Things felt weirdly normal.
It seemed as if once things ended between Addison and Drew, everything fell into place. Not necessarily into the places I want them to be, but I feel as if the tiniest piece of us has been put back together.
I no longer have to watch him grab her and kiss her whenever he wants. And I definitely don't have to watch her look at him with that glimmer in her eyes anymore.
Things between the two of them are completely fine and I haven't picked up on the slightest bit of tension. It's been around a week since she cute things off and I would've never guessed anything happened between the two of them. Everything just feels, normal.
I blame it on Addison's incredible maturity.
She's not the type to have hard feelings or make things uncomfortable. She's the type to recognize the situation and realize there's nothing to do but move on. I can't say that about many people.
Now that things are normal, it probably doesn't help that I'm about to perform a new song that I wrote for Addison tonight. Especially when it's reflecting on a decent part of our past within the past few weeks.
I've been juggling with whether I should perform it or not considering things are finally normal. However, I love this song and I'm not willing to just let it go.
I've showed it to the guys and they all love it and think we should perform it tonight. I'm just terrified of the aftermath to come following the performance. Is she going to be pissed at me for rehashing these feelings when things are finally normal?
I guess it's a risk I'm willing to take.
I sigh as I stare down at the piano, which I don't play often, and feel the nerves pumping through me. I've been playing the keys over and over again hoping more than anything that I won't mess up.
This song to me felt like it needed the piano which is why I convinced myself to add it. I'm nervous this is going to screw me over in the way that I'm so unfamiliar with it that I'll mess everything up and look like a fool.
Groaning, I stare at the words in front of me that only make me a million times more nervous. Ghost of You poured out a lot of emotions but this one pours out a different kind of emotion that makes me so nervous.
This song already means a lot to me and I truly can't explain why.
Perhaps it's due to the fact that all my emotions are thrown into it and I've written out what I've been feeling these past few weeks being back around Addison.
My legs bounces up and down as I bite viciously at my bottom lip due to my nerves. My brain considers switching up the lyrics but I know it's too late for that.
It's not worth going through that.
Just as my pen goes to the paper, I hear the door open making me immediately look up. I catch the last person I want to see as she shoots me a smile and shuts the door softly behind her.
"Still behind that piano?" she asks considering last I saw her, about two hours ago, I was in this same spot.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, "Yeah, guess so."
Addison walks towards me as she looks down at the bench I'm sitting on making me scoot over in assumption that she's going to take a seat. I'm quick to turn the lyric sheets over considering the last thing I want is for her to read it over when it's just the two of us.
I'd rather her hear it with everyone else.
She notices this as she raises her eyebrows and takes a seat next to me, "I don't get a sneak peak?"
"Nope," I say plainly considering her and I both know what this songs about.
I can't help but feel even nervous as her small body sits closely next to me. I suck in a sharp breath, hoping more than anything that she doesn't notice as I definitely tensen.
"Can I hear the chords?" she asks, looking to me.
I decide that's not a crazy request and I don't mind playing for her the chords. There's no way she could know what the lyrics are if I just play the chords for her.
"Fine," I say simply. "But please don't judge it or I'll go out there and cry."
Addison laughs, a genuine laugh as she nods her head and says, "Okay, I promise I won't judge it, yet."
I turn and give her an exhausted look. I don't know what I'd do if she told me she didn't like it. Especially because this song is about her and her only.
My most beautiful muse.
I crack my fingers before resting my fingers on the keys softly. Addison is as quiet and patient as can be as she turns to watch my fingers completely. I try to stay calm at the fact that she has no idea of the emotion that is tied into this song.
I start playing the chords slowly, my hands hesitant at first before picking it up. It's as if every feeling inside of me begs to be poured out. I don't even recognize myself as I play the song so intensely and as if I'm playing in front of a crowd of thousands of people as opposed to one.
"I saw you looking brand new over night..."
I don't even stop myself as I'm too wrapped up in this moment. She deserves to hear this song as an audience of one. She deserves to hear it before everyone else out there.
This song is written for her and I'm going to let her feel every piece of it.
"I caught you looking, too, but you didn't look twice
You look happy
You look happy."
I don't find it in me to look at her because I don't want to see her face or know what she's thinking.
"Flashing back to New York City
Changing flights so you'd stay with me
Remember thinking that I got this right."
I have to pause after the last line because it physically hurts for me to say. I remember how right I thought things were between us when we were together. I finally thought I did something right in my life for once. But then, I of course had to go and ruin it all. The only person to blame is myself.
I'm sure she thinks the song is over as my eyes are shut and my fingers rest on the keys and I don't say anything. I just breathe and try to calm down. I try to push down every emotion I've ever felt when it comes to her. Especially because all it does anymore is hurt.
However, I owe it to her to keep going. I can't stop there.
"Now I wish we'd never met
'Cause you're too hard to forget
While I'm cleaning up your mess
I know he's taking off your dress."
Addison continues to watch me so carefully as if dying to see every emotion that comes from me. I keep my eyes on my fingers as I am too scared to look up. I'm scared of potentially seeing anger or hurt in her expression.
"And I know that you don't
But if I ask you if you love me
I hope you li-li-li-lie
Lie to me."
I decide to cut it off there, not wanting to sing anything further in fear of losing the emotion for the performance. I showed her a lot more than I had planned and now I'm terrified for when she speaks up.
I sigh, and remove my hands from the piano feeling nothing but defeat. Slouching forward, I rest my elbows on the music stand and press my hands to my face.
How could I be such an idiot?
I always viewed myself as someone who was smarter than most however, I don't think anyone would've made as dumb of a decision as I did that day.
I want the girl beside me back so fucking bad but everything inside of me tells myself I don't deserve her. She deserves more, she deserves better. Not someone who's going to leave her crying in the rain.
Addison lets out a shaky breath and it's clear the song had an effect on her like it did to me. She sits still and doesn't move as I don't either. I don't want to, I'm terrified of what she's going to say.
"Luke..." she says just above a whisper, probably knowing damn well this song was written for her and for her only.
I don't respond as I breathe heavier than I'd like. I try to catch my breath as I process what I just did. I sang a song I wrote for her that was practically a diary for me.
"Luke," she says, her voice the slightest bit more firm this time. "I love-"
She doesn't have time to finish her sentence as the door slams open making me immediately shoot up. Addison is turned the other way, just as curious as myself as Calum, Michael, and Ashton stand in the doorway.
I feel anger considering I have no idea where Addison was going with that. Did she want to tell me she loved the song? Did she want to say she used to love me?
"Luke, what the fuck? We're on in like a minute."
My eyes immediately go to my watch as I hadn't been keeping time at all. This sends me in full panic mode as I'm not ready in the slightest. I practically jump off the bench and Addison does the same as she looks panicked as well.
"Are you guys mic'd up?" she asks, observing them considering that's usually what she does.
"Yes, you just got to do him," Calum says nodding his head to Luke and tossing her the clip.
Addison immediately runs behind me and starts hooking it up. I stand still, my anxiety getting the best of me as I think of all the things she could've said before we got cut off.
"Fuck, I got to run out," Ashton says, considering he's the first one out.
He doesn't wait for anyone to respond as he jogs out to the stage. Calum is quick to follow and I start to panic as Addison clearly does too as I notice her fumbling a bit.
"Addison, I love you, but you've got to hurry," Michael says as he starts walking backwards and towards the stage.
"I'm trying," she says panic clearly in her voice.
She tucks everything in and I hear the chords to She Looks So Perfect being played. This is bad.
"And..." Addison says running to the front of me, eyeing me head to toe, before running a hand through my hair in order to fix it. It's a habit she does before every show. She knows when I'm stressed, I drag my hands through my hair. "All good."
I look to her desperately, knowing I have so much to say and ask but also knowing I have to go. I look behind me and decide that I can't dwell on this, I've got a show to perform.
Just as I turn back to her, I'm shocked as she stands on her tip toes and kisses my cheek softly. My eyes widen as I look to her in surprise as she stands back on the flat of her feet.
"Kill it, rockstar."
Everything inside of me bursts as I almost don't find it in me to move. Her smile, her eyes, her everything. I just want to grab her face and kiss every part of it. How can I just walk away.
She looks at me expectantly before nodding her head towards the door, "Well go!"
I hear the sound of them playing the beginning chords around one more time. This immediately makes me nod my head, as I head towards the door, stumbling right away due to how much of a daze I'm in. Addison giggles, probably knowing damn well she's the reason I tripped over my own feet.
However, I don't mind. I'm perfectly fine with her knowing the effect she has on me.
Addison's POV:
Luke was absolutely on fire tonight.
I stood in awe as I watched him kill the performance like he's never done before. He commanded the stage and every single person in the audience loved him. I felt so proud to know him considering he really looked like a damn rockstar.
After hearing the song he played for me before the show, I was nervous to see how it'd effect his performance. However, it seemed to have only made him that much more fired up. I can't put into words how proud I am of him.
Hearing him perform that song again in front of thousands of people truly took my breath away. I watched him with so much light in my eyes and admiration. Hearing him pour his soul into that song made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
I can't believe I was able to have such an effect on someone who is capable of making such beautiful art.
I don't deserve these beautiful songs he writes for me.
I stayed and watched their full performance and even watched Drew and Alex perform. Tonight was the most fun I've had in a while and that's because the music that came along with it and the beauty of the night.
I really think I owe my happiness tonight to Luke.
Once the show ended, I went to the bus in order to wait for everyone. I decided to take a head start on showering considering I knew all the guys would want to shower after the long show they had.
I washed my face in order to clear myself of makeup and threw on a hoodie and shorts. I waited out in the lounging area and it wasn't long before I heard screaming coming from outside meaning that the guys were about to walk on.
I wait in anticipation as the doors open up and I hear the guys talking loudly right away. Looking in the direction, I see Luke is the first one on as he doesn't hesitate to strip off his shirt which completely takes me by surprise. I can't even find it in me to look away as his eye find mine and he smiles.
"There you are."
The three words are enough to make my heart race as I find it completely unfair that he has an advantage over me. He knows what him being shirtless does to me.
"You were incredible tonight," I say, not finding any use in denying it.
Luke sits down on the bus beside me as he lets out a loud sigh and closes his eyes.
"All the guys are getting laid tonight, Drew and Alex found a bunch of girls at VIP," Luke says opening his eyes as he jitters his leg up and down.
We have a day off tomorrow but I'm so surprised the guys are all using the night to go home with random girls. We were informed the bus would be staying at the venue over night and leaving early the next morning but I'm still in shock the guys all went home with a girl.
"They didn't find you one?" I half joke.
I don't know what I would've done on here all alone all night as they all went home with some girl. I would've been bored beyond myself and so annoyed that I got stuck on this crammed bus.
"They did," Luke says simply making me raise my eyebrow. "But I have plans with a prettier girl."
This makes me sigh as I look down at my lap and almost smack myself in the face. For a second, I considered the thought that maybe he turned it down because he knew how it'd make me feel. Especially after that song.
"Oh," is all I say.
I try to mask the jealousy of the girl who's going to be getting Luke's attention tonight. Mostly because I used to be the only girl who got to see that side of Luke. Now I have to let him go off with different girls and be okay with it.
"Yup," Luke says standing up making me watch him slowly. He bends over to get into the mini fridge and grabs a water bottle. I don't know why I watch him so intensely as he sips it and then flips it in the air and catches it. "So what are we doing tonight?"
My head immediately shoots up as I can't even hold back the stupid smile that crosses my lips as I stare at him in complete surprise. It's clear he can't hold back the smile either as he smiles and shoots up an eyebrow at me.
I don't even know what to say. I wasn't expecting that in the slightest. So he really did turn down this other girl in order to spend the night with me?
"But-" I say not knowing what to say.
"But what?" Luke says tilting his head at me. "You really think I'm going to turn down a chance to spend time with you tonight without all those rats getting in the way?"
I laugh as I smile ear to ear like an idiot. I can't even mask my happiness as I feel the whole zoo swarm through my stomach. How is he capable of making me feel the way not a single other person in the world can make me feel?
How is that fair?
Pushing my lips to the side, I think about a million things I'd like to do with Luke but I have to scratch out half of those things considering I have to keep it realistic.
And probably PG.
So with that, I stand up and immediately start tugging him towards the exit of the bus. If we're going to spend time together tonight, we're going to do it the right way.
a/n
short but eventful and cute so idc (:
how is u ppl
what do u guys think they're gonna do next chapter aka what do u want them to do bc i have no idea lmao
yay for them getting closer i love that for them
yay for lie to me being born
also ive gotten request for ship namesss??? so maybe vote below on what u likee?? or tell me what ud like to add??
laddison?
laddie?
lads (lmao)
sinnings (which i think is hot af ngl)
but ya u guys battle it out for ur ship name ahahaa
ok im sick and need to go to bed so good night i love u all