Sorry for the delay in posting the story, ikts been a very very busy month or two. please just bare with me and NO THIS STORY IS NOT FINISHED YET!
***************************
Recap Chap 37:
I was lost in his eyes and all the passion I saw in them for both his friends and his job. His words of explanation melted away into the background as I concentrated on what Mira and I could come up with to keep Alec on track and headed toward his goal of being a secret agent while still putting Soren behind bars for good.
If there was anything I knew about Mira, it was that she was just as adamant and scheming as I was. I'm sure that Alec wouldn't know what hit him once we developed our own plan to get him to Quantico as soon as possible.
*****************************
Chapter 37: The Boy with the Broken Heart
"What if he doesn't like me?" I asked with pure horror. The thought of being disliked was sorrowful in itself, but being disliked by perhaps the only person in this world that Fenix loved more than me, was positively dismaying. I was swiftly entering panic mode and beginning to become unglued.
"Why wouldn't he like you hotness? Honestly, you're completely misjudging the situation. He's four and a half love, he likes everyone." Fenix replied smoothly while he gripped my hand firmly for what I could only assume was moral support.
It helped, although not to the extent that I needed it to. I was a veritable mess, but if I wanted to have a life with Fenix, then I needed to start becoming accustomed to the most important things in his life, his sick child being the main one. I only prayed that things went the way we hoped they would.
"Okay, so I'll dial down the nervous paranoia a bit. Happy now Rivers?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my words unintentionally. I had to learn how to get a handle on my hormones and fast, before I caused more problems in this new relationship than I'd already experienced.
"Not quite, but I will be." He said as he squeezed my hand that he held in his and hesitated a moment in front of the hospital room door. "Remember he's young and fragile. He has no idea about our relationship, just that we are friends. So don't let the cat out of the bag just yet. In his eyes, I'm happily married his mom." He started to explain, but I stopped him as an 'aww' moment came over me.
"Wait badboy, you told him about me? That's so freaking sweet!" I gushed proudly. With every word that fell from his mouth, I was falling further in love with him.
"Of course I did, but that's beside the point. He's fragile and doesn't quite understand the dynamic of the relationship between his mother and I, or the true nature of his illness. So all I ask is that you keep the atmosphere light and jovial, okay hotness?" He explained further.
I could see it in his eyes, the concern and love he held for his child. Those ice blue orbs held an intensity I had yet to see. It didn't take a rocket scientist to comprehend that Carver was his world, his everything, and it wasn't hard to see the fear that he tried so desperately to mask. I had lost a child, so I knew how that felt and was empathetic to his sensitivity. Nothing is worse than the threat of losing your flesh and blood, aside from the loss itself.
"Okay baby, I can do this." I commented softly, returning the encouraging squeeze he'd given my hand.
Not a moment later, Fenix swung the hospital room door open and I gasped in response to what met my wondering eyes. In the stark white room that seemed so sterile and unfriendly, lay a beautiful boy with light brown hair and golden eyes. A wide smile that rivaled the span of the Grand Canyon illuminated his pale baby face when his innocent eyes fell upon his father.
It didn't seem to matter that this child lay helplessly in the dreary hospital room hooked up to tubes and lines, that he was battling a lifelong, debilitating disease. When he saw Fenix, it was as if it was Christmas morning and he had a pile of presents to open.
"Daddy!" He squealed in a lively tone, while stirring in his bed. "I'm playin' Lego Batman, come help me get the Joker." His little voice echoed excitedly in the dank room.
"Hey buddy, I missed you too." Fenix chuckled while he approached his son.
He bent over to place a loving kiss on Carver's forehead and ruffled his hair affectionately before he took up residence on the side of his son's bed. It was plain to see that he was a good dad who cared deeply for his first born. There was no doubt in my mind that if given the chance, he'd give up his life for his child. In that moment, I knew he was the man I had always craved in my life. He was a man who had his faults, but was everything that I wanted and I needed.
"Daddy who's that?" Carver inquired half-heartedly; with eyes still glued to the TV screen as his knowledge little fingers worked the video game controller.
"That Carver," He pointed in my direction and gestured me inside the room, "Is my friend Jade. You remember the one I told you about." He finished casually, but threw me a compassionate and encouraging look, as if to say 'come in, he doesn't bite'.
"Hi Carver, I'm Jade. It's nice to meet you." I stuttered awkwardly. I mean, I wanted to make a good impression on him, but kids weren't really my thing. "So, what are working on?"
"Do you play Lego Batman? 'Cause daddy isn't that good at it." He whispered rather loudly to me, not that it couldn't be heard in the hall, and then rolled his eyes at his dad's attempt to be helpful.
"I'm sorry, video games aren't for me. I don't know how to play them." I explained in the best way I could, considering that this was my first conversation with a 4 year old. It was a bit intimidating but I wasn't about to clam up now.
"It's easy, even daddy can do it. I'll teach you. Come here." Carver said in an exuberant tone. He shoved his dad gently and patted the spot Fenix had vacated at his bedside. I chuckled quietly to myself in response to the 'I've just been traded in' look that covered my boyfriend's face.
Carver was darling. It showed in the way he held my hands on the controller and helped me press the buttons and the way he told me what to do and where to go in his adorable baby voice. He was truly a sweet and innocent child, just the way I would have wanted my baby to be if he had lived.
We we're just getting to the heart of the game while Fenix watched with a content smile on his face when there was a knock on the hospital room door, followed by the entrance of a man wearing a white lab coat and scrubs who I assumed was the doctor.
"Good morning little man. How's my favorite patient feeling this morning?" The doctor whose name tag clearly read Dr. Sawyer asked Carver.
"Sleepy, my chest is thumpety and I'm mad 'cause the Joker is beating us!" He replied in a common, child-like way. He threw the doctor but a brief glance before returning his attention to the game.
"I see. Well it seems like your friend is trying to help you with that. Are you feeling shaky or breathing fast?" Dr. Sawyer returned.
"A little, but I feel better now that Jadey is helping me. She's way better than daddy at fightin' the bad guys." His small voice chirped just as he elbowed me in the side and smiled. It appeared I had won him over with my superior dexterity and hand-eye coordination. Who knew it would be so easy to make a small child happy.
"That's good little man, I'm happy you've found a new friend." The doctor replied and then turned his attention to a slightly apprehensive looking Fenix. "Mr. Rivers, can I speak with you for a moment please?"
Fenix left his seat and followed the doctor over to just inside the doorway, where they proceeded to have a conversation that was just within earshot of anyone who was paying close attention. I knew that I would be able to hear them but I doubted that with Carver so in tuned to Lego Batman that he would hear or understand their words.
"His latest blood work is concerning Mr. Rivers. His heart enzymes indicate a small degree of damage and I'm afraid we are running out of treatment options." He explained sorrowfully. It was easy to see this this was a caring and compassionate doctor who took his job seriously.
"How bad is it doc? I mean what's left to try that we haven't already attempted? All of the other treatments have failed thus far." Fenix commented, sounding every bit as desperate he looked. It seemed that he had been through the ringer in dealing with his son's illness.
"Normally SND doesn't progress in this manor but because your son's heart had a more sever structural defect at birth than what normally presents, his complications are worse than we had anticipated." Dr. Sawyer returned sympathetically. I could see the sadness and seriousness that burned in his eyes as he spoke.
"What does that mean doc? What are you telling me?" Fenix responded, his voice laden with panic and concern.
I couldn't imagine how he was feeling or what was in his head in that moment. All I could reconcile was the memory of losing my child to the same disease, and that pain was far too great to be remembered, so I pushed it away. It was a time and place there was no need to revisit, or it could have triggered an episode of my own.
"Our only option left is to get him on the transplant list. He's a child in severe need, so he should go to the top of the list. But until then, the best alternative is to get him a bone marrow transplant. We need to get some healthy blood cells into him that will help sustain his heart until we can get him a new one." The doctor explained grimly.
I wasn't aware that Carver's health issue was that dire, but now that I knew what he was up against I couldn't help but feel morose. I didn't have vast medical knowledge, but what I did understand was that a certain degree of compatibility was necessary for such a procedure to be successful.
"This is disconcerting doc. I had no idea this latest episode was this serious. Of course you have mine and my wife's full co-operation and consent. Do what what's necessary to save my son." Fenix replied almost desperately. I couldn't fathom having to live with a child who was so acutely ill.
"Don't you need to find a match or something?" I piped in, not meaning to interject myself into the conversation, but more information meant more options, in the in case.
"That's correct miss..." He started to inquire when Fenix interrupted.
"Her name is Jade and she's a family friend." He answered nervously yet almost absentmindedly. "I'll get tested right away and have Veronica do the same. There is no point in delaying this any further." He finished in a rush. It was plain to see that not only was he anxious, but also preoccupied with the latest news.
"What if the parents aren't a match? What happens then?" I asked the question that I felt was most essential at the time. This wasn't only about getting the treatment plan, it was a fact finding mission.
"In that case we would go through the list of donors and if that turns up nothing, we may have a bone marrow registry drive for potential matches, not only for Carver but all those who are in need pi f a transplant." His explanation seemed reason as cleaned but it left me feeling helpless. Knowing how upset Fenix must be, not to mention that not being able to help this sweet boy who I had grown to adore after only a short time, gave me incentive to act.
"What if we set up a drive at the college? Got things rolling in the event that no match is found? I'll be in charge of everything." I stated happily. If this was all I could do to help then I was dead set on doing it.
"Jade it means a lot to me that you're so eager to help, but in your conditions, the stress may be a bit much." My boyfriend remarked compassionately. I knew he meant his words, and that his gratitude and concern were valid but I wasn't about to let him dissuade me.
"I'm pregnant, not on life support badboy. Don't underestimate me. I can do this. I promise you I can do this." I returned, letting a modicum of my feistiness show through.
"Okay, if that's what you want to do it would be really helpful Jade, thank you." Fenix stated gratefully. A hint of relief shown in his eyes as what I suggested sank in. It was only overshadowed by his love and gratitude. It warmed my heart and made me smile to know that I could do this one thing for him and his son, to repay him for all he'd done for me and for standing by me this my ordeal with Soren and this potentially difficult pregnancy.
"Jadey," Carver asked as he yanked on my shirt sleeve to gain my attention. "What's pregrant? " The innocence in his small voice contrasted by the humor in his question made me chuckle a bit.
I looked to Fenix for an answer, but he was too deep in conversation and busy planning strategies with the doctor to provide any backup or suggestion on how this delicate topic should be handles with a four and a half year old. So, I was on my own in fielding this inquiry and it made need a bit nervous.
This was a delicate situation that I had no desire to fuck up, let alone handle more questions that would undoubtedly accompany any explanation I could get out. I couldn't be fully honest, yet I felt as though Carver needed a truthful answer. It was maddening, the swirling thoughts in my head and the accompanying anxiety of lying to a child about the circumstances at hand. I guess he deserved some truth, or what little of that truth he could understand at his age.
"It means I'm having a baby." I managed to explain after a short, deep breath. I wasn't sure how this would go but I was certainly about to find out.
"Is that why you have a big tummy? I just thought you were a jelly-belly. That's what mommy calls girls with big tummies." Carver replied as if his words weren't a putdown.
It wasn't really his fault that he thought this way though; his mother did seem like an incredible bitch. I grabbed his hand and placed it gently on my rounded stomach, just as the baby started kicking and moving about. His eyes lit up and I couldn't quite determine if it was wonder or fear. He probably thought I had some sort of alien living inside of me. I know that's what I would think if I was a young child. He wiggled his hand a little and pressed it more firmly to my shirt. After a few seconds he seemed awed and excited by this new and strange sensation he was experiencing.
"Wow! Did you hear that daddy? We should get a baby too. They're cute and squishy!" He called out to his dad, with a little more enthusiasm than I expected from an only child. I guess he wasn't old enough just yet to have a sense of resentment or potential rivalry. The thought that he was so enthusiastic about a new baby in his family warmed my heart. If he only knew... that was all that occupied my mind at the moment.
"Okay buddy, I look into it alright?" Fenix replied with a small chuckle himself. He threw me a meaningful glance that said 'he's going to love the new baby'. I knew he was right of course. Carver was a darling, and had so much love and life in him for a child struggling with a devastating illness. I knew he was strong and that if properly treated and encouraged, he could make it through this ordeal.
After a few more minutes of game play and Fenix's strategizing with Dr. Sawyer, it appeared that Carver was getting tired because he started drifting off to sleep. One second he was battling the Joker and the next the controller was slipping from his small but nimble fingers. I laid him down gently and tucked him into his blankets after getting myself out of his bed. With his eyes closed he was peaceful, like an angel sent straight from heaven. It reminded me of the child I'd lost and how I sometimes dreamed of him looking so angelic and calm.
"Baby, come on and stop fussing over him. Let him rest now." Fenix whispered in my ear as he leaned over his son and kissed his forehead gently. It was a precious and sentimental moment, one that made me wish time would speed up so that the three of us and the new baby could actually be a real family as he had promised me. In that sentimental moment, there was nothing that I wanted more than that. I hesitated just a minute, so I could enjoy my daydream.
"I promise I'll bring you back to visit soon. We've got to leave now though because I called Veronica and she's on her way in to get tested. I'd like to be out of here before she arrives." He explained, taking my hand in his as he placed a soft kiss there.
We left the room with heavy hearts, but with a bit of optimism. We headed straight for the lab so Fenix could be tested. As we walked down the sterile hospital hallway, Fenix stopped me and wrapped his strong arms around my ever expanding middle, holding me in a much needed embrace. He stroked my hair lightly, and pressed his supple lips to mine.
"Thank you for doing this hotness. Are you sure you can handle it?" He put undue emphasis on the question as he whispered it in my ear softly.
I understood his concern but this was a task I felt I had to perform. Maybe it was penance for past sins, or maybe it was just that I wanted more than anything for him not to live the through the loss of a child as I had. But whatever the reason, I wanted to help more than I needed to help.
"I can do this. It's going to be okay, you'll see." I said as I held him tighter and engaged him in a more than was reasonable public display of affection.
"Jade... Mr. Rivers?" A feminine voice called out which startled me. "Holy shit! Now this is a controversy." A girl I now recognized as Kirsty said, once I quickly disengaged from Fenix and jumped away as if nothing had happened.
"This isn't what it looks like Miss Frost." He hurriedly explained, but his words fell short of a convincing argument. It was simply not a good enough claim and certainly not a believable one with the situation she had found us in.
"Oh yeah Mr. Rivers, it's absolutely explainable that you we're in a luscious lip lock with your pregnant student." She remarked more than sarcastically.
"Now Kirsty, let's not be hasty and rush to conclusions." I spouted nervously. There was a chance that if she couldn't be convinced otherwise, this could be manipulated and used to our advantage... maybe.
"Wait... you... you're together -together. Oh my God! You're the father aren't you? Shit, that explains a lot." She spouted loudly like a gushing geyser that couldn't be stopped by human means.
"What? No, I'm... I'm not. You're misinterpreting the situation here. I'm a married man and a professor. It would be most inappropriate to engage in a relationship with a student." Fenix insisted, but I could see that she wasn't buying it by the not so subtle eyebrow raise that followed.
"Look, it's cool. I'll keep my mouth shut. Besides, you two are the cutest couple!" Kirsty squealed as girls do when they find something to be adorable.
"So, we're good then?" I asked hesitantly. I wanted to believe her, and in truth I did. I had known her since high school and she'd always proved to be trustworthy. I just needed confirmation that our secret was safe, as I'm certain Fenix did by the questioning look in his pale blue eyes.
"Totally." She smiled and gave me a reassuring hug. It felt as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders as she wiggled out of the embrace with a shit-eating grin plastered on her pretty face.
"What?" Fenix inquired skeptically as he noticed her expression. He still seemed nervous and reserved. I guess he had every right to be. He would lose his job and son if we we're discovered to be an item.
"I know that look... what do you want in return?" I probed gently. I knew she would never betray me, but I also knew that you can't get something for nothing these days. I wondered what could possibly quell her need for repayment of her silence.
"Nash." She returned quickly.
"Done." I replied easily.
A sense of calm washed over me as I realized that her silence was already bought and paid for. Little did she know that I had just discussed their relationship with him earlier that day, and had convinced him that maybe she was just the girl he need in his life.
*********************
Please comment & vote <3