Clarity || z.m

By intoxicatedd

2.3M 65.2K 10.6K

You don't know what's out in the world, until you witness it yourself. It may be hard to believe, but it beco... More

Never
Paranoia
Friends
Confidence
Arrogance
Defenseless
Thoughts
Attempt
Unthinkable
Changes
Hopeless
Abnormal
Questions
Denial
Unprepared
Revealed
Veracity
Foreign
Overwhelmed
Author's Note
Falling
Explanations
Exposed
Learning
Bliss
Secrets
Outing
Compelled
Deal
Author's Note
Author's Note
Ready
Mother
Choice
Author's Note
Transition
Control
Euphoria
Home
Introductions
Tracks
Experiences
Zayn Javaad Malik
Dreams
Visit
Bloodlines
Revelations
Epilogue
♡ Thank You - please please read ♡

Chances

13K 706 139
By intoxicatedd

Hi guys!!!! Wooo! An update in less than a month, are y'all proud?!?!

I'm currently watching dancing with the stars (go bethers!) and it's amazeballs.

Guys. It's almost done. Wtf. Would you guys read another story if I started one? I hope you would!

UPDATE 2/14/15 - LOL NEW AUTHOR SPEAKING; DONT PANIC THE BOOK IS NOT OVER, ITS FAR FROM, I HAVE LOTS IN STORE FOR YOU GUYS :D

What do you guys think of Steal My Girl? I'm so excited for the video and the rest of the album!

Thank you all for being so fucking supportive. It's the best feeling in the world.

This is so unedited so I'm so sorry, pls don't be a grammar nazi.

Also, there may be scenes or talks about suicide (not really but I still think I should warn you.)

I love you.

GRACIAS.

Don't forget to vote and comment! I love talking to y'all!!! Muah.

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I took in deep breath of the spring air, closing my eyes as the light & fresh wind hit my face.

These are the sort of days I live for. The calm, perfect weather of Windsor Valley was upon us once again & it was a refreshing feeling.

It was too long of of a fall and winter.

The earth was coming back to us slowly.

Your emotions are heightened, your senses, your smell, your touch, your sight, your hearing. Everything around you is going on all at once and you don't know whether to find it beautiful or overwhelming.

Zayn's words rang through my head, remembering when I asked him to explain what being a vampire was all about. Being the difficult person he can be at times, I didn't know if he dreaded being the creature he was or if a part of him at least enjoyed it.

A part had to have, right? Why would someone so miserable cling onto immortality if they despised it so much? Why not be put out of your own misery instead of roaming the earth for decades, centuries even, drowning in it?

Maybe, it wasn't as bad as they made it all seem.

What could beat the infinity amount of power in your hands? You had the option to feel, or feel nothing at all, yet still be able to live.

Who wouldn't want that?

--

"How do you become a vampire exactly?" I asked, running my fingers through his soft, raven black hair as his eyes fluttered closed.

"Na-" he sighed, struggling to open his eyes.

This was the easiest way to distract him.

"Hey. I'm just curious, baby. If I had other vampire friends, I would, you know, ask them..." I giggled nervously, hoping to relieve some of the tension from the question.

"Well," he bit his lip. "You'd have to die with vampire blood in your system."

I furrowed my brows. That seemed easy.

"That's it?"

He chuckled. "Definitely not. When someone wakes up after death, they're not automatically a vampire. They're in transition."

"Hm?"

Transition is someone well, transitioning from a human into a vampire. In order to complete the transition, you'd have to feed. On human blood."

Definitely not as easy as I originally assumed.

"Oh." I bit my lip.

If this was what I wanted to do, how was I supposed to feed on a human. Zayn said he hadn't fed on a human in years. Now he was just living off of blood bags & sometimes animal blood.

--

"Babe are you coming in? I need your help with dinner now?" Zayn's voice knocks me out of my mini flashback. Almost instantly, I turned around & nodded, following him inside.

It was usually so easy for Zayn to figure me out, but this time he had no clue. He figured I was only like this because of the "reunion" I had with my mother a couple of weeks ago. He didn't want to pry unless he saw me taking it pretty hard.

But that obviously wasn't on my mind.

It was figuring out what I can do (soon) to find a way to keep myself happy and as well as Zayn.

I knew being with him now was all I needed to do to keep him happy but in the back of my mind, I knew he thought about the same things I did.

Exactly how long this would last.

It occurred to me that Zayn had never felt like this about a human. I knew because the way he was so protective over me, the way he held me as if I were the most fragile thing in the world said it all. I never complained, though, I loved the feeling of being loved so dearly by someone as amazing as him.

And the selfish side of me could never let that go. Ever.

I couldn't go on with my life knowing that when I'm 80 years old, he'll be 22 & there was the slight possibility of him falling for someone else. I wasn't willing to take that risk.

And I couldn't ask him to give up the one thing he's held onto for nearly 100 years. There were also so many risks, what if his age caught up to him, what his body rejected the cure?

"Ow!" I winced in pain. I looked down at the semi-deep gash in my hand. My mind was elsewhere, but I kind of got the hint of what happened when the knife was just as bloody. "Shit!"

"Baby!" Zayn moved quickly over to me from the other side of the kitchen. "Baby, are you okay?"

I loved how calm he was around me. I knew it was killing him, the urge, but his eyes were still so soft, so calm.

I hoped I could be like him one day.

"Yeah.. I guess I just wasn't paying attention," I mumbled, watching Zayn apply pressure to the wound with a rag.

"Should we take you to the hospital to get you stitched up?" He looked up at me, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

No.

I had to act now.

"I don't want my dad to worry, Zayn," I bit my lip, hoping he would catch the hint.

Not only did vampire blood turn you into a vampire, it could also heal you.

"Nani," he lowered his voice. "Are you sure? You've never... You've never done this before."

"I know, but I really don't want him asking questions. Just this once, I promise. I'll be more careful next time, baby."

Sighing, he brought his other hand up to his mouth, biting down on his wrist slowly as he kept his hazel eyes on me. I watched him intently when he held his wrist in front of me.

Hesitantly, I sucked slowly on the blood, closing my eyes in the process. This was something so foreign, so unnatural. Everything about it was. It didn't taste like ordinary blood, like the kind you taste when you bite down your lip too hard. But it was also an indescribable taste, one you could only know if you've tried it yourself. Which I'm sure hardly anybody did.

Zayn pulled the rag away and in no time, the gash was gone. All that remained was the blood that had come out before he healed it for me. Even though it's what I expected, I looked down at my hand with wide eyes, I was amused, surprised of how something like blood could heal you yet kill you at the same time.

"You okay, my love?" He questioned quietly, cupping my chin, tilting it so my eyes met his.

"Yes. It's just... It's amazing how these things work." I keep eyes on my hand, still taken aback by it.

If anyone ordinary were to have witnessed this, they'd be freaking out in this very moment.

"Not everything about it is spectacular, Nani. It could heal you but it could kill you if you're not careful."

I know, I thought to myself.

But little did he know.

--

"I'll see you at school tomorrow, yeah?" Zayn's arms were wrapped around me, my back to the door of the car as he attacked my lips with kisses.

I giggled to myself. I lived for these moments. And to think at some point, nearly a year ago, I couldn't stand being around him. Just looking at his face would piss me off, but we've come so far since then. The love we shared was something that I would forever be grateful and cherish for the rest of my life.

The rest of my life.

How would I feel when my emotions were heightened? Would I still care for him the same way or would they all go away? Would he still be able to make the butterflies in the pit of my stomach do backflips or would I go back to being so aggravated by his presence.

No. I could never.

He's made such a positive impact in my life, despite everything that has happened. There wouldn't be a real, unforced smile on my face if it weren't for him.

He changed everything about me.

Zayn was my clarity.

"Of course. Just meet me in the Union for lunch, baby." I smiled. "Now stop distracting me. I need to get home and finish studying!" I pecked his lips one more time.

Zayn takes things further as he deepens the kiss, cupping my cheeks with his warm hands. I smiled into the kiss, causing him to chuckle.

"Your little birth defects made my hands tickle," he mumbled, referring to my dimples. I pull away laughing, slapping his chest playfully.

He sure knew how to kill the moment.

"You're a punk! Thank you for dinner, but I really have to go," I said in between kisses.

Before anything else could happen, he pulled me away from the door and opened it for me. "My lady."

I let out another laugh and shook my head, sliding into the car.

He was truly something else.

You can't let him go.

Don't ever let him go.

"Bye, baby," I smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I love you." He smiled back.

"I love you mostest."

He laughs and without another word, he shut the door for me, waiting in the parking lot until he couldn't see my car anymore.

So many things were running through my head as I drove down the road back home.

I had vampire blood in my system.

And I only had a whole day to take advantage of it.

I felt stupid. I was never the one to think about "suicide", but I was going to come back, right? I knew the only way this was going to happen was if I did it myself. Zayn would never do it for me or ask of it from me.

So if I couldn't put it in somebody else's hands, I would have to leave it in my own.

It was so easy to lie to Zayn lately. If it were another time, he would've saw right though my lie & would've known that my dad wouldn't have freaked out as much as I made it seem like he would.

--

When I pulled up to the house, no one was home as expected, so if I wanted to do something about it, it would have to be soon.

My dad was in the city so he probably wouldn't be home until tomorrow & Mason was at a baseball tournament out of town.

After you die, you're out for a good few hours then you wake up in transition.

Zayn's voice rang through my head again, remembering how this would work.

I walked into the bathroom, grabbing the sleeping pills I was given a few years ago by my doctor when I was having trouble sleeping. I poured a good handful out on the skink and took a deep breath.

For my happiness, I thought to myself.

There was still time to change your mind.

But I wasn't going to. I couldn't.

How was I going to explain this to everyone?

My dad, when he saw I wasn't going to age.

My brother, who would think I was betraying him.

Zayn, who would be angry for not trying talk to him about it.

But this was for me, nobody else.

I filled up a glass of water and looked in the mirror, running my hands through my hair.

There was absolutely no turning back.

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[im really sad. I can't italicize from my iPad :(]

Update: jk, yes I can.

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