I wait outside the powder room for Silas. I pace back and forth.
I don't know how I'm going to say this. I don't want it to be taken the wrong way. I hope he understands what I mean and want by what I am going to be asking him.
After talking to my mom, I made a decision, and I need to say it now before I change my mind. I can't chicken out because it will affect not only me but him as well.
"Shit!" He barks out. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting you to be standing right there."
"I want you to sleep with me." I blurt out and quickly add after hearing how that sounds. "As in sleeping... not sex." He lights up in a way that makes me smile and feel warm inside.
"Obviously." He says. "Are you sure?"
"I think we need to go through the motions of our normal routine and you across the hall isn't that. I didn't sleep well last night either. Maybe I need you with me."
"Whatever you want." He says with a toothy smile. "Ready for bed?" He asks eagerly. I nod, and he leads the way.
"Walk me through everything." He pulls me to the bathroom.
"We normally come up, and both wash our faces, brush our teeth, you know, the normal bathroom stuff. You like to floss at night." He is the encyclopedia of my life.
After we finish cleaning up, I walk over to my walk-in closet. "What do you and I wear to bed?" Do we wear clothes to bed? I don't know how married people work.
He coughs pausing. Yep, we sleep naked, and that is not happening. "You wear these silky gown things." Another pregnant pause. "I normally just wear my briefs, but I'll find some sweatpants or something, so you're not uncomfortable."
"I don't mind. Nothing I haven't already seen. Which side is mine?"
"The right side." That's the side I have been on. "We keep the door open so that Ponce can come and go. If we close it, we close him in here cause his litter box is in our bathroom."
I go to the closet to change in privacy. When I return, the lights are out, and he is already under the covers. His bare chest exposed. I'm in a light blue gown that has lace on the top edge. You can see my free nipples through it, so I go under the covers quickly.
He stuffs a pillow between us. "I'm a cuddler in my sleep."
"Man the barricades."
"You can just shove me off if I on you or in your space."
"Right, because the pillow won't stop you." He laughs, moving it back behind his head. I roll to my side, facing him. He mirrors me. Brushing my hair out of my face and I get a lump in my throat. I can't speak. He paralyzes me with his green gaze. His hands skim down my neck, shoulder, arm, and to my side. I'm covered in goosebumps. My nipples harden under the silk. The glow from the outside that billowed into the room shuts off, meaning that it 11:00 PM. "Night Silas."
"Night Annika. I love you."
I squeeze his hand. "I'm in strong like with you." I decide to say; it's honest. He needs to know how I'm feeling. I not in love territory yet... but I'm getting close. Is it too soon? I haven't even been awake a week, but I can't deny the feeling bubbling inside of me.
______________
I wake up with my head on his chest. Our arms around each other.
I guess I'm a cuddly sleeper as well.
I don't want to move, but I need to before he wakes up.
"Please don't move." His sleepy raspy voice fills my ears. He clears his throat. "I've missed this so much." He pleas.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Since you curled around me... about an hour." He tightens his hold on me. "Please stay."
I nuzzle into him to get comfortable. I wrap my leg around his hip. His hand on my knee hikes it up to his torso and stays resting on my thigh. We are so close together we hardly constitute as two people.
I drift back to sleep, thinking of the warm body I blanket.
_______________
My eyes pop open. I look over at the clock at its 6:17 AM. The alarm will go off in 13 minutes.
I'm no longer on him, instead, I'm on my side, and he is curled around me. His arm holds me flesh to him. When did he realize I was awake, his grip tightened? His leg wraps around my legs, locking me in place. "Stay with me awhile." He nuzzles his face into my neck. I hear the sharp intake of his breath. "Thank you for last night. It was the best."
I lift my arm so that I can thread my fingers in the hair on the back of his head, earning me a throaty moan. "Did you even sleep?"
"I slept deeply but not for long. I just loved having you with me, so I soaked that up." His grip hasn't changed; he clings to me as if his life depends on it. As if I were literally his life preserver. It's comfortable and feels natural except... that something is digging into my back, its probably the remote. I had left it on the bed yesterday.
I reach down and grab it. A sharp hiss fills the air... that wasn't a remote.
I jump out of bed. "I'm so sorry!" I just grabbed his penis. Oh god!
"It's okay." He says, getting out of bed.
Wow.
My whole mouth just filled with saliva. He looks so good. His appendage is tenting in his brief, and I can't help but take my lower lip between my teeth.
Did I grab it too hard? I probably hurt him.
He rubs... it. Yep, I hurt him. God, I'm an idiot.
"It's okay." He repeats. It's not okay; I just reached down and squeezed the life out of his penis.
"I thought it was the remote..."
"Nope... not the remote." That thing is bigger than I anticipated. It's remote big... How does that thing fit inside me? "I'll just be a minute."
He goes into a bathroom shutting the door behind him.
I drop face-first into the bed.
I. Am. Such. An. Idiot.
I made that so much worse than it needed to be. I should have stayed its bed and apologized. I way overreacted. It's not like I haven't touched it before.
He has been in there awhile. I press my ear to the door. The shower is going.
"Fuck..." I hear him say past the shower. I did hurt him. Damnit.
"Silas, are you okay?" He doesn't answer, so I open the door. He is standing inside the shower with his back to me, the towel on the rack covers him from the waist to the knee. I step closer.
I suck in my breath with a gasping sound when I realize what he is doing. My hands cover my mouth to mask the sound, but it's too late. It was loud enough, and he hears me.
"Shit, Nik." He grabs the towel and wraps it around him. "I'm so sorry you saw-"
"I called out, but you didn't hear me... Do you do this a lot?" I say, lowering my hands, crossing my arms over my chest to hide them.
"No... That was the first time since I was a freshman... before you and I started dating. I didn't need to when-"
"When we were sexually active." He looks mortified. "I'm sorry, I-"
"You have no reason to be sorry. I'm sorry you saw me like that."
"I heard you say 'fuck' and thought you were hurt..."
"Hurt?"
"Yeah, like I grabbed... your... it, too hard."
"You didn't." He lowers the lid and sits on the toilet. "You have no idea what you do to me, Annika; everything you do is a turn on for me." He pauses, but I know he isn't done talking, so I stay quiet. I'm sure I look like a deer in headlights. I don't know where to look, so I just look down at my feet. "And with you letting me hold you last night, it was just so nice... When you touched my cock, I thought I was going to go crazy." He props his elbows on his knees. Cock. It seems like such a dirty word. Penis is prudish. Dick I wouldn't think too much about. But cock seems so sexual. He wants me. That's why he did it. He won't make the first move because he is waiting for me to do it when I'm ready, but he needed a release.
"What did you think about?" Maybe if he describes what he thought, my memories will be triggered. About us, the real us, the married us will bring me back.
"Wh-what?" He stutters. His eyes are wide. He is shocked by my question.
"Did you think about me?"
"Of course." He stands up and moves toward me. His towel hangs low on his hips. Dangerously low. Water trickles down his chest. "Who else would I be thinking about? You fill my every thought."
"What did you think about?" I say in an even, straight voice.
"I thought about us being together... physically." I need more than that.
"What specifically?" His brows raise. "Tell me."
He doesn't touch me, but he moves, standing so close to me. "I thought about your tight little pussy and me pounding my cock into you." His hungry gaze moves from my eyes to my lips.
"Keep going." He steps closer, and I step back till I'm against the wall, and he is in front of me, our noses touch. I hold my breath. His choice of words does something to me. My whole body is buzzing.
"I thought about the way your tits move with each thrust. How you squirm and shake under me, how you tighten around me as I make you come." His pupils are blown out. His... well... is pressed against me again. "How does that sound to you, baby?" I swallow, unable to speak. I let out the air I was holding. "Showers yours. We need to leave in an hour." He leaves, shutting the door behind him.
What the hell just happened?