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So (I know that's not how you start a proper sentence, this book is meant to be informal geez, how else am I supposed to write like I wrote as a teenager so yes, I'm starting my sentence wrong) the week had flown by and I was too lazy to give you guys (I am just saying guys because that is how I speak) all the details. Most of the details however, consisted of me being watched and feeling awkward and that pretty much sums it up.
Time skip »»
(Yeah, yeah, you know the drill)
Today was the second last day of the exam week and I was grateful my misery was almost coming to an end. After all this time it was finally here. Holiday was just a day away then I'm home free and I can party.
By party, I don't mean actual party though, sorry to disappoint your teenage generalisation that when a teenager says party it means underage drinking and messing up your parents house, by "party" I actually meant sitting on the wifi and playing video games or watching YouTube videos in the comfort of my own home. That's my idea of a party. I'm a homebody what can I say.
Yes, I was a disappointment of a teenage cliché. I'm not going to lie about that. While other girls were out going to movies with their boyfriends or actually partying I was at home playing video games with people who were from other countries because I never told any of my friends from school that I gamed online but that's what I did for fun.
Other than that I was just glad to get past this stressful week. I've been so stressed I've come to the point where I wanted to rip my own hair out from the roots. I did study but being in that classroom was slowly getting to me and I was beyond anxious for some reason? Oh, wait it's because he was in that class with me. Yeah, nope that didn't slip my mind.
It was as clear as day he was in that class with me 24/7 for that entire two weeks (well, soon to be two weeks after today and yes, I was exaggerating when I said that I was in that class 24/7, if that were the case I would've had a heart attack) I spent in that class. If that isn't enough already I was slowly being eaten away by anxiety and I overthought so much it was becoming unbearable.
The fact that I could even find the courage to concentrate during my exams was a miracle. Having eyes on you all the time? I told you I was a timid little thing.
I didn't hate him though and that's not why I ignored him, no, I was just so scared. Why was I scared? Honestly, I don't know but I just didn't have the guts to talk to him even though he had made attempts at trying to get me to notice him which I did but I just pretended I didn't and also as I mentioned before I'm really bad at picking up signals, sorry guys (I don't mean actual guys I mean, people in general).
During the start of the second week upon my arrival to school and my common habit of only arriving last minute, I hadn't managed to clip my hair up before leaving like I had always done in the morning and instead I chose to do it in the car. That morning, I was in such a hurry as I tried to get my hair clipped. It was something different. Usually I just tie my hair up in a ponytail but I figured it was time for a change. I was still clipping my hair up as we drove to school when I heard my mom say...
"There's a boy waving at you." I slightly glanced out of the window to see him and his friend walking on the pavement but I was so busy with my hair clip I couldn't wave back. Wow, I wanted to wave back at him. This is new. "Do you know him?" My mom asked.
"Nope." Was all I could say.
"Mmmh," I heard her murmur, "he must have waved because he thought you were waving when you were actually clipping up your hair?" She said sounding unsure, making it almost sound like she was asking a question.
So I had noticed his attempts to get my attention. I just played oblivious, like I had no clue what was going on. What do you even do in a case like this? He was a guy who clearly seemed to like me or maybe I was overthinking this? Maybe it was all in my head? I, as weird as this is going to sound was infatuated by him too. If I was really ballsy, I would have told him I liked him but rejection stings like a beach. Huh? Well, that's better than what if, right?
It was so strange that I was starting to like the guy who was stalking me or at least I thought he was. Why was this even happening? I was still scared to acknowledge him, I know, but what was I supposed to say? I like you and I think you like me, now what? I don't even know the first thing about relationships (not that I was considering having one) or dates for that matter. I mean, I was only 14 for Pete's sake. He however, was a year older than me and only one grade higher.
Back to today though...
I was once again seated by the yellow coloured wall I had grown to resent. Just looking at it infuriated me. Why didn't they just paint it blue? I know they say yellow is a happy colour but I had seen it so much I was already going from my state of anger into a state of depression. I had also been so stressed that at this point I just didn't stress, why even bother?
I had been stressing for the whole of 2 to 3 weeks I had been writing my exams. I just had come to that point where I gave up on stressing. I mean, what's the point? Stressing isn't going to help calm me down or help me in any way so might as well just stop working myself up.
I wrote my exams well, my second last exam with a clear mind and for the first time I felt relieved. I just blocked out everyone that was around me and I wrote my paper like nobody was watching. I just wanted to get this over and done with. The faster today went the closer I would get to tomorrow and then what do you know... Holiday. Just the thing I need.
When I looked again it was heading for home time. We still had about a couple of minutes before the bell rang. I glanced over to where James, I assumed that was his name, was sitting and noticed he was not looking at me. He must have gotten used to me by now that I wasn't interesting I guess? I thought to myself. What an odd thing to think though I admit but it's what I thought. I hadn't been paying attention to him either lately. I kind of just pretended he wasn't there since it was the only way I'd be able to focus on my exams.
I just told myself... "I'm here to write my exams, get it over with and leave." In fact, to tell you the truth, that was my entire plan for high school. I'm just here to pass and then leave. I didn't want a boyfriend well, I was too young either way, but I didn't want a boyfriend to accompany me through my high school experience and especially going to the same school as me.
One of the reasons I didn't want a boyfriend in high school was because after the 5 years I had here it would be either college or finding a job. Yeah, I was thinking way ahead of the time but if I were to get into a relationship I'd have to end it on my last year because me and whoever I end up with would have to go our separate ways or not? But most likely that would be the case. We all have our own different dreams and aspirations so it only makes sense that it would end like that.
I don't know what the future has in store for me but as my dad said "I was here to learn." I wasn't here to find someone and besides high school was a small pond. I didn't want to rush into a relationship just because it was considered "cool." I was thinking all this just because a guy watched me? God, I'm an overthinker.
You know what would be hilarious though? If I was thinking all this and he was just looking for no reason. That would be funny and here I am over analysing the whole situation. Maybe he just thought I was strange? Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he did. There I go overthinking again. *Sighs* I really have no life.
Waiting for the bell to ring my eyes drifted toward him, once again. I watched him a bit too I guess, but that's only because I would often notice him watching me. However, today was different. He actually wasn't. I saw him raise his hand.
"Sir," he said speaking to the maths teacher that was supervising us, "can you keep my exam page I need to go the bathroom?" He questioned.
"Yes, you may." The maths sir said and with that he handed in his exam sheet, picked up his bag and went to the "bathroom."
Wait, why did he need his bag?
The sir only realised this afterwards as well. He never came back to the class after that. I think he left and I heard people laughing. Some even saying... "lucky him" or "he gets to leave early." What a show off. He did that intentionally and it definitely caught my attention. He was trying to be a badass. That was the first time I'd seen a student pull that one. The teacher thought he'd come back though but he never did however, his plan did backfire the next day.
The maths sir was determined. You can never defy that man. Although I thought what he did was funny as well it was seen as disrespect among the teachers and yeah, let's just say the maths sir searched high and low for him and when he arrived at his exam room he got a lecture on his behavior and he got a detention. Looks like getting home early didn't pay off on his last day.
I'll admit he did get my attention if that's what he wanted?
To be continued...
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