Tatiana POV
Hey guys. I'm back and I'm better. These last 12 years have been good. I got therapy and it worked. I needed to talk to someone about what I had went through and when I did, everything got better. I graduated from college 3 years ago. I got my degree in Criminal Justice and Social Work. I work with juveniles in the prison system. I have a certain connection with these young kids because I once was them. I mainly go to the prisons here in Atlanta but today, I'm heading to Indiana. I am going to Madison's to speak with the girls in there.
I'm actually getting ready to go now. My flight leaves in about 20 minutes. They just started letting people board the plane.
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My flight just landed. I got my bags and then went to rent a car. When I got it, I headed to my hotel.
When I checked in, I went up to my room. I quickly showered and conditioned my hair before getting out and getting dressed.
I let my hair curl up and then put on some lip gloss before I left. I drove off in the direction of Madisons. When I pulled up, my mind was flooded with memories. Good and bad.
I parked and then walked up. I was let in and then I went through all of the security checkpoints before they led me back to the wardens office.
I knocked and he said to come in.
It's the same warden that was here 12 years ago when I was.
Lancaster: Tatiana. It's good to see you doing so well.
I smiled.
Me: Thank you. It's good seeing you as well. It's been so long since I've been inside these walls.
Lancaster: That's a good thing.
I nod. It is. It really is.
Me: Are you guys ready for me to go out and speak with the girls?
Lancaster: Yes. They're all already out in the rec room waiting. Let's go.
He lead me out and down the hall to the rec room.
There were about 35 girls in here.
We walked up to the front of the room and Lancaster introduced me.
Lancaster: Girls this is Tatiana Johnson, our guest today. Let's turn our attention to her and be respectful.
They all turned their attention to me.
Me: Hello everyone. I'm Tatiana. I have degrees in Criminal Justice and Social Work. I go around to different juvenile detention centers to speak with young girls about life after you get out. Do you all have any questions for me before we get started?
A girl towards the back raised her hand.
Me: Yes.
Her: Where are you from?
Me: I live in Atlanta.
Her: Why you come all the way to Indiana to speak here then?
Me: Because I have a connection to Madisons.
Girl: What kind of connection?
Me: I was in here for a year after my mom had me arrested.
Girl: Tuh, you was in here? I doubt it. You look too soft.
Lancaster: Jackson!
Me: Its okay. She can talk. Explain to me what you mean. How is someone who was in here supposed to look?
Jackson: I don't know. You just don't look like it.
Me: Its been 12 years since I was in here. People change. I've changed a lot.
Lancaster: She has. 12 years ago you wouldn't have gotten away with telling her she looked soft.
Me: He is right about that. You can't judge people by their looks.
Jackson: What was you even in here for?
Me: I was selling and using drugs. Underage drinking. I kept running away from home.
"Why would you do all of that?", one girl asked.
"I was troubled. I experienced a lot of things at a young age. Things that I shouldn't have had to experience."
"Things like what?"
"Well, I would say I was cursed from the womb. I was the product of a failed abortion. My dad had my mom and my brothers mom pregnant at the same time so my mom decided that she would go get an abortion and tell him after. So that's what she did or tried to do. She knew the abortion wasn't successful but he didn't and she took me from Atlanta and came to Indiana. We were homeless for a good little while, then moved in with my grandmother. After she passed, my mom got married and I was pushed to the side. From then on, I hung out on the corners. I was only 11. The drug dealers became my family. They were the only ones who actually showed they cared about me. My mother's husband despised me. He is the reason I kept running away. My mama went through my room one day and found all of the drugs that I had and she called the police on me. I was lucky to only get a year."
Another girl raised her hand and asked, "What made you change?"
Me: My father. When he was finally able to come into my life, he made sure that I knew there was more to it than just the streets. My family helped me see that I had more going for myself than just hanging on corners and messing around in the streets.
Jackson rolled her eyes and scoffed.
Me: Is there something you would like to say?
Jackson: Why we listening to you? You just another one of them privileged girls from a bougie ass neighborhood who ain't never had to struggle. Bet you was only running away to get the attention. You ain't been through none of what some of us been through.
Lancaster: Jackson, that is enough.
Me: Let her finish.
Jackson: What yo real story is? You telling us you was homeless or whatever. Just trying to make yourself seem more relatable.
Me: I've been through more than most, but you wanna know something Jackson?
Jackson: What?
Me: You're just like me. You play tough to hide your true feelings. You don't want nobody to see your emotions. I get it. I was the same way. Stay closed off. Don't let nobody in because that protects you from being hurt over and over again.
Jackson: You don't know what you talking about.
Me: Maybe I don't. But from the way you're acting, I think I'm right. I used to act the same way.
She stood up.
I turned to Lancaster.
Me: Would you be okay with Karee and I go in another room to talk?
Lancaster: Sure.
He showed us to a room. I sat down.
Jackson stayed standing.
Jackson: You think you know me?! You don't know shit I been through. My mama ain't never want me. Daddy left. Big brother raped me. Put out on the street cause they said I was lying about what happened. Drugs was my only way.
Me: My mama ain't never want me. My daddy thought I was dead. My stepdad raped me. I ran away to get away from him. Got caught up in the streets. It became my only escape. I dealt the drugs. I used the drugs.
Jackson: You went through all of that too?
Me: Yes. Like I said before, when I see you, I see myself.
Jackson: How did you do it? Like when you got out of here.
Me: I got lucky. My dad was there for me.
Jackson: I don't got nobody. When I get outta here in a few weeks, I'm going back to the group home and from there, I know I'm going back to the streets.
Me: I want to help you. Will you allow me to?
Jackson: You want to help me?
Me: Yes. I know that fear. Before you get out of here. You know you've changed but somehow the streets just be calling. You don't have to go back to the group home.
Jackson: I don't?
Me: Not if I have anything to do with it.
She came to hug me.
I hugged her back.
Me: I will say one thing tho.
Jackson: What?
Me: Don't try to play me like I'm a little punk out here. Got me?
Jackson smiled at me.
Jackson: Got you.
She went back out and I went to talk to Lancaster.
Lancaster: How did your talk with Miss Jackson go?
Me: She's a good girl deep down. You just gotta break through that outer shell to get to that part of her.
Lancaster: You've already started to break through?
Me: Yeah.
We sat in silence for a moment.
Me: What can I do to be able to bring her back to Atlanta with me when she is released?
Lancastwr: There is some paperwork that will need to be filled out and you have to go through a screening to ensure that you are able to care for her.
Me: I need to begin that process as soon as possible
Lancaster: Okay. That can be arranged. Are you able to stay for a few more days?
Me: Yes. I'll be able to rearrange some dates.
Lancaster: Okay. I'll make a call and get the process started.
Me: Thank you. I'll be seeing you again soon.
I've made.my decision. Karee comes off as a disrespectful, rude girl but deepdown, she has a heart of gold and I know she has a bright future. She just needs someone to be there for her and show her that they're there for her and I want to be that person.
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Chapter 9 coming soon