(Brendons POV)
Waking up alone isn't what bothered me that morning. The emptiness isn't either. More so the heavy guilt of knowing what I did was wrong and the feeling of needing to come clean. So I did. I brushed my teeth, ran a comb through my hair and grabbed my phone and a beer and sat down on my couch, tweeted that I was going live, propped up my phone and did so. Immediately I saw stuff about Sarah and I.
"What happened with u n Sarah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Sarah posted about being heartbroken, r u guys alrite?"
"Did you and Sarah breakup?"
I just smile softly, and mutter a small hello. "I'm gonna wait for more people to join, and I'll get started. This is a serious live stream. It's regarding Sarah and I." I say while running the fingers through my hair and adjust my glasses on my face. Once the views got into the thousands I thought it was good enough to start talking. "Okay so, I want the news to get out to everyone. The truth deserves to be told and known. So if you can, screen record this. Post it on your pages." I start and once I saw a few people stating that they're screen recording I nod.
"Okay so, yes Sarah and I did breakup and we won't be getting together anymore. Yes it is my fault. Completely. I fucked up, I let myself fool myself into thinking I was sparing her pain when really I hurt her. And that's on me. I'm aware of what I did, and I'm aware of how stupid and caught up I was. How selfish I truly was. The rumors are true. I was seeing Dallon while with Sarah. I loved him for so long and.. I let it get to my head and I fucking hate myself for hurting her." I say, and I couldn't bare to even look at the chat. I just took a sip of beer and continued.
"I don't want pity because I know I don't deserve it. I'm disgusting. I fucked up. I know that. Don't hate Sarah. Don't go and make her feel worse than she already does. Go send her love, please. She needs it from people who genuinely can make her feel good. I can't anymore, I ruined that. I know I have a lot of working on myself to do. I guess I'm not as mature as I thought I was. Guess I'm still a little boy, because a real man wouldn't do what I did." I ramble on, and run my fingers through my hair, tugging off my glasses and setting them on the table.
"I'm saying all this because it's unfair to Sarah for me to lie and cover myself. I hurt her so I owe her this in a way. Hurt my career." I say and I feel my chest tighten up. This is all I have and I'm ruining it. I guess I shouldn't have cheated. "Now I don't regret Dallon and I still wanna be with him. I just regret going about the ways that we did. I should've informed Sarah. I just didn't wanna hurt her and ended up doing so. Point is, I'm a dickhead." I say and look at the screen to read a few messages.
"I still like your music but.. that's low."
"I still love you but I won't be supporting you until you grow tf up Brendon."
"That's not okay damn"
"I love you no matter what thank you for telling us. You did something wrong and came to terms with it. That's progress. Mistakes happen."
"Idk what to think rn"
"I knew dallon and you were gay"
A mix of emotions, a mix of answers. I expected worse. I take another sip of my beer, my hands shaking as I watch the mixed responses roll in. A lot asking if I would continue making music. "Yes uh, I will continue to make music. This is my dream. I have to continue living it." I say and take another sip of my beer out of peer anxiety. I need a blunt. Suddenly the chat blew up with Dallons name and I knew he had joined. "Hey Dal, I'm explaining the situation, of me being a total fucking lowlife. Welcome." I say and I see him comment.
dallonweekes: stop beating yourself up. you made a bad mistake, what's good is you're aware of how bad it is, and you didnt have bad intentions when you did it so stop.
I felt my heart swell in my chest and I shakingly pick up my beer and down it, setting the empty bottle down. "Thank you, Dal. Really. Even though I know you're still mad at me." I say with a chuckle. He joined my live stream and is commenting, does this count as me not getting the silent treatment anymore? I'll take it. Some people asked why he was mad at me, so here I go, ruining my reputation more. "We got in a fight. This situation is obviously stressful and Dallon isn't dealing well. Also don't send him hate either because it wasn't his fault. He didn't know. It's all on me." I say and pick up my empty beer bottle and sigh when I realize I had just emptied it.
"I..I need a damn blunt." I mumble as I stand up. "I'm gonna get another beer, I'll be back." I say as I walk away and into my kitchen. I take a few deep breathes, and open my fridge and take one out, hitting the top off the counter to pop it open. This is hitting my anxiety straight on and it's not fun. I deserve it though. I walk back in, taking a sip as I sit back down. "I'm back, hi." I say. A lot of the comments were now saying they're proud of me for coming clean but I noticed that the views went down a lot. Lost a few hundred. I accept that. I deserve way worse.
"I also wanna make a public apology to Sarah, since she didn't accept mine before, validly enough. I don't deserve her to forgive me or accept the apology but I really am sorry. I wish I had just broken up with her instead of trying to save her feelings and going behind her back. I'm sorry I broke your heart, Sarah. I hope you find a man that treats you the way you deserve to be treated. I didn't deserve you." I say and I can feel myself getting choked up. "And I wanna apologize to Dallon, for dragging him into this. I love you and I don't deserve you either dude." I say and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop any tears from slipping but that didn't work. I quickly end the live, and throw my phone onto the couch. That was needed but I regret it.
I'm so fucking anxious right now, it's hard to breathe. I don't think I have any weed either. Fun. I press my face into the cushions of the couch and just cry. As loudly as I want because who's gonna hear me, honestly. I don't know how long I say there and just cried for, but I was snapped out of it when I hear someone knock loudly at my door. I quickly sit up, and I was tempted to ignore it but I heard his voice. "Brendon! Open up!" Dallon says and starts hitting my door again. Anything for him. I stand up, and hurry over, pulling open the door. Dallon steps inside, and I shut the door and turn to him. "You're okay? You aren't gonna do anything right?" He asked and I shake my head and sniffle. "The way you ended that live stream scared the fuck out of me." He says and pulls me in for a hug.
"Pl..please don't do this..this If you're gonna go back to ignoring me. I.. I can't do it." I sob and he just holds me tighter. "I won't Brendon, I'm not mad anymore okay? Shh, just relax." He says and I cling to him, burying my face into his shoulder. "I got you okay? Calm down before you make yourself sick." He says as he holds me, rubbing my back softly. "Dal..dallon?" I ask as I sniffle and he looks at me with worried eyes. "Don't eve..ever leave me pl-lease." I say with tear filled eyes and he nods. "I won't I love you Brendon okay? It's okay. Please calm down, I'm worried." He says and I could tell he genuinely was. Hell, he stopped ignoring me and came all the way here just to comfort me. He cares.
"Wh..why?" I ask. "You were shaking the whole time I watched and so anxious and suddenly you start apologing, get teared up and leave? Now you're sobbing and I'm worried okay? Just breathe, I got you. I'm here." Dallon says softly and I nod, and put my head into the crook of his neck and he picks me up, sits on the couch, and just holds me. I don't know how long we sat there like that, but I eventually calmed down and came down from my mental breakdown. "I'm..I'm sorry." I apologize while lifting my head with a sniffle, and he holds my face gently. "Are you okay now?" He asks and I softly nod. "Good. Let's just relax okay? I'll get you some water." He says and I shake my head.
"Stay here with me." I mumble and wrap my arms around him again and press my face into his neck. "Babe I'm going into the kitchen, that's it. Not leaving I promise." He says and I shake my head again. "Fine, okay. Just, calm down. I know this is stressful. I know you're worried." He says and I shake my head. "I just.. I feel like shit. I should've just broke up with her instead of cheating." I say while sniffling and he nods. "It's on me too. You're right, I am an adult and I continued messing with you even though I knew you were in a relationship. I was selfish too." Dallon says and I just stare at him. "So breathe okay? We fucked up, but it'll blow over. Things happen, people make mistakes." He says while rubbing my back and I slowly nod.
"Y..yeah." I say and he smiles. "We're on our way to living the perfect life. This is just a rough patch. I've been thinking about you, and at first I was so pissed and I just, I can't stay mad at you. I want us to work and holding grudges over stupid stuff won't get us there." Dallon says as he softly rubs my back, pulling me closer to him. I just fall forward, and rest my head on his shoulder as he holds me. "I realized how badly I want you. I just needed a sign and that live stream was enough for me I guess. I love you a lot Brendon, really I do." Dallon says and I nod. "I love you too Dallon. So much." I reply and he presses a kiss to my head.
"Can I get you some water now? Your head must hurt." Dallon says and I nod. It actually really did from sobbing. "Yeah, can I come with you?" I ask whike lifting my head. "Of course you can silly, it's your house." He says and I get off him. As I was drinking my water, someone knocked on my door and I place it down. "I'll get that." I say and walk into the living room, and pull open the door. Sarah was standing there, holding Bogart in her hands. "Here's your dog." She says and I carefully take him from her, giggling as he licks my face. "I missed you too buddy, hey. Welcome back home." I say and press a firm kiss to the top of his head.
"Thank you." I say and she just nods. "Although I'm still upset, atleast treat Dallon right. He's a good guy Brendon." Sarah says softly and I nod. "I will. And, if you need anything at all, I'm a call away." I say and she nods. "Goodbye Brendon." She says and I nod. I watched her walk to her car, as waved as she drove away. It was like saying goodbye to the past. Moving forward. I feel arms snake around my waist, and a head nuzzle itself into my neck and I lean into the touch. "Are you good?" Dallon asks and I nod. "I am now baby." I mumble as I close the door. Maybe things would blow over. I wasn't sure on that but I did know one thing. I wasn't gonna fuck up what Dallon and I have. He wasn't just some casual affair.
Authors Note
The end!
Ahhh okay I didn't plan on ending it so early but this seemed like a good place to end it.
Thank you so so much for all the support on this book! It's been unbelievable and I loved writing it.
I love you all and I appreciate each and every one of you
Thanks for reading♡♡
-E💕