my eyes, smiling as I rubbed my arm even harder. A few seconds after the pain subsided, I wrapped my left arm around her again then placed my lips on hers, briefly. "Okay, so what do we need to talk about?"
"If we're going to do this, I've got some conditions."
"Uh oh."
"First of all, I don't want us to just get back together & try to be the way we used to be. I want us to start over. I want this to be a fresh start for us, so I want to take it slow. I want us to go on dates like we are starting a brand new relationship. I want us to fall in love all over again. I want you to make me fall in love with you all over again so maybe it will feel like I'm in a new relationship. Saying we love each other just makes it feel like it's the same relationship, if that makes sense."
I nodded, licking my lips. "I guess that makes sense."
"It does?" She asked, in a surprised tone & I nodded. "Good. I want us to say we love each other in a spontaneous way. I don't want us to just say it because we are used to saying it. That's why I want us to fall in love all over again, so then it can come out naturally.
I lifted my shoulder slightly in a shrug. "It will be really easy to fall in love all over again."
"Oh it will be huh?"
"I fall in love with you a little more every second of the day, so yea."
"And you think you can make me fall in love with you all over again so easily?"
A smirk played on my lips as I nodded in response. "I did it once before."
Demi glanced down, her teeth coming over her bottom lip, then she looked at me from under her lashes. "You did it more than once." She murmured, causing my heart to skip a beat & my co.ck to tingle.
I pulled us together & kissed her, letting my hand move over her ass, then between her legs. "You just made me fall in love a little more." I mumbled against her mouth.
Demi pulled her lips from mine then pushed us apart, her breathing heavy. "There are more conditions." She said, her expression & tone of voice letting me know she was serious.
"Oh, sorry. Do continue."
"No more sex."
"Whoah. No more sex? I can't agree to that." I chuckled as I sat up straighter.
Demi rolled her eyes as she laughed, quietly. "Just until I am sure this is going to work out. When I can say I love you again then I will know for sure that we will be okay. Then we can make love again & then I will want you to come back home."
"And I can ask if I can be your husband again & your answer will be yes." I grinned at Demi, but her expression didn't show amusement. "Or maybe you won't ever want me to be your husband again."
Demi closed her eyes & took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, she said, "I need coffee. Can we finish talking about these conditions after I get some coffee?" She didn't wait for me to reply before she slid to the edge of the bed, making sure the sheet kept her body covered. I let out a laugh from my nose because it was adorable that she was trying to hide her body when I had it memorized. She looked over her shoulder at me, "I know you've seen me naked but I don't want to tease you." She reached to the floor to grab something then wrapped her shirt around her waist so her ass was covered when she stood up. I watched her walk to the bathroom, grabbing my robe on her way.
I started laughing, quietly as I laid down on my back, shaking my head at how in love I was with her. She wanted me to fall in love with her all over again & I wasn't even sure that was possible because I never stopped loving her & never would. Every day I was falling a little more in love with her, but I would humor her & give her the new relationship she desired. I got out of bed a few minutes later, then pulled on a pair of shorts. "Demi, I'll meet you in the kitchen. I'm going to start the coffee & go check my sugar." I said, in a loud voice outside the bathroom door.
"Okay, I'll be down in a few. I'm going to take a quick shower."
"Take your time." I said, a stupid grin still on my face. This smile was permanent I was pretty sure. I headed down to the kitchen, feeling like I could float from how happy I was. I started the coffee then checked my sugar. When I saw my sugar was a little on the low side, I poured myself some orange juice, then pulled out the butter & eggs from my fridge. I figured Demi was hungry, so I was going to make some eggs & toast. I had some fresh fruit left over from my breakfast the day before, so I pulled that out, & sat the container on the counter.
I heard Demi coming down the stairs about fifteen minutes later, so I poured coffee in two mugs. When she walked into the kitchen I was waiting to hand her a cup. "Here's your coffee." I said & she smiled as she took the mug from me. "And I'll take a kiss." I leaned to kiss her as she grinned even bigger. Before she could lift the cup of coffee to her mouth I leaned close again. "And I'll take another one." I pecked her lips, quickly.
"Should I expect you to kiss me all day?" She asked as she walked to the island to sit on a stool.
"Maybe, since that's the only thing I'm allowed to do." I replied, standing across from her, a smirk on my face, pretending to be annoyed.
"You can hug me, too."
"I'll do that, too, but it's been a year since I got to kiss you whenever I wanted, so excuse me if I want to do exactly that." I leaned again to kiss her mouth, softly, then I pulled my lips from hers to murmur, "God, I missed kissing you."
"I missed kissing you, too."
"I missed a lot of things." I kissed her once more then stood up to take a sip of my coffee. "I promise I will never take it for granted again."
Demi took a drink of her coffee, then looked down at her mug when she spoke. "Please don't make me any promises."
"I know I broke promises, before, but I will never take that chance again. From now on, my promises will be ironclad."
Demi held the mug up in front of her, a tiny smile making her lips twitch. "Promise?"
I chuckled & nodded my head. "Yes. I learned my lesson. You mean the world to me & I can not lose you again. I won't lose you again." I sat down on a stool letting a deep sigh come out as I put my mug down. "I know I hurt you when I cheated on you & I was stupid to let shit get in my head so much that I would even cheat in the first place. I can't take that back but I can assure you that I will never cheat on you again. And yes I promised you many times... swore to you a lot that I would never cheat on you & then I did, but now I know what I lost. No one can make me smile or laugh or cry or drive me crazy like you do & I don't know what I would do if I lost you again. The only reason I lied to you all those months is because I was so afraid of losing you I couldn't think straight. It made me crazy when I thought that I might lose you." I took Demi's hand in mine & tilted my head. "For better or worse, Demi. We got this. I am not going to fuck up again. I promise you that." I kissed her knuckles then put her hand down so she could wipe a tear from the corner of her eye.
"Good." She cleared her throat. "Do you want to hear the rest of the conditions or do you want to eat first?"
"I made eggs & toast & there's some fruit." I grabbed the plates & put one in front of her.
"This looks delicious. Thanks."
Demi & I ate for a few minutes, not talking, then I asked, "Okay, so I can't tell you I love you or make love to you, so what else is there? What are these other conditions?"
"There's really only one more."
My eyebrows shot up as I chewed a bite of food then swallowed it. "Really? Just one more?"
Demi nodded, looking adorably amused. "We don't say we love each other or make love & we start fresh by going on dates. But the other condition is that I don't want anyone to know. Not a single soul. Not our friends or our parents or the kids. I don't want to even tell Dr. West or Phil."
I leaned on my arms & thoughtfully pressed my lips together as I narrowed my eyes at her. "You don't want to tell anyone but you want us to date?" I asked & she nodded as she put a strawberry in her mouth, watching me with an amused expression on her face. "How would that even be possible? The first time we are seen together, we'd be photographed & the world would know. Our kids would know when we're together."
Demi lifted one of her shoulders, coyly. "We will have to be creative. I just don't want any outside interference while we start over. I don't want anyone to know because everyone will have opinions or they will judge & I don't want that shit."
"I get it. I don't see how we can be creative without anyone finding out that we're back together, though."
A soft sigh came out of her mouth as she leaned on her hand. "Luckily we have kids together so it won't be unheard of or weird that we are together. We can spend time together without being affectionate in public or in front of the kids. We can go on family dates, but also we can go on secret dates. When the kids are with me, we can be at your house & when they're with you, we can go to my house."
It was weird having Demi saying 'my house,' now that we were back together, but I nodded, anyway. "Okay... I guess we will try to keep it a secret."
"We need to do more than try. I want us to date privately. It will be like when we first started dating."
"Yea, I guess. But that was difficult. And now it's even worse. Paparazzi are everywhere & with social media you're never safe from someone taking your picture."
"We can have dates in our houses... in our cars... wear disguises to hotel rooms... face time with each other."
"How long are we going to date in secret?"
Demi pushed her lips out as she squinted her eyes. "Until we fall in love all over again... until we say we love each other... until I am ready to have you come home."
My heart seemed to be doing flips in my chest thinking of being back at home with Demi & the kids, so I smiled, broadly. "I can't wait for that."
She looked down as she put her hands together. "I can't make a promise that it will for sure happen, but I'm hopeful." Her gaze lifted as a tiny smile formed on her lips, then she went back to eating.
"What do you have planned for today? I really don't want you to leave."
"I do have to leave soon. Your mom invited me over today since I was going to pick up the kids from Wilmer's & take them to her house anyway."
I lifted my brow in surprise. "Oh yea?" Demi nodded, her expression flirtatious. "That will be interesting."
"Why's that?"
"Because we will be around all of our family together but we can't look like we are together." I shrugged my shoulders then put my mug in the sink to wash. "I guess it will be a test to how easy this will be."
Demi came up beside me to give me her dishes. "I will be back, okay?"
"Where you going?"
"I have to get something from my car." She kissed me, quickly, then walked off.
I finished washing our dishes, then cleaned up the mess in the kitchen before Demi returned. She had something in her hand when she came back into the kitchen. "What's that?" I asked as I wiped my hands on a towel.
"It's the letter your grandmother left me."
My mouth gaped because I had pretty much forgotten about the letter until just that second. I was surprised that Demi had it & I was even more surprised that she seemed as if she wanted me to read it. I let some air come out in a gust from my mouth. "I wasn't sure I'd ever know what she wrote to you."
Demi looked down at the letter & I could tell she was hesitant to speak, but I wasn't sure if it was because of her being emotional or some other reason. "Before your grandmother died, when I went to visit her that one day, her & I had a conversation. She told me about something that happened between your grandpa & her before they got married." Demi looked up at me, then put the letter & her hands on the counter. "They broke up & while they were broken up he had sex with another woman & when they got back together she didn't fully trust him. She said she had to test the relationship & she wasn't really specific about what she did exactly, but she told me this while not knowing that you & I were dealing something similar. Anyway, it gave me a lot to think about." Demi paused & took a deep breath. "When I went to the hearing for our divorce, I was hesitant & then I talked to Phil in the lobby while I waited for my name to be called. He told me that I needed to listen to my heart & if I was having second thoughts I should give it some time. I guess the two month cooling off period is a good idea after all." Demi chuckled, quietly then took a deep breath. "I went into the judge's chambers & I asked him if I could get a postponement. He told me that I had a year from when I filed the paperwork to have the hearing scheduled." Demi bit her lip, nervously. "I left before he signed them & made it official, so we are still married."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing as I nearly fell onto the stool behind me. "We're still married?" I asked in a hoarse voice.
Demi nodded her head. "I know I lied to you, but I had a good reason. I thought if you thought we were divorced it would push you to do what I thought you were going to do all along. I wanted to be able to trust you & I thought this was a way I could learn to trust you again. I wasn't planning on keeping it from you for that long, but the more I gave it some thought, the more it made sense & I know it was stupid, but you know I don't think rationally sometimes. I didn't believe you when you said you wouldn't move on, so I really felt like I could trust you if you did what you said you wouldn't do. And I mean it worked." She shrugged her shoulders as I sat there, with my mouth hanging open. "I am really sorry I lied, but you told me I could do whatever I needed to do & you said you'd do whatever I needed you to do.... " Demi sat on the stool next to me as I continued to stare at her, shaking my head, slightly. "I know you are probably pissed off at me for lying & you have every right to be, but when I got this letter from your grandmother, I felt like this was me testing our relationship & in some twisted way, I thought it was necessary."
Demi slid the letter toward me & I finally looked down at it. I swallowed then blinked a few times before I picked it up & unfolded it. I was dumbfounded that Demi had lied to me but I was also ecstatic that we were still married. I looked at the handwriting that I recognized from the countless cards my grandmother had given me over the years as I read what she wrote to Demi.
My Dearest Demi,
If you're reading this, I am gone & someone found this for you, in a book, I left in my room. I said my goodbyes to everyone I love, but I didn't get to see you again, after that day you visited, when you found out about my diagnosis. I knew something wasn't right that day & I have realized, since then, that something is definitely wrong, because I have never seen my grandson so miserable. He claims it's because he's sad that he is going to lose me, but I know better.
I don't know what happened between you & Nick & I don't really care, honestly. The only thing I care about is that you heard me that day & you will take what I told you & learn from it, emulate it. I care about you & Nick getting back together, no matter what it takes. I HOPE YOU WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.
My grandson loves you more than he has ever loved anyone or anything before. You & he have a love that is unbreakable. You two have a love that will transcend lifetimes. You have a love like I had with Jerry, so that is why I know you can get through anything. Your love, is unique, but it's just as strong as my love for Jerry is.
My grandson is hurting & I bet you are hurting, too. The pain, though, will get worse if you don't find a way to be together again. The things you will do, without him, will sting more because he isn't there. Those moments, when you should be a couple, but instead are distancing yourself from one another, will be harder to endure.
I know Nick isn't perfect, but his love for you certainly was. You can try all you want, but you will never find someone who will love you the way he loves you. And as hard as you may try, you will never love another man the way you loved him. You will never find a better relationship than the one you had with him. You're meant to be. You have decades of history. You're forever connected through your children, through your friends & through your family. You're always going to be family. You will always be my granddaughter & I know deep down you will always think of Nick as yours.
Relationships are hard, but you can't give up on yours with Nick. Broken hearts can be repaired. Trust can be rebuilt. Remember this always. You have to believe in forever & ever. You have to believe in the power of your love. Believe in a higher power. Believe that me & Jerry are going to be looking down on you & Nick, giving you strength when you need it. Don't give up on Nick. Do not give up on having forever with him. Always hold on to forever, because you never know how long forever will be, for anyone.
I love you.
Mama Fran
When I looked up at Demi, she was leaning on her hand, watching me with a hopeful expression on her face. "Do you see why I was conflicted? Why I thought what I was doing was necessary?"
I placed the letter back on the counter & sighed. "I guess so."
"You think I'm a hypocrite, don't you?" Demi sat up quickly, glancing upward. "Here I was being pissed off that you lied to me for months when I did the same thing."
"Demi, I'm not mad." I grabbed her hand & gave it a squeeze as she looked at me.
"You're not?"
"You said it. I told you to do whatever you had to do. And what you did was what you needed to do to trust me again. You weren't being deceptive to hurt me or to hide something forever." I smiled at Demi. "I'm relieved we are still married. I am ecstatic that we are still legally married because I never felt like we weren't." I said, then something popped into my head. "Wait. We have been married this whole time." I let go of her hand & stood up. "That means you cheated with JD. You had sex with him. You had sex with him while we were still married." I started feeling sick as I took a step backwards.
Demi took in a deep breath then shook her head, which made me cock my head in confusion. "I know this is going to sound bad & I am not proud of what I did, but JD & I didn't have sex. We actually weren't even dating. JD thought if we pretended to date it would help more because you'd be likely to move on if you thought I had moved on. That is if you were going to move on, which you didn't. So, he was helping me & there's more to that story, but I didn't have sex with him & any affection we showed each other was just us playing roles. We were pretending to be dating & I'm sorry, but it worked, if that makes ya feel any better."
My mouth was once again hanging open & I wanted to laugh, so a quiet chuckle of disbelief came out. "I'm not as mad as you'd think. I'm relieved actually. I mean I'm a little pissed you broke my heart for so long but I guess I deserved it, honestly. I want to jump for joy that you didn't actually date him & for sure because you didn't have sex with him, since that thought was driving me insane."
"I know the feeling." Demi replied, in a quiet voice.
The words brought back the memory of what I did & it hurt my heart. "I know. I'm so sorry..."
"Stop. I want to move on, so please stop apologizing for what you did. I know you're sorry but that was the past & I want to focus on the future. And I will say once more that I'm sorry for hurting you & lying to you before we move on. My lies were worth it, right?" She lifted her shoulder to her chin in an adorable way so I walked toward her, nodding my head.
"Yes, it was." I kissed her smile, softly. "Now, we are starting fresh."
"Yes." Demi replied then stood up, quickly.
""Right here, right now. We will promise to never lie to each other again."
"Yes. I promise." Demi kissed me then took a step away from me. "I better go home to get ready so I can pick the kids up. And you need to start thinking of ways you can make me fall in love with you again." She started walking out of the kitchen, her head turned a little so she could show me the cute grin on her face.
"I've done it once, I will do it again."
Demi spun around to face me, her hands on her hips. "Oh you've done it more than once, but I'm going to enjoy your efforts."
"I'm going to enjoy all of this." I walked toward her, putting my arms around her waist when I got in front of her. "You just made my year, you know that?" She nodded, a soft smile on her face. "I really don't want to let you go. It's going to hurt when you leave."
Demi kissed me, letting her lips linger a little. "I'll see you later at your mom's." She turned on her heel & headed out of the room, so I followed her.
I said goodbye to her at my front door, then once I was alone in my house, I let out a loud yelp, expressing the excitement I had within me. I started giggling, which turned into glorious laughter of a person overcome with pure joy. I couldn't believe what had happened in the last twelve hours, but I was going to make sure I did whatever I had to do to fix what I had broken.
I was so extremely happy that I had these sentences running through my head, so I had to put them into a song. I went into my studio & started writing & playing my guitar. Hours later, I had a completed song, but then saw the time. I was late getting to my mom's so I ran upstairs to get ready.
When I got to my parents' house, I smiled when I saw Demi's SUV, knowing that I was going to see her in a few minutes.
As I made my way to the front door, though, I started to feel anxious thinking about having to pretend that Demi & I were still 'divorced.' I opened the door & stepped inside, listening to the voices I heard coming from other areas of the house. I hung my coat up, then turned just as Demi was coming down the stairs.
The smile that erupted on my face was unavoidable as she came to the bottom of the staircase, looking around like she was checking to see if anyone was watching or listening. "You better wipe that shit eating grin off your face or someone will be able to tell you got laid last night." She murmured as she hugged me.
"I couldn't if I wanted to." I replied in a low voice as I hugged her tightly, then I heard footsteps so I knew someone was coming into the foyer. "Happy new year, Demi." I said as she loosened her grip on me.
"Happy new year." She replied stepping away from me as I tried to stop grinning.
I turned my head when I heard someone clear their throat & saw Joe watching us with his arms crossed. "Well, aren't you two cute. Guess the new year is starting off amicably for you two."
"Of course, Joe. We are friends." Demi smirked at my brother as she crossed her arms to match his stance.
There was a knock on the door & Joe sauntered to it as he gave me some side eye. When he opened the door, his face lit up but in an annoying way. "Nick, look who it is!" Joe said as he turned to look at me, opening the door a little more so I could see Lacey standing there. I sucked in my breath since I had totally forgotten that she was going to be here & also because I remembered what I had told Joe. I really hoped he didn't say anything to her, but he was my brother, after all, so I wasn't holding my breath that he wouldn't run his mouth.
Lacey smiled at me as she stepped into the house & I could feel my eyebrows rise up since I was kind of in shock. I could feel Demi's amused smirk on me. "Lacey!" I blurted out, unsure of what else to say.
"Nick, hi. Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year." I tried not to look as uncomfortable as I felt.
"You knew I was coming, right?" She asked & I nodded, slightly. "Your mom was so sweet to invite me. When I ran into her at the hospital & mentioned I didn't have any plans today she told me I should come over. I told her I had given you my number but you hadn't called & she said you just needed some time & that we should talk in a non work type of environment. I hope it's okay that I'm here."
"Of course it is. I'm glad you're here."
"And Nick told me yesterday that he was ready to move on this year." Joe said as he watched me.
I heard Demi clear her throat as she stepped toward Lacey, holding out a hand to shake. "So good to see you again, Lacey. Happy new year."
Lacey shook Demi's hand but looked confused as to why Demi was here. "Hi, Demi. I wasn't expecting to see you here. Happy New Year."
"Well, I'm part of the family so you're stuck with me if you're friends..." Demi glanced over at me. "Or something more with Nick." Demi's eyes rolled slightly as she looked back at Lacey. "Jerry will be thrilled to see you."
Joe took Lacey's coat then he ushered her into the other room of the house to introduce her to everyone. I looked over at Demi as soon as they were out of ear shot & I sighed when I saw the look on her face. She wasn't amused anymore. Now she was annoyed & the look I saw in her eyes made me think she was second guessing her decision to give me another chance. It was hard to tell, completely, what she was thinking but I knew I was about to get an ear full at some point.