MONDAY
DAY FIFTEEN
#
LIZZIE
My fingers danced along the piano keys. I hummed the melody stuck inside my head. Sometimes, I could hear music, the way some catchy songs could get stuck inside your head, but my song wasn't one that existed. Not yet, at least. Not until I breathed life into it.
Mr. Burka sat at his desk, absentmindedly listening and answering emails. Every now and then, he'd speak up and give his advice.
"Try..." he mimed the piano key movements and sang, adjusting his voice as he tried to nail the right key, "that again, but slower."
I did and the sound made my skin tingle.
Turning around, I grinned nice and wide to show my appreciation.
He smiled back. "I know. I'm a genius."
Playing the melody again, I burned the arrangement into my memory and the feeling it gave me. The squirmy feeling of having a crush. The sweet fluttering feeling of getting excited. And the gooey feeling of my knees going weak. A sigh slipped between my lips as I played it again.
"I don't know what's going on," Mr. Burka said over my music. "But you seem happier lately."
"Thanks."
"And since you're in a good mood, I thought I might ask you to maybe waste your summer away by being an intern for me at the Rosewood Symphony?"
My hands tripped and I slammed a horrible crashing sound against the keys. "What?" I asked past my heart crawling up my throat, desperate to say yes, desperate to take the opportunity and run. "Are you serious?"
"It's unpaid," he warned. "And you'll need your parents' permission."
"I'll get it," I said, not knowing how, just knowing that I must. This time, I was going to look my mother directly in the eyes and tell her what I want. Dreams don't just happen. Salons run by a Drag Queen don't just open up its doors and let you in. Nobody walks on stage and gets the leading role. I had to make my dream happen... or I was going to do something that really drove my mother crazy like getting a tattoo or changing my name to Caramel Macchiato.
Then, interning for a symphony won't seem so bad.
"Hey? Is Lizzie—" Andrea appeared in the doorway. The moment her eyes landed on me, she motioned me out of the room. "Lizzie! Can you follow me? Like now?"
"Now?"
Andrea's eyes widened behind her glasses. "Now. Now."
I snatched my bag off the floor and stumbled to get out from underneath the piano. Running out of the room, on Andrea's tail, I yelled back to Mr. Burka, "See ya later! And thank you!"
This period was my lunch period, but I didn't have any friends that had it too (mostly because I had like one friend and one fake girlfriend), so I hung out in the band room. I knew for a fact Andrea was supposed to be trying to stay awake during her Econ class. "Hey, aren't you in class, right now?"
"Yeah, but I wanted to go to the bathroom, but I can't because your girlfriend and Camille are going at each other's throats in there."
"What?" I gasped and started running for the girls' bathroom, hearing their echoing shouts clearer, the closer I got. My stomach twisted at the sound the way I cringed hearing metal scrape against my teeth.
"If you're gonna lie and blow me off..." Camille said suddenly; I could hear the anger in her voice, the temperature raised so high, it burned my ears. "You shouldn't post about it on Instagram."
I winced. So, she knew.
That was what the call from yesterday was about. She gave me the chance to fess up and I failed.
"I didn't-" Parker started to protest, but the answer hit her hard and fast. "Hayden. Man. I'm sorry Camille. I really am."
"Whatever. You're just sorry you got caught. I'm like so disappointed. I mean, what the hell, Parker? We used to be best friends."
"Used to be? What? Have you really replaced me with Norah? Were we really best friends if you can just replace me like that? Like it's nothing? Like I don't matter?"
"You know what I mean! I mean, you'd never do that before! How do you think it makes me look to everybody if you and Lizzie ditch me and post about it?"
I had never heard Parker and Camille yell at each other, not like that. They've teased each other. They've even faked fighting over stupid stuff in the past, but it never got this serious. This dire. All my organs hardened into cement and I became frozen at the door. I couldn't force myself to burst through the doors. I couldn't pull a single word out of my mouth to get them to stop.
Parker laughed this rotten laugh without joy or mercy. "So, that's what this is really about? You think this makes you look uncool in front of all your new friends, the ones that you think are obviously better than me."
"Stop telling me what I think!"
"I said I'm sorry, Camille! What more do you want from me? God! I'm never gonna like Norah! I'm never going to like any of those people and I'm never going to change!"
A lull passed between them as tears pricked my eyes. I couldn't help it as I clutched my hands to my chest, trying to pull myself together. I just hated hearing them fight. It broke my heart into jagged, messy pieces that couldn't properly be glued back together.
Finally, Camille said in a stiff voice, like a curled fist, "You are the most selfish person I have ever met and I don't know why we were ever friends in the first place. You don't care about my feelings. You don't care about what I want. All you can think about is what's best for yourself and fuck everyone else."
"Well, I guess you have me all figured out then. It sounds like I suck. I wouldn't want to be friends with me either."
"Fine."
"Fine!"
The door suddenly flung open. Andrea and I stumbled back, out of the way. Camille's face was beat red and her thick eyeliner had smudged from wiping away a tear or two or ten. Catching me there, with my eyes watering, Camille's face scrunched together in fury. She shoved past me, her lying cousin, and ran down the hall.
I swallowed my lump of misery and held open the door to glare at Parker. I asked, "Are you really not going to chase after her?"
"No. What's done is done," Parker muttered.
She shoved by Andrea and me, stomping the other way from Camille. Two directions. Two people pulling me apart. I let go of the door and ran for Camille, all the way outside into the bitter cold. A gray speckled sky lorded over us and the wind came with the kind of chill that sliced right through my bones.
"Camille! Camille! Wait!" I called after her and she stopped so suddenly, I almost ran headfirst into her chest. "Whoa, Camille- Are you okay?"
"No! No, I'm not fucking okay. I just broke up with Parker and- and- shit! I have to go home and use a thousand baby wipes to clean my face." Her usual black makeup melted in thick streaks down her cheeks. She shook her head to the sky. "I can't believe this is happening."
"I'm sorry. I'll talk to her."
"No, don't. This is between Parker and me."
"She really loves you, Camille, and I really shouldn't have lied to you over the phone, but I guess we were just having a hard day and..." The more words that tumbled out of my mouth, the deeper Camille's brows furrowed. At least she stopped crying. Thank God. That was my brand and she was kind of more dramatic than me doing it.
If nothing, I at least wanted to be the one that cried the best.
"But Parker is probably just feeling lonely. She gets lonely and she's scared that you're leaving her. I think you just need to assure her that nothing is changing, and she'll be fine-"
"Hold on, hold on." Camille waved her hands. "Are you? Are you on Parker's side?"
My blush felt like a slap across the face, even surprising me. I blurted, "No! I'm not on anyone's side-"
"Oh my god! You're on Parker's side! Lizzie, I'm your cousin! You should absolutely be on my side. We've got blood between us and a family history of diabetes and depression."
"I know! But like, Parker's also my girlfriend-"
"Yeah! For like another fifteen days! I'm life, bro."
I opened my mouth to hurl another defense, but nothing came out. Camille's reminder got caught in my brain and clogged my flow of thought like a deflated floaty in a swimming pool filter. Fifteen days sounded so short. Sounded so immediate. We were in the direct middle of the trial and that scared me.
Without thinking, I said, "It might be longer than fifteen."
"Have you asked Parker that? I dare you to ask her what she plans to do after the trial? Parker is a serial dater, Lizzie. She has to be dating someone. Always."
My spit came down my throat like broken glass and carved up my chest. I rubbed my face and said, "This isn't about the trial. This is about you and Parker. Are you really not her friend anymore?"
"This Camille," she said as she raised her arms to present herself. "She doesn't want to be that Parker's friend... I missed it when everything was simple, when things didn't get so messy and complicated and... Listen, I know I keep giving you shit about your relationship with Parker, but I've never seen you this confident. Ever. And I know that has a little something to do with Parker and I understand because... that's what Parker does. She's good at making you feel special, you know?"
She had to stop when her voice cracked and tears threatened to leak back out.
I nodded.
"I'm going home. You go back to class."
I just nodded again but wouldn't let her leave without a hug. I held her tighter than any stuffed animal, than any security blanket. She was a little more precious than these things. For the rest of lunch, I searched for Parker, but she either went back to class or home too. Parker might even be the kind of person to have a secret clubhouse at the school, so I did the only thing I could think of to do.
I texted:
LIZZIE: [I won't ask if you're okay. You're probably not. Can I do anything?]
Parker took a while to reply and I didn't blame her at all. Eventually, she texted back:
PARKER: [I'll be okay. I just wanna go to practice and not think about it or anything. Thanks tho]
LIZZIE: [Any time]
I took a deep breath, holding my phone to my chest. I wondered if I should've chased Parker instead, the regret rolling in my stomach like wet cement. No. Camille was my cousin. Parker would understand. It was more than just that.
In the beginning of the year, this was my dream scenario. That Parker and Camille would stop being friends. That finally, I wouldn't be the third wheel... I guess, I should be careful what I wish for because who knows what I might want in the future. My old wishes might turn into my current nightmare.
#
Author's Note
We've hit that midpoint people! Let's jump into the third and final act of this baby and feel the ANGST between the fluff. Listen, even if things get sad, I really can't help but stay cheesy. I'm almost on my last page of my outline, so I'm geeking out!! There's so many exciting/fun scenes that I can't wait to share. I wish I could just pull it out of my brain faster!!
So, what did you guys think about the fight? Were you excepting them to break up? Do you think they'll become friends again? Would you have chased after Camille or Parker in Lizzie's situation? Have you ever had to terminate a friendship?
Twitter: @AuburnMorrow
Instagram: @auburnmorrowbooks