As I lay next to my son that night, my whole life moved across my eyes, making me relive every moment spent with Norberto. And for the first time ever I saw how naïve I had been all these years. I had fallen in love with him probably from the time my eyes first landed on those icy grey eyes. To be honest, it was not fully love then and I surely didn't know it then, but each day spent under his eyes and his brush pushed me a little closer to him, a little more accepting of my feelings.
But everything crashed that terrible night of the exhibition. It all got black and dark and the hatred I felt for him for disregarding my feelings, for exploiting my heart and my body, overcame all other emotions and became the end all and be all of my existence. The fact that I was pregnant snatched away my balance completely and I felt my life losing out of my hands. All those frustrations, the utter lack of control over myself, over my life, the self-hatred for becoming a slut at the hands of Norberto pushed me into a dark place from where return became impossible.
Even after Raul was born, my disturbed mind kept scheming and plotting, making revenge the sole reason for my existence.
I had been such a sucker for travesty.
It was a losing battle right from the start. And all the meaningless materialistic realities of that glittering but hollow fashion world only added on to the darkness inside my heart. I never let my true emotions emerge out and kept feeding the devil in me, scarifying everything good in me.
It was all so clear now but alas while living in that dark world, I never realized how I had been digging my own grave. I kept falling deeper and deeper in that shit and kept adding on to my downfall. It was a vicious cycle. Do dirty, feel dirty, cry dirty but then repeat the whole horrible cycle all over again.
I was fully lost. I was so damn lost that despite everything I had done, even when God gave me a way to get out of that rabid hole, I kept spiralling into it. I threw away any and every chance of redemption, of making it work. Even when Norberto said he wanted me, I kicked him in his teeth and opted out.
What could I expect from him now? After throwing him out of my life and the life of our son, it was a miracle he still had me under his roof. Despite my wrongs, he still took me as the mother of his son. I was still with my son because of him. And even though I would have never given up on Raul, would have fought him tooth and nail, he was right when he said, he didn't need me. He didn't need to marry me to get Raul. But he still did, so that I could be with my son.
I pulled Raul closer in my arms and prayed for a better tomorrow. A day when truth would finally emerge and live unheeded.
The day you stop racing is the day you win the race; Bob Marley had said. That night, I realized I was through with my race. My race with time, my race with love, my race with Norberto, my race with myself. Irrespective of what would happen in future, I would live my life with my heart filled with love. Nothing ever would take that knowledge away from me.
I woke up to a fine sunny morning and immediately last night conversation with Raul came back to me. He was still sleeping next to me. My sweet, innocent and yet so understanding baby. It was true, a child is the father of a man, or in this case, mother of a woman. My child taught me to be a mother and to be a woman. I grabbed him in my arms to shower him with several good morning kisses.
"Mom! I know you love me, but you need to learn to control those emotions!" He complained rubbing his hands on his kisses-attacked-cheeks. There, my calm, mature son was back.
"I know but you know it too, it's difficult for me. And its okay for mothers to show their love to their nine-year-old sons with good morning kisses. It's quite normal," I replied happily.
"Aren't you going to factory today?" he asked tried to get rid of his over zealous mother. I couldn't help but smile at his small irritated self. "Yes, I am. Just like you are going to the school. Let's get ready," I replied, releasing him from my arms.
The sheer happiness around us seemed to have added a spring to our feet. Before soon, we were in the dinning room for the breakfast. I was nervous but at the same time, excited to be facing Norberto after my last night's discovery. It may not be the best time to have this discussion but I wanted to talk to him soon. Last few days had been extremely taxing but I was still thankful for them for the pain made me recognize my true feelings. Having said that, I wasn't in any mood to continue with the bitterness that had been residing in our home since my showdown with Norberto in his room. I wanted all the negativity to be out as soon as possible and I was ready to do everything in my capacity to turn a new leaf in my life.
If it meant confessing to Norberto, then yes, I was ready. In fact more than just acceptance, I wanted to acknowledge my feelings to him, the one who was responsible for igniting this fire in me. I was finally free of all the apprehensions of my feelings and its consequences. Simple truth was I loved Norberto and wanted him to know it before I lost my nerve.
It was too big a step, placing my heart and my life in his hands all over again. But having come to this realization, I didn't want it any other way. All that had happened between Norberto and me may not have left his heart inclined towards me, he may not be experiencing the depth of emotions I was dealing but after all the years of darkness and ugly dishonesty, I owed it to both him and myself to come clean. I wanted him to know what I truly felt, I needed him to be aware of what my heart truly wanted.
After that it would be his call. He may choose to accept my feelings or he may disregard them or he may even ignore them but I wouldn't keep him in the dark anymore. If this was our fate, then so be it but he needed to know that the girl who walked in his studio all those years ago and fell in love with the man was still there. She may have grown up with the years and the circumstances, she may build an misguiding exterior around her to hide and protect herself but the girl wasn't dead.
Melanie Griffin loved Norberto Fritz and he needed to know it.
I walked inside the dinning room holding Raul's hands. He was smiling at me seeing the glow on my face. I was expecting Norberto to be seated on the table because he was usually there before us. But this morning was an exception. Norberto wasn't there.
I wouldn't accept but my spirits dampened a bit. It's okay, don't be upset, I told my heart silently thinking he would be joining us any minute.
But ten minutes later, he was still not around. Just when the wait became unbearable and I decided to go look for him, Josh came in.
"Josh, where's Norberto?"
"He has gone out, Ma'am," he replied quietly.
"Out? So early in the morning? Where has he gone? And if you are here, how has he gone?" I was too surprised with his response and couldn't help with the barrage of questions.
All these difficult days, I couldn't wait to be through these meal times when we had to sit together as a family and pretend, we were a happy family when it was anything but that. Yet, I would have to endure them all because I didn't want to cause any trouble in front of Raul. Norberto and me were on shaky grounds and any small or momentary loss of control would blow our superficial happy family act like a pack of cards.
And today of all the days, when finally, I was looking forward to meeting him and letting all my feelings out, did he decide to step out!
"I had gone with him, Ma'am but he sent me back to pick up something important. Since we had gone early, he couldn't speak to you before going, so he had also asked me to let you that he will be busy today and you may not worry."
"Busy? But he usually never goes out like this. What was so urgent that needed his immediate attention?"
Josh didn't respond to my question immediately.
"Josh, where did you drop him?" I probed again.
"I am sorry, Ma'am, but I have to hurry back. Sir asked me to get back immediately. I just wanted to inform you before leaving again," saying that he quickly backed away and moved out.
This was so unusual for both the master and the servant. And the fact that Josh didn't answer my questions made it even more mysterious.
Oh, you are getting worried unnecessarily because of your nervousness, my heart tried to reason with me. Yes, that must be it.
I had been waiting to be with Norberto as soon as my feelings spoke out to me. I had spent the night literally counting the seconds. I had planned the moment it was decent enough to reach out to him without appearing too eager, I would speak to him. Somehow, I had convinced my excited heart that instead seeking him out in his room, it would be better to face him naturally on more neutral grounds. That's how I had stuck to my plans of a regular breakfast time, when we all met every morning.
But fate already had some other plans, albeit not known to me then.
I debated with myself to wait it out at home for Norberto. A part of me wanted nothing else but to pour my heart out to him. But the other part told me to not make this meeting exceptionally special. It was only bound to create additional pressures on both of us and I could do well than without some of them. And frankly waiting for Norberto at home, not knowing anything of his plans, made it appear excruciatingly painful and nerve wracking. I was not prepared for it.
Ensuring Raul was on his way to school, I decided to carry on to the factory as well although it didn't make the day much less stressful. I was on pins and needles the entire day. Any sign of a guest arrival would immediately push my already wild mind into over active gear and make me hold my breath. I was hoping in my heart that through some elves magic, Norberto would come to know of my heart's desires and he would turn up at the factory.
It were, of course wild imaginations of an anxious and jittery heart and never came to reality. The day came to an end without any news from Norberto or for that matter Josh. That I had hardly been able to concentrate on any of my work that day, added on to my frustration and over all irritation.
While shutting down my computer, I again reasoned with my confused heart that it was silly to have been waiting for Norberto to turn up at the factory because there was no way he would know what was going on with her. It was romantic idyllic illusions to have been waiting for him and that logic said I should be keeping it cool and collected.
But it was easier for logic to say all that coz it had obviously not woken up that morning to find itself in love. Only she knew what ocean of emotions was flowing through her, making a simple task of locking up her drawers at the end of the day, extremely daunting.
Nevertheless, lock up I did and stepped out of the office, to take the shortest possible route to Gregorian Castle. But just as I turned around the main gate, I saw a large white coloured Rolls Royce parked in front.
And even as my heart and mind raced crazily with each other, wondering, hoping and praying all together, I saw the man step out of the car back door.
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Dear Lovely Readers,
Has Norberto really guessed Melanie's heart's desires and reached out to her as she had prayed for?
What would happen next?
Will Melanie be able to express everything? Will this be the ultimate love confession we have all been waiting for?
I know this has been a small chapter, a filler one to be precise before the next big thing but like I had said, this is how I had designed the flow so be with me on this...
Next chapter would be uploaded on Sunday. I know you guys want it sooner but I really need to get it right and so need the time. Two chapters every week itself has been a high ask but I have been trying my best to keep up because just like you, I don't like long waits between an interesting story. I am doing my best guys, so pls pls pls pls keep loving and supporting me like you always do.
I shall be waiting for your views and comments on how much you are enjoying the story and that really gives me the kick to keep up with my stretched timelines, so keep it coming. Share your votes to let my characters know you love them.
Very quickly, who's your favourite in the following list:
1. Norberto Fritz
2. Melanie Griffin
3. Albert Clement. I hope you guys haven't forgotten him.
or
4. Raul Griffin :) He is a cute one in my eyes, so can't NOT have him in the list.
Comment and let me know while we wait for the next chapter.
In case you have any suggestions for next chapter, bring it on too!
Stay tuned till Sunday,
lots of love,
Anna