A/N - This imagine is based on the song 'Big Girls Don't Cry' by Fergie. It is one of the only songs in the world that makes me teary every single time I listen to it. I hope you all enjoy it.
There was nowhere in the world you would have rather been than exactly where you were in this moment. Winterfell was one of your favourite places in the world, and when you were here with Benjen everything just felt right. He was so sweet that you had fallen for him almost immediately, and he was in love with you just as quickly. It had been easy to love him, and you had hoped that, someday, your father would see how happy he made you and would allow you to marry.
But life was never so kind, and you had received the letter from your father requesting your quick return home. For a little while, before telling Benjen of your father's request, you had considered destroying the letter; pretending you had never been given it in the first place. Or perhaps, just outright refusing to go anywhere without the certainty that you would be allowed to marry Benjen. It seemed that you weren't quite a rebellious as you had once hoped, however, and the thoughts were gone as quickly as they had come.
You still hadn't quite figured out how to tell Benjen you would be leaving. The idea of him getting teary broke your heart, and you knew him well enough that there would be some crying involved in the process. His father had claimed, once or twice, that he was soft, but it had only made you care for him more. But now, you resented it. You wished that he could make this easy on you and pretend not to care. He wouldn't; you knew as much without even having to properly consider it.
So, you had continued to allow him to hold you, and to kiss you. And he had continued to be the perfect gentleman, making it even harder to leave with each sweet gesture he made.
You released a soft sigh as Benjen pulled you closer into his chest, wishing you could just leave in the middle of the night without feeling grotesquely guilty for doing so. One of his hands squeezed at your hip lightly, catching your attention and drawing your eyes up to his gentle smile.
"What are you thinking about?" he murmured, leaning in to press a light kiss to your lips.
Gods, you wanted to tell him everything. Needed to let every thought, that you had been holding in over the last few days, loose. You had to tell him the truth, and yet, you forced a smile onto your lips and shrugged slightly. "Nothing important," you uttered, watching as he lifted your hand, linking his fingers through yours as he leant in to press a kiss to the skin of your knuckles.
"You sure?" There was a moments pause, and your resolve was almost completely gone, only just recovering itself in the nick of time. "You looked like you were concentrating pretty hard this time," he added softly.
Don't cry. If this was when you were going to tell him, you had to make that one promise to yourself. You weren't going to allow yourself to break down. You took a deep breath, your brows knitting together as you glanced up into his face. "I received a letter from my father the other evening." Don't cry. "He wants me to come home." Don't cry. "He claims to have found me a husband." Please, for the love of the Gods. Don't cry.
You glanced up at Benjen again, holding his gaze for just a second until he looked away from you, his eyes searching the darkness of his chambers for something, though you couldn't quite tell what. "When are you leaving?"
Fuck. You hadn't gotten that far yet. How could you drop this information on him without even fully figuring out your plans? "I don't know," you uttered, your voice thick as you swallowed around the lump that had formed. "Some time next week, I would imagine."
"And you want to go?" The words felt like a slap to the face. How could he possibly think you would want to just walk away from him, if given any other choice?
"Of course I don't," you told him as he shifted away from you slightly, allowing the icy air to pull at your clothes and freeze you down to the bone. "But, it's not like I have much choice in the matter."
Benjen nodded, sitting up in his bed and wiping at his eyes. The dreaded tears had already appeared for him, and yet, you continued to crush yours down as hard as you could. Do. Not. Cry. "Who are you going to marry?"
"I don't know. He didn't think to tell me." A short sniffle came from Benjen, his shoulders shaking, shifting the bed ever so slightly. "I'm really sorry," you added, unsure of quite how you were supposed to respond to his sobs. Please don't cry. "I promise that if I had any other choice I would be staying here with you. You know I love you." I beg of you, do not cry.
"Yeah." Benjen's voice was rough and uneven now, escaping him almost like a growl rather than actual speech, and you felt your heart shatter at how you were hurting him. Hold in the tears.
"Do you want me to leave? I could go back to my chambers."
"No. Stay with me. Please."
Your voice caught in your throat as you went to agree, your stomach twisting as you. "I don't know if that's a good idea," you uttered, reaching out to take his hand in yours for a moment. "I really am sorry, Benjen."
A moment later, you were on your feet, headed for the door. The sound of his cries only seemed to grow louder as you got further away, as though they were haunting you. And you were certain that they would. Long after you left Winterfell, that sound would follow you. Long after you were married to some other Lord, you would sit alone and think of the way he had cried for you.
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