friday,
july 5th, 2020
TRINITY HAYSON
At around five, I set off to meet Hale in a bistro near Central Park.
Shawn's final festival is today, right here in New York. He emailed me two tickets to print a week ago but the only reason I'm going is to see him perform. I've never seen him play a live set, other than the one song he sang for me back at a diner in LA. Today is completely different. He's singing for thousands of people, rather than just a handful. And I'll be in the front row.
Hale was the first person that came to mind when I noticed I received two tickets. Although she's my assistant, she's the closest friend I have in the city by far. She was more than happy to accompany me to Global Citizen.
Shawn told me about his decision to delay the results of the paternity test. I was silently aggravated, simply because I feel it's unfair to me to put them off. I said nothing though, and I could never blame him. He has to focus on himself right now and that's perfectly fine. I'm just slightly anxious to find out. I can't imagine how he's feeling, so I'd never complain. It's his choice.
I catch sight of her through the window of the bistro and head inside. I wave at her across the room before ordering myself a coffee and a blueberry muffin. When they're ready for me, I thank the waitress and join Hale at a table for two.
We chat away as we drink coffee and eat tasty goods before it's almost 6pm. Shawn is due to be on stage at half past, so we set off for The Great Lawn in Central Park. The city is buzzing with festival-goers, strikes of neon clothing catching my eye repetitively as people weave through crowds to attend the outdoor concert.
Our tickets are scanned at the main entrance before we're allowed through. Hale and I stay close together as we join the sea of people walking along the pathway beside Turtle Pond. Eventually, we're in the middle of the recreational field, where tents selling fast food and bottled drinks are set up. People who are sat further back relax on blankets spread out on the grass as stereo music plays as everybody waits for the next act. I'm not sure who we've missed, but I'm really not too bothered.
"Over there!" Hale points in the direction of a security guard who seems to be protecting the golden circle type of area.
We clutch each other's hands in hopes of not getting lost as we make our way towards him. We hold up our tickets, which he scans just like the front guards. He manoeuvres a barricade to let us through, where a slimmer female security guard guides us to the sectioned off front rows. We score a spot towards the edge of the front row and I'm relieved to finally be in place and ready for the show.
"Are you excited?" Hale asks me, leaning her elbows on the front bars as I do the same.
I nod with a bright grin, "Very. I haven't seen him perform yet."
Hale's bright eyes widen, "Ever?"
"On TV," I correct myself, "I always ended up shutting it off though. It was tough to watch until recently."
"Understandable," Hale shrugs, grabbing at the paper thin ticket and stuffing it away in her bumbag.
As Hale and I people watch, muttering comments about how we like what some people are wearing, there's a wave of dramatic music and the crowd stills for a second before erupting in screams. I snap my head towards the stage, beaming as beautifully artistic visuals overtake the back screen and Shawn Mendes breaks out in big bold letters.
"Aaahhhh!" Hale screams, joining in with the crazy girls beside us by waving her arms wildly and prompting me to elicit a happy laugh.
Just seconds later, a spotlight starts to travel around the stage as my man walks on from the side, a guitar strung around his neck and a toothy grin on his handsome face. He waves at the enormous crowd of people (around 60,000) and adjusts the microphone to his height.
"New York!" he belts out as his band plays some sort of instrumental. He's dressed gorgeously in a simple white tank that's stretched across his trained chest and his usual black jeans.
The same circle of fangirls near us erupts in erratic screams, waving madly at the 6 foot, curly-haired singer. He chuckles against the mic, offering a butterfly wave to the girls beside me and strumming at his pale blue guitar.
It's a gorgeous instrument, and I'm too caught up in admiring it that Hale has to nudge me to inform me of Shawn's incessant staring. I glance up at his smiling face, watching with a fluttering heart as he winks at me, tapping his foot as a beat starts to play.
I chuckle to myself, shaking my head as he starts off low, reciting the lyrics of 'Nervous'. The crowd shouts along to the lyrics, especially loud when Shawn swings his guitar to his back and grasps the mic to point it at his screaming fans. He sings another few songs, 'Lost in Japan', 'Youth', 'In My Blood', 'Where We're You In The Morning?' (which I have yet to ask the story behind) and 'Fallin' All In You'.
It's not until he takes a seat at the grand piano set up in the middle of the stage that his band clears out. He clears his throat as the fans cheer him on and a small smile curves upon his lips. His fingers start to mindlessly play a melody on the keys as he looks out into the crowd. He catches my stare, grin broadening and he's talking into the mic again.
"Global Citizen, how we doin'?" he mutters, chuckling when the vast crowd screams loud and chants his name, "This next song is very close to my heart. It's uh, it's a very real song actually, about when you love somebody so much that you're willing to wait for them. Forever, if you have to. And that's exactly the message that this song gives out to that one... very special person."
With Hale grinning at me knowingly in my peripheral vision, my eyes cloud over with emotion as the festival attendees scream and shout and yell for The Shawn Mendes professing his feelings about some unknown girl. Except, I'm the unknown girl. He knows that, and I know that. I'm her, and this song is for me.
"This is When You're Ready," Shawn finishes, smiling down at me as he piano grows louder and his slim fingers dance swiftly along the keys.
My hands rest laced over my heart as I bite my tongue to refrain from crying. I watch with ultimate pride and adoration as he sings out the words, nose scrunching in passion as his rasp tears through his throat. Tears build up in my waterline but I'm adamant on keeping them in. I sway side to side with Hale, as does the majority of the front row.
Major eye contact ensues multiple times throughout Shawn's performance. Occasionally he winks, but usually he just smirks or smiles hugely, sporting his dimples that I love so much.
When I heard his album for the first time, I took a wild guess that this song is about me. Deep down I always knew it. But as he expresses his love and patience through these incredibly beautiful lyrics right in front of me, in front of thousands of people, the overwhelming feeling of reassurance consumes me from head to toe.
"Thank you so much New York," Shawn says as he wraps up the set, "I love you. Enjoy the show!"
He's running off stage as people around me freak out at the fact that they just witnessed Shawn Mendes doing what he does best in front of their own eyes.
I turn to Hale with fresh tears in my eyes, "I have to find him," I say desperately, longing to hold him and have him whisper in my ear how much he loves me.
"Go!" Hale encourages.
"What about you?" I ask concernedly.
She scoffs, "I'll be fine! Go find your man!" she urges.
I laugh blissfully, hugging her tightly before dashing off with a rushed "I'll call you". Instead of passing the security from earlier, I see that there's a gap in the barricades near where Hale and I were standing. I slip through them and stumble around some bushes, breaking out by the pond in search of a backstage exit. I look around, plucking my phone from my pocket and dialling Shawn's contact.
"Hello?" he asks breathlessly when he answers seconds later.
"Shawn! Where are you?" I ask him, tummy wild with butterflies as I find a stage entrance. There's two guards outside of it, but the area is quiet.
"I uh... I don't know!" he laughs, "Backstage? Where are you?"
"I'm outside a stage entrance. The pond-side one... are you on the opposite end?" I ask curiosity, craning my neck to try and see up the makeshift steps that lead inside the stage tent. I sigh, turning to face the pond and biting at my lip.
"No, wait, I'll get you," he mutters, "Hold on, I can see the exit."
I chuckle delightfully, "I've missed you."
Shawn chuckles down the phone as I helplessly look around, smiling at the thought of his arms wrapped around me, "Baby, turn around."
The line dies and I glance at my phone before turning on my heel. Shawn stands a good ten feet away, a smirk on his face as I finally look at him. He's at the top of the steps, built arms across his chest. I exhale, approaching him until I'm stopped by two guards.
"Excuse me Miss—"
"Wait no," Shawn interjects, jogging down the steps and reaching between them to grab my hand, "She's with me." He shows them his lanyard and they apologise before stepping aside.
Once we're safely inside the dimly lit backstage tent-style area, he pulls me into his chest, stuffing his sweat-gleamed face in my neck and cradling me in his arms.
"My god," he mumbles, "I missed you too."
He groans as he starts puckering kisses all over my face. I laugh aloud, grabbing his sweaty neck in my hands and pulling him to look at me. He's grinning madly, bright teeth and cute dimples with enlightened hazel eyes sparkling down at me. With a quick lick of his lips, he's leaning in, nuzzling my nose with his before capturing my lips in a wet kiss.
I hum against him, cupping his face and allowing my free hand to caress his side. He grabs rough handfuls of my ass, turning us around and pushing himself against me until I'm shoved against the back of the stage. We break apart for a breath of air and he's smirking down at me, a hand grabbing the bar above my head and his other hand comfortable on my waist.
"How did I do?" he asks excitedly, holding my face in his large palm that moves up from my side as my own hands fall to his hips.
"With the kiss or the performance?" I tease, smirking as I reach on my toes to kiss the side of his mouth.
Shawn hums a low growl, "Mmm, both."
I graze my lips along his lightly, gripping the sides of his tank top and tugging him in closer, "Expertly," I whisper, pushing my lips against his for another wonderful kiss.