The day comes to an end and absolutely everyone is exhausted.
With tour dates having been released, it seems as if everyone is especially dying to get a picture with the guys or talk to them in some way. I don't think Drew and Alex have ever witnessed anything close to this.
We get back to the house and the first thing all the guys do is lay out on the couches with a loud groan. We've all talked to other people way too much today and needless to say, our mouths are exhausted.
As much as today's been exhausting, it's also been incredibly relieving. After getting Chasen's phone call, I finally feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally enjoy all of this.
On top of that, Luke's support means the absolute world to me. He seemed to have finally accepted this as a part of our past and is no longer going to hold it above me.
Hopefully.
"I never want to talk to another person ever again," Calum groans.
"You're talking to six people right now," Drew snorts making me bite back a laugh as I take in the view of all of them.
I'd probably be a lot more dead if I wasn't so pumped up with happiness due to how my own day went. I feel as if I finally got my pat on the back telling me everything's going to be alright.
"Fuck off Taggart," Calum says.
Drew puts his hands up in defense and only snorts in response.
"Well get excited because we have a day full of interviews tomorrow," Ashton says placing his hands over his eyes.
I think the only reason Ashton survived the day was because Kay Kay was there. However, not enough for his liking.
She was mostly to the side recording and capturing everything. He probably didn't have more than a minute to talk to her and I'm sure it annoyed him like no other.
I walk back over towards the guys and Drew immediately outstretches his arms for me to join him on his lap. I don't fight against it as I sit down on his lap and press my back against his chest. He wraps his arms around my stomach as his legs lay out on the couch.
"How many do we have tomorrow Adds?" Calum asks peaking an eye open at me.
I pull out my phone in order to check my reminders and immediately cringe at the sight.
"One every hour from noon until eight," I say knowing this is probably twice the amount of what we had today.
Everyone groans in sync and Alex gives me a look in disbelief.
"Really?" he asks as if annoyed by this.
"You guys wanted insane promo for this tour," I say, shrugging my shoulders. "I've made sure you guys are booked at every big station and at every big talk show. Do you know how many I turned down on your behalf?"
Alex just squeezes his eyes shut, "Still, we'd be fine doing like five."
I go to open my mouth when Drew beats me to it, "Be thankful dude, we would've never been able to manage this on our own."
I smile in victory considering Drew stuck up against his best friend for me. Drew doesn't respond as he just goes back to closing his eyes and throwing his head back.
"Yeah thanks Addison, this has been all anyone's been able to talk about," Calum says, looking to me. "I even gained almost two millions followers."
I look to him in complete disbelief. Two million? That many people have followed him in the past 24 hours? That's absolutely insane.
"I can only imagine how many followers the dreamy Luke Hemmings has gained," Drew says making me immediately look to Luke. Luke doesn't look as exhausted as everyone else but his hair is once again pulled back by a backwards snapback.
Luke just shrugs his shoulders before pulling out his phone. I bite the corner of my lip almost preferring not to know how many girls now have their eyes on him. Who wouldn't drool at the sight of him?
His eyes immediately practically bug out of his head as his mouth drops open. Everyone looks to him in anticipation knowing damn well that he's probably gained a lot.
"Holy fuck," he says, scrolling his thumb up and down his page.
"It must be nice to be the hot one," Michael says folding his hand on top of his chest and playing with his thumbs.
I hope he means it in a joking way because every single single one of them are absolutely beautiful. Obviously I'm a little biased but I would never want any of the guys to think that Luke is known for being the most attractive one in the band.
"Tell me about it," Alex snorts from his chair making me once again bite back a laugh.
Now this is something that everyone knows Drew as. Not that Alex isn't incredible and attractive in his own way, but it must stink to live in Drew's shadow when he looks the way he does.
"So how many followers? I wanna know," Ashton asks.
Luke bites his lip, scanning his phone carefully, "Gained four million."
Everyone turns to him in absolute surprise because that's twice as much as Calum. I mean hell, I don't think anyone was expecting him to gain that many.
"It's official, Luke's the hot one," Calum says throwing his arms up.
"Let's all take a vote and vote on who we think is the hottest," Drew says. "My vote's on Michael because his eyes have me weak."
He says it in such a dreamy tone, I can't help but laugh. I know this is his attempt to lighten the mood and make someone else feel good about themselves beside Luke.
"Addison, you're up, who do you think is hottest?" Drew asks me, squeezing my stomach the slightest.
"Well geez, I wonder who she's going to pick," Ashton says, rolling his eyes playfully and I immediately blush.
My eyes involuntarily trail to Luke who bites back a smile as he looks down and seems to know the answer as well. Drew laughs it off, and clearly thinks nothing of it or doesn't seem to care.
"It's not obviously Luke," Calum says pointing a finger at Ashton. "I had sex with her once."
I roll my eyes considering he still plays this card, "I was desperate to lose my virginity, and you were the only guy that I knew on a deep level. I wasn't going to throw myself at some random."
Calum pouts at me but clearly knows at the same time that I do view it as special. I'm just teasing him and there's no doubt he's aware of that. He knows above anyone that I don't regret it and am glad he was the one I could experience it with.
"You were still wet for me."
I immediately gasp, not expecting this at all as I grab a pillow and chuck it as hard as I can at his head. Drew bursts into laughter along with everyone else as Calum gets smacked in the face.
I give him the middle finger as he blows me a playful kiss and plays it off. I can't help but notice the only person who doesn't laugh is Luke as he plays with the rings on his fingers and I know this is the last thing he wants to talk about. Especially because of how poorly it was handled when he found out about it. The problem is, Calum doesn't care and will bring it up wherever and whenever and seems to forget that Luke hates to hear about it.
"Anyway," I say tilting my head to the side as I narrow my eyes teasingly at Calum. "Let's talk about other mistakes."
Everyone laughs once again and Calum just shoots me a puppy dog pout. I stick my tongue out at him because he knows I'm messing around. Calum and I have a friendship where we can mess around like this and not feel weird. This is the main reason why we've stayed friends for so long.
No one offers up another mistake and I don't know if anyone took it too literally. However, the room falls silent comfortably as if we're all appreciating the first moment of silence we've had all day.
However, it's short lived as Luke speaks up from his corner of the room in a low voice, "I wrote a song today."
Everyone is so surprised by the words as they look to Luke who really hasn't spoken much. His attention isn't on anything in particular as his face looks blank. We all seem confused, only wanting to know more but wondering if we're going to need to get it out of him. I can't help but wonder if his regret involves the song he wrote today or if his words came out before he could process them.
"Well, let's hear it," Calum says, as if wondering if that's what Luke wanted someone to say.
"No, not now," Luke says shaking his head. "I want to record it tomorrow, hopefully get an early sessi-"
"Come on, I wanna hear it," Calum whines making me want to almost tell him to quit it. The last thing I want for anyone to do is to force a song out of Luke. Sure they'll hear it all tomorrow, but if Luke's not ready to sing it now then they shouldn't push him to do it now.
"Tomorrow."
"No, you can't tease us like that. Plus, what if we don't like it?" Michael asks, raising his eyebrows.
Luke just raises his eyebrows back, "Since when have you ever not liked a song I wrote?"
Michael shuts his mouth as if realizing the truth in this. Every song Luke writes, everyone falls in love with. There's no use in denying that.
"Pretty please?" Michael tries. "Your guitar is right there."
Luke looks over to his guitar and then his eyes find my own. I can't help but freeze as we make eye contact and he doesn't tear his gaze away like I expect him to. His eyes look lost as if searching for encouragement from me to do it. However, everyone in this room knows I'm the last person to push Luke to do something he doesn't want to do.
Luke sighs, realizing he's not going to hear the end of it as he shakes his head.
"Fine, but I'm only doing half."
All the guys cheer and even Drew cheers from behind me as he claps his hands. I smile slightly and watch as he stands up to get the guitar. My heart races in anticipation as I think of the song I had walked in on him singing.
Could it be the same one?
Everyone cheers in excitement and I clap my hands in order to not be the odd one out. What is this song going to be?
Luke sits back down in his seat and clears his throat. Everyone goes silent as they wait for him to begin singing. I know all the guys are excited as ever considering this means they have another song to add to their list of songs.
His fingers start strumming the chords gently and I suck in a deep breath. They sound familiar but I try to tell myself he could've changed the lyrics completely.
The chords sound so beautiful and almost leave me in a trance. I love the way it all sounds and it's clear Luke did a phenominal job putting this together.
"Here I am waking up
Still can't sleep on your side
There's your coffee cup
The lipstick stain fades with time."
I suck in a deep breath as I'm in complete disbelief. It's the song. The song that's very clearly written for me.
The guy look to be in just as much shock considering it's not discreet in the slightest. Here I am sitting and listening to a song he probably put a lot into, not thinking he'd have to sing it for me tonight.
"If I can dream long enough
You'd tell me I'd be just fine
I'll be just fine."
The chords change and all I can do is watch him. I don't know what to feel as I listen to him sing this song. I feel a mix of emotions that I can't determine whether they're good or bad.
"So I drown it out like I always do
Dancing through our house
With the ghost of you."
I feel an overwhelming urge to cry. I want to run far from this room and be out of here. I don't want to hear anymore of this song.
"And I chase it down
With a shot of truth
Dancing through our house.
With the ghost of you."
Luke plays a few more chords but I can tell he's done performing the half of the song. I feel sick and I want to get out of here now. The words hit like knives in my back and brought back so many painful memories of me lying in bed and crying and wondering when he'd call.
Everyone is dead silent as they all are probably waiting for me to react. It's obvious he just sung about me and I'm sure the guys are regretting pushing it out of him.
I feel a knot in my throat forming and I'm about to up and leave when Drew is the first to speak.
"I thought it was great!"
All the guys turn to him as if to give him a look of warning to not say anything. Everyone else, besides Alex, knows who this song is about but no one wants to say anything.
"I need to-," I say getting up and trying to think of a good enough excuse. Knowing they all probably will understand, I continue before leaving, "Take a second."
No one says anything to stop me as I rush out of the living room where everyone is and towards Drew's room. I throw the door open, feeling anger, sadness, hurt, love, admiration, want, need, desire, all at once.
I shut the door behind me and sit down on the bed, tears immediately coming through my eyes. I swear, I don't think I've ever cried as much in my life as I have over Luke.
Sobs leave my lips as I don't know how to process this all and feel so confused. How is this supposed to make sense to me?
It isn't long before the door is opened and Calum comes rushing in. He takes in the scene just as quickly and I don't hesitate to rush to him and hug him.
Calum wraps his strong arms around me and shushes me in a calming way. My cheek presses against his chest as I cry pathetically and try to tell myself it's okay to cry.
"I told him to let me handle it," Calum says softly, answering the question I didn't even know I was asking.
"Why Calum?" I ask wondering why about everything.
Why he wrote that song. Why he broke up with me. Why he never called. Why he left me hurt the way he did. Why he's back in my life. Why I have to pretend as if seeing him doesn't pain me and make me desire him all at once.
When I first heard him singing, I thought it was just a small piece of us in the song. Yet here's a whole half a song written about the pain he felt when things ended between us. How is he allowed to feel that way when he's the one that left me?
"We don't know Adds, we don't know."
I know he knows what my question meant and he's probably just as confused as myself. The Luke Luke has been these past few months has been far from our Luke. Even with the small moments where I feel like I have him back, my Luke still isn't here. My Luke would be up doing crosswords with me and just about everything else.
"How can he talk about how much it hurt him when he's the one who broke up with me?" I ask finally looking up at him. "He could've called me, he could've done absolutely anything."
Calum sighs as he pulls away from the hug and gestures for us to sit on the bed. I do as he gestures and he looks down at his lap. I know they don't understand this new Luke but I need some kind of answer.
"I don't know Addison, the only person that does know is Luke. But I do know he didn't handle the breakup well at all," Calum says making me furrow my eyebrows. "He turned to alcohol, sleeping with different women, anything he possibly could to forget you."
I suck my lips in, not wanting to hear this as I shake my head, "He didn't have to forget me though Calum. I was always there, I was always just a phone call away."
Calum nods and I know this is because he understands my side a lot more than he does Luke's. I'm sure Luke's actions confused them more than anything considering we went from having it all to having absolutely nothing.
"I really think he convinced himself he had to break up with you Adds," Calum says placing a hand on my thigh in a comforting way. "He truly believed that he had to do it because he didn't want any ties to that case. He would've never admitted it but there's no way he wanted to break up with you that day."
I can't help but scoff in disbelief because I have a hard time believing this. If he didn't want to break up with me, then he shouldn't have. No one was holding him at gunpoint and telling him to break up with me.
"I don't know if I can believe that."
Calum shrugs and says, "I think the song is telling, and the actions that followed on his part after you two broke up. He didn't handle it well and if he wanted to end things with you, he wouldn't have gone down the road he did."
I look off, trying to make sense of his words and trying to tell myself to believe him. I know how much this case means to Luke and how much he let it control his life. So the thought of him allowing it to control his life further shouldn't be a surprise to me. However, it's unfair to me for him to come back and write all this music about how hard he handled it all when I was going through hell.
"Maybe Chasen getting a new lawyer was a weight off his shoulders," Calum says making me look to him. "Maybe he finally feels as if it's out of yours and his hands now. That could be what he needed in order to move on."
I hate to admit it but Calum's actually making sense. When Luke hugged me and told me he was happy for me, I was left utterly confused. I figured we were going to get in a huge argument and it wouldn't end well.
Instead, he gave me the hug I needed in the moment.
"I think he's trying Adds, he has a shitty way of showing it but he seems to be taking baby steps," Calum says squeezing my thigh. "Whether you're willing to accept these baby steps and let him back into your life is up to you. I'll tell you that you don't owe him anything and especially don't owe him a spot back in your life but I think you two need one another."
I look in his eyes and try to make sense of what he means when he says we need one another. Does this mean we need each other as our significant others or just have one another as friends?
Either way, I don't know what I'm ready to make of it yet. Am I willing to let someone back in who hurt me like no other? I do recognize the baby steps and I can't be so quick to turn them down.
But I also can't be so quick to allow myself to get hurt again.
a/n
poor miss addison, she's so confused and hurt and doesn't know what to do at all. my heart hurts for her she doesnt deserve this at all
but also luke is trying and we cant ignore that and ugh my heart. is it too late for him to be trying???
thank u for all ur love and making me fall in love with this book just as i did the last
u guys are incredible and make me so happy. have the best night/morning/afternoon whatevazzzzzz
see u soon my darlings