This cell has been my home for a total of five days. Over this course, I've kept a steady routine. I'd wake up, try to mark a tally on the wall, attempt to brush my hair, wait for food, and try to exercise my singing voice.
With the chain collar on, it was like learning to sing all over again and I discovered that with practice it would only improve. Of course, nothing too major would happen, but progressively I'd start to hold a steady note again and stay in tune. My voice would no longer crack as much and my throat would no longer be scratchy and sore.
I had practiced memorized scales and octaves, being sure to never move on unless I mastered them. Slowly, I noticed my body was starting to adapt to the conditions and mannerisms of the collar. It had casually started to fend off the substance restraining my voice, and with that my old abilities were starting to come back. Nothing compared to the voice I had before, but it was better than what I had started with.
In the midst of my practice, Valora's candle would roar like wildfire. It was always there, always lit, simulating she was watching me suffer in the dark. It was unsettling, to say the least, however, I didn't let the candle get under my skin. Rather, I should be thankful I am close to a firelight. It reminded my eyes about the sun outside and served as a source of warmth along with my stupendous amount of hair.
My ball gown from the night before had started to rip in the barren environment. I was grateful Cliara had made me adorn layer after layer on my body since now the silk could serve for multiple purposes.
The first overcoat -the olive gown-, came off first since it was most damaged and fragile. Now, it no longer served as an overcoat but a pillow along the stone floor. The under layer with sleeves and excessive skirt came next and served as my blanket. All I had left was the chemise, the stays, skirt, and last overcoat. I wasn't embarrassed by my lack of clothing, it just made me seem like a middle-class woman rather than the noble I entered as.
I knew that when Josson saw what I'd done he'd have everything burned, being since he thought sirens unworthy of even the most basic necessities. But, Josson hadn't called me back for another interrogation in three days. For once, I think someone actually took my advice and listened. Now, I hope he focused on his real problem: his injured father.
With that thought, I prayed that his absence would last. Prayed he'd never see what I'd done and that I'd never have to tell him more than what he already knew.
While I was deep in the dungeon, there was also staggering boredom that plagued me. The chains kept me attached to the wall, never letting me stray far enough to explore the rest of the cell. Singing always became tiring, and it was discouraging to hear my voice falter every so often. I had become restless, always ready to move for the exercise I never got. Over time, I had started to swallow my optimism and had started to look at my cell for the prison it really was.
I turned to my water cup, a cup still completely full from this morning's stale, rotting meal. I hadn't had the stomach to drink anything, despite the sour taste of the musty food, so I had set the cup aside. I gazed at the cup now, -my back still against the wall- and tried to lift it with my freed hands.
The water shot up in the air with no strings of gravity attached. It whirled as I moved my fingers, following the direction I commanded it too. I smiled as I practiced this power, having been almost incapable of it in the last few weeks.
Then I heard footsteps walk down the hall, and I saw a nearby light grow brighter as it approached me. Immediately, fear encased me and my senses got the best of me, making the water collapse unevenly back into the cup. I cursed as I looked at the only remaining droplets being held in the cup that didn't reach the floor.
Next, I hear keys rattle as the door is unlocked, and he walks in.
My first instinct is to stand as he enters. My second is to run to him and lock him in an embrace. Yet, I remember what I've done and I stay put in my place, looking down to the floor in shame.
"Aelila?" Nik calls my name with such uncertainty, distrust, and fury. "That's your actual name, right?" The lantern he holds makes his eyes shimmer, and I can see the sadness and sting of betrayal in his eyes.
"Yes, it is," I respond and instantly think about everything I've been meaning to say. "I'm-"
"What else have you lied to me about?" Nik asks me next. It would have taken me forever to answer it all.
I don't think he can see but I bit my lip, "Too much." I'm muttering, "Too much."
Nik wants a valid answer though. He wants to know more. "And what about you and me?" Nik asks, his voice trailing off.
He doesn't specify entirely but I can read what he's asking just by his expression. "I didn't lie about that. That wasn't acting." Nik nods, that's clarification enough and all of a sudden there's a pause. I decided to tell him more. "But, I was Arya," I tell him, he raises an eyebrow.
"Arya?" It isn't because he doesn't remember, but because he doesn't believe. He doesn't believe he's the one that let me in, that he's the one that started all of this.
"Yes. Arya," I repeat. Images of both my cousin and our first meeting flood my brain.
Surprisingly, he doesn't take the information as bad as I thought. For a second, I don't think he regrets meeting me. Instead, Nik steps inside my cell, closing the door behind him, my candle and his lantern the only light in sight. He's come for answers and he won't leave until I give them.
"You used me to get close to my family, so you could kill my father to please your queen?" He questions me with a fixated affirmation.
"My mother," I correct him before I say anything else. "Originally, that was my purpose," I tell him, the process is painstakingly difficult. "But that changed, I'm not here for that anymore I-"
"I remember hearing your voice. It still clouds my memories," he begins with another unanswered question. I shutter, knowing all too well what he'd ask next, "Did you sing to me? To make me forget something?"
Soon enough, I'm biting my mouth in nervousness but have the guts to utter, "Yes." Even I myself wasn't satisfied with such an answer and I try to continue my plead, "But it's not like that, I had no choice I had to-"
Nik rolls his eyes, "Of course you did. Every siren does," I hear the sarcasm in Nik's voice, it's something that almost never crosses his tongue when he speaks to me. Although, I suppose things are different now.
It grieves me to hear him compare me to the others and I can't keep still any longer. I make my way towards him the best that I can, struggling against the weight of the chains. "I'm not like them," I retort, throwing years of pain into an all too-well-known sentence.
"Really?" he shrugs and sets the lantern down on the floor before approaching me. "You lied to me, you enticed me, you deceived me," Nik goes off the list of charges, "I even trusted you! Yet, I didn't even know a real thing about you! Hell-I didn't even know your first name!"
He didn't even know what I looked like. I couldn't even allow him to see me.
Thinking about that made me furious at myself. I had formed a relationship with him, his built by trust and my side built by lies and deception.
I shower myself in his rain of anger. He has every right to complain, every right to be infuriated. But still, he didn't understand the full story. He didn't understand how high the stakes stood.
"You don't understand." I started to say.
"No, Aelila. I understand perfectly-"
"Please!" I exclaim. I wanted to lunge out and grab him in place so he'd at least look at me. "Listen to me. I can explain."
Just like how he had calmed me down on the ship, I did the same and Nik went silent. We faced each other exactly, directly straight ahead from one another.
He takes a deep sigh, shutting himself down easily. "Anything I tell you," I start. The fear of our relationship crumbling is freshly alive in mind but I continue anyway, "You can't tell a single soul. No one."
Nik's shoulders stiffen, and I can see the distrust building up like moss. "Again?" He asks and I realize how familiar my words are.
"Please."
Nik hesitates, then nods. He's curious about what I have to say, what I could say that would possibly make my situation any better. What I would say to justify my actions? If there even was anything that would.
I moved myself to the back of the room and put myself against the wall. I fell onto the floor, sitting down in shame and false hope that he'd understand what had happened and everything that had lead up to this. None of them were aware of the person they killed -our reason to act out so harshly.
He studied me as I sat down, but refused to sit with me. I knew he didn't trust me because he knew what I'd done before, and what I am now.
Now, I reached for the last shred of trust I felt in myself, sighed, and told him. I keep my voice low and at a semi-whisper that only someone in the area of the cell could hear. Of course, not too much is said, but the basics: my cousin, Arya, my own beliefs and standpoints and what that had caused, my sister and mother, and everything that lead up to my mother sending me here to kill his father.
Nik sighs, a deep and vigorous sigh, and his body softens. He lets down his shoulders and approaches me and my chains in the corner. With one swift motion, he sits down next to me and takes my shoulder.
"I wasn't like them," I said again, never letting my voice break. "And my mother hates me for it."
We both say the same thing at the same time: "I'm sorry." His response is in a whisper of pity, mine is out of guilt and humiliation.
Subconsciously, I find my head is hanging and Nik lifts it up with his gentle hand. Already, I feel the dispersing contrast from Josson's in his touch. It's so astonishing to me how two brothers could be so different.
Nikoloas stands up from the chill of the stone floor. Like the night at the ball, he extends a hand to me. With no stomach to say anything, I just glance at him and his hand. After a sudden burst of hesitation, I put my hand in his and he picks me up to my feet.
We don't say anything, we just look at each other with solemn eyes and the weight of our hearts in the air.
To me, his face is so familiar but yet so distant. Slight bags have started to form under his eyes from worry and stress. His green eyes appear irritated and puffy from days of heartache, his hair looks unkempt and barely brushed before he came, and his clothing is obviously an absent-minded, weak, and negligent attempt to look presentable for the people around him. Something has changed in him, and now his carefree aura is more defined and serious. It saddens me to know most of these changes are because of me, a girl I let betray him.
To Nik, he was looking at a whole new person. I was a whole new face in front of a well-known spirit.
He probably noticed my eyes had changed from Lianna's brown, to my two-toned hazel, my hair had become longer and fuller, my lips had become a peach pink and more ideal, and the rest of my face had changed entirely. I had formed into someone he had no longer known, and it would take a while before he actually came to know and understand me again.
He pays me a sad smile as he studies me up and down. "Aelila," he says one final time in a whisper. With my hand still in his, he squeezes it before letting me go to grab the lantern. Instantly, he turns to the door and heads for it.
I follow him the best I can until the chains run out and restrain me from walking any further. By now, Nik is on the other side and my whole being shatters when I hear the lock of the door and I realize I'm trapped inside again; alone.
I stand there -in the middle of my cell, with chains pulling me in all other directions besides the one I want- and just stare out the tiny window as I see his light grow dimmer and dimmer. I stand there for feels like seconds and silence. Savoring Nik's company, his touch, the glimpse of his eyes one last time, his voice-until it's all interrupted by him again.
"So?" I hear Josson's voice ask from down the hall. "Did the siren disgrace tell you anything useful?"
At that moment, I curse myself. How could I have not seen it was all just a cruel way to learn more about me?
Show them mercy, and they'll show you their sword, my mother's phrase rings in my head and all of a sudden I feel a part of myself believe it.
Josson had preyed on my weakness and used his brother as a bloodsucker for information. All of a sudden, I was furious and enraged. I cursed myself again for good measure.
"No," I heard Nik respond. "She told me nothing."
A lie.
I told him everything.
Nikoloas lied.
Much like myself, I hear Josson curse. "Well, we'll just have to do it again."
"I'm not." Nik reply with a confident surety he didn't possess when he entered my cell.
"There is no argument about it. You are." Josson says again.
Again, Nikolaos stands for my side, "I will not. I will not be your pawn to try to gnaw information out of her. Is that clear?" Even from back here in my prison, I can feel the tension slowly starting to build up and line the air.
Josson's voice tightens. He's never been told that before, and now it pains him to hear it from his younger brother. "Fine," Josson finally says.
Footsteps come soon after, and then I know I'm truly alone.
Nikoloas had come here for his brother, to feed anything I told him to his cause. He had visited me to betray me but left with a change of heart. Simultaneously, I shifted Nik's views around and now he stood beside me.
Something inside me told me he wouldn't be walking away this time.
At least no time soon.