RUNNING
FOR MILES
I heard the front door slam, confirming that Lila had left, as I continued to run up the stairs with my arms filled with my tater tots, ice coffee and all the notes that Lila had bought over for me.
I still can't believe that she somewhat cared enough about me to bring over work that I had missed and trying to help encourage me to go to school tomorrow.
It almost makes me want to go.
Opening my bedroom door, I place all of the notes onto my bed neatly. I look down at my brown paper bag and realise that I should really go talk to my brother.
I feel horrible for making him worry about me, it's the last thing I want him to do, I never want him to worry about me as I feel like I've put him through enough the last year or so.
Letting out a sigh I let my feet automatically take me out of my room and toward my brother's bedroom door. I knock on his door twice, once I heard the yell to come in, I open the door and peak my head into his room.
Sam's room is actually surprisingly tidy for a twenty-one-year-old male, its way cleaner than mine which I hate to admit. His walls are a light shade of grey, his furniture only consisted of his bed, dresser and television, which is very minimal but makes his room look pretty bare. Though his walk-in closet door was covered in pictures of when him and I were younger and his lacrosse days.
"Can we talk?" I whispered lowly as I looked down at my feet.
"Always kiddo." he smiled from his bed as he patted the spot next to him.
I entered and shut the door behind me, I climbed onto his bed and sat cross legged in front of him. I handed out the paper bag offering him my beloved food.
He tiled his head confusedly, "Its a peace offering." I stated.
"You never ever share your food." he scrunched his eyebrows together. "This is some twisted trap of yours isn't it?" he rambled.
"It isn't I promise." I said holding out my pinky finger and waiting for him to link it with mine so I could pinky promise him that I wasn't lying.
"Fine." he said giving in and grabbing the bag out of my hand, "Maybe just one." he said as he grabbed out one of the golden pieces of goodness.
"So, whatever you wanted to talk to me about must be pretty important." He said through a mouth full of tater tots.
Oh, right.
"Yeah well I just wanted to say I'm sorry." I paused, "I'm sorry I've put you through hell this past week." I said not being able to make eye contact with him.
"It's fine, I knew that you needed space and that you would come and talk to me about it if or whenever you were ready." he stated as he heard him put down the bag.
"It's really not fine, I shouldn't have done that to you both, it's just..." I paused again to try and figure how to word what I wanted to say, "Complicated?" I breathed but it came out more like a question.
"It's okay, you know you can tell me anything and I won't judge you in the slightest kiddo." he said softly
I knew it was true and I knew I could tell him everything from Lila to Boston but I still don't want to tell him all about my stupid problems but I'm torn because a part of me is dying to tell him everything because I'm reality I simply can't keep this bottled up much longer.
So that's what happened I let everything out.
"I hate it here." I said lowly, "I've been depressed all week because of a million different things that I've kept in for way to long and it's all starting to break me." I tried to talk slowly but it was hard I wanted to get everything out so I could try and stop feeling so depressed.
"Hey, go slow take deep breaths and start with one thing at a time." He said soothingly trying to calm me as he rubbed circles into my leg.
"Okay." I said taking a deep breath and then slowly releasing it, "there's only really two main things that have been worrying me one being Boston." I stated.
"Ugh I hate that guy, he was never good for you kiddo." Sammy seethed.
If only you knew everything that he did to me, you would want to kill him.
"I know but I loved him and sometimes I feel like I still do." I said looking down, "His fucking head and voice is scared into my head, it just won't get out."
"I mean I don't blame you; you guys didn't really get to properly break up, you just kind of left." he said.
It's true I really didn't get to cry or do whatever I needed to do to try and get over him. Apart of me still loves him dearly and I wish that it was all back to how it was me with him, back in Pennsylvania, far away from the sleepy town of Dayton Lakes.
But at the same time, I don't think I could put myself through that again, it was draining being loved by someone one day and then being mentally and physically abused the next.
Realistically no one should ever want to go back or want to being going through that but I guess I'm just fucked up.
"I really want him back sometimes but the other times I hope I never see him again and I hope he rots in hell." I said as a tear flew down my face, "How could you treat someone like that?" I sobbed.
"Oh kiddo." Sam whispered, it sounded like his heart was breaking, "It's okay, I'm here and I'm never going to let anymore hurt you again." he pulled me into him.
"The second thing." I breathed trying to stop myself from crying.
"Is Lila fucking Hayes." I said into his now tear stained shirt. "She's made me dread going to school ever since the day I started at Dayton Academy." I said as I let him hold me in his big arms, just like when we were little kids.
"Lila? No way." he said in disbelief.
"Yes, she is well I don't know she weird to understand." I paused.
"Well do explain." he said impatiently.
"It's hard to explain because one minute she being a complete bitch for no apparent reason and then the next she's making me feel like a complete and utter outcast, like I should never have moved to Dayton Lakes." I tried to explain.
"Well maybe she's going through something, her dads a literal uptight cunt that treats her like someone she isn't." he stated.
I mean he does have a point it's not hard to see that her dad is a very particular man, I don't even think he deserve the title 'father', from what I've seen he doesn't act like one, he never ever smiles or laughs, he never seems to be there and I doubt he would go out to get a greasy burger and fries with his daughter like mine would.
Mr. Hayes seems to be proud of Lila but he doesn't seem to actually care about what she wants I think he has some unimaginably big expectations for her that are just far too extreme for someone of her age. But I've got to give it to her she's managed to pretty much meet all of his expectations from what I've seen and I've got to say I'm pretty impressed but at the same time I feel bad for her.
"Also did you see her mom at the dinner table the other night?" he asked as I shook my head, "And neither was ours, maybe you guys are a lot more alike than you think." he pointed out.
Again, my brother is right, just like my mother hers was a no show as well, but mines different from hers, hers is probably in Madrid wherever the hell that is editing the next big magazine whereas mines probably over dosing in some ally with her equally fucked boyfriend with matching orange needles in their arms.
"Didn't she just come over to give you those notes too?"
"Okay I get it, maybe she isn't that bad." I gave in. "You like her, don't you?" I said out of nowhere.
"No, I mean yeah but no." he rambled.
"But What about you and Monika?" I asked.
Monika Forbes.
Monika is Sam's on again off again girlfriend, she lives a few towns over apparently. They supposedly met at the college he goes to, they dated for a while and then they started fighting a lot and broke up but they soon realised after a few weeks or so that they cant live without each other so they got back together but again they broke up due to fighting and its been like that for a while now.
"Oh, Moni and I are kind of off again I think?" he said scratching the back of his head.
"What would she say then if she found out you and Lila were having sex?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"what we aren't I don't know where you heard that from." he lied terribly.
"I'm not stupid I saw the scratches on you." I said pointing over to his shoulder.
"Fuck um shit." he said looking defeated, "I'm sorry I know she's like your friend or whatever ugh shit I fucked up."
"Yes, yes you did." I laughed.
"It won't happen again I promise." he said holding his pinky finger out to mine and linking it with mine to pinky promise me.
"Okay." I laughed, "I don't know why but I don't care that your fucking Lila, I mean she's kind of my friend but she isn't at the same time so I don't really care just don't do it when I'm home and for god's sake don't do it on the kitchen bench or the couch." I laughed.
I got to say I'm not like any other sister not many are like
"Oh god your something else, I love you and I'm happy you're here with me." he said, "I mean I'm happy you're here with dad and I, we needed you and it wasn't the same without you. It was probably the hardest thing we've been through, being without you." he said.
"It was hard being without you guys too." I said truthfully.
I sighed after a few minutes of us sitting in a silence, "Sometimes I wish mom was here." I laughed, even though what I was saying wasn't funny, "If she wasn't high on drugs, I'm sure she would know what to do."
"I used too but not anymore, she left us and she's not coming back well I hope she doesn't anyway, we are all way better off without her." Sam stated.
"I agree Sammy, I agree." I sighed.
"I just wish she didn't cheat on dad; all of this was her fault if she didn't do any of that to us then we would all still be together; you wouldn't have been with Boston and he wouldn't have fucked you up and Lila probably wouldn't have made your life shit." Sam said.
"Well we won't have to worry about her ever again she's gone and so is Boston, its only us now." I said as I snuggled into him just like I used to when we were kids in our pillow fort.
"I swear I'll never ever let anyone harm you again, you can count on me kiddo." he said as he squeezed me into him.
"I know Sammy, I know." I said as I got up off of his bed, "Thank you for listening but I've got to go and study those notes that your fuck buddy bought over for me." i said as i slipped out of his room.
"She not my fuck buddy!" He yelled as the door shut.
Now I've just got to Study these stupid notes and hopefully get my lazy ass up in the morning for school. This is not going to be fun.
➳
Hey Hi Hello
I hope you guys like the chapter.
what do you think of sammy?
Is he a good brother?
WIll eden go to school?
Please let me know what you think of the book so far.
Please don't forget to vote, leave a comment and go read 'Loving Lakyn' by @sharnahespinosa
GemmaGrace ♡