Waking up alone isn't what bothered me that morning. The emptiness isn't either. More so the heavy guilt of knowing what I did was wrong and the feeling of needing to come clean. So I did. I brushed my teeth, ran a comb through my hair and grabbed my phone and a beer and sat down on my couch, tweeted that I was going live, propped up my phone and did so. Immediately I saw stuff about Sarah and I.
"What happened with u n Sarah?"
"Are you okay?"
"Sarah posted about being heartbroken, r u guys alrite?"
"Did you and Sarah breakup?"
I just smile softly, and mutter a small hello. "I'm gonna wait for more people to join, and I'll get started. This is a serious live stream. It's regarding Sarah and I." I say while running the fingers through my hair and adjust my glasses on my face. Once the views got into the thousands I thought it was good enough to start talking. "Okay so, I want the news to get out to everyone. The truth deserves to be told and known. So if you can, screen record this. Post it on your pages." I start and once I saw a few people stating that they're screen recording I nod.
"Okay so, yes Sarah and I did breakup and we won't be getting together anymore. Yes it is my fault. Completely. I fucked up, I let myself fool myself into thinking I was sparing her pain when really I hurt her. And that's on me. I'm aware of what I did, and I'm aware of how stupid and caught up I was. How selfish I truly was. The rumors are true. I was seeing Dallon while with Sarah. I loved him for so long and.. I let it get to my head and I fucking hate myself for hurting her." I say, and I couldn't bare to even look at the chat. I just took a sip of beer and continued.
"I don't want pity because I know I don't deserve it. I'm disgusting. I fucked up. I know that. Don't hate Sarah. Don't go and make her feel worse than she already does. Go send her love, please. She needs it from people who genuinely can make her feel good. I can't anymore, I ruined that. I know I have a lot of working on myself to do. I guess I'm not as mature as I thought I was. Guess I'm still a little boy, because a real man wouldn't do what I did." I ramble on, and run my fingers through my hair, tugging off my glasses and setting them on the table.
"I'm saying all this because it's unfair to Sarah for me to lie and cover myself. I hurt her so I owe her this in a way. Hurt my career." I say and I feel my chest tighten up. This is all I have and I'm ruining it. I guess I shouldn't have cheated. "Now I don't regret Dallon and I still wanna be with him. I just regret going about the ways that we did. I should've informed Sarah. I just didn't wanna hurt her and ended up doing so. Point is, I'm a dickhead." I say and look at the screen to read a few messages.
"I still like your music but.. that's low."
"I still love you but I won't be supporting you until you grow tf up Brendon."
"That's not okay damn"
"I love you no matter what thank you for telling us. You did something wrong and came to terms with it. That's progress. Mistakes happen."
"Idk what to think rn"
"I knew dallon and you were gay"
A mix of emotions, a mix of answers. I expected worse. I take another sip of my beer, my hands shaking as I watch the mixed responses roll in. A lot asking if I would continue making music. "Yes uh, I will continue to make music. This is my dream. I have to continue living it." I say and take another sip of my beer out of peer anxiety. I need a blunt. Suddenly the chat blew up with Dallons name and I knew he had joined. "Hey Dal, I'm explaining the situation, of me being a total fucking lowlife. Welcome." I say and I see him comment.