I decide to spend a few hours in the Louvre while I wait for Harry to finish up with his meeting. Mia and Devon guide me through the priority lines so that I can get my ticket and audio guide without having to wait in the massive queue of fellow tourists. I would feel guilty but it's only open for a couple more hours and I want to see as much as I can before closing time.
The inside of the museum is rather chilly so I'm quite happy with the way that I've dressed. My long black skirt is lightweight but protects me from the chill while my soft white sweater keeps me warm enough to not have to carry around a jacket. I make my way through the various rooms at a rather leisurely pace, listening to the audio guide about a few of the pieces that peak my interest. Mia and Devon have made themselves rather scarce, alternating between one standing guard about ten feet away from me and the other standing by the exit scanning the room. It is a little odd to have security if I think about it, but it does make me feel good knowing I'm not completely on my own here.
One of the piece in the room has caught my eye, the audio guide begins the tale of 'Psyche abandoned by Cupid'. Psyche is asleep in the bed as Cupid rises from the bed and reaches for his arrows, ready to leave without a single goodbye. The audio muses that perhaps true love is fleeting even in the mythical world. Though it's often said that Cupid and Psyche find eternal love in the end, so perhaps it's a bump in the road. I can't help but smile, reflecting on my own situation with Harry.
I pace through the next room staring aimlessly at a series of statues. Harry and I are unlikely to be eternal lovers, though I'd be a liar if I said I had never thought about it. Some days my brain even allows itself to create stories to play out like movies in my head. Stories like Christmases spent huddled around a roaring fire exchanging gifts, me graduating from university with him in the crowd looking on proudly, one particularly outlandish one involved us redecorating a room together as I waddle around with a swollen belly and wide grin.
If the circumstances were different, if we were different, it would be a question of why not. Why couldn't we make it work? If he had a little less money or I was a little bit older, would that really make the problems that we seem to have go away? Or are they deeper, built within us, and do they always find a way to rise to the surface because our subconscious minds know better than our hearts?
I pause in front of a statue I feel like I've seen a million times before. On paper, we make absolutely no sense at all. A nineteen year old business students with a messed up past and no money, with an intelligent successful beautiful 30 year old man who can often be cold and cruel. We have had some problems, and I have no doubt that more aren't far off. But when I'm with him, when he looks at me; I swear that there is something here that's worth fighting for, or at least trying to. I'm not in love with him, but some days I get scared that I might not be far off from that.
My feet continue to carry me down a small set of marble stairs into the next room. A large painting from the French Revolution causes me to play the audio guide again. I recognise it from one of my history classrooms in high school. Hate to admit it but I'm as bored listening to the tape now as I was back when Mr Mulligan was trying to explain its significance years ago. My eyes wander over the room again before they land on a figure. A boy, my boy, talking briefly with Devon before he strides towards me with a soft grin.
I slip the headphones off my ears and smile as he approaches. "Good meeting?"
"Productive, but now it's over. Having fun?" His smooth tone is a welcoming sound in this room of so many new senses.
"Yes indeed, there's only a few more rooms to go. I'll be quick I promise" I say quickly, eager to finish off the tour but not eager to cause Harry so much boredom that he thinks twice about bringing me on his next trip.
"Of course, I don't care what we do. If you want the Louvre, you've got the Louvre. Next room?" His soft smile calms me instantly. I place my much smaller hand in his and pull him alongside me towards the next room.
"Ah this is a good one, this is the Mona Lisa room" Harry says quietly as we pass through a series of tourists gathered around a statue. There is a large crowd gathered at the far end of the hall all politely fighting with one another to get a good photo of Miss Mona Lisa.
"I just want a quick look, then we can go" I reassure him as we head towards the crowd of people. We join the back of the wide spanning crowd, quickly I can see that it isn't going to take us very long until we are at the front as guards are ushering people to move on after around a minute of facetime with the painting.
Harry's arm once again is draped delicately over my shoulder, his hand pulling my shoulder and body into his side. I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head against his chest. This place has become a safe space for me over the last few weeks, a place of comfort and serenity. It's not something I've ever had in my life, at least not for very long. I don't want it to go away because of something stupid, and I don't want to be without it for very long.
"Alright love?" I can hear Harry's curls brush the side my head as he leans himself down to speak quietly to me. My head has been buried in his chest, the thoughts in my head taking over my body in an attempt to protect itself I guess. I raise my head up slightly and nod my head, a soft smile on my lips.
"Just happy I'm here" Paris is incredible, the little I've seen so far at least. But I mean more with him, in this little bubble we have created for ourselves. In this room filled with priceless artefacts and world famous paintings, he's my favourite thing.
"Come on sap, you're at the front now" Harry chuckles and points in front of me, the barrier is at my waist as I face the painting.
"Wow" I grin and lean forward slightly. "It's smaller than I thought it would be" It's quite beautiful in person, if not a little haunting. I've seen it a thousand times in movies and on TV but seeing it in person is very surreal. I don't really see what the fuss is about to be honest. I get it's historically incredible and it's a very well done piece of art, but so are a lot of pieces of art in this place and they don't get guards and bullet proof glass.
"Turn around love" Harry says behind me, I turn to see him holding his phone up, about to take a photo of me.
"No don't!" I can't help but laugh as I reach for his phone, but Harry's persistent and too quick for me.
"Nope, it's a tradition everyone has to have a photo with the Mona Lisa. So smile" He presses on and I shrug my shoulders, giving him and the phone a shy smile as I see his thumb press down a couple of times.
"Okay now lets go" I grab Harry by the arm and tug him out of the line, eager for the photo shoot to end.
"You looked lovely" Harry grins down at me cheekily as he stuff his phone back into his jean pocket and presses a kiss to the side of my temple. Our fingers intertwine as we explore the last few rooms of the Louvre together.
"How are you so good at that?" Harry asks me exasperatedly as I do it again, grinning widely at him as I do.
"Years of refinement, try again but this time really focus on catching it" I coach him as I chew on the hot sweet peanuts. Harry groans as he tosses one from his bag into the air and attempts to catch it with him mouth, only for it to bounce back off the side of his face.
"This is ridiculous, the nut gods hate me" he grumbles as we cross a bridge with a large collection of locks attached to the rails. He's been trying to catch these peanuts in the air since I caught one about ten minutes ago. He hasn't managed to get one in, and I think the poor baby is frustrated by his lack of skill.
"Not a real thing, I think you just suck" I tease him gently as Harry scoffs, teaching his spare hand out to tickle my rib cage for a moment before returning to the food in his hands.
"Oi easy love. More of that cheek and this will be all you'll be getting for dinner" Harry responds with a proud grin.
"Speaking Of dinner, is that where we're going now?" I ask as we reach the end of the bridge. The sun had begun to set as we left the Louvre, I've just been aimlessly following Harry since then.
"One quick stop before dinner. I wanted to show you something, it's just up here" He tells me as he puts his now empty packet of peanuts into a bin and walks beside me down the narrow footpath. We round the corner and in front of me is the remains of the Notre Dame, damaged by the fires that took place earlier this year.
"Wow" I mumble as Harry and I stand and pause, looking upon what still remains. It's not as bad as it could have been, but it's still such a heartbreaking thought. Such an incredibly beautiful piece of French history that was almost completely destroyed, a place many thought of as somewhere of safety and hope.
"I went inside one, when I was eight" Harry says after a few moments of silence. I turn my head to the side to listen to him as he gazes straight ahead, seemingly lost in thought.
"My aunt decided she wanted to get married in the French countryside so we got to come for the weekend. And my mum has always been really into churches so she dragged us all along with her. She's not like a religious but or anything, she just thinks that they're cleansing in a way. Weird woman" he shrugs but smiles fondly.
"Anyway, it was so beautiful inside, even though I was being a massive brat about being made to go it was one of my favourite parts of the whole trip. My mum was so happy." He finishes his story with the warmest grin on his face, illuminated by the soft warm glow of the setting sun behind him. I could cry, he doesn't talk personal very often, but to me that feels like a very personal story that he wouldn't just share for the hell of it. It makes my heart ache as I give the hand I hold in my own a soft squeeze. He shakes his head with a smile, pulling himself back out of the memory and back into the moment.
"I didn't bring you here to make you sad and bore you with my family stories, instead I wanted to show you this" he points to the right at a tiny little store tucked away in the corner and begins to lead me to it. The sign above the front door reads 'Shakespeare and Company'
"It's one of the most famous bookstores in France, it's been open for nearly a hundred years and a lot of writers have passed through it and been inspired by it. I thought you might like it" Harry explains as we stand at the threshold of the store. I drag my eyes away from the facade to look up at him as he peers down nervously at me. Quickly I stand up on my tiptoes and press my lips to his, threading them through his hair and tugging him downwards to mine. He listens when I think he's not listening, he takes an interest in the things I'm passionate about and takes it upon himself to find things that will make me happy. My heart could burst.
"You, are so incredibly sweet" I mumble gently against his lips, still humming from my rather frenzied kiss. Harry's shy smile sends a warmth through my chest as we walk into the tiny bookstore, about as narrow as my apartment back home in London. It's walls are packed full of books and wildly beautiful quotes from underrated authors, I end up with a large stack of books in my arms secured by my chin as we finish touring the place. The whole time Harry stands beside me, pointing out books with amusing titles or a cool poster hanging high up on the wall.
"Look at me, finally spending some of your money" I muse, grinning from ear to ear as we exit the bookshop, my carrier bag slung over my shoulder with 8 books both new and old. My hand is threaded back in between Harry's as he rolls his eyes.
"That's your money baby, and I'm glad you enjoyed it" he replies as he guides me on a path down past the Notre Dame towards a square bustling with people.
"I really enjoyed it, it was wonderful" I reply softly as we stand with a group of others, waiting for the traffic light to turn green. His dark green eyes peer down at me, gently sparkling despite the lack of light in the sky.
"I'm glad you came, Paris looks lovely on you" He tells me quietly before the people around us all begin to spill out onto the road, carrying us with them to the other side. I'm happy for the distraction as my cheeks burn with his affectionate words.
It's a welcome relief to sit down after all that walking, especially if it's in a beautiful restaurant surrounded by the soft swelling of piano music and comfortable velvet seat coverings.
"Anything catching your eye, bub?" Harry asks as we both open up the menus placed in front of us by the young waiter with black greased back hair. Bub, I wonder if that's a nickname that will stick. He's said it once before and it makes me swoon when I hear him say it. I hope it sticks around, but I don't want to draw attention to it in case he feels like he's revealed too much of himself to me. I don't want closed up emotionally unavailable Harry back, he was an ass.
"Well most of its in French so I have no clue what to get" I sigh and furrow my brows as I try in vain to translate the words in front of me.
"I'll help you, what are you in the mood for?" He asks, raising his eyes up from his own menu as I shrug my shoulders.
"Anything really, I'm not overly fussy. Maybe some pasta?" I suggest. Harry nods his head and scans over the menu for a minute or two before the man from before returns. He begins to speak French and I figure Harry is about to correct him when they actually begin to fully converse together, in fluent French.
"You speak French?" I ask with a wide grin, it sounds so amazing rolling off his tongue, quite sexy I have to say. Harry, ever the show off, shrugs his shoulders with a gentle smirk.
"I know enough to get by" He reaches his hand out and picks up his water, taking a large sip of it while keeping his eyes focused on me.
"Very impressive" I mumble gently, tilting my head around to look at our surroundings. A little girl in a booster seat at the table next to us stares at me as she eats with her hands. I give her a small smile and she returns one to me. I turn back to my table as two glasses of wine are placed down between the two of us.
"Cheers" Harry says, holding up his glass of wine, waiting for me to pick up mine. I do, holding it a few inches away from his. "Thank you for coming" A soft smile appears on his lips
"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else" I grin in response and our glasses make a soft clink sound as we connect them. The wine is sweet and rich, I know I'll have to take my time with this one to ensure I don't get too sloppy.
"Tell me something I don't know about you" I say as I place my glass back down and lean my body forward slightly. Harry's position in his chair is leant back and relaxed as he lets out a soft chuckle and raises an eyebrow.
"What kind of something?" He asks.
"Anything, just something I don't know about you" I reply, beginning to feel a little stupid. I thought it might be a fun idea, there is still quite a bit that we don't know about each other.
Harry shrugs his shoulders and swirls around the wine in his glass before a smile slowly crosses his face. He places his glass down on the table and leans his elbow against the edge of it, regarding me intently.
"I can juggle" He tells me proudly. I narrow my eyes at him, grinning in disbelief. The thought of the very successful millionaire juggling some oranges is a very amusing thought.
"That's incredible" I grin at him, he shrugs his shoulders once again.
"My uncle taught me once when I was a kid. I just practiced every day until I was sure that I could do it forever. I'll show you back at the apartment if you like?" My enthusiastic nod makes him laugh before he rubs his knuckles with his other hand. "Alright your turn, something I don't know about you"
See this is always the risk with games like this, it's all fun and lighthearted before the tables are turned and it's your turn. I don't have very many funny childhood memories to draw my knowledge from, I was going to have to dig deep on this one.
"Um, I took gymnastics as a kid, and up to a year ago I could still put my legs behind my head. But I haven't checked this year so that may be not true" I mumble in reply, Harry's eyes sparkle as he leans his body even more forward over the table.
"Maybe we should test that tonight?" His tone is dark and it gives me that familiar pull from deep in the pit of my stomach. I nod my head, the moisture seeming to have completely disappeared from my mouth momentarily.
"That's a good idea" I reply after a slight cough. I'm still not very confident about all of that sort of thing, but Harry makes me feel safe with him, that even if I get things wrong it's not going to be the end of the world. I smile above my wine glass at him and take a small sip.
"And good news, I don't have any meetings tomorrow so I get to spend the whole day with you" My heart begins to thump at high speed in my chest, the whole day with Harry exploring the city of Paris. Looking at what we got done with half of a day, only fills me with more excitement about what a full day could entail.
Our food arrives not long after that; Harry's ordered me a pasta that tastes absolutely divine.
"What else did you do on that trip? You know when you went to the Notre Dame?" I ask him after I finish a mouthful. Harry wipes his mouth with the napkin sitting on his lap and shrugs his shoulders.
"Mostly the tourist stuff, we had a pretty good time though. My dad wasn't there so we had fun"
"Was your dad not very fun?" I ask him gently, tiptoeing my body around with my fingers crossed, hoping he won't recoil and go back into his shell.
"He wasn't my favourite person, I'll just say that" he gives me a soft smile and turns his attention back to his meal. We may have more in common than I thought.
"Will I be meeting him at your uncles birthday?" I ask him, trying to steer the topic into something he may feel more comfortable talking about.
"No, it's my mum's side of the family and he hasn't been around for a while. It should be fun" the warmth in his smile returns. Note to self: mum side of the family = good, dad = bad. I don't want to dig further; despite the fact that I'm desperate to know more about what makes Harry tick, I'm just as desperate to make sure we don't fall apart over me asking too many questions.
"I'm excited, but also nervous" I admit with a shy grin.
"They're good people, i find them to be quite overbearing sometimes but I think that's more a 'me' problem than a 'them' problem. They'll like you" The amusement in Harry's eyes returns; he can hide it all he wants but I can see that he really loves his family, despite all his protests.
"Will there be many people there?" I ask.
"Possibly, if they're inviting as many people as I think they are. Could be close to a hundred people" He shrugs his shoulders. That's a lot of family members, a lot of people I'll be needing to impress.
"Any advice? On how to make sure they like me?" I ask and instantly regret it. The last time I asked him something of that nature was at the charity auction, where he told me that if I chose to lie about myself make sure I remembered what I had said. It feels like we've grown up since then, I feel like I've aged a few years. I don't feel like the same naive girl that I was before that night.
"Just be yourself, don't try to be someone else. I like you, they will too" His words soothe me instantly, the rocky ocean churning up my insides has become a calm, lazy river. With his wealthy friends who he doesn't like; I'm told to be who he needs me to be. But with his family, the people who know him best and care the most about him; being myself is more than enough. I nod my head with a large smile on my face, my cheeks have begun to subtly ache from all the smiling I've done today, maybe Paris wasn't such a bad idea after all.