COC #6: Vine/Meme Reference
Simon and Baz are shagging much too loudly for Penny's liking. (I don't get no sleep cause of y'all)
~ I shit you not, I cackled while writing this whole thing. Enjoy! ~
*Penny's POV*
Simon and Baz have been making the most horrendous sex noises all bloody night. Baz was over for dinner and a movie (as usual) and I tucked in early, giving them some time to themselves. Of course... I didn't quite think about how much pent up sexual tension they may have. (Simon once called me a 'cockblock'. I responded with 'that I am, Simon. That I am.') I think they tried to be quiet- I honestly do. But see... Simon isn't exactly quiet when he's, um... doing things. (Things being Baz.) (I don't know what in the bloody hell Baz does to him, but it must be stupendous.)
It started with muffled moans, as things usually do. I tried my very best to ignore them; I really did. But it became increasingly difficult to do so when Simon bumps into the wall next to your room, mutters 'shit', and then snogs against the wall, proceeding to trip over his own feet again. For fucks' sake, Snow. I heard Baz whisper breathlessly. Bunce is trying to sleep. Then, for another ten minutes or so, it was relatively quiet. But just as I was beginning to drift...
"Oh fuck Baz!" and "Oh my god, Simon!" Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them- I really am! But it is currently one in the morning, and they are still moaning and groaning. (How many times can gay men have sex in a row? Are they like bunnies?)
Finally, after what seems like hours later, they seem to have... finished. I tiptoe across the hall and put my ear up against their door to try and hear them. (Some may say what I'm doing is perverted; I say it's vengeful.) I hear Goodnight, love and G'night, my Bazzyboo followed by a snort. But I think the fuck not. If they want to keep me up hours into the night, then they sure as bloody hell are not going to get off that easy. (It sounded like they 'got off' quite easily just a moment ago.)
I softly walk into the kitchen and grab two cookie sheets, and then promptly walk right in front of Simon's door. I hesitate (for only a moment) because they might be indecent. But I take my chances (I've seen Simon starkers before, and I've got nothing to worry about with Baz, anyway) and slam open the door. The two boys spring into upright positions and Baz's arm wraps protectively around Simon.
I start hopping up and down, crashing my cookie sheets loudly (sorry neighbors!!!) in rhythm. I yell/sing, "I AIN'T GOT NO SLEEP CAUSE OF Y'ALL! Y'ALL NEVER GONNA SLEEP CAUSE OF ME!" I repeat this about four times, the boys staring wildly at me the whole time. When I'm finally done, I'm sure I look absolutely mad, but I am too exhausted to care. Right before exiting their bedroom, I turn to them.
"If you two are going to fuck, Basilton, at least have the decency to cast a silencing spell," He just smirks. "And you," I glare at Simon. "Nicks and slicks Simon, Baz can't be that good- quiet the bloody hell down!" Baz just scoffs and lays back down and Simon mouths he is that good to me. I don't even dignify it with a response; I just shut the door.
*Simon's POV*
"Did she just-" I turn to Baz, propped up on one elbow. He shakes his freshly-fucked face up and down.
"I believe she did." I let out a laugh and bury my face into the pillow. Baz places a gentle nip at the base of my neck and it elicits a groan. We whip our heads to the door, weary that Penny will come back. (It was slightly mortifying, seeing her yell about not getting sleep because of our loud shagging. I suppose she was right.) (She was not, however, right about one thing. Baz is that good. And that was me trying to stay quiet.)
What a night.