Song Above: Give N Take
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"Brody slow down," I say with my heart thumping in my chest and my hands tightly holding the edge of my passenger seat.
Brody kept silent, his eyes wildly staring at the road ahead with his hands holding the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were white.
We'd left the restaurant as soon as Mona had told Brody his mothers killer was found. He'd shot up from his chair, slammed a couple of notes onto the table and stalked out without another word. I had to run after him, tripping on my dress a few times and nearly face planting. I wasn't equipt for running.
I had no idea where he was driving and I was concerned we wouldn't make it to wherever he was heading if he carried on driving at this speed.
"Brody please," I pleaded, reaching out and touching his shoulder. His whole body tensed at my touch, his head snapped in my direction with his deadly cold eyes glaring at me. I dropped my hand and cupped it against my chest as if he'd burnt me.
"Do not touch me," He spat and I felt the heat leave my face, "Do not fucking touch me,"
"You don't mean that," I whispered, loud enough so he could hear. I hated the way my voice wavered and tears started to swell in my eyes. I sucked in a shaky breath to stop them from betraying me.
For a split second his expression faltered, but in that split second, it also hardened.
"Don't tell me what I mean and don't mean Ivy," He let out a growl, "You don't know shit, you never did,"
"Brody, please don't do this, don't be like this,"
He was mad, that was granted, I needed to remember that anger was born from pain and sadness. Once he calmed he'd be the Brody I knew, the Brody I loved. I needed to wait. I could wait.
"Oh just leave Ivy," He barked, "Just leave,"
Something snapped within me and I decided I'm not waiting, "Just leave huh? You want me to leave? How the fuck am I supposed to do that when you're driving like you're in fast and furious, you want me to jump out of the fucking car?"
"No, are you stupid? I don't mean leave right at this moment,"
"Oh of course," I rolled my eyes and sighed in frustration, "You mean as soon as this car stops I walk away from you all dramatically and I never see you again like some stupid movie, get over yourself,"
"Isn't that for the best?" He laughed humourless and gripped the wheel tighter, "Look at me and look at you, this was never going to work,"
"Brody your ability to push everything that gets even a little bit close to you is impressive," I shake my head. I was sick of being his verbal punching bag when he was angry, or when he didn't know how to deal with his emotions. He loved me, I knew he did and I loved him.
"I'm trying to save you," He yelled the sound so deep within that it forced its way out of his mouth. I flinched at the sound and instantly leant as far away from him as the car space would allow me. My eyes darted to my lap and I nervously played with my fingers, trying to focus on something other than the hard thumping of my heart.
Silence followed his outburst. I could hear his breaths coming in sharp and fast. I couldn't tell how long we'd sat in silence until he pulled up onto his driveway. Without a word, he refused to look at me, even as his lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion, unwilling to back down. He'd unfastened his seat belt and jumped out of the car, slamming the door and leaving me in the dark. I watched as he stormed towards his house, swinging the door open and barging past Mrs Jackson in the hallway. Startled she looked out into the darkness, catching sight of me in the car and frowned. Her eyes never leaving my face, she shut the door and shut me outside.
Once I knew I was truly alone, salty drops fell from my chin, drenching my dress. I pressed my head against the window, closed my eyes and listened to my trembling breaths. My heart felt as if it were being yanked in and out of my chest, pulled back in like a yo-yo. Over and over again. In and out. I'm trying to save you. His words ran circles in my mind as I tried to rationalise them.
No Brody, I'm trying to save you.
A tap at the window brought me out of my thoughts, I looked up and my heart sank.
Stood with his hair still wet and a sports bag over his shoulder was Ryan.
I instantly sat up in my seat, rubbing at the wet patches under my eyes and forcing a smile that wouldn't even fool Ryan.
"You okay?" He said the worry causing creases on his forehead.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied.
"If you're fine then why are you sat outside in the dark by yourself crying?"
My smile wavered, "I wasn't crying,"
He shook his head, "Don't lie to me Ivy,"
"Can we just not talk about it, Ryan?"
I wasn't really in the mood of discussing my relationship issues with my ex-boyfriend, who in fact had cheated on me and was related to my current boyfriend. It was the first time I'd seen Ryan since the incident and he still wasn't my favourite person in the world, but right now he was the only person in the world who'd ask if I was okay.
How fucked up was that.
"We don't have to talk about it," He smiled, "But at least come inside, it's cold and I can make you a hot chocolate,"
My eyes subconsciously flickered towards where I'd last seen Brody storm off to and my stomach twisted.
Would it be a good idea going inside when Brody was so adamant on keeping me out?
"I'll put marshmallows and whipped cream on top," Ryan added drawing me out of my thoughts and I swear he should be a salesman when he's older because I was sold in a matter of seconds.
"I'm only coming because I can't deny sweet treats," I mumbled.
I opened the car door and Ryan stretched his hand out for me to grab. I hesitated before taking it and allowing him to help me reach the ground. As soon as my feet touched the floor I pulled my hand back and kept it firmly to my sides.
Ryan pretended like he didn't notice, "We should go through the side entrance, I think Brody, my mom and Paul are having a meeting, probably best to not disturb them,"
And by him saying they were having a meeting, he really meant Brody and Mr Jackson were yelling, whilst his mom stayed quiet.
"You knew, you fucking knew and you didn't think to let me know?" Brody roared. I didn't have to see his face to know how furious he'd look. I'd been on the receiving end of that fury not so long ago.
Mr Jackson laughed, but it sounded strained and sour, "How would I have known son? Do you think I'm psychic or something? And do not swear in front of your mother,"
Oh boy, that probably wasn't the best thing to say.
"My mother?" Brody growled, "She is not my fucking mother. My mother is buried because some asshole killed her, and now that asshole is in prison and you didn't think to tell me,"
"What do you want from this Brody? What do you want to achieve?"
Urgh, his father sounded like some wanky life coach.
"What I want," He said through gritted teeth, "Is to see that asshole, and I want to watch him burn, I wan-"
"Okay we should probably not be listening to this," Ryan said sheepishly shutting the kitchen door so that Brody's words were barely audible. He turned to face me with a nervous smile on his face, "I'll make you that hot chocolate," He turned around and started to open draws and cupboards pulling out whatever he needed in a stumbled rush.
I sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar and watched him, trying to focus my mind on anything other than the boy next door. I wanted to run out and hold him, to protect him but I couldn't protect him from this.
This he needed to deal with himself.
"I'm sorry I didn't get to speak to you after the party," Ryan said without turning around, his voice almost small, "I didn't really know what to say to you,"
I let out a sigh, this was the last conversation I wanted to have, "It's fine Ryan, I'm not mad,"
He paused what he was doing and slowly turned to look at me with hope in his eyes, "You're not?"
"No," I shook my head, "I never was mad at you. I was madder at the situation, we should have probably never got together,"
His eyes darted to his hands, "Yeah you are right, we probably shouldn't have,"
"But at least we found out sooner, right?" I laughed, "Imagine if we were married with kids and a dog and you decided to screw Charlotte?"
He flinched at the last bit, "Yeah imagine that" He paused for a second, "It was never really about Charlotte though,"
I sat up higher in my chair, "What do you mean?"
"I mean, I liked Charlotte, not in the way I liked you, but I think I felt like Charlotte wanted to be with me, but with you, I never really got that feeling, I knew you liked me but not enough, and I guess I should have just asked you outright, would have saved all the drama and my face getting hit,"
"The beauty of hindsight," I mumbled, "Look I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted me to be Ryan, I think partially it was my fault what had happened, I should have been honest with you and I probably shouldn't have said yes when you asked me to be your girlfriend,"
He held a hand to his chest, "God Ivy, you sure know how to break a guys heart," his lips curled up into a smile so I knew he was half-joking.
"Oh shut up," I rolled my eyes throwing the flannel next to me at his chest. He caught it and laughed, continuing to make the hot chocolate.
"Make sure you put extra marshmallows for that stunt," I teased.
"Of course ma'am," He saluted and I laughed.
"Well isn't this nice?"
My whole body tensed as I slowly turned around to find Brody leaning against the doorframe, with his arms across his chest. His dark eyes stared down at me and I couldn't bring myself to look away.
"Uh Brody, did you uh want a hot chocolate?" Ryan stammered.
"Nah, I'm good," He said through tight lips not even bothering to look at Ryan, "Ivy can I have a word?"
"I'm actually waiting for a-"
"Now," He demanded and I flinched. I quickly got off the stool, throwing an apologetic look in Ryans direction before following Brody's receding frame down the corridor. He turned into one of the rooms and shut the door as soon as I entered. He switched on a light and it seemed as if we were in one of the reading rooms.
I looked up at him with my jaw tight and my hands gripped at my sides. If I didn't love him I would have swung for him by now.
He looked down at me, his tall frame towering over me and his eyes darker than the sky outside, "You having fun playing house with Ryan?"
"Oh get over yourself," I spat, "He was making me a hot drink because you left me out in the cold, you don't get to act jealous,"
"I leave you for five minutes and you resort back to him?"
"I wasn't resorting back to anyone," I corrected, "The facts are you went all crazy on me and Ryan wanted to make sure I was okay,"
He quickly stepped forward, which made me stumble back into one of the walls. His body was flushed against mine and I could feel the heat radiating off him, "I don't like you talking to him Ivy,"
"You don't break up with me and then decide who I speak to,"
An emotion sparked across his eyes and his demeanour changed, "Break up with you? I didn't break up with you?"
"Then what the hell was that in the car?" I sighed in annoyance, resisting the urge to pull my hair out. He was driving me insane.
"Ivy," He breathed, his hand reaching out to stroke my cheek and I leaned into it, I hated that his touch made me weak "I didn't mean it, I'm sorry, I was angry, my dad knew my mothers killer had been found and he didn't tell me, imagine that happening to you, I had to find out from someone else,"
"I know Brody, but you can't push me away whenever something happens that you can't cope with," I sighed, "I'm not your enemy,"
"I'm so sorry Ivy," He leant his forehead against mine, so our ragged breaths were a mixture of one. I reached my hand out and moved a few strands of his hair behind his ear. He sucked a breath in at the notion, his eyes flickering to my lips.
"I love you Ivy, I really do,"
"I love you too Brody,"
"I need you Ivy, I need you more than ever," His lips were inches away from mine and that familiar yearning feeling appeared in my stomach as I itched for him to close the gap, "I need you to come with me to see the man who murdered my mother, "