It was a suffocating sensation being sat next to the nerd. The serious questions didn't start yet, but each basic question that was asked, we both had lied and we both knew it. It was like the simple things in our lives didn't matter to either of us, so why lie you may ask? That was the very question I was asking myself.
Looking at the nerd, I hadn't understood her a lot due to the fact that she was constantly looking out at the water. Her back was straight and she hadn't dared to slouch like I had been doing after a while of finding a comfortable position to sit in. There was no thinking about how this girl would surprise me a lot, but lying had been another thing.
"You lie on God's day." I told her, knowing I was being a hypocrite. Her head turned to me and a small smile played along her lips when her eyes slid to mine. An eyebrow had rose as she began to start talking. "You say that as if you're an angel, in God's eyes." I smirked and leaned my head against the pole, not looking at her anymore.
"I like to think that I am, but how many times can one person forgive a sinner for doing the same sin over and over again?" She released a small sigh and I knew that's where the questions of our lives would begin. Funny how the nerd and I were sitting side by side, or opposite each other, and spilling our life stories.
"I think the right quote is 'not seven times, but seventy-seven times'." She answered and I took my head off the pole and looking at the side of her face, which looked to be pleased with her answer. However, she did turn to me and looked as if she was asking for confirmation from me, how ironic.
"I'm impressed by your knowledge. Your turn to ask me a question, nerd." Her eyes turned back to the water, as if she had found some kind of peace lurking there judging by the look on her face. She didn't say anything for quite a bit of time, but I would give her patience because after all, she did fix my car even though it took a long time.
"Why all the tattoos before you hit twenty?" She questioned, still looking out at the river. My lips had curled out of habit of frustration. The question had actually made me think for once in my life about why I had all these tattoos before a certain age, so I answered with the next best thing that I could think of. "Why not?"
"I thought the main point of tattoos was to ink your skin permanently with memories throughout life as a whole." She did have a point there, but this was the nerd that everyone had been familiar with yet not everyone knew about. "They are there for life and they cause you pain, but they are there permanently, are they not?"
"Each to their own. Everyone has a different reason for having etched their skin with ink and turning away from giving blood." The smile had full blown onto her face as her hand brushed against the part of her arm where blood was normally taken out. "I wish to tattoo my skin to relive the pain of what I have lived, so I paint my skin of what my imagination holds.
"It's not just for show, it's for myself. To make myself remember that I have some sort of talent that I can display to people, but also a fucked up reminder to myself." She didn't question further, nor did she look at me. "That's one part of the bad boy persona of yours that has been explained to me, I guess."
I made a sound at the back of my throat, something mirroring a scoff. "So nerd, what's got you doing all these jobs? A librarian, a tutor and now I find you're mechanic as well as a regular blood donor?" The images of her spread eagle on my car had made my dick stir, but I didn't bother shifting so I looked out at the river, squinting when the light hit.
"It keeps me busy. With the knowledge I have, I don't want to be working at one job for the rest of my life; I want to experience everything there is so that everything I've learnt doesn't go to waste. Each job gives me happiness; librarian because I love reading, a tutor was a first but, I like it because helping people is one of the things that keeps me feeling...
"It keeps me feeling like I'm still good, just like when I give blood." Her voice dropped a little as did her gaze when she looked out at the water, but the smile still was on her face, brightening up her features. "Being a mechanic is just to help out my uncle's business. He gave everything to my aunt before he died and she needed more workers, so I offered."
"Interesting, nerd." I said to her, but thinking that there was much more than to what she was telling me. "Tell me about your family. Your 'pain' must have started from somewhere, right?" I nodded my head, reluctant to tell a girl I barely knew anything about my life. However, where she was saying everything to me, why couldn't I?
Fuck, this was the thing that made me feel like I should tell her a lot more because she and I were opposites. Complete fucking opposite, which meant that after we were done graduating, she would take everything I said to her with her to her grave and I would do the same. The guys would always be there, but she wouldn't be and that was a fucking relief.
"Well, let's start with the two that had their night of fun and had a fucking angel." A laugh came out from the nerd's mouth and it sounded so different, like it was actually funny that I was talking ironically to her. "I was an accident, brought into a life with drugs, drinks and sex. Let's not forget the yelling, Christ there was so much of that.
"Anyway, my mother was, no wait, is, addicted to drugs and apparently she wasn't always like that. It had been my father who had pulled her into his world and got her addicted, just like he was but that wasn't the only thing that he was stuck to. It was the drinking and then the constant sounds of fucking, I swear that's why I sleep around so much.
"My whole life has just been filled with noises that can't leave me. It wasn't even just my parents, that's the fucked up part. My sister, Josette, she used to sleep around for money too and I don't...I just can't be disgusted at her for that because she practically saved me from a bunch of shit.
"Funny thing is, as much as I hate my parents for putting my sister through all of that, including bringing me into this world, it's the same thing I'm addicted to. I love parties, I love sex and I love the drugs that come with it. It's not even a show or a display like my tattoos, it's something that makes me forget, but it's something that reminds me that I'm like them."
"So why don't you gradually stop?" Her eyes locked with mine and for a second, I considered taking up her options but as innocent as this girl looked, she had no fucking idea. The fucking pull, the constant demons and hell that I would constantly go through when I would sleep or the bliss I felt after snorting some drug.
I could forget, but it would stick with me. Everything just would fucking stick with me.
The anger built up within me again and she noticed, but she made no attempts to look frightened or move. The smile had finally slid off of her face and she looked away from me, but I didn't want that, I didn't want her to fucking look away from me. I wanted her to understand that I loved it all for a reason.
I reached out to her, leaning closer as I put my hands under her chin and made her turn to me, so that she looked into my eyes. She gasped a little, noticing how close I had gotten to her and to any onlookers, we were sharing a romantic time together by the docks, just looking into each other's eyes. Close up, I was the predator feeding of its prey.
"You may sit here as my personal tutor and therapist, but don't ever advice me something so stupid as if you're a professional." I roughly let go of her and leaned back against the pole, watching as the place where I touched her reddened. Her chest rose up and down as her breathing was beating at a fast pace.
"Tell me about your family then, nerd." I said to her, voice husky and rough just as my movements had been towards her as well as the coldness that seeped through my words. I watched as she struggled to bring the words out, but she wouldn't say anything. So, sitting there like a gentleman, I waited.
"You know already." I chuckled, humourlessly and shook my head. "I know what you've told me, but I want to know everything. Every single little detail that has made you into this little shy butterfly that decides to donate blood and make everyone think that you're some sort of angelic presence of this town."
"Both my parents are from Germany and I was born there before we came to the US when I was seven. My mother had been pregnant with my sister when we had moved here and for a couple years, things were odd with my parents as far as I remember. They would constantly be arguing and...and one day our neighbour had to take us in for two days.
"Nothing much happened after that, but then we moved to this state from Louisanna and my sister disappeared. That's all there is." She said to me, but I watched her from where she sat and throughout the last part of her sentence, she continuously shook and shifted in her position. Her peace with the water was gone and it looked like an ongoing avoidance.
"Hey Enna." Her mouth parted when I called her by her name. She looked up at me and gasped again when I had come close to her, before pulling her closer to me by grabbing her hair. "You look me in the eyes and telling me exactly who you're fucking with right now, Sugar because it sure isn't nice to lie to someone who's not left parts of their life out."
The nerd had gulped and struggled to get my grip out of her hair, which I had a fistful of but now to passersby it had now looked like we were kissing. Only, I had hoped there was no one that was around especially that aunt of hers because I wouldn't want news stirring up. I looked at her, pissed off that she dared to lie to me and just as I thought, she feared me again.
"Why are you so adamant on knowing more about me?" She whispered, her eyes held the fear but her words held courage and I hated that because it made me grip her hair a lot less. I completely let go of her and she backed away from me, backing up to the pole behind her and pulling up her legs to her chest.
I got up and started walking away from her so I could get my car and get the fuck out of her, until she spoke again. "I had a boyfriend." My footsteps faltered as the words came out of her mouth and I found myself turning back around. She hugged her knees tighter to her and stared at a fix point in front of her.
It was my mistake for letting her into my personal life, another someone who was involved in the shit I was in, but it was also my mistake for forcing her to talk. Nevertheless, I took a slow approach to her and she began to talk again. "He...wasn't a good guy. He was at first, I believed he was because he was the first guy who paid attention to me, not caring of who I was."
A nerd.
"We were both fourteen at the time, the age where my sister disappeared. It only took a couple months for me to be smitten over him and I thought that about him too, but that wasn't the case and after my parents' found out about him, they forbid me from seeing him again." She was going to say more, so close to saying more but she didn't.
"Joey! Your car is ready." Enna's aunt had come out with a smile on her face, waving her arm to get my attention. I waved back, not sure what else to do before feeling Enna walking up to me and then past me. However, I turned her around and pulled her to me, towering over the girl who could hold more secrets than I ever could.
"You have your ways of showing your pain, Joey. Everything you have gone through can be seen in your tattoos, the way you treat people and who you are but have you every wondered what it's like to just...not have any friends to talk to? Or maybe even having to be forced to talk to the school's therapist like she's going to solve all your problems?"
The nerd had gotten out of my grasp and went back to the garage as I followed her, her words in my mind, attacking me. She was right, but I was who I was and I wasn't going to flip a switch and suddenly become some nice guy who gives a shit about other people's feelings because some nerd had the audacity to speak up.
By the time I had gotten to the garage, my car was being pulled up by some other mechanic and when he got out of my car, he handed Enna a clipboard. I could see him looking up at down at her, before I cleared my throat because his dirty ass hand was on the door of my baby. He had looked at me, wanting to glare then realised who I was.
He moved away and just as Enna was handing him back the clipboard and pen, he had bumped into them and ended up dropping them onto the floor. I smirked before leaning down and kissing Enna's aunt's cheek, making sure to keep my eyes on Enna before I handed her the money and then walked to Enna.
"You're such a good boy, Joey. Very handsome." I laughed halfheartedly at the woman before I walked to Enna, who didn't look at me. As a bad boy though, it was my job to be an ass and tease the nerd so I leaned down and caught her cheek with my lips. When I pulled away, her mouth had gaped open, mirroring her aunt's.
"Thanks for fixing up my car, Sugar." I got inside and winked at Enna one last time before putting my seat belt on and I changed the gear, just as I heard a questioning nickname come out from Enna's aunt and then a whole string of German.
Like I said this was God's day, I needed to do something right.