A/N: Sad moment ahead regarding Nate.
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XXV. What Ifs Never Change Anything
NATHAN
The sound of glass shattering beneath my fist helps wake me up from this trance I've been in for the last fifteen minutes as I stood outside the interrogation room the whole time Bex told her dad everything.
I'd already warned him ahead of time I would. He didn't tell me I couldn't, I'm sure already expected that I would. Not that I would've listen to his orders not to. This was regarding the woman I love more than any other in this world. You're damn right I'm going to hear the truth behind the shit I saw within that file.
I stood and listened to the woman I've loved since I was fucking seventeen years old talk about how that monster hurt her. How he took the beautiful girl I knew nearly all my life and broke her down, piece by piece.
Visions of those pictures of Bex's beaten body enter my mind and I want to hit the wall again.
I need to calm down, I already broke a picture that was hanging on the wall across from me. I quickly walk into the bathroom across the hall and grab a paper towel, holding it to my now bleeding hand.
When I walk out to the main area, everyone in the room turns to look at me. They have look of hurt and worry—for Bex.
Everyone has already seen it since the BOLO went out nation wide by now. Each one of us had gotten the email and they all saw the same thing I did.
The girl we knew for years, looking like a complete ghost.
"Get back to work," I order loudly and everyone turns back to what they were doing.
I need to get out of here. I need to get away and calm the fuck down.
I'm not running away though, fuck no. I just need to calm down and get my thoughts together before I talk to Bex. I think about the look on her face when I wouldn't talk to her at first. I already know what was going through her mind.
Not again.
She was terrified I was pulling the same shit I did ten years ago. God knows I wouldn't. Not now, not ever again.
I'm going to stay by her side from now on and especially through all of this. She needs me to be there for her and I want to be there more than anything. I may have broken her heart, but I didn't crush her spirit like that monster did.
I would've never imagined hitting Bex. Even though she drove me crazy growing up, I would've never went there.
I would've never made her change, make her choose. I love everything about her and it's her personality, what she is inside that made me fall in love with her in the first place. Why would I change that?
I would've never kept her from her family. I know family is the most important thing in the world to her and I feel the same way. Call it growing up in a small town, call it what you want, but at the end of the day the last people who will undoubtably have your back, is your family.
Lastly, I sure as hell would've never harmed her while she was pregnant with my child. I would've protected her even more. I would've loved her even more for her choosing our baby over me. That's how it's suppose to be. Your child should always come first.
As I walk out of the station and into the fresh air, the warmth both clears my mind and suffocates me. Walking down the street, trying to calm my nerves, I think about Bex even more.
I think about her being pregnant, glowing, and how happy she would've been with a growing child inside her. A little boy.
I try to picture Bex holding a baby boy in her arms. He would've been just a month old now if she wouldn't have lost him. My heart breaks deeply, he wasn't even my child and my heart breaks.
Would I have still wanted to be with her if she did have a baby with someone else? Of course I would. I'd love that little guy like he was my own. I'd do exactly what she's done for me with JD.
Bex didn't have to accept my son, she could've been angry with me and hated me for having a child with someone else but she didn't. Instead she let that little boy wrap her around his finger and pull her in.
Now everything makes sense—the way she instantly connected with him.
The way her face would get when her Dad would joke about grandchildren. She was remembering the baby she lost.
Bex was silently mourning as I just stood by. God I wish she would've told me sooner. I hate that I had to find out this way.
I find myself at my Mom's antique shop in the middle of town and quickly walk in. My sister and Mom are standing behind the counter and thankfully there's no customer's in the store. I quickly turn the sign to closed and when they see my bloodshot eyes and red face from crying, they both come running from behind the counter with worry.
"Oh my God Nathan what is wrong? What happened to your hand?" my Mom asks, cupping my face in her hands. Before I know it I'm breaking down and telling them everything. Telling them about Bex and what has happened to her the last five years.
Both Mom, and especially Heather, begin to sob as I go on. When I tell them about her losing the baby, Mom grabs at her chest and Heather puts her face in her hands.
Of course both of them would be mortified by this news. Bex is like another daughter to my mom, a sister to Heather. They're feeling this just as bad as I am right now.
"I can't believe she went through that. My best friend was going through all of that alone. Poor Bex, I can't imagine what she went through or is still going through," Heather attempts to wipe her face clear of tears as she continues.
"You know it all makes sense now. The other day when I was at the bar with her, Susie came in to get her check and had little Jimmy with her. She had announced that her and Jim are expecting another baby and Bex's face went cold, as if she was remembering something. I should've asked about it then, I should've known something was wrong," Heather cries more and puts her arms around me. I hug her in return as I gently rub her shoulders.
I stay in this position for what feels like a long time and by the time I finally leave it's nearly time for me to be getting off work. I head back to the station, much calmer now that I was able to talk about it all to my mom and sister.
My mom had informed me to take things slow with Bex, that she's still healing and not because of what I did but because of him. Granted she's hurt from ten years ago but we are finally moving forward from that. I'm never leaving her side again.
"Welcome back Chief Daniels," Theresa kindly greets me and I give her a small smile, knowing it's not reaching my eyes. Thankfully she doesn't press me on where I ran off to.
I look around the station and it's damn near cleared out by now. I take a glance towards Mike's office and it's empty. When I make my way towards the back, the glass that was on the ground is now cleaned up and the interrogation room door is now opened with the lights off.
Where did Mike go? Where did Bex go? As I come back out into the main area, Theresa grabs my attention.
"Mike took Bex home. Poor girl looked exhausted. He told me to let you know where they went when you got back," she explains and I instantly feel better.
I didn't see what she looked like in there because the door was closed, but I could tell by the sound of her voice and sobs that it was bad. I'd only heard or seen Bex cry like that once in her life, and that was when her Mom passed away.
"Thanks for letting me know Theresa," I smile at her and take a seat at my desk until my shift is over.
When it's over, I call my mom to watch over JD for a while and depending on how it goes, he may have to stay the night again. She is thrilled to do it, knowing I need to do this and be there for Bex right now.
The drive to Bex's house seems longer than usual and probably because I want to be there so bad. When I finally pull up in her driveway and get out of the truck, I don't even knock and just let myself in.
Mike is sitting on the couch watching some Gilligan's Island reruns but he isn't laughing like he usually does. How could he though? After what he just found out, I'll be surprised if he's not down for a while.
I take a seat at the recliner, my usual spot and lean over as I put my hands in my hair. I place my elbows on my legs while I hunch over in thought.
"I can't believe it Nate. I can't believe my baby girl went through all of that," Mike finally breaks the silence with a somber voice.
"I know Mike, I know. It's all my fault, if I hadn't have done what I did—," I begin to ramble but Mike quickly cuts me off as he shakes his head.
"No son this isn't your fault. This isn't yours, hers, mine, it's no ones fault. The only one to blame, is him. Yes things probably would've been different had you two stayed together. I'm sure you'd be married by now with a bunch of rugrats running through the house but that's not how it ended up Nate. You've got to stop kicking yourself for that son. I don't usually like saying that things happen for a reason but there's a obviously a reason Bex came back now. You're able to be the man she needed back then and the time apart made you both stronger in the end. Now that you're that man, you can be here for her and can mend her heart back together. You can give her the life she always deserved. There's no one in the world I trust more with my daughter than you Nathan Daniels, absolutely no one," he looks at me with seriously blue eyes and my heart leaps. I feel a warmth inside that's indescribable.
I needed to hear these words. I needed to hear them so bad right now.
"So does that mean you're giving me your blessing?" I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
"Son if I have to, I'll go upstairs, grab Bex, and hand her off to you myself. But yes, if you're saying that one day soon you'll want to marry my daughter, you have my blessing. Shit you've had my blessing since day one," he laughs and I attempt to hold back my own but fail miserably.
After a moment of light laughter, Mike sighs and looks over his shoulder towards the stairs.
"You should go up there and be there for her. I know there's only one person in this world that can make her feel absolutely safe, and that's you," he smiles and reaches over to pat my shoulder. I nod as I stand from my chair, making my way towards the stairs.
When I get to the bottom step I take a deep breath in before ascending them and slowly make my way up to where my girl is. When I get into the hallway at the top of the stairs, Bex's bedroom door is cracked open so I quietly open the door and find Bex laying in bed asleep.
My beautiful girl looks so peaceful right now and I don't want to wake her so I quietly kick off my boots and take my gear off. I sit my hat on top of her dresser as I softly climb into bed with her. She stirs in her sleep as I wrap my arms around her, edging close to her body; however, she doesn't wake up but instead turns around to face me.
Bex snuggles her way further into my arms as she presses her face in my chest. I feel her breathing calm down instantly as she takes in my warmth. She can feel the love I have for her radiating off my body, even in her sleep.
As I lay here holding Bex in my arms, I vow to myself that I'll always love her, always protect her, and always be sure to give her the life she deserves.
I promise to always show her what love really is, the love she should've experienced for the last ten years.